I want true love. (Warning: Long post)

[therebrand]

Since I'm newly single (I ended a 1 year relationship on June 2nd), I've flirted with a few guys but it never worked out. I'm just friendly with 2 of the guys - and stopped speaking to the third one. I was poly in the past, and I'm considering being poly again.

I'm 27. My 2 biggest dating pet peeves are queerbaiters & guys who aren't straightforward about what they're looking for - and I fell in love with 3 guys; 1 is a queerbaiter and the other two are LGBT, and they all used me, so I'm cordial with the last two (I decided to hide my resentment toward them, since one of them said they respect my honesty about us being "the right people, for each other, at the wrong time"; I said I had a crush on both of them, and only guy #2 replied - he's the one who respects my honesty, but he's playing the same games my recent ex pulled - it's too much for me to handle), and I don't speak to the first guy.

I date to find a potential husband; but so many men date to sleep around or date to use someone; that's unattractive. I lost my virginity at 24 because I felt like I would never find true love, so "you might as well lose your v tonight, because you'll regret not doing it at 30", I said to myself - and now I have one more experience under my belt. But that doesn't take the place of a man's affection, love and sincerity - and his quality time, writing me letters - the little things. Who he is when no one's watching, means the world to me - but the men I dated were abusive behind closed doors, and some cheated, some even disrespected my mother (and my mom has a temper, so she takes it out on me while being softspoken around them).

It reminds me of the time, last year, a bi guy I was attracted to & was building a connection with (for 6 months in 2022-23) wasted my time and pretended he wanted a serious relationship, only I got aggravated at his mind games and cut him off. I feel horrible for opening up to him about my attraction to him (and it reminds me of how I regret admitting my attraction to any man I fall for - what's the point anymore?). We (me & the bi guy) reconnected a few months ago, and he forgot who I was & doesn't remember speaking to me (we last spoke in June 2023, and reconnected in February/March 2024). Describing my feelings as "insulted" is an understatement - I was infuriated, so I stopped speaking to him & haven't spoken to him since, because he's not going to remember my name, so what's the point in speaking to him a third time?

I hate when guys waste my time (especially guys I want to date) - gay, bi, pan, DL or otherwise! Don't queerbait me and don't gaslight me into thinking you want a relationship, when we both know, you just want to seduce me! Too many guys play mind games with me, and I've become immune to believing that gentlemen exist, who open doors for me, who kiss my hand, who actually value what we both have together - I'm slowly realizing that the concept of "true love" is a distraction from reality.

Honestly, all the guys who waste my time are making me consider dating women again; I want something serious, but guys ask me out, and then I end up dumping them when they either cheat on me or they play mind games. Or they use the "You're not my type" line (which I've heard too many times before).

If I end up dating men still, I just want to date foreign men - I'm turned off from dating American men (by the way, I'm American). My exes are a myriad of things - I've dated.... guys who didn't put me first & always had ulterior motives or wanted to control me - and when I'm forced to submit to a guy, I feel the need to break up with him, because it makes me think of the abusive relationships I've overcome in the past (one of them, who is my ex, cheated on me, and literally said out loud, "I need control" about why he's a dom - and I'd dumped him twice previously, but the third time I dumped him - on June 2nd - was for good, and I'm never settling for less than I deserve, ever again; we dated for 1 year too long; and the sad part is, our anniversary was the week before I dumped him). I went from elated & thinking we were repairing our relationship, from the pain he put me through in the past, to 3 months later, I'm seeing certain videos of my ex taking other women overseas (on lavish vacations in Africa, Indonesia and Hawaii) and in America, and I can't explain how hurt, angry and sad I was. I always say I need to date a gentleman, or an English count, or a historian, or a super ultra nerd, who reads books all day and teaches science courses (I find intelligent nerdy men extremely attractive).

What can I do to attract positive men? I've been around abusive men & women my entire life, and I just want a guy who doesn't cheat, who doesn't yell, who respects me as his equal, and who isn't self-centered in relationships. I just want a real man. I used to write lists, on pen and paper, of the type of guys I wanted to date - and 10 years later, in 2024, I've never dated guys who fit the description on my old lists.
By the way - I'm so glad I've lived in my own apartment for 6 months now, but what good is having my own place if no long distance guys will fly in to visit me or spend time with me in person?

 

[Brodie888]

I can hear your struggle. I'm sorry you've had hard times.

It sounds like you have a clear idea of what you want. It's tough finding the real ones amongst the fakers.

Chasing foreign men is pointless, people are people no matter the origin.

Perhaps you need to date guys longer to figure them out before getting too serious?

Perhaps you need to look for guys who are more clean cut. Perhaps go to a gay church or sports teams. Looking on grindr etc is often too high a concentration of a$$holes to filter out the good ones.

 

[FrankieGuile]

Since I'm newly single (I ended a 1 year relationship on June 2nd), I've flirted with a few guys but it never worked out. I'm just friendly with 2 of the guys - and stopped speaking to the third one. I was poly in the past, and I'm considering being poly again.

I'm 27. My 2 biggest dating pet peeves are queerbaiters & guys who aren't straightforward about what they're looking for - and I fell in love with 3 guys; 1 is a queerbaiter and the other two are LGBT, and they all used me, so I'm cordial with the last two (I decided to hide my resentment toward them, since one of them said they respect my honesty about us being "the right people, for each other, at the wrong time"; I said I had a crush on both of them, and only guy #2 replied - he's the one who respects my honesty, but he's playing the same games my recent ex pulled - it's too much for me to handle), and I don't speak to the first guy.

I date to find a potential husband; but so many men date to sleep around or date to use someone; that's unattractive. I lost my virginity at 24 because I felt like I would never find true love, so "you might as well lose your v tonight, because you'll regret not doing it at 30", I said to myself - and now I have one more experience under my belt. But that doesn't take the place of a man's affection, love and sincerity - and his quality time, writing me letters - the little things. Who he is when no one's watching, means the world to me - but the men I dated were abusive behind closed doors, and some cheated, some even disrespected my mother (and my mom has a temper, so she takes it out on me while being softspoken around them).

It reminds me of the time, last year, a bi guy I was attracted to & was building a connection with (for 6 months in 2022-23) wasted my time and pretended he wanted a serious relationship, only I got aggravated at his mind games and cut him off. I feel horrible for opening up to him about my attraction to him (and it reminds me of how I regret admitting my attraction to any man I fall for - what's the point anymore?). We (me & the bi guy) reconnected a few months ago, and he forgot who I was & doesn't remember speaking to me (we last spoke in June 2023, and reconnected in February/March 2024). Describing my feelings as "insulted" is an understatement - I was infuriated, so I stopped speaking to him & haven't spoken to him since, because he's not going to remember my name, so what's the point in speaking to him a third time?

I hate when guys waste my time (especially guys I want to date) - gay, bi, pan, DL or otherwise! Don't queerbait me and don't gaslight me into thinking you want a relationship, when we both know, you just want to seduce me! Too many guys play mind games with me, and I've become immune to believing that gentlemen exist, who open doors for me, who kiss my hand, who actually value what we both have together - I'm slowly realizing that the concept of "true love" is a distraction from reality.

Honestly, all the guys who waste my time are making me consider dating women again; I want something serious, but guys ask me out, and then I end up dumping them when they either cheat on me or they play mind games. Or they use the "You're not my type" line (which I've heard too many times before).

If I end up dating men still, I just want to date foreign men - I'm turned off from dating American men (by the way, I'm American). My exes are a myriad of things - I've dated.... guys who didn't put me first & always had ulterior motives or wanted to control me - and when I'm forced to submit to a guy, I feel the need to break up with him, because it makes me think of the abusive relationships I've overcome in the past (one of them, who is my ex, cheated on me, and literally said out loud, "I need control" about why he's a dom - and I'd dumped him twice previously, but the third time I dumped him - on June 2nd - was for good, and I'm never settling for less than I deserve, ever again; we dated for 1 year too long; and the sad part is, our anniversary was the week before I dumped him). I went from elated & thinking we were repairing our relationship, from the pain he put me through in the past, to 3 months later, I'm seeing certain videos of my ex taking other women overseas (on lavish vacations in Africa, Indonesia and Hawaii) and in America, and I can't explain how hurt, angry and sad I was. I always say I need to date a gentleman, or an English count, or a historian, or a super ultra nerd, who reads books all day and teaches science courses (I find intelligent nerdy men extremely attractive).

What can I do to attract positive men? I've been around abusive men & women my entire life, and I just want a guy who doesn't cheat, who doesn't yell, who respects me as his equal, and who isn't self-centered in relationships. I just want a real man. I used to write lists, on pen and paper, of the type of guys I wanted to date - and 10 years later, in 2024, I've never dated guys who fit the description on my old lists.
By the way - I'm so glad I've lived in my own apartment for 6 months now, but what good is having my own place if no long distance guys will fly in to visit me or spend time with me in person?

I'm not so sure anyone can give advice on how you can attract positive men because your definition of "positive" is not universal -- it is particular to you. The best you can do is develop your standards, adhere to them without compromise, put yourself in situations where it is more likely you encounter other men who can meet those standards, and then judge those men and let yourself be judged. Learning to set standards for yourself and others, and judging yourself and others steadfastly against those standards, is a much under appreciated, often denigrated, but ultimately vital skill in finding a fulfilling, long-lasting match.

 

[therebrand]

I'm not so sure anyone can give advice on how you can attract positive men because your definition of "positive" is not universal -- it is particular to you. The best you can do is develop your standards, adhere to them without compromise, put yourself in situations where it is more likely you encounter other men who can meet those standards, and then judge those men and let yourself be judged. Learning to set standards for yourself and others, and judging yourself and others steadfastly against those standards, is a much under appreciated, often denigrated, but ultimately vital skill in finding a fulfilling, long-lasting match.

I wonder if me being 4 years sober would also have anything to do with me being single as well?
I don't smoke, drink, don't do Mary Jane (never have and never will), and I got sober from pills in 2020.

I live in an ultra small town (12,000 people but my town is only 6 square miles or something like that).
There's zero gay scene - which is why I'm working on moving to a major city, out of state (I got approved for an apartment and 1 year lease out of state and haven't been able to afford my move).
Although, I recently started talking to a guy who lives in Vegas too (Vegas is only one or two states away from where I'm moving to).
When I told him where I'm moving to, he said, "Absolutely not! Don't do it" - and I'm thinking, "The part you don't understand, is that state was the only place that offered the cheapest rent, so I quickly took it."
I'm not rich like he is.
Meanwhile, I'm also dealing with another issue that I'm not allowed to speak about - which has also traumatized me beyond belief.

Someone mentioned a gay church - I'm an atheist (My family are fundamentalist Christians and my grandma was a Southern Baptist, so I grew up in church every Sunday).
Religion and I don't mix.

Sports?
The closest I got to sports was working out at home - pushing my coffee table to the side of my living room, grabbing a chair to sit in (and pushing it away if I need to) and working out in my living room - I did that, 3 times a week, for 3 years - and never got any muscle.
All that happened was, I lost weight (and as a former anorexic person, that's not what I want - I want to get muscles and abs).

I haven't worked out since 2022, since I can't afford my trainer's price (he charges $60 per month for me to do his Level 1 calisthenics workouts).
And I'm way too impoverished to afford a gym membership.
Which is why I've been constantly applying for jobs (and constantly get turned down).

 

[therebrand]

I also forgot one major thing - I don't drive.
The only time I go out is when my mom picks me up, and that's it.
I'm only applying for remote jobs, since I'm unable to commute.

 

[Brodie888]

One thing to be mindful of is to try and maintain positive outlook as much as possible. It's easy to become jaded in the pursuit of love.

You need to look at each day as a new opportunity and let go of the past.

You want to be your best self when you come across Mr Right because he's probably looking for the same attributes as well.

 

[therebrand]

One thing to be mindful of is to try and maintain positive outlook as much as possible. It's easy to become jaded in the pursuit of love.

You need to look at each day as a new opportunity and let go of the past.

You want to be your best self when you come across Mr Right because he's probably looking for the same attributes as well.

Very, very true.
I have limited resources (in terms of personal grooming), so I'm trying to do the best I can.
I look decent, but I could look slightly better, with a few (as I call them) "finishing touches".

 

[therebrand]

I just made a new thread that somewhat relates to my original post in this thread.
Let me know your thoughts - it's about my ex who cheated on me in 2023.
Positive feedback only, please (I've been going through it lately - my emotions run the gamut).

 

[Evenflow618]

It doesn’t exist bro, just be grateful and attract a companion who checks a lot of boxes

 

[FrankieGuile]

I wonder if me being 4 years sober would also have anything to do with me being single as well?
I don't smoke, drink, don't do Mary Jane (never have and never will), and I got sober from pills in 2020.

I live in an ultra small town (12,000 people but my town is only 6 square miles or something like that).
There's zero gay scene - which is why I'm working on moving to a major city, out of state (I got approved for an apartment and 1 year lease out of state and haven't been able to afford my move).
Although, I recently started talking to a guy who lives in Vegas too (Vegas is only one or two states away from where I'm moving to).
When I told him where I'm moving to, he said, "Absolutely not! Don't do it" - and I'm thinking, "The part you don't understand, is that state was the only place that offered the cheapest rent, so I quickly took it."
I'm not rich like he is.
Meanwhile, I'm also dealing with another issue that I'm not allowed to speak about - which has also traumatized me beyond belief.

Someone mentioned a gay church - I'm an atheist (My family are fundamentalist Christians and my grandma was a Southern Baptist, so I grew up in church every Sunday).
Religion and I don't mix.

Sports?
The closest I got to sports was working out at home - pushing my coffee table to the side of my living room, grabbing a chair to sit in (and pushing it away if I need to) and working out in my living room - I did that, 3 times a week, for 3 years - and never got any muscle.
All that happened was, I lost weight (and as a former anorexic person, that's not what I want - I want to get muscles and abs).

I haven't worked out since 2022, since I can't afford my trainer's price (he charges $60 per month for me to do his Level 1 calisthenics workouts).
And I'm way too impoverished to afford a gym membership.
Which is why I've been constantly applying for jobs (and constantly get turned down).

It seems to me the length of a post is related to the list of excuses, which is inversely proportional to the odds the poster will actually take positive action to solve whatever problem he has. If positive feedback to you constitutes sympathy, then you might want to consider changing people from whom you're seeking feedback.

 

[Infernal]

Something sticks out to me. If there is something wrong with everyone you're meeting, then you're either meeting the wrong people in the wrong place, or you don't know what you want yet. You have to experience what you don't want to learn what you do what. Unfortunately, that can take a long time. Sometimes we leave our parent's nest and very rigid ideas of what we want. Once we experience a little love and a lot of heartbreak, we discover we like a little of this and a lot of that when before we didn't like either one. Meet people in new places and go into it with no expectations. You might be pleasantly surprised. I get the thing about never wanting an American boyfriend. I was the same way, but I only wanted someone close to my own age so we could enjoy the same life experiences. When I got tired of the shit relationships, I threw my hands up and said fuck it, I'm done wasting my time. When I stopped looking for what I thought I wanted, I found what I needed. A Cuban man, 9 years older than me, and 16 years later, it's been fucking amazing.

Don't give up having your own place. The independence it gives you is priceless and you'll come to treasure it.

 

[therebrand]

Something sticks out to me. If there is something wrong with everyone you're meeting, then you're either meeting the wrong people in the wrong place, or you don't know what you want yet. You have to experience what you don't want to learn what you do what. Unfortunately, that can take a long time. Sometimes we leave our parent's nest and very rigid ideas of what we want. Once we experience a little love and a lot of heartbreak, we discover we like a little of this and a lot of that when before we didn't like either one. Meet people in new places and go into it with no expectations. You might be pleasantly surprised. I get the thing about never wanting an American boyfriend. I was the same way, but I only wanted someone close to my own age so we could enjoy the same life experiences. When I got tired of the shit relationships, I threw my hands up and said fuck it, I'm done wasting my time. When I stopped looking for what I thought I wanted, I found what I needed. A Cuban man, 9 years older than me, and 16 years later, it's been fucking amazing.

Don't give up having your own place. The independence it gives you is priceless and you'll come to treasure it.

I am talking to someone now.
The only thing is, he's a top (I'm a vers top).
He's also 35 and I'm 27, and I always said age gaps in relationships aren't a good thing (and when my parents were married, my mom was 31 and my dad was 39 - that big an age difference should've been a red flag, but fine).

I always hated age gaps, and then I end up falling for a guy with an age gap from me.

I'm finally accepting of the age gap and him being a top.
Now everyone tells me, about their objections (which I want them to know for their own relationships) and it makes me wonder.
People move their mouths, but are they married? Where is their relationship? Do they have age gaps; are they mad and taking it out on me? Where are their children to raise? Where's their full-time job with a 401k?
People criticize me and who I'm attracted to, so I feel the need to ask others some hard hitting questions as well.
The same things people say about me, I can also say about them.

 

[therebrand]

By the way - when it comes to dating older men, the best lesson my mother ever told me was, "Older men will control you!"
She was born in 1963 - clearly she knows what she's talking about.
And my dad was born in '55.
So you can imagine my reaction when the guy (I think his first name is Kyle - H3 interviewed him on YouTube once) from a few reality TV shows, with a grandma fetish appeared on a few shows.
It freaked me out.
And then he tells H3 that when he had sex with 2 of the women, he took them to the hospital?
Definitely a lot of red flags in his mentality......

 

[Boaxy]

Something sticks out to me. If there is something wrong with everyone you're meeting, then you're either meeting the wrong people in the wrong place, or you don't know what you want yet. You have to experience what you don't want to learn what you do what. Unfortunately, that can take a long time. Sometimes we leave our parent's nest and very rigid ideas of what we want. Once we experience a little love and a lot of heartbreak, we discover we like a little of this and a lot of that when before we didn't like either one. Meet people in new places and go into it with no expectations. You might be pleasantly surprised. I get the thing about never wanting an American boyfriend. I was the same way, but I only wanted someone close to my own age so we could enjoy the same life experiences. When I got tired of the shit relationships, I threw my hands up and said fuck it, I'm done wasting my time. When I stopped looking for what I thought I wanted, I found what I needed. A Cuban man, 9 years older than me, and 16 years later, it's been fucking amazing.

Don't give up having your own place. The independence it gives you is priceless and you'll come to treasure it.

Or you could just be unlucky, ergo Black. Oops. smh.

In my 30s, never had a Boyfriend ever. I kinda just wish I was girl, or straight guy, because I hate the small dating pool, I hate the bullshit. I hate it all. That story was cute and all, but life is too damn short to be just like "I'm gonna stop looking and love is gonna approach/arrive." Oh please.

 

[therebrand]

Or you could just be unlucky, ergo Black. Oops. smh.

In my 30s, never had a Boyfriend ever. I kinda just wish I was girl, or straight guy, because I hate the small dating pool, I hate the bullshit. I hate it all. That story was cute and all, but life is too damn short to be just like "I'm gonna stop looking and love is gonna approach/arrive." Oh please.

I was engaged 3 times (one was to an in-person ex who I was with for 3 years).
I only wish I could've never dated until I was 30 (I'm 27 now).
I'd love the naivete of being a "I'm 27 and looking for my first love" - it'd save me so many years of abusive relationships and reckless guys.
I wanted to get married and live with the right guy at 21; instead, I'm single (The s word makes my skin crawl) with my own place (I'm not the only one) and moved out at 27.
Life can be cruel....

 

[Infernal]

That story was cute and all, but life is too damn short to be just like "I'm gonna stop looking and love is gonna approach/arrive." Oh please.

Life is not short, it's the longest lasting thing you will ever experience. Bad relationships are short. You are responsible for your own happiness, and you attract what you put out. Stepping back for a few months and letting the shit sort itself out is a fleeting moment in time in order to let go of negativity and let something good come your way. Being jaded and bitter gets you exactly what you're looking for. Change your view.

 

[Email99663311]

Since I'm newly single (I ended a 1 year relationship on June 2nd), I've flirted with a few guys but it never worked out. I'm just friendly with 2 of the guys - and stopped speaking to the third one. I was poly in the past, and I'm considering being poly again.

I'm 27. My 2 biggest dating pet peeves are queerbaiters & guys who aren't straightforward about what they're looking for - and I fell in love with 3 guys; 1 is a queerbaiter and the other two are LGBT, and they all used me, so I'm cordial with the last two (I decided to hide my resentment toward them, since one of them said they respect my honesty about us being "the right people, for each other, at the wrong time"; I said I had a crush on both of them, and only guy #2 replied - he's the one who respects my honesty, but he's playing the same games my recent ex pulled - it's too much for me to handle), and I don't speak to the first guy.

I date to find a potential husband; but so many men date to sleep around or date to use someone; that's unattractive. I lost my virginity at 24 because I felt like I would never find true love, so "you might as well lose your v tonight, because you'll regret not doing it at 30", I said to myself - and now I have one more experience under my belt. But that doesn't take the place of a man's affection, love and sincerity - and his quality time, writing me letters - the little things. Who he is when no one's watching, means the world to me - but the men I dated were abusive behind closed doors, and some cheated, some even disrespected my mother (and my mom has a temper, so she takes it out on me while being softspoken around them).

It reminds me of the time, last year, a bi guy I was attracted to & was building a connection with (for 6 months in 2022-23) wasted my time and pretended he wanted a serious relationship, only I got aggravated at his mind games and cut him off. I feel horrible for opening up to him about my attraction to him (and it reminds me of how I regret admitting my attraction to any man I fall for - what's the point anymore?). We (me & the bi guy) reconnected a few months ago, and he forgot who I was & doesn't remember speaking to me (we last spoke in June 2023, and reconnected in February/March 2024). Describing my feelings as "insulted" is an understatement - I was infuriated, so I stopped speaking to him & haven't spoken to him since, because he's not going to remember my name, so what's the point in speaking to him a third time?

I hate when guys waste my time (especially guys I want to date) - gay, bi, pan, DL or otherwise! Don't queerbait me and don't gaslight me into thinking you want a relationship, when we both know, you just want to seduce me! Too many guys play mind games with me, and I've become immune to believing that gentlemen exist, who open doors for me, who kiss my hand, who actually value what we both have together - I'm slowly realizing that the concept of "true love" is a distraction from reality.

Honestly, all the guys who waste my time are making me consider dating women again; I want something serious, but guys ask me out, and then I end up dumping them when they either cheat on me or they play mind games. Or they use the "You're not my type" line (which I've heard too many times before).

If I end up dating men still, I just want to date foreign men - I'm turned off from dating American men (by the way, I'm American). My exes are a myriad of things - I've dated.... guys who didn't put me first & always had ulterior motives or wanted to control me - and when I'm forced to submit to a guy, I feel the need to break up with him, because it makes me think of the abusive relationships I've overcome in the past (one of them, who is my ex, cheated on me, and literally said out loud, "I need control" about why he's a dom - and I'd dumped him twice previously, but the third time I dumped him - on June 2nd - was for good, and I'm never settling for less than I deserve, ever again; we dated for 1 year too long; and the sad part is, our anniversary was the week before I dumped him). I went from elated & thinking we were repairing our relationship, from the pain he put me through in the past, to 3 months later, I'm seeing certain videos of my ex taking other women overseas (on lavish vacations in Africa, Indonesia and Hawaii) and in America, and I can't explain how hurt, angry and sad I was. I always say I need to date a gentleman, or an English count, or a historian, or a super ultra nerd, who reads books all day and teaches science courses (I find intelligent nerdy men extremely attractive).

What can I do to attract positive men? I've been around abusive men & women my entire life, and I just want a guy who doesn't cheat, who doesn't yell, who respects me as his equal, and who isn't self-centered in relationships. I just want a real man. I used to write lists, on pen and paper, of the type of guys I wanted to date - and 10 years later, in 2024, I've never dated guys who fit the description on my old lists.
By the way - I'm so glad I've lived in my own apartment for 6 months now, but what good is having my own place if no long distance guys will fly in to visit me or spend time with me in person?

Don’t date women dude. Don’t ruin womens lives pretending you love them, want marriage and kids but deep down will always love men. Just keep searching for the right guy. Always keep your eye out

 

[therebrand]

Don’t date women dude. Don’t ruin womens lives pretending you love them, want marriage and kids but deep down will always love men. Just keep searching for the right guy. Always keep your eye out

I'm pansexual.

 

[therebrand]

Or you could just be unlucky, ergo Black. Oops. smh.

In my 30s, never had a Boyfriend ever. I kinda just wish I was girl, or straight guy, because I hate the small dating pool, I hate the bullshit. I hate it all. That story was cute and all, but life is too damn short to be just like "I'm gonna stop looking and love is gonna approach/arrive." Oh please.

I've heard that the community casts aside black people, but I don't buy into that way of thinking.
It's not the 1920s anymore - and quite frankly, my mother was born in '63, during Jim Crow era racism in the South.
So there's more severe problems in the world today, than the community looking down on me because of my race and skin tone - I don't believe in all that, so I simply keep moving forward and promote equality, diversity and inclusion as much as I can.
I have racist family members (they're racist toward white people, and had a fit when I brought home my Jewish ex-girlfriend, years ago - and they still shun me because of who I fall in love with - race wise - but their homophobia only confirms their outdated thinking).
So I don't listen to what anyone says; my family looks down on my exes because of their races, so other people's objections hold no weight, either.
And actually - I told a cousin my recent exes are Latin, and she says, "I'm not racist, but you know I love my black men" (my whole family polishes their statements with lingo like that) - so I simply switched the subject.
They're all married with children, so they made their choices - and I make mine, every day.