I caught my neighbors 19 year old son stealing my underwear, again, and I’m not sure how to address it..

[pappiepapie]

Maybe he does not mind you approaching him at all and he is looking for someone to talk to about these things, even when it is a bit strange to do it this way. Like others said: approach him and be casual, the more laidback you are in approaching him the more likely he is to tell you what is going on.

 

[deleted23047251]

Maybe he does not mind you approaching him at all and he is looking for someone to talk to about these things, even when it is a bit strange to do it this way. Like others said: approach him and be casual, the more laidback you are in approaching him the more likely he is to tell you what is going on.

thats a good tip. Thank you for this! Yeah... still trying to figure out how to word it all though.

 

[pappiepapie]

The opening line is the hardest i suppose

 

[deleted23047251]

The opening line is the hardest i suppose

lol. yeah, I'm just not sure how to phrase it so that I can balance being stern but also sympathetic.

 

[HappyMedium]

lol. yeah, I'm just not sure how to phrase it so that I can balance being stern but also sympathetic.

Maybe it starts as a question? First, stating that you've noticed your underwear missing and then segue into asking him of he took them?

 

[PutItInHere691]

Surely you all did something like this or some kind of fetish that turned you on ..

 

[Page417]

I had an extremely similar situation a month ago. He's probably mostly afraid you'll out him. I'd talk to him and say "It wasn't cool going through my bag. Don't worry I'm not going to mention anything to your parents."

He'll know exactly what you're saying.

Bringing up the sexuality part is walking into a minefield. Yes, he may then feel safe to confide and he comes out and has a husband by 30 with very proud parents.

He could also go the other way and freak out. Then in order to avoid you, he'll tell his parents you're gay or tried to talk to him about sex. And that'll be messy.

 

[deleted23047251]

I had an extremely similar situation a month ago. He's probably mostly afraid you'll out him. I'd talk to him and say "It wasn't cool going through my bag. Don't worry I'm not going to mention anything to your parents."

He'll know exactly what you're saying.

Bringing up the sexuality part is walking into a minefield. Yes, he may then feel safe to confide and he comes out and has a husband by 30 with very proud parents.

He could also go the other way and freak out. Then in order to avoid you, he'll tell his parents you're gay or tried to talk to him about sex. And that'll be messy.

Thanks for the advice. I can't really know whats going through his head now, right? So that might be the best course of action. I guess I just don't know how to word it though.

 

[MisterB]

Bringing up the sexuality part is walking into a minefield. Yes, he may then feel safe to confide and he comes out and has a husband by 30 with very proud parents.

In a perfect world...

He could also go the other way and freak out. Then in order to avoid you, he'll tell his parents you're gay or tried to talk to him about sex. And that'll be messy.

This is my fear for the OP. Or that worse, he says the OP tried to coerce him into sex or something similar. Never underestimate someone when "cornered" if they feel there is no face-saving way out.

@AlexTrainer92 : Bottom line is that this young man needs to learn/understand that it's NEVER okay to rifle through/pilfer someone else's property. That's at best attempted theft.

And if he doesn't learn that soon, what's to prevent him from doing it to another guy/student who may not react as the OP did. I would hate that young man to be on the receiving end of a beat down for such behavior by someone who doesn't know him like the OP does and realize he may be struggling with his sexuality. Not many other people would be as understanding as you have been.

Right now, IMO, the best bet would be to let this go; you both know what went down when you confronted him in the act.

Thanks for the advice. I can't really know whats going through his head now, right? So that might be the best course of action. I guess I just don't know how to word it though.

What might be beneficial is at the appropriate time/circumstance to let him know if he ever wants to talk, about anything, you are there for him. Confidential and no judgement. You could also offer him the links to/information about where he can purchase his own under clothing.

Good luck and I hope this young man figures out who and what he is!

 

[deleted23047251]

In a perfect world...


This is my fear for the OP. Or that worse, he says the OP tried to coerce him into sex or something similar. Never underestimate someone when "cornered" if they feel there is no face-saving way out.

@AlexTrainer92 : Bottom line is that this young man needs to learn/understand that it's NEVER okay to rifle through/pilfer someone else's property. That's at best attempted theft.

And if he doesn't learn that soon, what's to prevent him from doing it to another guy/student who may not react as the OP did. I would hate that young man to be on the receiving end of a beat down for such behavior by someone who doesn't know him like the OP does and realize he may be struggling with his sexuality. Not many other people would be as understanding as you have been.

Right now, IMO, the best bet would be to let this go; you both know what went down when you confronted him in the act.



What might be beneficial is at the appropriate time/circumstance to let him know if he ever wants to talk, about anything, you are there for him. Confidential and no judgement. You could also offer him the links to/information about where he can purchase his own under clothing.

Good luck and I hope this young man figures out who and what he is!

Thanks for the advice here! I appreciate it! I think I know a good course of action, but at this point just don't know how to phrase things the best way.

 

[MisterB]

Thanks for the advice here! I appreciate it! I think I know a good course of action, but at this point just don't know how to phrase things the best way.

You'll figure it out I've no doubt.

You seem to have a good head on your shoulders. You're empathetic and caring, and if that young man knows you at all, he'll know that about you.

And hopefully welcome such a conversation. Good luck!

 

[deleted19462351]

Like others said talk to him but also set boundaries, hope it goes well.

 

[sonny84]

Yeah. Not really sure how to begin with this, but I’m gonna try.

I’m a 31 year old gay man, and over the years have become close friends with my straight neighbors who are several decades older than me and are married. They’re very good people and a ton of fun. They invite me to join them on their vacations at their lake house sometimes which is only like 30 minutes away. I like them and they’re just solid people, even if a little bit ignorant about some things. They know I’m gay and respect that, but just sometimes ask silly questions about gay men that can make you roll eyes. Regardless, they’re good people.

They have a son who I have suspected was gay or bi for the two years that I’ve known him. I don’t really interact with him much except for when he joins the conversations I’m having with his parents. He’s actually very masculine guy and is very kind and polite but I have caught him staring at my ass so many times it’s crazy - I don’t think he realizes it’s not very discreet. He’s also a good guy though and is in college, and just visiting over the summer break. His parents totally think he’s straight.

None of this is really an issue. I’m a personal trainer and actually used to be a stripper for a few years in my mid twenties, so I’m used to getting stares because of my muscles or because I have a huge ass that’s a little out of control (this family doesn’t know I used to be a stripper obviously). But last week I was over at this family’s lake house and realized I was missing some underwear. I didn’t think much of it and guessed I must have misplaced it. Honestly there have been a few times over the summer already where I thought I must have forgotten my underwear. But then this week I was at their lake house again, and I decided to go to my room after going for a swim so that I could get out of my swim trunks and into my underwear and shorts.

I walked into my room and immediately found their son going through my backpack which just had my clothes inside. It was just a half second, but he immediately froze and stopped looking in there when he realized I was in the room. He was stammering and nervous and immediately got red-faced and awkward, but was able to make some excuse that he thought I might have “batteries” and was looking for some. In my confusion, I kind of just said “uh.. no sorry man.. don’t have batteries”. And it was very awkward and he left. After he left my brain finally had a lightbulb moment and I connected the dots that he had probably stolen my underwear the previous week and several times before and might have been trying to steal my underwear again just now.

My question is this: I’m obviously not attracted to the guy (he’s way too young for me) nor do I want to make him feel too bad about this in a public way, especially because he’s not out to his family. I know he’s a horny 19 year old closeted guy just doing stupid shit. Because of my muscles and ass, im used to guys acting “strange” around me my entire life. That said, I don’t know whether I should just address this, or leave it alone.

Im inclined to just leave it alone, but I can already tell the guy is incredibly uncomfortable around me because I think he knows I know he has my underwear. I think he’s afraid I might out him to his family as being bi or gay.

What should I do? Never discuss it ever? If I do discuss it, is it better to just say, “hey don’t do that again, you shouldn’t steal, but it’s okay to be gay? If you’re closeted and gay, I understand how that can be and am here if you need to talk through that. I won’t tell your family about this” to calm his nerves? Or is the fact that he physically attracted to me to this level just gonna make this whole thing unbearably awkward? I’ve had my underwear stolen before in gym locker rooms by strangers, but this situation seems a bit more sensitive.

Im overthinking all of this. But if you were him what would you want the person in my situation to do? He is now unbearably awkward around me (which yeah he should suffer those consequences honestly), but I also know this is a little nuanced.

Leave it alone. We've all done stupid shit at that vulnerable age like steal condoms from older siblings/swipe dad's nudie mags etc.
Imagine if you were caught and were give a or "the" talk.

 

[deleted11768931]

If I were you, I'd just make a throwaway comment about how someone's being stealing my underwear (but make sure only he hears) to let him know you're onto him and that he has to stop, but otherwise I'd leave it alone. God knows I did my fair share of stupid shit when I was a horny teenager, and looking at your pics, yeah, I can totally see how a closeted, hormonal teen in close surroundings with you might not be thinking straight.

 

[BiType]

The real reason you need to address it with him is because if he's doing it to you he is likely doing it to, or WOULD do it to, others...and others might be FAR less understanding, and he could end up getting seriously fucked up by somebody.

It doesn't have to be awkward.

"Hey. Can I talk to you privately? Listen, we never have to talk about this again, but it's obvious you were stealing my underwear and I know why and it's not a big deal to me. I'll never bring it up with anyone, but two things: first, don't do it again because stealing is not cool. Second, be CAREFUL, because there are guys out there who will not react as well as I'm reacting, and you could get hurt. Don't be afraid to be yourself but be smart about it, ok? If you ever want to talk, you know where I'm at. But again...doing something like that can get you really messed up. It isn't worth it. Thanks champ."

 

[Trevor]

So are you going to the lake house this weekend? We want updates! Let us know how the conversation goes with this kid.

 

[Trevor]

The real reason you need to address it with him is because if he's doing it to you he is likely doing it to, or WOULD do it to, others...and others might be FAR less understanding, and he could end up getting seriously fucked up by somebody.

It doesn't have to be awkward.

"Hey. Can I talk to you privately? Listen, we never have to talk about this again, but it's obvious you were stealing my underwear and I know why and it's not a big deal to me. I'll never bring it up with anyone, but two things: first, don't do it again because stealing is not cool. Second, be CAREFUL, because there are guys out there who will not react as well as I'm reacting, and you could get hurt. Don't be afraid to be yourself but be smart about it, ok? If you ever want to talk, you know where I'm at. But again...doing something like that can get you really messed up. It isn't worth it. Thanks champ."

This is perfect!

 

[CUBE]

I would make sure my stuff is not available and not bring it up. He likely was just curious as to how it looked on him and/or was fantasizing about you. Any conversation is going to go South fast.

 

[ChairBoy]

Yes

I think you should spank him:

View attachment 102880411

say accept the spanking or I’ll tell your parents you stole “insert something else” to not out you

 

[ChairBoy]

I would also make your stuff so sweaty and smelly that he can’t handle it? Lol