I caught my neighbors 19 year old son stealing my underwear, again, and I’m not sure how to address it..

[awdrg2]

Someone called them out and OP deleted his account is what happened later I think

o? elaborate? called out for what exactly

 

[deleted1815071]

I would probably go with "hey buddy or how ever you address him, I have misplaced something personal, and because I saw you rummaging through my bag, I feel like you may know about it. It was my underwear. It's OK if you're curious about stuff, but you can't be going through or taking people's things without their permission.

If you do have them, please return them, and I won't tell your parents. And if it's something to do with who you are, you can trust that I won't tell anyone about that.

 

[elchippe]

Agree with everything else you said as perhaps the best solution.
However a 19yr old isn't underage in most countries, certainly not in the USA.


My own 2c for the OP, you only assume from the context of finding him rummaging through your bag, that he stole your underwear. You don't know this for a fact so I would suggest never bring it up unless it is something that he brings up in conversation directly with you. All the circumstances certainly indicates that it was probably him who stole your underwear, but you've also said this has happened before in gym settings too, so perhaps it's just coincidence and he genuinely has nothing to do with this.

If he is fragile / curious / unsure / nervous / anxious as your story seems to indicate, bringing this up if could be devastating to him.

I agree with most of the other comments here though, have a private conversation with him in a public setting and just indicate that if he has any specific questions or concerns about you or your sexuality, you are an open book and happy to answer any questions he may have.

His sexuality could be anything and he may or may not have questions..... hell, maybe he thinks you're hitting on his dad and trying to find evidence in your stuff. Probably unlikely, but still a possibility.

I don't envy your position with all the uncertainty and natural assumptions. But as most people here would know (assuming most people reading your thread are at least partially gay), we've all been horny teenagers so having some genuine connection and advice and support from an older person is always valuable.

I think he is referring to the drinking age which in the USA believe it or not is considered underage.

 

[kickerblane2]

Have mercy on the guy. Let him have a dirty pair, but tell him you want them back when the smell of you wears off. Then, when he returns them, give him another dirty pair if he wants them and with the same instructions to bring them back when he's finished with them.

 

[elchippe]

Oh wow, really?

So you can legally make babies, smoke cigarettes, vote and go to war.... but you can't have a drink!

Hahaha.... and Americans believe they are the best and free-est country in the world

It is quite rare that they do not have a fixed age, you can serve in the army, take a tour, go into combat but for some reason a gringo politician says that this same individual is not old enough to enjoy a beer with his peers.
I knew a person who was send as a child to live in North Carolina, even served in the army, who told me that it was quite rare that every time he visited his home country he could enter clubs, met beautiful women, have a good time with his friends and cousins and so on while in the States he couldn't even drink a beer in bar.

 

[BigD22CM]

IMO this is the best approach, let him know that you are there for him if he wants to talk and assure him that his secret is safe with you. Shame you are not attracted to him because 12 years is not that big of an age gap IMO.

I was just looking at your photos and if my parents had a brought along a friend who had a body and an ass like yours on our beach vacations when I was a horny closeted gay teen I'd have pitched a tent in my shorts every time I saw you shirtless and would have probably rubbed my dick raw from jerking off 24/7.

What kind of underwear did he steal? Did he take that thong you are wearing in your photo?

Too bad he deleted them. Would love to see it

 

[orion417]

I would buy him Calvin Klein briefs as a gift.

 

[JJREAGAN]

The real reason you need to address it with him is because if he's doing it to you he is likely doing it to, or WOULD do it to, others...and others might be FAR less understanding, and he could end up getting seriously fucked up by somebody.

It doesn't have to be awkward.

"Hey. Can I talk to you privately? Listen, we never have to talk about this again, but it's obvious you were stealing my underwear and I know why and it's not a big deal to me. I'll never bring it up with anyone, but two things: first, don't do it again because stealing is not cool. Second, be CAREFUL, because there are guys out there who will not react as well as I'm reacting, and you could get hurt. Don't be afraid to be yourself but be smart about it, ok? If you ever want to talk, you know where I'm at. But again...doing something like that can get you really messed up. It isn't worth it. Thanks champ."

Great advice!!

 

[JJREAGAN]

Look, guys... at 19 years of age men mimic those they admire. So the only reason this will be awkward or uncomfortable is if you bring those feelings to the table. First resolve your feelings about it and be completely calm, kind and understanding.

The best advice I saw was to tell him you're flattered that he's interested, reflecting on your own experiences. Tell him your secret, then ask him to keep it as you'll keep his. Offer friendship, and tell him what that would look like to you.

Don't use any negatives in setting the boundaries. He does not need to be told what's not OK, he knows better than anyone having already paid the price for being caught. It's torture for him, no need to tighten those ropes, nor to ask not to do it again.

I agree that 12 years of difference is very little. I've been seeing a guy now for five years that is 31 years younger. We don't see a bit of difference between us in age other than the obvious. To each his own. If you're not attracted, then that's how it is, but don't use any negative words. He's delicate at the moment, and needs your support.

And I’m worried about dating a guy who is 7 years younger. But in this case I think it is the year numbers rather than the number of years. At 19 he can’t legally drink or get into some clubs. In 3 years he will have finished school, and be more of an adult. But the big thing is the OP isn’t attracted to someone that young. I think he might be better being an ‘Uncle’ to the young man rather than a partner.

 

[BCH]

This is a great topic and thread. I haven't read everything but do the parents know that their son is gay? My come-from is always to be a mentor to gay youth. And not in a creepy/sexual way. I wouldn't corner him with a "talk" but I would set him up for success by letting him know that you're cool and open for any questions.

 

[ClaphamRob]

Look, guys... at 19 years of age men mimic those they admire. So the only reason this will be awkward or uncomfortable is if you bring those feelings to the table. First resolve your feelings about it and be completely calm, kind and understanding.

The best advice I saw was to tell him you're flattered that he's interested, reflecting on your own experiences. Tell him your secret, then ask him to keep it as you'll keep his. Offer friendship, and tell him what that would look like to you.

Don't use any negatives in setting the boundaries. He does not need to be told what's not OK, he knows better than anyone having already paid the price for being caught. It's torture for him, no need to tighten those ropes, nor to ask not to do it again.

I agree that 12 years of difference is very little. I've been seeing a guy now for five years that is 31 years younger. We don't see a bit of difference between us in age other than the obvious. To each his own. If you're not attracted, then that's how it is, but don't use any negative words. He's delicate at the moment, and needs your support.

If the original OP is reading this thread then please, please, please DO NOT take any of this guy’s advice - he’s coming from completely the wrong end of this discussion and seems to be working to an agenda of “secrecy” and one purely based on lust for a younger man - his earlier (and the above) advice is ill thought out, old-fashioned and would put you in a very compromising and potentially dangerous situation. Take anyone else’s advice but his!

 

[oscar thomas]

He's 19 and is masturbating in your stolen underwear.

Use it as a way to get his cock or butt or if you aren't attracted to him, confront him to stop but assure him that you won't tell his parents.

 

[8Cylinder]

If the original OP is reading this thread then please, please, please DO NOT take any of this guy’s advice - he’s coming from completely the wrong end of this discussion and seems to be working to an agenda of “secrecy” and one purely based on lust for a younger man - his earlier (and the above) advice is ill thought out, old-fashioned and would put you in a very compromising and potentially dangerous situation. Take anyone else’s advice but his!

Interesting, Clapham. Your high-handed opinion is superior because you are the new Minister of Misapplied Misanthropy, or simply Miss Marvelous in red come- fuck-me pumps? Perhaps you need to believe what's inside your head is valid for 100% export as the loudest voice in the room. I would never be so presumptuous and ignorant as to counter your point to the (deleted) OP by demeaning and characterizing your opinions in such a "modern" (refuse) fashion. Under your philosophy we should start brand marketing thinking under the shallow labels so popular today, but amping it up with Armani, Prada and other false flags. It's like talking about modern minerals or rock formations. Seriously. The beauty of LPSG is a spectrum of varied thinking. Can I be a cookie cutter stamped lite crumpet made with GMO butter under your new world order please? I'll send you some bright rainbow sprinkles from real ingredients in Italy if so. Ciaooooooo!

 

[donaldlam]

Have mercy on the guy. Let him have a dirty pair, but tell him you want them back when the smell of you wears off. Then, when he returns them, give him another dirty pair if he wants them and with the same instructions to bring them back when he's finished with them.

I agree--he's 19--and may have hot friends!