Justin (and Brett) - Part 35
Somehow I managed to transport my mind back to reality on Friday afternoon before my wife and Noah got home. We went to dinner that evening and talked about what we had done during the day. Actually, they talked about what they did during the day. I talked about the walk I took that morning, the lunch meeting with a student to discuss an internship, and the writing I did that afternoon. Lying was becoming too easy for me.
As usual, I awoke before everyone else on Saturday morning. While I waited for the coffee to brew, I thought back just six days earlier to the last time I saw Brett. I remembered how excited I was that morning and how I couldn't wait to see him then. I was still excited to see him today, but so much had happened this past week. Had it really only been six days? It seemed like six weeks.
I poured myself a mug of coffee and walked out the door into the backyard. I unfolded a lawn chair and sat, wincing a bit from the week's ab workouts. Or maybe the soreness was from being in that hot 69 position with Justin for so long. Either way, it was a reminder of him.
I enjoyed the quiet of early Saturday. No one had to be anywhere, so hardly anyone was out yet. My bare feet felt good in the dewy grass. It was still a few weeks before the first day of summer, so the cool of the early morning was more bracing than chilling. I needed to think about something before I saw Brett: Was I going to tell him about Justin? Justin said he would never tell anyone about us, so shouldn't I do the same? Would telling Brett be an unnecessary risk? If I told him about Justin and me, he could cause some serious problems for me. He could already cause some serious problems for me if he wanted to do that. I had no reason to think he would start with this information.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Would it bother Brett if he knew about yesterday? He had made it clear to me that he wasn't looking for a husband. Why would he be jealous? We were friends. Friends with benefits.
This was all so confusing to me. For over 20 years, my wife was the only person I had been intimate with. Now I had gotten involved with two men less than half my age, and I wanted both of them. Maybe part of my problem was that I had been accustomed to focusing all my physical and emotional intimacy on one person, my wife. Now it was split among three people. And it was more complex than that. My feelings for men were split between Brett, the first man I had ever explored my feelings with, and Justin, the student who had awaked those feelings a few years ago. Justin would be away for three months, which made the problem a little less pressing, in a way, but what would happen when he came back?
I ran my fingers through my hair and stood up, again feeling the soreness in my midsection. As usual, I was getting ahead of myself. I turned around and walked back toward the house. "I'm still the only one up?" I thought to myself. It was only 7:30 a.m. but I was ready to get started. I put the empty coffee mug on kitchen table and went to the bedroom. My wife was still asleep, so I gently put my hand on her shoulder and said, "Too much wine again?"
She just groaned when she opened her eyes, and then she asked, "What time is it?"
"About 7:30," I said. "When do you need to leave?"
"Around 10, I guess."
"OK," I said, "I'm going to go ahead and shower and get my day started."
I heard her moaning reply and went into the bathroom. After I closed the door, I looked in the mirror. My hair seemed to be getting grayer, and it was all out of place. My beard also seemed to be getting grayer. What did Justin see in me? What did Brett see in me? I looked into my eyes. Was there something they could see in those eyes that I couldn't? Brett was up front about being attracted to me because of my age, but what did Justin see in me? There was no indication that he had an affinity to older men. He never called my "dad" or "daddy" except for that afternoon when I told him to drive safely when he went home for his father's birthday.
I thought about this more as I showered. "Maybe Justin likes me for who I am," I thought to myself. "But, then again, doesn't Brett also like me for who I am? My age is part of who I am."
I stepped out of the shower and dried off and then stepped back into the bedroom to get dressed. My wife was nowhere to be seen, so I assumed she had gone to the living room or kitchen. I looked through my underwear drawer. The red trunks still needed to be washed. Oh well, Brett wanted me to surprise him. I picked out a pair of cargo shorts and a baseball t-shirt. As I looked for a pair of socks, I saw the towel and briefs. I picked up the briefs and smelled them. They still smelled faintly of Justin, which brought back memories of touching his skin, feeling him next to me, smelling him, tasting him. I grabbed a pair of socks with my other hand and shoved the briefs back into the drawer and closed it.
I walked into the living room and saw my wife in the kitchen, having a cup of coffee and reading something on her phone. Noah still wasn't up. I poured myself another cup of coffee and sat down.
"Six days from now, he'll be a high school graduate," I said.
"Yeah," she said, still looking at her phone, "and this party will be over."
"You're spending a lot of time on the planning," I said as I looked at her. "I hope everyone else appreciates it."
She acknowledged she was a control freak when it came to planning, something I had resisted saying. She was a thorough planner, so I knew everything would go well. I also knew it meant she would be tied up for hours doing all this planning. I finished my coffee and took the mug to the sink. As I turned around, I gave her a big hug from behind. As confused as I was about the entire situation I was dealing with, my love for her was constant. If she ever found out about me, how would she react? I hoped it would never come to that.
She asked what I was going to do today. I told her I would probably go to a coffee shop or park and do some writing. She asked me what I was working on, and I told her that I was still sketching out a plot and would do the real writing at the lake cabin. That brought a smile to her face. She had been going there with her parents since she was young. I knew this summer's trip there would mean a lot to her, but it would also be a chance for her to relax and not worry about work, party planning, or anything else.
She stood up and took the coffee mug to the sink. I stood up and gave her another hug. "Please don't overdo it or get too frustrated with the planning," I said.
"You know I will," she replied, "but it will be over soon." She kissed me and walked toward the bedroom. I grabbed my backpack and went out to the car.
There was very little traffic, and I made it to the park across from Brett's apartment a little before 9. I parked and texted him:
Me: Are you awake?
Brett: of course
I got out of the car and started walking towards his place.
Me: Good!
Me: What time do you want me to come over.
Brett: i told u to surprise me
I was almost at his door.
Me: I'll do my best to get away as soon as I can.
Brett: please do
I arrived and knocked on his door and, a few seconds later, I heard him unlock it and open it slightly. I let myself in and saw him, standing behind the door totally nude with a smile on his face.
"That was quick!" he said as he slammed the door shut and wrapped his arms around me.
I took him in my arms and returned the embrace. "Well, you did say you wanted me to surprise you," I said before kissing him.
After we kissed, he grabbed my crotch and said, "It's been a shitty week, and I've been looking forward to this."
"I've been looking forward to this too," I said as he fondled me and I massaged his smooth ass cheeks.
"Let's forget everything today," he said as he unbuttoned and unzipped my shorts.
"I like that idea," I said as I took off my shirt.
Brett walked to the kitchen table, and I followed. I felt that familiar energy, the one I had felt with him each time we had been together. He looked like he had not shaved in a few days, similar to the scruff he had the first weekend I met him. It gave him a rugged look good that I liked. He picked up a pipe and lit the packed bowl while he inhaled and then passed the pipe and lighter to me.
Brett exhaled as I took a tentative drag from the pipe, being careful not to bring on.a coughing fit. As I handed the pipe and lighter back to Brett, I exhaled, and he seemed to be impressed that I did so without coughing.
"Would you do something for me?" Brett asked as he looked over at me.
"Sure, what?"
"Get between my legs and suck my cock while I get stoned," he said.
I gave a "Let me think about it" look and then asked, sarcastically, "What's in it for me?"
"Making me happy. Hearing me moan with pleasure," he said.
I looked at him and slid off the chair without breaking eye contact. He moved his chair back from the table a bit, while I moved over on my knees to where he was. I wrapped my arms around his waist and the back of the chair, and I buried my face in his groin. I inhaled the aroma. He smelled clean, like he had showered sometime in the last few minutes. I felt his hand on the left side of my face, stroking my beard as I raised my head to take his cock in my mouth. His hand lightly guided my head up and down on his cock before grabbing the lighter. I heard him flick the lighter a couple of times and then felt his body tense as he inhaled. I heard him put the lighter on the table and then felt his hand on the back of my head as he exhaled. Then I felt his other hand on my head, grabbing it and holding his cock in my throat until I gagged for a breath.
"You're getting good at that," he said softly but authoritatively. I enjoyed seeing this side of Brett...the sexually aggressive side of him. It was genuine, not forced, He knew how to play with my sexual energy, and I loved feeling him control it.
His hands left my head while he grabbed the pipe and lighter and inhaled again. While he held the smoke in his lungs, his hips thrust slightly, burying his cock deeper and deeper into my throat. I felt him exhale and relax, and then he told me to look up at him. I raised my head and the pipe was next to my mouth. He told me to inhale while he lit the bowl.
"Hold it, hold it," he said as he quickly put the pipe and lighter back on the table and grabbed my head and shoved his cock into my mouth and then into my throat. I wasn't able to exhale until I gagged and started coughing. He was laughing, and I felt the room spin.
"I've been thinking about doing that all week," he said as he held my face in his hands and looked down at me.
"So why was your week so bad?" I asked.
Brett hesitated and said, "It wasn't really that it was bad. It was just busy. It's been physically and emotionally exhausting."
"Anything you want to talk about?" I asked.
"Nah," he said. "Now that you're here, I feel a lot better."
"So do I," I said.
Brett reached down and put his arms around my torso and lifted me off the floor. As we stood, I winced a little. Brett asked if I was OK, and I explained that I had been working out a bit during the week and was sore.
Brett grabbed the pipe and lighter and said, "You won't feel it after a few more hits of this," as we walked into the bedroom. I followed him, and we climbed onto the bed from opposite sides, meeting in the middle in a passionate embrace.
"So you went to the fitness center for workouts even without Justin there?" Brett asked. And without waiting for an answer, he said, "Good for you!"
Should I tell him? Shit, I never decided if I was going to tell him about Justin. If I didn't, he would figure out something was up.
"Well, I got a surprise Monday when I found out Justin was around this week, working in the fitness center," I said.
"And?" Brett asked.
"You wouldn't believe it if I told you," I said.
"Now you have to tell me!" he said, kind of excitedly, as he grabbed my cock.
I took a deep breath and said, "I think I'm going to need some more weed."
Brett scooted out of our embrace, sat up in the bed, and reached over to the bedside table for the pipe and lighter before I could react. By the time I was sitting next to Brett, he was ready to hand the pipe and lighter to me. I took them, held the lighter's flame to the bowl, and inhaled. I held it in and exhaled. I was ready.
"Justin had a couple of interviews for internships, and he had some questions about them," I said.
"And I'm sure you were happy to help."
"You know I was," I said. Then I explained how Justin had trained me, how he saw me shirtless in the locker room, then how I saw him shirtless the next day, and the story of the towel.
"You pig!" he said with a smile. "I bet you've had a lot of fun with that towel."
"Well," I said, "there's more."
"Go on," Brett said as I took another drag from the pipe and passed it to him.
"On Thursday afternoon after my workout, I was showering in the fitness center, and I looked up and saw Justin outside the shower cabin."
"No fucking way!" Brett shouted. "Why didn't you tell me this?" Before I could answer that question, he was already asking what happened next.
"I was surprised," I said, " But then, I realized what was happening and I told him we needed to talk. And I didn't tell you because I was having a difficult time believing this was going on and not really sure where it was heading."
"Was anybody else around?" Brett asked.
"No, the fitness center was dead most of the week, and Justin had closed up early," I said.
"So did you do it there in the shower?"
"No," I said. "I really wanted to but it was all so sudden."
"What the fuck?" he said with a note of surprise and frustration.
"We talked and he said he had been attracted to me for a while."
"Awesome," he said, "but why didn't you do it?"
"It just wasn't right," I said.
"What wasn't right about it?"
"The place," I said. "I couldn't do it on campus, and there was really no place there to do anything."
"Damn," Brett chuckled, "I would have imagined that as much as you wanted that boy you would have been all over him with the slightest bit of encouragement."
"I won't lie, Brett. It was tough. But I needed to make sure we both really wanted it."
"So what did you do?" Brett asked.
"I, uh, went to his apartment yesterday," I said.
"And you did it at his place?"
"Yes," I said.
"And how was it?" Brett asked.
"It was fun," I replied.
"Just 'fun'?" Brett asked.
"No, it was great," I said. "I was there for six hours, at least." I explained what we did while we were together.
"So what's the problem?" Brett asked.
"Who said there was a problem?" I asked.
"Look Matt," Brett said as he grabbed my hand, "I know I haven't known you that long, but I can tell that there's a 'but' somewhere in this story that you're not telling me about. Maybe you don't know what it is but it sounds like you're not as thrilled with this as you should be."
Even though I knew Brett would be able to tell something was amiss, I was still amazed that he latched onto this.
"I don't know myself what the 'but' is," I said.
"But you realize there's one there?" he asked.
I nodded. "Part of it is that I wasn't sure if I should tell you?"
"Why not?" Brett asked.
"It's kind of complicated," I said. Brett nodded, and I continued, "Justin said he would never tell anybody, so I feel like I am kind of violating a trust by telling you, even though I trust you totally."
"You know you can trust me, Matt," Brett said. "And I know you needed to share this with somebody."
"So," I said, trying to figure out the best way to ask the question, "It doesn't bother you that I was with Justin yesterday and you today?"
"Why would it?" Brett asked.
This was a good question. I didn't have a good response. "I'm not sure. I guess maybe you would think it would affect the way I feel about you or how you feel about me."
Brett laughed, "Matt, I know you're dealing with a lot of new feelings. You're exploring. Don't ever hesitate to do what feels right. Just be careful."
"Thanks Brett," I said as I clutched his hand.
"And how exactly do you feel about me?" Brett asked.
I didn't have a good answer to this question either, and being stoned didn't exactly help with formulating one.
"I feel connected to you. I think of you as a friend and I am glad I have you in my life."
"Thank you Matt," Brett said.
I kept going. "You excite me. I mean, you respect my situation. And I hope this doesn't come out wrong, but you will always be special to me."
"How could that come out wrong?" Brett asked.
"Because I know you're not looking to settle down with me, and I'm not looking to dump my wife," I said. "Saying stuff like 'I feel contacted to you' and that you're special might come across as scary."
"No Matt," Brett said as he put his arm around me. "I feel the same way about you. I think we were meant to be in each others' lives."
"And," Brett continued, "I'm kinda turned on that after you got a taste of Justin you came back to me."
Then Brett asked me when I was going to see Justin again, and I told him it would be about three months.
"So I guess I will be your only sidepiece until he gets back," he said with a smile.
I leaned over and kissed Brett on this shoulder. "I would never describe you that way. I really care for you, Brett, and I always will."
Brett lifted my face and kissed me on the lips. "I was just being funny," he said. "I know you care for me, and I care for you, but I understand the reality of your situation. Our situation. And I'm fine with it."
"Besides that," I said, "I'm not sure what will happen when Justin gets back. He's still a student, and playing around with him could be problematic."
"I guess," Brett said with a note of concern before inhaling from the pipe again and passing it to me.
I motioned that I had had enough from the pipe and he put it and the lighter back on the bedside table.
"He says he understands my situation," I said as I looked at Brett, "but I'm not even sure I understand it."
Brett pulled me closer to him and, in a serious tone of voice, he told me he was always available if I needed to talk about it. Then, sensing a need to change the mood, he said, "I'm kind of interested in that marathon 69 session you mentioned. Can you show me exactly how the two of you did that?"
As usual, he knew exactly what to make me feel good. I repositioned my head near the foot of the bed and he moved down a bit. Soon after that, we were in a 69 position, my head resting on his left thigh and his head resting on mine. My left arm was under his body and his under mine as our right arms pulled each other closer.