Since I'm newly single (I ended a 1 year relationship on June 2nd), I've flirted with a few guys but it never worked out. I'm just friendly with 2 of the guys - and stopped speaking to the third one. I was poly in the past, and I'm considering being poly again.
I'm 27. My 2 biggest dating pet peeves are queerbaiters & guys who aren't straightforward about what they're looking for - and I fell in love with 3 guys; 1 is a queerbaiter and the other two are LGBT, and they all used me, so I'm cordial with the last two (I decided to hide my resentment toward them, since one of them said they respect my honesty about us being "the right people, for each other, at the wrong time"; I said I had a crush on both of them, and only guy #2 replied - he's the one who respects my honesty, but he's playing the same games my recent ex pulled - it's too much for me to handle), and I don't speak to the first guy.
I date to find a potential husband; but so many men date to sleep around or date to use someone; that's unattractive. I lost my virginity at 24 because I felt like I would never find true love, so "you might as well lose your v tonight, because you'll regret not doing it at 30", I said to myself - and now I have one more experience under my belt. But that doesn't take the place of a man's affection, love and sincerity - and his quality time, writing me letters - the little things. Who he is when no one's watching, means the world to me - but the men I dated were abusive behind closed doors, and some cheated, some even disrespected my mother (and my mom has a temper, so she takes it out on me while being softspoken around them).
It reminds me of the time, last year, a bi guy I was attracted to & was building a connection with (for 6 months in 2022-23) wasted my time and pretended he wanted a serious relationship, only I got aggravated at his mind games and cut him off. I feel horrible for opening up to him about my attraction to him (and it reminds me of how I regret admitting my attraction to any man I fall for - what's the point anymore?). We (me & the bi guy) reconnected a few months ago, and he forgot who I was & doesn't remember speaking to me (we last spoke in June 2023, and reconnected in February/March 2024). Describing my feelings as "insulted" is an understatement - I was infuriated, so I stopped speaking to him & haven't spoken to him since, because he's not going to remember my name, so what's the point in speaking to him a third time?
I hate when guys waste my time (especially guys I want to date) - gay, bi, pan, DL or otherwise! Don't queerbait me and don't gaslight me into thinking you want a relationship, when we both know, you just want to seduce me! Too many guys play mind games with me, and I've become immune to believing that gentlemen exist, who open doors for me, who kiss my hand, who actually value what we both have together - I'm slowly realizing that the concept of "true love" is a distraction from reality.
Honestly, all the guys who waste my time are making me consider dating women again; I want something serious, but guys ask me out, and then I end up dumping them when they either cheat on me or they play mind games. Or they use the "You're not my type" line (which I've heard too many times before).
If I end up dating men still, I just want to date foreign men - I'm turned off from dating American men (by the way, I'm American). My exes are a myriad of things - I've dated.... guys who didn't put me first & always had ulterior motives or wanted to control me - and when I'm forced to submit to a guy, I feel the need to break up with him, because it makes me think of the abusive relationships I've overcome in the past (one of them, who is my ex, cheated on me, and literally said out loud, "I need control" about why he's a dom - and I'd dumped him twice previously, but the third time I dumped him - on June 2nd - was for good, and I'm never settling for less than I deserve, ever again; we dated for 1 year too long; and the sad part is, our anniversary was the week before I dumped him). I went from elated & thinking we were repairing our relationship, from the pain he put me through in the past, to 3 months later, I'm seeing certain videos of my ex taking other women overseas (on lavish vacations in Africa, Indonesia and Hawaii) and in America, and I can't explain how hurt, angry and sad I was. I always say I need to date a gentleman, or an English count, or a historian, or a super ultra nerd, who reads books all day and teaches science courses (I find intelligent nerdy men extremely attractive).
What can I do to attract positive men? I've been around abusive men & women my entire life, and I just want a guy who doesn't cheat, who doesn't yell, who respects me as his equal, and who isn't self-centered in relationships. I just want a real man. I used to write lists, on pen and paper, of the type of guys I wanted to date - and 10 years later, in 2024, I've never dated guys who fit the description on my old lists.
By the way - I'm so glad I've lived in my own apartment for 6 months now, but what good is having my own place if no long distance guys will fly in to visit me or spend time with me in person?
