Husband cheated on me, should I do the same?

[Sturdywords]

I used to know a "monogamous" couple who were both playing around without telling the other, one using the internet to find guys, the other one going to saunas. It was sad and hilarious. There are people out there who look down on honest, open relationships as not being "real" relationships, insist on monogamy... then cheat. Kinda pathetic, to be honest.

 

[brandon38]

This happen to me try forgive but it was same to much hurt and trust issues but you guys may make work do what best for you like is to short be unhappY

 

[elklindoxxx]

My husband cheated on me with several hook ups on Grindr. He put me at risk as he had unprotected sex with several men and one partner he met with quite regularly. I obviously found out and we have been trying to work through it and are still together.

I am finding it very difficult to forgive and forget but I have a big urge in me to hook up & have some fun myself behind his back.

I feel that it would make me feel better and I want to have some excitement too!

I have actually been chatting to a couple of the guys he hooked up with and nearly arranged to meet them! Is this insane?

Has anyone ever been in the situation and what would you do? Thanks

You should give up the pretensions of being a monogamous couple and ask him if he wants to have an open relationship.

My partner and I weren't cheating on each other at the time, but I asked her if she wanted to have an open relationship. It was because we were getting bored. And it probably saved our relationship. It's fun to go with other couples and attend couples events.

 

[erpap]

I try not be judgmental of other people. But, I have a problem with cheating. If you’re looking for someone else to satisfy your urges with, maybe your partner has those same urges but doesn’t act on them because of the commitment, respect and love. I have had urges like anyone else but I never act on them. Talk to your partner and feel them out on the topic, maybe it’s mutual or maybe it’s not. But to be that selfish…

I have brought up a few times to my partner do you want an open relationship and the answer is always no. Not because I want one but because I wonder if he does, plus I’m insecure so I’m always asking questions after being in relationship for over 20 years. Very difficult topic and everyone sees it differently.

Do you want to cheat because you have urges like your partner does or do you feel it’s more of well he did why shouldn’t I get to have too?

 

[MisterB]

My husband cheated on me with several hook ups on Grindr. He put me at risk as he had unprotected sex with several men and one partner he met with quite regularly. I obviously found out and we have been trying to work through it and are still together.

I am finding it very difficult to forgive and forget but I have a big urge in me to hook up & have some fun myself behind his back.

I feel that it would make me feel better and I want to have some excitement too!

I have actually been chatting to a couple of the guys he hooked up with and nearly arranged to meet them! Is this insane?

Has anyone ever been in the situation and what would you do? Thanks

Begs the question: What were each of your expectations when you entered into your relationship?

Did you talk about that? If not, no wonder you are where you are now with him cheating and you not happy about it.

Which is why it's important to delineate and agree exactly what the parameters of that relationship will be. Expectations.

Monogamy? Threesomes? Don't care what you do as long as I don't find out? Or any combination of that or something else?

You have to decide now what you want from him. That means you have to talk. And each of you needs to be honest with the other.

And each then can decide hey, we need to go our separate ways. Or we can make this work if we agree to XX or YY, or whatever.

Get busy!

 

[ttomjbyt04]

We are married, I think the parameters are pretty clear when doing your wedding vows.

I don’t think it’s something I can get over nearly 2 years into finding out.

I can’t cheat and in my head find it hard to understand how he could do it so easily with several men.

I know the answer and I think it’s facing up to that to that which is the hardest.

I just don’t like him anymore. It’s just complicated with everything we have tied together!

 

[ttomjbyt04]

I try not be judgmental of other people. But, I have a problem with cheating. If you’re looking for someone else to satisfy your urges with, maybe your partner has those same urges but doesn’t act on them because of the commitment, respect and love. I have had urges like anyone else but I never act on them. Talk to your partner and feel them out on the topic, maybe it’s mutual or maybe it’s not. But to be that selfish…

I have brought up a few times to my partner do you want an open relationship and the answer is always no. Not because I want one but because I wonder if he does, plus I’m insecure so I’m always asking questions after being in relationship for over 20 years. Very difficult topic and everyone sees it differently.

Do you want to cheat because you have urges like your partner does or do you feel it’s more of well he did why shouldn’t I get to have too?

In all honesty I think it’s a bit of both! I never thought or had urges before but since he’s done what he’s done I feel like it’s an itch I just want to scratch!

Deep down. I know it’s wrong and morally I’m not of that make up or I would have done it by now! I’ve had plenty of opportunities that I’ve chickened out on.

I just don’t get why I can’t be so detached and just do it… he had no problem.

I think that’s what I’m struggling to get my head around ? … thank you

 

[erpap]

In all honesty I think it’s a bit of both! I never thought or had urges before but since he’s done what he’s done I feel like it’s an itch I just want to scratch!

Deep down. I know it’s wrong and morally I’m not of that make up or I would have done it by now! I’ve had plenty of opportunities that I’ve chickened out on.

I just don’t get why I can’t be so detached and just do it… he had no problem.

I think that’s what I’m struggling to get my head around ? … thank you

I am not of that makeup either. I found my partner on hookup sites, says he never cheated and was just flirting. And the whole time the most I did was look at porn online. He opened the door for me to flirt too. And while tempting, I’m not made like that. I could not cheat. If he ever cheated not sure how I would react. Leave, stay and cheat but I know the relationship would never be the same.

 

[ttomjbyt04]

Found out a couple days ago he’s been messaging another person of Grindr! Not met up but been exchanging dick pics. I caught him.

I can’t live my life with all this mistrust! Im too soft on him.

I think this answers everything!

 

[Doubtfire]

Yup, the don’t change unfortunately

 

[borg1125]

you two must commit to either monogamy or an open relationship.

That can be a journey for some. Sexual jealousy, self-esteem and fear enter the show. All participants must feel secure in themselves and the relationship for it to work.

 

[erpap]

This is childish but start doing the same and leave your phone or iPad around so he can see what you have been doing. See if he has something to say then.

 

[Doubtfire]

Can you not just get a divorce and move on?

 

[ttomjbyt04]

Can you not just get a divorce and move on?

Yes I think that’s the best option

 

[Unikorny]

if it's was me I'll just end this relationship, cos it'll end itself eventually