Is the UK better for Black Gay Men?

[kasim108]

you would have to live in London or possibly Manchester but tbh think you are still better off in USA

 

[Kinglmao]

you would have to live in London or possibly Manchester but tbh think you are still better off in USA

If the u.s is the best bet we might as well just stop being gay .

 

[Rovitz]

? Have u even been out of the US?

 

[Rovitz]

Uh. Congolese in France makes you Afro French. Youre not black. Black is solely black Americans. Youre still African.

 

[HOU_HEADHUNTER]

Uh. Congolese in France makes you Afro French. Youre not black. Black is solely black Americans. Youre still African.

Anyone with African Lineage could identify as black, however the concept of race is an American concept by way of white supremacy and racism. Many black Americans have stopped referring to themselves as African American because there are many Continental Africans living in America and they would actually be "African American." Black people native to America have been calling themselves black Americans but lately there is a new label that many black Americans prefer which is "Foundational Black Americans" which basically means our ancestors were here from the very beginning due to enslavement.

 

[Kinglmao]

? Have u even been out of the US?

I have lol that’s why I thought other places might be a bit better

 

[Kinglmao]

Anyone with African Lineage could identify as black, however the concept of race is an American concept by way of white supremacy and racism. Many black Americans have stopped referring to themselves as African American because there are many Continental Africans living in America and they would actually be "African American." Black people native to America have been calling themselves black Americans but lately there is a new label that many black Americans prefer which is "Foundational Black Americans" which basically means our ancestors were here from the very beginning due to enslavement.

Black Americans were here before the mayflower. That’s tea for a different thread though lol

 

[linniejr]

As a black gay man who is more on the feminine side and lives in the US, I think it's pretty clear that when it comes to the gay dating world, black men tend to be fetishized and expected to be hypermasculine and tops, two things which I'm not and refuse to be since it's just not who I genuinely am. I've thought about what my experience has been in the US as a black feminine man trying to date and while I know that not many gay men in general are really into feminine guys to begin with, I feel like this definitely counts double when you're black since you're going against the rigid fetishization that gets put onto black men and it makes me wonder if dating for black gay who don't fit the porn stereotype just as tough ou'm tside the USA.

Before anyone asks, yes I can be attracted to other black men but I'm not into hood guys which I tend to find a lot of where I live. And the rare times I come across black men who I do find attractive, they just simply aren't interested in me and so because of this, it's why I'm open to any race but then I run into the fetishization problem. Aslo no, I'm not typically into other fem guys, at least not for long-term relationship.

Anyway to any black gay men who are bottoms and/or feminine and have been outside the USA, have you noticed a different in how you're viewed compared to when you're in the states?

To answer the last part of your question first, as a black, gay man, who is a bottom and has been outside of the United States, I can say that I wasn't viewed quite the way you are describing. First of all, I'm not what you would call a "Flaming queen." In or out of the US, this is the type of gay man that tends to have issues such as you've described. In or out of the US, I've always had encounters with guys who are like me. What I mean is, I don't do guys who are as fem or more fem than me. The guys I've dealt with gravitate to me, because I'm not as hard/masculine as they are.

I don't care where you are, you are going to find "hood" guys. Guess what, they are not all black. This is not reflective of all "hood" guys, but I'm attracted to that type, because they satisfy a need that I have when I'm single. Most of the hood guys are very good at fucking. Now there have been some that know how to make love and they do it damn well!!!!

I do agree with you that black men tend to be fetishized whether they are top or bottoms, however I've found that there are other factors that go into that also.

You see, I'm also 57 years old, so for me things have a similar spin, but at the same time, there are a lot of differences. For me, a bottom was expected to be fem and a top was expected to be masculine. For us vers didn't quite mean what it does today. My man was the man, and if he gave up the ass, his partner was the only one to get it.

In porn, the bottoms tend to be a tad bit masculine. As I fore stated, most men that I've dealt with, don't want masculine bottoms.

I don't know where in the US you live, but I would suggest to you, that you first and foremost come to grips with what type of man you want and like and then do you diligence to find him. Not all black men are hood, all though there are some who would surprise you.

Remember this, we tend to look for that which is like us. So if you want something different, look else where. I hope this helps. If you want to talk more, hit me up at linniekcjr@gmail.com

 

[BrianRock123]

As a black gay man in the UK i definitely agree with the fetishisation of black men within the dating / hook up realm… If you are masculine presenting, a top with a large penis you will be a the top of the pecking order for sure…You will definitely have more options for a relationship or anything else you are looking for… I would say I’m more in the middle of the masc / fem spectrum just edging more to the fem side also vers…. I’m open to dating all races, I would like to date more black guys but I just find it hard to meet black guys around my age that are into the same things that I’m into… Definitely not looking for hood black gay guys… Looking for more well rounded refined classy, artsy kinda guys and I’m yet to come across these types in the black gay Uk (London to be precise) community maybe I just don’t go out enough being a natural introvert but yeah I will say the struggle is real when you don’t fit the stereotype!!
I’ve had better options as far as types of guys when I’ve traveled in Europe, Italy, Spain & France is where I’ve have had better options ( mostly white though)!
I find it very interesting also here in UK that I don’t see many gay black couples but I see more mixed race couples they seem to make up the majority of the ethnic couples I’ve seen / come across if anything, it seems mixed guys will only date other mixed guys here in London!!
I think it’s definitely an odds / numbers thing the more you fit into a stereotype unfortunately the more your odds of getting what you are looking for… Not to say you can’t find it otherwise but the odds are just in your favour generally if you fit the stereotype!!

 

[Merwin75]

Uh. Congolese in France makes you Afro French. Youre not black. Black is solely black Americans. Youre still African.

Lol

 

[Keepitsmooth]

Have you ever thought about improving yourself first?? You want to move to another continent only because guys don’t find you attractive where you are…..what makes you think guys will find you attractive in another place?? You will always be the same you. Do you go to the gym? Do you have any self confidence?? Do you have a good job? Ask yourself these questions first and if the answers are not what you would like them to be, maybe work on yourself a little. I’m sure black men can be fetishized, but as an American, I refuse to believe an entire country sees gay black men as one thing only. Besides what would be your solution?? To move to the motherland where white American men came from….that makes you wonder. Doesn’t it?

 

[Rovitz]

Have you ever thought about improving yourself first?? You want to move to another continent only because guys don’t find you attractive where you are…..what makes you think guys will find you attractive in another place?? You will always be the same you. Do you go to the gym? Do you have any self confidence?? Do you have a good job? Ask yourself these questions first and if the answers are not what you would like them to be, maybe work on yourself a little. I’m sure black men can be fetishized, but as an American, I refuse to believe an entire country sees gay black men as one thing only. Besides what would be your solution?? To move to the motherland where white American men came from….that makes you wonder. Doesn’t it?

Yes I know they’re delusional and hardly know what’s happening. Actually think EUROPE likes black people more.

 

[Decay42]

Have you ever thought about improving yourself first?? You want to move to another continent only because guys don’t find you attractive where you are…..what makes you think guys will find you attractive in another place?? You will always be the same you. Do you go to the gym? Do you have any self confidence?? Do you have a good job? Ask yourself these questions first and if the answers are not what you would like them to be, maybe work on yourself a little. I’m sure black men can be fetishized, but as an American, I refuse to believe an entire country sees gay black men as one thing only. Besides what would be your solution?? To move to the motherland where white American men came from….that makes you wonder. Doesn’t it?

As far as self improvement goes, yes I do workout. I'm not jacked by any means out of genuinely not wanting to look like that but for my smaller frame, I am fit. Been working out for about 7 years. As far as my job, I don't work a high paying job but I don't see why that should matter because 1, I'm not looking to date rich guys and 2, there are plenty of gay couples where the guy is not working some high paying job and I make enough to get by.

The reason why I ponder if I'd be better received in Europe is because I'm not a stereotypical black guy. I'm not into hip-hop culture and I'm not a top neither. And I already know that being feminine can be seen as unattractive but especially with black men but I'm not going to force myself to be masculine when I know that isn't me and I don't see why I should pretend to be something I'm not when other race men don't have to do that.

America jsut seems to be fixated on hyper masculinity to a level that I cannot (nor want to) meet and so I figured maybe it'd be better to look into places that don't place so much emphasis on masculinity. This isn't to say that I think European men are not masculine but I notice that they don't seem to exhibit the same kind of rigid masculinity that Americans tend to like

Yes I know they’re delusional and hardly know what’s happening. Actually think EUROPE likes black people more.

I've never been to Europe but I've heard that European men tend to be more into black men and it not being same raceplay thing because Europe doesn't have the slave history of blacks like America does.

 

[Decay42]

To answer the last part of your question first, as a black, gay man, who is a bottom and has been outside of the United States, I can say that I wasn't viewed quite the way you are describing. First of all, I'm not what you would call a "Flaming queen." In or out of the US, this is the type of gay man that tends to have issues such as you've described. In or out of the US, I've always had encounters with guys who are like me. What I mean is, I don't do guys who are as fem or more fem than me. The guys I've dealt with gravitate to me, because I'm not as hard/masculine as they are.

I don't care where you are, you are going to find "hood" guys. Guess what, they are not all black. This is not reflective of all "hood" guys, but I'm attracted to that type, because they satisfy a need that I have when I'm single. Most of the hood guys are very good at fucking. Now there have been some that know how to make love and they do it damn well!!!!

I do agree with you that black men tend to be fetishized whether they are top or bottoms, however I've found that there are other factors that go into that also.

You see, I'm also 57 years old, so for me things have a similar spin, but at the same time, there are a lot of differences. For me, a bottom was expected to be fem and a top was expected to be masculine. For us vers didn't quite mean what it does today. My man was the man, and if he gave up the ass, his partner was the only one to get it.

In porn, the bottoms tend to be a tad bit masculine. As I fore stated, most men that I've dealt with, don't want masculine bottoms.

I don't know where in the US you live, but I would suggest to you, that you first and foremost come to grips with what type of man you want and like and then do you diligence to find him. Not all black men are hood, all though there are some who would surprise you.

Remember this, we tend to look for that which is like us. So if you want something different, look else where. I hope this helps. If you want to talk more, hit me up at linniekcjr@gmail.com

With "hood' guys, I should've prefaced it by saying that I don't find that style attractive on any guy regardless of race. I'm aware that it's not just black guys who can go for this style. I don't care how good they are sex, I'm simply not attracted to it. More power to you and any other guys who are though.

 

[deleted26601041]

As a black gay man in the UK i definitely agree with the fetishisation of black men within the dating / hook up realm… If you are masculine presenting, a top with a large penis you will be a the top of the pecking order for sure…You will definitely have more options for a relationship or anything else you are looking for… I would say I’m more in the middle of the masc / fem spectrum just edging more to the fem side also vers…. I’m open to dating all races, I would like to date more black guys but I just find it hard to meet black guys around my age that are into the same things that I’m into… Definitely not looking for hood black gay guys… Looking for more well rounded refined classy, artsy kinda guys and I’m yet to come across these types in the black gay Uk (London to be precise) community maybe I just don’t go out enough being a natural introvert but yeah I will say the struggle is real when you don’t fit the stereotype!!
I’ve had better options as far as types of guys when I’ve traveled in Europe, Italy, Spain & France is where I’ve have had better options ( mostly white though)!
I find it very interesting also here in UK that I don’t see many gay black couples but I see more mixed race couples they seem to make up the majority of the ethnic couples I’ve seen / come across if anything, it seems mixed guys will only date other mixed guys here in London!!
I think it’s definitely an odds / numbers thing the more you fit into a stereotype unfortunately the more your odds of getting what you are looking for… Not to say you can’t find it otherwise but the odds are just in your favour generally if you fit the stereotype!!

I think this is a great response and not just for black gay men.
I’m white and don’t live in an area with many black guys, but I am definitely attracted to them.
If I was to date a black guy, I’d be worried about it appearing that I was fetishising him because I find the colour of his skin hot, so that would make me more hesitant to date him. I’d hate to offend a guy.
I would definitely like to be in a relationship with a black guy who was bigger and stronger than me and made me more submissive, but I’d also say the same if I was dating a white guy.
I am very attracted to muscular men in general and would want to be the more dependent one in any relationship I had, both romantically and sexually.
I haven’t travelled a great deal, so I don’t know about attracting/dating guys abroad, but I’d say UK men are more reserved when it comes to flirting/eye contact etc.
I’m not saying that’s true, but I have literally spent years walking around in the UK and never felt that a guy was eyeing me up.
Also, I’d agree with the stereotype comment at the end of your post. Being a skinny white guy doesn’t make me the most appealing to the type of guys I’m attracted to, but it’s taken me a lot of time to feel comfortable with my body and I’ve finally reached a place where I’m okay with it.

 

[heinz.friedrich]

In my opinion, fetishization has more to do with the access to porn. You learn to objectify things. But that is more random, depending what you watch.

There was a news article about a tribe that had access to the internet thanks to Elon Musk and they become addicted to porn. I think that is how it works.

I never understood the English music videos for a long time, because I did not speak English back then. But if you understand the videos, you view them differently. If you dont understand it, you imagine what you want to imagine.

I think that is the same for everybody outside of English-speking countries which includes most black people, if they watch porn on the internet.

 

[HemmingwayI]

In my opinion, fetishization has more to do with the access to porn. You learn to objectify things. But that is more random, depending what you watch.

There was a news article about a tribe that had access to the internet thanks to Elon Musk and they become addicted to porn. I think that is how it works.

I never understood the English music videos for a long time, because I did not speak English back then. But if you understand the videos, you view them differently. If you dont understand it, you imagine what you want to imagine.

I think that is the same for everybody outside of English-speking countries which includes most black people, if they watch porn on the internet.

That is a very interesting point of view.

 

[BrianRock123]

I think this is a great response and not just for black gay men.
I’m white and don’t live in an area with many black guys, but I am definitely attracted to them.
If I was to date a black guy, I’d be worried about it appearing that I was fetishising him because I find the colour of his skin hot, so that would make me more hesitant to date him. I’d hate to offend a guy.
I would definitely like to be in a relationship with a black guy who was bigger and stronger than me and made me more submissive, but I’d also say the same if I was dating a white guy.
I am very attracted to muscular men in general and would want to be the more dependent one in any relationship I had, both romantically and sexually.
I haven’t travelled a great deal, so I don’t know about attracting/dating guys abroad, but I’d say UK men are more reserved when it comes to flirting/eye contact etc.
I’m not saying that’s true, but I have literally spent years walking around in the UK and never felt that a guy was eyeing me up.
Also, I’d agree with the stereotype comment at the end of your post. Being a skinny white guy doesn’t make me the most appealing to the type of guys I’m attracted to, but it’s taken me a lot of time to feel comfortable with my body and I’ve finally reached a place where I’m okay with it.

Good to hear different perspectives on this and from different sides… I think it’s clear to see we all have different preferences.. But it’s an interesting topic as to how we come about those preferences… It’s all very individual and unique to each of us.. Obviously things like social, cultural, race, religion etc all have an impact on those preferences… I think self awareness can play a role in dissecting this further should one choose to dive that deep.. That’s definitely a personal journey… it depends what matters to the individual… For those seeking healthy & stable relationships it’s definitely the way to go!!