Interested in a guy at summer school who feels "unattainable"

[MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK]

Not to be old fashioned, but if you two really dwelt within the same building, maybe you should try and ask to borrow something, or ask his help.....assuming you still want to pursue a possible relationship with him.
You know the old adage, NOTHING VENTURED, NOTHING GAINED.

 

[MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK]

Or perhaps if at school, you could see if either of you needs help with their and see if you can lend a hand. Make an effort, try the library and ask if you can sit next to him platonically of course.

 

[MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK]

It's exceedingly rare for any man under 25 to be considered attractive,

Wait-what? Do you mean aesthetics, like hair, eyes, teeth or body type?
I was unaware of this since at 20, I found a girl who considered me attractive, and I'll admit I'm not even close to Fabio or rich as Trump. And even at 24 as well.
There are different types of attractiveness aside from aesthetics abd monetarily you know.

 

[Sagittarius84]

There are different types of attractiveness aside from aesthetics abd monetarily you know.

The variety of metrics of attractiveness mean little because they're not exactly cumulative to a significant subset of men (lots of overlap). If your intelligence attracts women you are among an elite few, same thing if you're charismatic, confident, athletic, etc....a plethora of categories still only encompassing a small percentage of men, even further scrutinized upon by the men within that happen to possess more than one of those qualities.
Remember, I said "attractive" women also operate within the realm of "acceptable" which serves the dual purpose of socioeconomic security and plausible deniability for insights garnered from observation of the "attractive".

 

[Sagittarius84]

The secret is to not take fuckbois seriously in the first place and just use them for your own amusement when bored.

So what, you think it's a flex that in one sentence you pinpointed the origin of Future(and those like him), so many dysfunctional single mothers, and fatherless homes?
Women "using" fuckbois for their own amusement is why cat food, wine and pharmaceutical companies producing antidepressants are surefire investments for the future.

 

[deleted19151801]

So what, you think it's a flex that in one sentence you pinpointed the origin of Future(and those like him), so many dysfunctional single mothers, and fatherless homes?

Exactly what part of this...

The only type of "fucking" you do to men like that is mental and emotional.

...was unclear to you?

 

[Electric blue]

Lay low means that he wants to be by him self , nothing against any one or thing . You could start by asking him ,from your math class " I don't understand this equation at all , do you ? " be coy about it , show no interest as a woman searching for a man , notice his response , read deeply into it

 

[Sagittarius84]

Exactly what part of this...



...was unclear to you?

Your grasp on reality, if you think that mental and emotional "fucking with" turns out well for any significant percentage of women. Seems like a better investment to perhaps pay more attention to guys actually interested in the type of relationship she's seeking then to try to play head games(keeping her naive perspective in mind) with a guy who is experienced at getting what he wants from girls. Your advise, is how girls end up on the roster as angry fuck buddies.

 

[MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK]

One of the things that in my 50s makes me realize how much time I wasted in my 20s was the amount of games I thought I had to play.

I know things were different for me then. I didn't have a clue as to who I was or what I wanted.

But now that I know both I make it a habit of getting to the point. Cut through the red tape and get down to business.

What the hell are you talking about, Ellie?

I'm saying talk to the guy! Say hello. Invite him to coffee. Find a way to get introduced to him. Or heck, just go and introduce yourself!

Ask him a question about class. Make it a good question, too! Make it a challenging question.

Break the effing ice! That is the only, and I mean only way you're ever going to be able to communicate effectively with him.

If there's a mutual interest? Hurray! If not? Then you dodged a bullet. One-sided relationships are sad.

This is not really a woman's issue, but it's a relationship one.

This goes for guys, too, who see the "unattainable" and avoid it. Pisses me off. I had only two dates in high school, and I married the second guy because I was stupid.

But what was really stupid, that I found out ten years later, was that everyone thought that anyone who looked like me already had a boyfriend, so they didn't bother to ask me.

Do you know how much that hurt to find out that they thought I was out of their league? And all the time I thought they were out of my league.

Life's hard when you're young. You're 20. You're really not in high school anymore, so those rules are gone.

Close your laptop. Walk over to him and say hi.

There's the advice you needed.
And run with it

 

[MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK]

The variety of metrics of attractiveness mean little because they're not exactly cumulative to a significant subset of men (lots of overlap). If your intelligence attracts women you are among an elite few, same thing if you're charismatic, confident, athletic, etc....a plethora of categories still only encompassing a small percentage of men, even further scrutinized upon by the men within that happen to possess more than one of those qualities.
Remember, I said "attractive" women also operate within the realm of "acceptable" which serves the dual purpose of socioeconomic security and plausible deniability for insights garnered from observation of the "attractive".

The ambiguity behind what attractiveness at least in your perception is absolutely astounding, seeing as how it makes no effort to transcend beyond the operation of semantics and
Social intercourse.

Likewise, the notion of socioeconomic is immaterial, since I don't believe either one was truly vested for a monetary return.
It all matters just in the simple effort to ascertain possible compatibility without all the attractiveness factors needed.

Anyone who truly wants a relationship solely predicated on aesthetics has no romantic inclination, and it appears the man in question has been content with ONS, so better off not pursuing .

 

[deleted19151801]

Your advise, is how girls end up on the roster as angry fuck buddies.

Again. What part of this...

The only type of "fucking" you do to men like that is mental and emotional.

...was unclear to you?

I'm going to go out on a limb and assume every part. The point is not to sleep with guys like that nor interact with them amicably if at all. Unfortunately, much to my chagrin, in my experience, this method has only piqued the interest of guys like that for some odd and irritating reason. The byproduct being their mental and emotional damage from such treatment was just a happy accident.

The OP still seemed to be attracted to his looks, though, and admitted that she would "feel tempted by him." So, I wouldn't recommend this method for her specifically and was just speaking in general terms. She should avoid him at all costs. This only works when one genuinely has, at minimum, a mild level of revulsion for the individual in question. Again, in my experience.

 

[Sagittarius84]

The ambiguity behind what attractiveness at least in your perception is absolutely astounding, seeing as how it makes no effort to transcend beyond the operation of semantics and
Social intercourse.

women also operate within the realm of "acceptable" which serves the dual purpose of socioeconomic security and plausible deniability for insights garnered from observation of the "attractive".

There is the nebulous euphemism of "transcendent attraction"...I don't deny it exists, I still think it exists as a microcosm of what attraction is, that 2x/100 instance that is essentially a gamble wherein "semantics and social intercourse" tend to deal with what is going to garner more success 98x/100. The two short guys that made it on personality and chemistry alone are somewhat irrelevant when the 8 6ft+ guys with no personality make it with little to no effort. Again, the exceptions to the rule serve as plausible deniability for the unflattering objective truth of the vast majority. Have you ever wondered why women en masse are very selective in their actions against actual simps for romance and sexual relationships, yet profess admiration for the archetype of simps in ideology?

 

[Sagittarius84]

Again. What part of this...



...was unclear to you?

I'm going to go out on a limb and assume every part. The point is not to sleep with guys like that nor interact with them amicably if at all. Unfortunately, much to my chagrin, in my experience, this method has only piqued the interest of guys like that for some odd and irritating reason. The byproduct being their mental and emotional damage from such treatment was just a happy accident.

The OP still seemed to be attracted to his looks, though, and admitted that she would "feel tempted by him." So, I wouldn't recommend this method for her specifically and was just speaking in general terms. She should avoid him at all costs. This only works when one genuinely has, at minimum, a mild level of revulsion for the individual in question. Again, in my experience.

And I would hope you understand how your unique experience may disqualify you from giving productive advice to those whom don't share your experience. On this side of town, even the slightest engagement, whether it stems from revulsion or interest is a foot in the door for him because the very engagement is an in to her ego and psyche, two things he either naturally or assertively exploits.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

If you're in your early 20's (any age actually) don't feel pressured to be partnered for the sake of it. Try to seek partnership with people who are worth the finite time you have on the planet. Seek people who want the same things from a relationship that you want. Don't waste your time trying to "attain" someone as a "goal". Find someone who's priorities are similar to your own.

Everyone is and isn't "attainable" to others. To some people, I'm a person they'd love to fuck, have at home, share time with. Others? Not at all. I've been rejected multiple times in my day. One time specifically was a guy who I just found aesthetically appealing. He looked delicious. Didn't know him very well but I asked if he wanted to maybe give me his number and he said no. Turns out he was doing me a favor I found out later the guy was a fucking asshole.

When you find someone attractive for shallow or simple reasons you tend to get a shallow and simple experience with the person. That's a standard I apply to humans. Not a specific group of humans.

 

[MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK]

And I would hope you understand how your unique experience may disqualify you from giving productive advice to those whom don't share your experience. On this side of town, even the slightest engagement, whether it stems from revulsion or interest is a foot in the door for him because the very engagement is an in to her ego and psyche, two things he either naturally or assertively exploits.

Actually, she broke it down very simply without delving into the stats if you really think about it.
Add to this she has not interpolated various exponents and is resolute in her posture on this.
Agree to disagree, people; leave the science to the scientists at Cal Tech.

 

[JenniferJo]

Okay, sooo I have actually met him a few times these last few weeks, and it has been quite a roller coaster for me.
The first times we met I was so excited that I actually started getting some orgasms even before we had started having sex, and despite that, we would always have sex for a really long time after that.

The thing is, he made it clear from the beginning that he meets other girls as well, and he is apparently the kind of guy who has lots of casual hook-ups who he rotates;
there were actually 2 girls who tried to call him on different occasions before he decided to turn off his phone while we were going home to him, so it seems like he is pretty busy there.
I guess I will have to actively continue to make contact with him if I don't want him to totally forget about me, haha.

I feel that I have sort of got him out of my system a bit, so he doesn't feel as mysterious and super-exciting now as he did in the beginning, although I would still definitely enjoy more dates with him.

 

[deleted19151801]

The thing is, he made it clear from the beginning that he meets other girls as well, and he is apparently the kind of guy who has lots of casual hook-ups who he rotates;
there were actually 2 girls who tried to call him on different occasions before he decided to turn off his phone while we were going home to him, so it seems like he is pretty busy there.
I guess I will have to actively continue to make contact with him if I don't want him to totally forget about me, haha.

Imagine making serious effort to knowingly be "on a rotation."

This only makes sense if he's also reduced to a mere rotation for you, as well.

Christ, has your generation learned nothing from Rihanna?

 

[Sagittarius84]

Imagine making serious effort to knowingly be "on a rotation."

This only makes sense if he's also reduced to a mere rotation for you, as well.

Christ, has your generation learned nothing from Rihanna?

The moment she took accountability for her encounter with Chris Brown did women and girls stop actually learning from Rihanna as opposed to just emulating her most attractive toxicities

At this point though, Future needs an honorary Sociology doctorate, because these girls will literally fight tooth and nail to "belong to the streets" even with concerned parties trying to steer her away.

 

[deleted19151801]

At this point though, Future needs an honorary Sociology doctorate, because these girls will literally fight tooth and nail to "belong to the streets" even with concerned parties trying to steer her away.

Not sure if you're aware of the century we're in, but girls are allowed to have fun, too. If she wants to just casually bang him for her own temporary amusement until she finds someone worth committing to, there is nothing wrong with that. She's not "for the streets" just because she's a female who "has the audacity" to enjoy herself sexually.

It's when these girls expect to lock down guys like this when the behavior becomes silly. At that point, I hold no sympathy for the inevitable heartbreak that will ensue. Especially if they're warned ahead of time by multiple parties.

But what do I know? I grew up being influenced by the likes of TLC.

 

[JenniferJo]

It seems to me as if a lot of the other girls are both physically attracted to him, and want him for themselves.
I have seen some girls talk to him one-on-one and tried to get him on dates, and he seems flattered by that, but I haven't heard him give any definite responses to them.