Both myself and my coworker (I'll call him M) are openly gay. M started working in my department roughly 5 months ago. We started talking casually about work and then moved things over to telegram (messaging). We started talking daily and eventually hung out one on one a few times as well as some group hangouts with other coworkers. Our conversations go from random stupid stuff to deeper stuff like hopes for the future and fears. M only a few friends here since he recently moved to the area so it is hard to tell if he just wants to build a solid friendship or somthing more. I do feel like there is flirty energy going on between the two of us, but on some days, he can be quite cold. We have not done anything physical other than hugs and linking arms. A few months in, when he was being flirty, I did ask M what was going on between us. He essentially was not ready to jump into something yet and is not sure where we stand, but does see me as an important person in his life. I drive him to work when we do work together and we take turns geting eachother our morning drinks. I did take a step back as I wanted to respect the boundries ahe set up but I do see him as a really good friend (albite I am also open to something more if that does happen). Recently iv noticed that M has been trying to get more handsy but then pulls away. He is still flirty every now and again (casual teasing, trying to make me laugh, placing his hand on me). It almost feels like he is struggling with his own boundaries. Should iI ask him where we stand again (its been a good two months since our last conversation) or should I just ride out this wave and see if he brings it up?
Me (31M) and Him (25M) we are coworkers that have gotten fairly close and now its confusing
- Thread starter Dodja25
- Start date
Why not ask him out for a date. It will give him a chance to back off, plus he'll know where you stand. Make sure he knows it would be a date and nit just friends hanging out, or grabbing a bite to eat. Worst he can say is no.
I am wondering if these moments when he is being flirty with you are at work, or "work based" get-togethers (where depending on what the local laws/sexual harassment in the workplace/ maybe that type of interaction could have repercussions.)
I think it sounds like you both have a good friendship at work, but agree with the post before me - maybe time to do things "one on one" and maybe more regularly.
I wouldn't suggest you call it a date... but maybe suggest hanging out after work - just the two of you - lets go to x for dinner together, or after work drinks at a local gay bar if they have one near you, watch a movie at the cinema or whatever other event/location you both could attend which might have a good vibe enough to allow him to let down his guard and get to know him better.
A few drinks might make him more flirty and that sounds like it would be ok with you - and the more you hang out with each other, the more solid friendship you make with each other and maybe that will help things along too.
Just let whatever happens happen - without asking him to define it. (as this seems to be where problems start - based on your post - and where he backs away)
The longer you spend time together "one on one" should be enough for you to figure out what is going to happen - essentially if things are staying in the friend zone - then perhaps that is all it is going to be, and realising this without needing to ask him to state this, will keep the friendship intact without making things go weird again.
If he is flirty and it results in some casual moments between you both - but nothing is discussed, maybe he just wants to be casual - and if you are ok with that, that might work too
If you ultimately want more from him than just flirty hands and casual encounters - I think that asking him make a choice is a logical step - but only after you have spent more time together as something more than work friends.
I think it sounds like you both have a good friendship at work, but agree with the post before me - maybe time to do things "one on one" and maybe more regularly.
I wouldn't suggest you call it a date... but maybe suggest hanging out after work - just the two of you - lets go to x for dinner together, or after work drinks at a local gay bar if they have one near you, watch a movie at the cinema or whatever other event/location you both could attend which might have a good vibe enough to allow him to let down his guard and get to know him better.
A few drinks might make him more flirty and that sounds like it would be ok with you - and the more you hang out with each other, the more solid friendship you make with each other and maybe that will help things along too.
Just let whatever happens happen - without asking him to define it. (as this seems to be where problems start - based on your post - and where he backs away)
The longer you spend time together "one on one" should be enough for you to figure out what is going to happen - essentially if things are staying in the friend zone - then perhaps that is all it is going to be, and realising this without needing to ask him to state this, will keep the friendship intact without making things go weird again.
If he is flirty and it results in some casual moments between you both - but nothing is discussed, maybe he just wants to be casual - and if you are ok with that, that might work too
If you ultimately want more from him than just flirty hands and casual encounters - I think that asking him make a choice is a logical step - but only after you have spent more time together as something more than work friends.
billybones
Superior Member
It may be he likes you and wants to keep your friendship but doesn’t reciprocate your feelings regarding a relationship. Everyone wants friends. Which one of you is empirically the more attractive?
The odd thing about your first conversation was you didn't state that you wanted a sexual relationship with him or just a Platonic friendship. Stop hesitating and let him know what you want Dodja25. Then your questions will be answered.
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If you want a more physical and romantic relationship, then you should say so. See what he says. If he equivocates then interpret that as a signal he does not want such a relationship. If you can handle that arrangement, then continue and enforce a platonic friendship. If you cannot handle that relationship, then ditch the friendship and move on.
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