Yeah, sounds awesome right? That old joke about “if I could do that, I’d never leave the house”...
Here’s the reality: I was sucking myself off in a pub bathroom, and I barely needed to bend over to do it. My shoulders were broader than the door, my proportions were ridiculous, and all that paled to the monstrous dick I’d somehow grown, which was even more out of proportion than the rest of me.
I was a a complete freak. And the thought of it drove to even further levels of arousal.
It was bliss, lost in that pleasure I’d never imagined, feeling alive and sexy and horny, and yet wrong and freakish and horrible...transgressive, and taboo. I could probably do this forever, cycling between bouts of sexual abandon and recharge.
Heady stuff, moaning as you tongued your own cock head. And then I blew spectacularly, gulping most of it as I a moaned louder, helpless for a moment despite my formidable size and strength.
knock knock knock
“Drew?”
I gulped down the last mouthfuls of record breaking cum, afraid to speak — hell, I really couldn’t, with my mouth that full.
“Buddy, you okay in there?” Vic sounded concerned, and a bit loud.
Then, more softly: “Drew, man, that was loud and the folks who run this place are kinda pissy about it. I don’t think we should stay here. They, um, might even have called the cops. Erins paying the bill now, but you gotta go.”
Fuck.
* * *
I wiped down as best I could, shoved my deflating sausage back into my tight sweats, and washed my hands. Now that the haze was cleared, I was mad at myself, angry at having lost control, and grossed out by the smell of the tiny room. Disgusting. I turned on the distressingly loud fan and hoped for the best.
When I lumbered out at last, Vic and Sarah were there, looking worried. Their expressions matched so thoroughly, I had to laugh.
“It’s not funny, you big dummy,” Sarah said, punching me hard in the arm.
At least I assume it was pretty hard, from the slap and her reaction when she hit the wall of muscle my arm had become. she opened her mouth and looked rather like a fish for just a moment, then firmly shut it and stomped away. we followed, and got the most deadly glare from the waitress and bartender as we passed.
“Couldn’t keep your hands off it for half a goddamned hour,” Vic mumbled. “So much for lunch. I’m Starved!”
“Guys,” I jogged to catch up with my annoyed friends. “Guys, I’m so sorry about that, but you don’t understand....”
Sarah spun around to face me, and I nearly ran into her.
“You are a grade a idiot,” she said. “I don’t care how weird all this shot is or how difficult it is to control yourself,f but that is just gross. IVe never been so embarrassed. I can only guess what you were doing in there.”
“I’m sorr—“
“Erin is so mad right now it’s not funny, and we almost fucking left your disgusting pervy ass there, you know.”
“But I—“
“Be glad your boyfriend stuck up for you,” she fumed. “Because I don’t care how hot you are or how big your dick is, there has to be a line somewhere!”
She stormed off again, leaving me stunned as dozens of nearby onlookers raised eyebrows or whistled.
“Now imagine watching that build up while waiting for your best friend to stop moaning in a public restroom,” Vic said, “for like fifteen solid minutes.”
“I am so, fucking sorry.”
He poked me in the very solid midsection.
“Better get walking,but give them a little space if you’re smart.”
“Vic, I know I fucked up but I really couldn’t help myself. But that’s not important now. I figured out a faster way!”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, we don’t need to buy or win a car. She wished for a car. So to satisfy the conditions, she just needs to get a car. Like even a toy car might work!”
Vic looked at me nonplussed and then smacked his forehead.
“Fuck, that might just work!”
* * *
So here is an interesting fact you don’t think about when you’re a little dude.
Being a big dude ain’t all roses either. For example, everything is the wrong size, just at the other extreme. People walk around you, or stare — which I wasn’t sure was much better than being ignored. Nothing fits, but for different reasons. Moving through a crowd is a very different thing.
Midtown was pretty crowded and I kept getting bumped, and I suddenly realized it’s because I was still walking like the old me — trying to weave through the crowd. The moment I just tried to walk through it without giving way, it all changed, and people darted around me. Traffic flowed around my bulky ass, and aside from the unavoidable brushing up due to the crowd, it was much easier if I just went where I wanted to and expected things to work out.
Of course, all that brushing up against me threatened to wake up the beast if I wasn’t careful.
I finally apologized enough for the girls to listen, as Vic nodded.
Mind you, by this point the girls were over their mad, and Vic hurriedly explained the idea to them. Moments later, we hit the closest CVS, and found the toy section. Pickings were meager until we spotted the local souvenirs, and sure enough, there was a brightly colored yellow cab toy for about $6. I bought it and we walked outside.
“Here, it’s a present, your very own car,” I said, as I handed it to her.
“Um, thanks.”
we looked at each other in silence for a full minute before Sarah spoke.
“Okay, are we expecting anything else to happen? no magical sparkles or a tingle or anything?”
“No clue. Just figured it was worth trying. Keep it with you just in case, Erin.”
“I guess we won’t know until you have another growth spurt.”
“Jesus, he’s already huge enough!”
“Hopefully, that’ll be it.”
* * *
We made a few more half hearted attempts at the handful of car places we could get to, but the whole time we were on edge. Vic and I had stopped to get some ridiculous cheap knockoff hip hop clothes, just about the only thing I could fit into. 4x. Even then it was obvious that the clothes were cut for a much fatter man, but at least I wasn’t indecent anymore. At least I wouldn’t be so long as I didn’t bone up.
We weren’t in the mood for dinner out, and I was eager to avoid making more of a public spectacle of myself. So we hit the deli and got subs and ate in the kitchen at the house. Erin only snacked, hoping to connect with other friends. She’d done her part, really.
The kitchen had a tv so we watched that while we ate. By nine that night, it seemed like it might have worked. No more hot flashes, no uncontrollable lust, nothing worrisome. Sarah and Vic gave me space, and chatted quietly while I fucked around on my phone and pretended to watch the TV. Erin had gone upstairs to take a call from Tony, then announced she was going to take him up on his offer for dinner after all. She wasn’t gone twenty seconds when Sarah switched off the TV
“Hey!”
“Boys, something has occurred to me, and I want to figure it out while Erin is gone.”
“What?”
“We’ve been waiting all day for the other shoe to drop, but I’ve been thinking. Muscles here, he wanted to be bigger, and I wanted Erins boobs. But Vic got sort of short changed.”
We looked sheepishly at each other, remembering his “adaptability” last night.
“..,or maybe he didn’t,” Sarah said, catching onto the vibe, if not the specifics. “Point is, Drew has fucked both of us, but those days are over, not with that pole down his pants.”
“Shit, I never asked for your measurements,” Vic said.
“Ummm...”
“Spill, mama wants to know, too,” Sarah said. “From the sounds you made, it has to be really impressive.”
Shit, they had no idea...