Is the UK better for Black Gay Men?

[FrankieGuile]

As a black gay man who is more on the feminine side and lives in the US, I think it's pretty clear that when it comes to the gay dating world, black men tend to be fetishized and expected to be hypermasculine and tops, two things which I'm not and refuse to be since it's just not who I genuinely am. I've thought about what my experience has been in the US as a black feminine man trying to date and while I know that not many gay men in general are really into feminine guys to begin with, I feel like this definitely counts double when you're black since you're going against the rigid fetishization that gets put onto black men and it makes me wonder if dating for black gay who don't fit the porn stereotype just as tough outside the USA.

Before anyone asks, yes I can be attracted to other black men but I'm not into hood guys which I tend to find a lot of where I live. And the rare times I come across black men who I do find attractive, they just simply aren't interested in me and so because of this, it's why I'm open to any race but then I run into the fetishization problem. Aslo no, I'm not typically into other fem guys, at least not for long-term relationship.

Anyway to any black gay men who are bottoms and/or feminine and have been outside the USA, have you noticed a different in how you're viewed compared to when you're in the states?

Does it matter if a circumstance of such a "better" place does not cause any meaningful population shift? Is there any data suggesting such a population shift is evident? If a better place exists, and no meaningful population shift occurs, then is the point that a more favorable set of cultural values and laws in one nation should be adopted in another nation for the sake of accommodating what people won't do with their feet? I'm confused by the relevance of the question beyond stimulating a debate that goes, "Yes, it is!" and "No, it isn't!" which seems superfluous.

 

[HemmingwayI]

I might get some pushback on this, but in my experience....

Brazil is the best place for gay men in ge

 

[HemmingwayI]

Do you agree with the reports that male bisexuality is very common in Brazil?

 

[HemmingwayI]

Would doubt it, it's disgusting either way. Switchers everywhere.

The first time that I heard about this was years ago in a documentary about what was then a high rate of HIV-infections among women in the country. The documentary asserted that many Brazilian men are bi-sexual but that very few of them would admit it.

 

[Oldcowboy]

As a black gay man who is more on the feminine side and lives in the US, I think it's pretty clear that when it comes to the gay dating world, black men tend to be fetishized and expected to be hypermasculine and tops, two things which I'm not and refuse to be since it's just not who I genuinely am. I've thought about what my experience has been in the US as a black feminine man trying to date and while I know that not many gay men in general are really into feminine guys to begin with, I feel like this definitely counts double when you're black since you're going against the rigid fetishization that gets put onto black men and it makes me wonder if dating for black gay who don't fit the porn stereotype just as tough outside the USA.

Before anyone asks, yes I can be attracted to other black men but I'm not into hood guys which I tend to find a lot of where I live. And the rare times I come across black men who I do find attractive, they just simply aren't interested in me and so because of this, it's why I'm open to any race but then I run into the fetishization problem. Aslo no, I'm not typically into other fem guys, at least not for long-term relationship.

Anyway to any black gay men who are bottoms and/or feminine and have been outside the USA, have you noticed a different in how you're viewed compared to when you're in the states?

I find the ‘fetishization” of blacks hilarious! Gotta be the highest % of any race who are gay—-but they’re on the “down low”—sure have met some dandy cocksuckers and very nice guys—

 

[Oldcowboy]

Y

Thinking back to the 70's when I was overly active to say the least, the biggest problem for the black community was being found out - outed and a disgrace to the family.
In those days family and neighbors counted.

yup! Once trust established it’d off to the races

 

[Merwin75]

As a black gay man who is more on the feminine side and lives in the US, I think it's pretty clear that when it comes to the gay dating world, black men tend to be fetishized and expected to be hypermasculine and tops, two things which I'm not and refuse to be since it's just not who I genuinely am. I've thought about what my experience has been in the US as a black feminine man trying to date and while I know that not many gay men in general are really into feminine guys to begin with, I feel like this definitely counts double when you're black since you're going against the rigid fetishization that gets put onto black men and it makes me wonder if dating for black gay who don't fit the porn stereotype just as tough outside the USA.

Before anyone asks, yes I can be attracted to other black men but I'm not into hood guys which I tend to find a lot of where I live. And the rare times I come across black men who I do find attractive, they just simply aren't interested in me and so because of this, it's why I'm open to any race but then I run into the fetishization problem. Aslo no, I'm not typically into other fem guys, at least not for long-term relationship.

Anyway to any black gay men who are bottoms and/or feminine and have been outside the USA, have you noticed a different in how you're viewed compared to when you're in the states?

Bro, I think the problem is international, I live in Paris, it's the same here. I'm black, 6'3 - 210 lbs, muscular, bearded, hairy chest and bottom/vers, I'll let you guess the type of message in gay applications: the BBC, to be top, aggressive, dominant ect. My solution to the problem was radical, I only fuck with guys from the black community. I hope you find your solution to the problem.

 

[Solar95x]

Bro, I think the problem is international, I live in Paris, it's the same here. I'm black, 6'3 - 210 lbs, muscular, bearded, hairy chest and bottom/vers, I'll let you guess the type of message in gay applications: the BBC, to be top, aggressive, dominant ect. My solution to the problem was radical, I only fuck with guys from the black community. I hope you find your solution to the problem.

I have never been to Paris, but I plan on visiting in the future.

Are you native to France or did you recently move there? More importantly lol....what are the men like?

 

[Merwin75]

I have never been to Paris, but I plan on visiting in the future.

Are you native to France or did you recently move there? More importantly lol....what are the men like?

I was born in France yes, I am of Congolese origin, and what I can say, from my point of view as a black gay man you can easily flourish sexually if you are white lol. And if you are black you can easily flourish sexually with black men.

 

[Solar95x]

I was born in France yes, I am of Congolese origin, and what I can say, from my point of view as a black gay man you can easily flourish sexually if you are white lol. And if you are black you can easily flourish sexually with black men.

That is actually shocking to read, I would think White Frenchmen are more open-minded to other races.

Thank you for your input.

 

[michael_3165]

The UK is broken up into areas. Some are more accepting like brighton, some less. It's only as good to black people as the locality

 

[Black TinTin]

I blame both. BBC porn and Interracial porn is popular because it's heavily produced since it is what sells. Of course black people are not the ones making that type of porn popular but we are complicit since it is black porn actors that knowingly partake in it for a check. Not really sure what your gripe is but my statement was pretty clear as to why someone who lives in a homogenous country might fetishize black men when they don't often see or interact with black men.

I THINK what he means is that there would be no market for the fetishization of black men if white/no-black men did not fetishize black men and black men willing to play into that role. There have been studies done on both straight and gay black men that concluded that black males are far more willing to play into stereotypical roles just to be around whiteness. The ones that complain about it are the ones that CANT play into those roles.

 

[Black TinTin]

Before anyone asks, yes I can be attracted to other black men but I'm not into hood guys which I tend to find a lot of where I live. And the rare times I come across black men who I do find attractive, they just simply aren't interested in me and so because of this, it's why I'm open to any race.

This statement make zero sense.

(1) If it is rare that you as a black man find other black men attractive, why are you shocked that non-black men rarely find you attractive.

(2) "

And the rare times I come across black men who I do find attractive, they just simply aren't interested in me and so because of this, it's why I'm open to any race.

If you are willing to move to another country it means you are not having much success with non-black men either but you are so committed to laying down with white men that you are willing to move thousands of miles away. You need phycological help.

 

[HOU_HEADHUNTER]

I THINK what he means is that there would be no market for the fetishization of black men if white/no-black men did not fetishize black men and black men willing to play into that role. There have been studies done on both straight and gay black men that concluded that black males are far more willing to play into stereotypical roles just to be around whiteness. The ones that complain about it are the ones that CANT play into those roles.

Interesting. I need to find some of those studies. I don't doubt it however. Whenever I look at this topic on reddit boards, It's usually black men who complain the most about not being desirable to other racial groups and they are often black guys that are usually in non black social circles. There are some black guys who simply just don't have access to black men because they live in an area where there are no other black men. The idea that the ones who complain are the ones that can't play into those roles is questionable. From my own experience and observation, black men can easily engage because the primary criteria is that they are black. Also some black men whose sole purpose is to get laid don't really consider the degradation or racism that is involved. They only see it as an opportunity to experience pleasure. I chalk that up to ignorance. I'm a black bottom but I'm masc presenting and the men that hit me up the most are white passing Latinos and Caucasian men who are usually just looking for a quick hookup and they are always expecting me to be a top. Communication stops once I let them know I am a bottom but there are some that will try to convert me to a top just so that they can fulfill their fantasy. With black men that hit me up it's a mixture of tops, vers, and bottoms because they aren't putting me into a specific category.

 

[Decay42]

This statement make zero sense.

(1) If it is rare that you as a black man find other black men attractive, why are you shocked that non-black men rarely find you attractive.

I'm not shocked at all. I've been in the gay dating scene long enough to see that not many non-black gay men are attracted to black men, especially those that don't fall in line with the dom BBC top stereotype.

If you are willing to move to another country it means you are not having much success with non-black men either but you are so committed to laying down with white men that you are willing to move thousands of miles away. You need phycological help.

I find it very amusing how white guys are assumed to be the main preference for when black gay men don't tend to prefer other black men. I get why since it's common but still. Nah, if anything I am way more into southeast and east asian men. Of course that doesn't change the fact that a lot of Asian men aren't typically into black men, let alone black bottom men but just for the sake of transparency.

 

[Decay42]

Interesting. I need to find some of those studies. I don't doubt it however. Whenever I look at this topic on reddit boards, It's usually black men who complain the most about not being desirable to other racial groups and they are often black guys that are usually in non black social circles. There are some black guys who simply just don't have access to black men because they live in an area where there are no other black men. The idea that the ones who complain are the ones that can't play into those roles is questionable. From my own experience and observation, black men can easily engage because the primary criteria is that they are black. Also some black men whose sole purpose is to get laid don't really consider the degradation or racism that is involved. They only see it as an opportunity to experience pleasure. I chalk that up to ignorance. I'm a black bottom but I'm masc presenting and the men that hit me up the most are white passing Latinos and Caucasian men who are usually just looking for a quick hookup and they are always expecting me to be a top. Communication stops once I let them know I am a bottom but there are some that will try to convert me to a top just so that they can fulfill their fantasy. With black men that hit me up it's a mixture of tops, vers, and bottoms because they aren't putting me into a specific category.

Yes I have gotten this as well of bottom white and white-passing latino men who try to push me into the top role as well. I never oblige with it since I'm not interested in topping regardless but just adding another +1 to this experience. In a way isn't it annoying how non-black men don't have to deal with this automatic expectation for them to be a top? I know that east and southeast Asian men deal with men who automatically view them as bottoms but I've seen in recent years a small little uproar and likeness for Asian tops and you don't typically see this reverence when it comes to black bottom.

 

[Rovitz]

I mean. Are you feminine or just loud mouthed?

 

[HemmingwayI]

Yes I have gotten this as well of bottom white and white-passing latino men who try to push me into the top role as well. I never oblige with it since I'm not interested in topping regardless but just adding another +1 to this experience. In a way isn't it annoying how non-black men don't have to deal with this automatic expectation for them to be a top? I know that east and southeast Asian men deal with men who automatically view them as bottoms but I've seen in recent years a small little uproar and likeness for Asian tops and you don't typically see this reverence when it comes to black bottom.

It must be that you are also masculine in your manner and your speech?

 

[Kinglmao]

Speaking as a single Gay Black American

United States (maybe also this applies to Canada too?) for Gay Black men:
Has more Black/Afro-Centric solidarity history and movement
Has more guys of all backgrounds/races who are aware of Black culture, music, slang, foods, history
More discreet/down low/fly by night/anonymous hookups/flings/sex
Racism exists, but due to free speech laws, and context, it is water under the bridge in most cases, and those being racist are of course shunned, and you'll have plenty of people being empathetic to you.
Guys who are not interested in you, make it very clear, sometimes in a harsh, mean, cruel way etc. But at least you know where you stand in the community, and it makes things easier etc.
Love may be harder to find, but when it's found it's genuine
If you want to date/associate with only Black men, stick to the Atlanta, Chicago, DC areas.
If you're a masculine, and live in a major city, as long as you don't care what race the guy is, you should have no issues.
If you are feminine, or a more artsy/preppy/open minded to White/other races of guys, Black guy, and preferably feminine, you could experience issues altogether, but could luck out in more metropolitan area, but also in more outskirt/dismissive areas.

United Kingdom (Maybe possibly Europe and Australia too?) for Gay Black men:
If you are someone that likes to travel, has the finances/means to travel, and can familiarize yourself with English/British/European/Australian/foreign country/land customs, you'll be fine.
You don't mind being a teacher/explaining Black culture to people who have little to no understanding of it.
Guys who are not interested/attracted to you, will still be friendly, and chat, let you cuddle, hug, drink, sleep over at their house, etc. with you.
Racism exist, but it's more then hating that you're American, or them hating that you're posh, or not posh enough. Racism accusations in England are strong/serious, so unless there is enough evidence racism is at play, it is usually downplayed. But racism in England of course isn't okay or allowed.
Love may be easier to find, (especially if you're American) but you may have to do a lot of teaching to your partner, and things might more slower, as opposed to faster American romance/love.
If you are masculine, people might think you're an athlete or VIP/Celebrity person, which might help you to find people to date and make connections with.
If you are feminine, (and especially also American) as long as you don't care what race the guy is, you will have guys trying to connect with you, based on curiosity and them wanting to know you better.

Wait now the uk doesn’t sound that bad . I definitely feel the original creator of this threads pain . I’m inbetween masc and fem and I get turned down a lot especially from black guys and I don’t look super feminine or masculine I’m just regular . And guys still have told me I’m too fem . I don’t mind Teaching people who are willing to learn, I think it would actually show a guys level of interest if he learns how to treat me and learns about my culture and I’d have to learn about his culture . It sounds like ( I might be romanticizing it a bit) it might create a cool bond . And the uk men and that accent get me I’m ngl . Actually foreign accents are sexy and people from other Countries that I have met have been a lot kinder , understanding and smarter tbh.

 

[Kinglmao]

Bro, I think the problem is international, I live in Paris, it's the same here. I'm black, 6'3 - 210 lbs, muscular, bearded, hairy chest and bottom/vers, I'll let you guess the type of message in gay applications: the BBC, to be top, aggressive, dominant ect. My solution to the problem was radical, I only fuck with guys from the black community. I hope you find your solution to the problem.

I tried to only fuck with black guys but damn they just as Harsh and becoming just as dare I say racist toward their own omg . It’s giving I might have a better chance at being straight or trans .