BF makes excuses to not have sex

[Hgfdsaghhbfr]

I am a gay man.

My BF and I have been together for a few years now. We used to have sex all the time. Then about a year or so into it, he just stopped cold turkey and made excuses. He says he’s tired, too depressed, too stressed, not in the mood, too full, too sleepy, too (insert excuse)… I’ve asked repeatedly what is going on but he refuses to tell me any deeper and gets defensive.

I am starting to lose interest and starting to lose an intimacy connection with him now. I have Asked for him to give me some kind of sexual stimulation but he doesn’t seem like he wants to or enjoys anything sexual with me. I am at my wits end of just ending our relationship.

I don’t want to lose him, I need to have sex in a relationship and I kinda need to know if this is a temporary thing or permanent. He doesn’t want to go to the doctor either and says things are fine but they are not fine.

A part of me thinks he is lying, another part wants to believe him.

What irks me is that he will watch porn and get off without me, yet he knows I want sex. The other week I caught him jacking off in the shower by himself, after I got out the shower. To me is a slap in the face and not in a good way.

Can someone tell me if my thoughts are normal? Or am I crazy? Should I believe him? What else can I do?

 

[Blahblah2121]

I am a gay man.

My BF and I have been together for a few years now. We used to have sex all the time. Then about a year or so into it, he just stopped cold turkey and made excuses. He says he’s tired, too depressed, too stressed, not in the mood, too full, too sleepy, too (insert excuse)… I’ve asked repeatedly what is going on but he refuses to tell me any deeper and gets defensive.

I am starting to lose interest and starting to lose an intimacy connection with him now. I have Asked for him to give me some kind of sexual stimulation but he doesn’t seem like he wants to or enjoys anything sexual with me. I am at my wits end of just ending our relationship.

I don’t want to lose him, I need to have sex in a relationship and I kinda need to know if this is a temporary thing or permanent. He doesn’t want to go to the doctor either and says things are fine but they are not fine.

A part of me thinks he is lying, another part wants to believe him.

What irks me is that he will watch porn and get off without me, yet he knows I want sex. The other week I caught him jacking off in the shower by himself, after I got out the shower. To me is a slap in the face and not in a good way.

Can someone tell me if my thoughts are normal? Or am I crazy? Should I believe him? What else can I do?

I’m sorry that is happening .
How often are you asking or trying to initiate sex?
It honestly sounds like there is something going on there. I don’t want you to panic or anything.
Which I know it’s easier said than done.

It may be hard. But, you guys need to have a sit down and have a talk to try a figure out what is going on or what happened.

You can even have a mediator or someone you can trust help prevent any confrontation and help you 2 come to an agreement and/or understanding.

I’m sorry I couldn’t help much but that was the only thing I could think of since he most likely would not want to speak with a doctor or therapist.

 

[BeardyCub86]

Sounds like he's going through something and as tough as it may be, he really should be communicating with you about it. If it's depression, then I understand fully how that can murder your sex drive. But he should be able to tell you that and not feel judged.

I don't think you are crazy and if you have tried talking to him about it, asking about it, addressing it head on, and still don't have any idea what is going on with him, then you've done everything you reasonably can do. A relationship needs communication between partners otherwise how can you be together happily?

In my opinion the next step would be to explain that if he doesn't start communicating what is going on with you then you can't continue in the relationship. You have needs too, and the relationship is a partnership. I would explain that if he isn't interested in sex anymore then you would like to open the relationship up so you can have your sexual needs fulfilled. Otherwise the relationship sounds like it won't work.

 

[Brodie888]

If he's wanking then he has libido.

My advice is to tell him how he makes you feel, ask him to go to couples therapy with him or at least tell you what is wrong otherwise you want to divide your assets and go your separate way.

He either has been:

1. Fucking other guys.
2. Holds some anger or resentment towards you.
3. You've changed in a big way and he's not that into you anymore.

None of the above is good and if he's not willing to discuss it, it's time to move on and be with someone who isn't doing the above.

The reason he won't discuss is because he knows whatever is big enough to end the relationship but he's hanging around for another reason. It could be money, lifestyle, the dog, whatever.

You need both sides to build a bridge. Don't waste your life trying to fix the impossible. You probably know that deep down and it's hard leaving when you are the one more in love. But in the long run it's probably for the best.

 

[BeardyCub86]

^^^ Agree.

 

[Eris53]

All right I saw that you were a year when his sex drive plummeted. Has it occurred to you that he didn't have that I have a sex drive to start with he was only doing it while you were dating? Just trying to keep up once he had you he figured he could just sit on his laurels stop talking to us and go talk to him. This s*** where you're too afraid to talk to your partner is this ridiculous. Why are you with him if you can't talk about serious stuff? Good after your ass and go find out what the problem is. It might cost you a relationship or it might save it. Yeah you only got one chance to stop it otherwise you're just going to get resentful and leave. so make up your mind and go take care of it. There's a multitude of things that it could be. But everybody always goes to the cheating thing. Not everybody cheats and this is coming from someone who was cheating for 10 f****** years. But unless you talk to him you'll never know. You'll just end up in a relationship is broken up with no actual reason why. I wish you the best of luck. Love to know how it turns out.

 

[LPSG Simon]

He either has been:

1. Fucking other guys.
2. Holds some anger or resentment towards you.
3. You've changed in a big way and he's not that into you anymore.

4. He's changed in a big way and he's not connecting with you.

This could be occurring in his inner-life as well. Like @Eris53 said: Have a frank conversation with him and see what's up.

 

[CraigS41]

My next door neighbor used to say, "When you get together with someone. Every time you have sex, put a penny, gumdrop, peanut, in a jar. After the 1st anniversary, take one out every time you have sex. You will NEVER empty the jar.

 

[ILoveGames48]

My next door neighbor used to say, "When you get together with someone. Every time you have sex, put a penny, gumdrop, peanut, in a jar. After the 1st anniversary, take one out every time you have sex. You will NEVER empty the jar.

I guess my fiancé and I are still putting Pennie’s in ajar

 

[sonny84]

Seek professional counseling please. Not LPSG.

 

[Joach1m]

My partner gained weight, so I kinda lost sexual attraction to him. Still love him very much, though.