men who grab

[dolfette]

a post in another thread got me thinking about men who grab you, in a club, on the dance floor, etc. the ones who grab you and start dancing, or who try to lead you off.

i don't mean if you've been dancing with him or giving him he eye, if you've given him a clue that you might like to be led onto the dance floor or to the bar. i mean the guy that just grabs & tugs.

how do you feel about this?

i've had it happen a few times. twice i've been with a bf and it's resulted in a surreal tug'o'war. never has it resulted in the guy winning my affection.

from my POV, this is an aggressive act. the guy has shown a sense of entitlement to me and a disrespect for my opinion on the matter. there is no indication of consent from me for any sort of contact but he still feels i should allow myself to be lead away, like a puppy on a leash. it sets off all sorts of alarm bells!

but i'm sure some of you ladies will have a different angle on this.

shoot!

 

[Hoss]

a post in another thread got me thinking about men who grab you, in a club, on the dance floor, etc. the ones who grab you and start dancing, or who try to lead you off.

i don't mean if you've been dancing with him or giving him he eye, if you've given him a clue that you might like to be led onto the dance floor or to the bar. i mean the guy that just grabs & tugs.

how do you feel about this?

i've had it happen a few times. twice i've been with a bf and it's resulted in a surreal tug'o'war. never has it resulted in the guy winning my affection.

from my POV, this is an aggressive act. the guy has shown a sense of entitlement to me and a disrespect for my opinion on the matter. there is no indication of consent from me for any sort of contact but he still feels i should allow myself to be lead away, like a puppy on a leash. it sets off all sorts of alarm bells!

but i'm sure some of you ladies will have a different angle on this.

shoot!

Not just a women's issue/problem. In some places where there are only men there are men who do this and there are also women who do this to men in other places. It doesn't matter to me who does it, it's just plain wrong to do it. Aggressive, disrespectful are very mild words for what I view it as being.

 

[dolfette]

Not just a women's issue/problem. In some places where there are only men there are men who do this and there are also women who do this to men in other places. It doesn't matter to me who does it, it's just plain wrong to do it. Aggressive, disrespectful are very mild words for what I view it as being.

true.

if i went with ''assault'' that'd make me a hysterical, man hating, feminist extremist :tongue:

 

[rtg]

Hate it.

I walked into a tittie bar not long ago and while my friend was in the toilet I had some guy slap my ass, No joke, I was in the bar for literally 1 minute.

I turned straight around and said "excuse me, do not touch what you cannot afford". Well he was all about apologies then. I still thought he was a douche. Pissed me off.

Just cos I'm looking hot and in a tittie bar, does not mean that I am a stripper and enjoy being harassed like that.

 

[D_Aberchirder_Crustinuts]

i've had it happen a few times. twice i've been with a bf and it's resulted in a surreal tug'o'war.

Can't help but think of the time Ernest T. Bass smashed a vase over that guy's head on Andy Griffith for doing that.

Jokes aside though, sorry you had to go through that Dolfette. Doesn't sound like fun. :frown1:

 

[dolfette]

Just cos I'm looking hot and in a tittie bar, does not mean that I am a stripper and enjoy being harassed like that.

strippers do not enjoy that shit either.
that's why they have bouncers.

 

[galaxus]

Hate it.

I walked into a tittie bar not long ago and while my friend was in the toilet I had some guy slap my ass, No joke, I was in the bar for literally 1 minute.

I turned straight around and said "excuse me, do not touch what you cannot afford". Well he was all about apologies then. I still thought he was a douche. Pissed me off.

Just cos I'm looking hot and in a tittie bar, does not mean that I am a stripper and enjoy being harassed like that.

rtg I understand how you feel, but you're going to a titty bar. A place were men pay women to sexually "harass" them.

And the line "excuse me, do not touch what you cannot afford" is very strange. Do you think you're an object? Therefore, can we treat you like one?

I'm really not trying to sound like an asshole. Everybody should
be treated how they want to be treated, but guys are confused desperate beings.

 

[Kotchanski]

I always hated that "don't touch what you can't afford" line, which more often than not is being spouted by the same people persistently defending women as individuals, that they aren't all money grabbing whores, that they don't hold out on sex/head just to get nice gifts... talk about mixed fucking messages, it's no wonder so many men say they'll never understand women

Back on topic though!

I've had guys attempt to drag me or friends up to dance countless times, and I generally laugh it off when it's me, I get nasty when friends are involved though.

While I don't agree with violence, I am more than capable of taking care of myself, and the one time I couldn't (country v country rugby match night and your best friend is being hit on by a really lovely but fucking huge guy supporting one side, and a really nasty piece of work on the other, both with a lot of friends there!) I was in no way above manipulating the situation to have the assholes taken care of for us.

 

[EllieP]

I'm coming to think that a blonde with a figure is fair game for unwanted physical contact. There are too many "accidental" touches for it to be accident. And I have been slapped, groped, hugged from behind, got back rubs, and you wonder why I won't slow dance with you??? Really???

Even when I'm with my partner it still happens. I'm 40-freaking-years-old!!! Dammit! I am not a MILF, I am not available. I will not dance with you and I'd prefer not to even talk with you.

If this sounds bitchy it's because people in bars make me that way. Cap sometimes plays with a clandestine "band" made up of a few very popular musicians who play small clubs all over the country. I've only seen them perform three times because I don't want to be alone in the bar watching them. All three times have gone the same way: single blonde in a bar - she's available and she's mine and I won't take no for an answer. Let's cut to the quick - no is your only answer.

 

[Enid]

it's happened to me a few times and i didn't like it. one time i even reported the incident, when it happened in a bookstore. the guy brushed up against me in a wide aisle while i was engrossed in reading something. no other people around. i did not think much about it until he did it a 2nd time and that time he grabbed my butt. after that i went to the employees/manager to give a description and report what he did but of course by then he'd left.

 

[Mercurygirl]

I need an introduction. I'm not a cavewoman.

 

[MickeyLee]

men to who grab = men who twist fetal around a gut punch

if i know you feel free to pounce.
if i have been flirting hard and heavy with you feel free to walk up and take my hand.

if i don't know you... approach with respect and caution.
cuz i fucking bite.

 

[Catchoftheday]

strippers do not enjoy that shit either.
that's why they have bouncers.

LOL at strippers with bouncers :biggrin1: I thought it was all the jumping up and down and stuff

 

[hud01]

Hate it.

I walked into a tittie bar not long ago and while my friend was in the toilet I had some guy slap my ass, No joke, I was in the bar for literally 1 minute.

I turned straight around and said "excuse me, do not touch what you cannot afford". Well he was all about apologies then. I still thought he was a douche. Pissed me off.

Just cos I'm looking hot and in a tittie bar, does not mean that I am a stripper and enjoy being harassed like that.

I have never done thiis to any woman, unless she was a friend.

I would be even less likely to do this with a stripper, as they tend to carry knives and guns, as well as many of them being hopped up.

 

[aninnymouse]

rtg I understand how you feel, but you're going to a titty bar. A place were men pay women to sexually "harass" them.

And the line "excuse me, do not touch what you cannot afford" is very strange. Do you think you're an object? Therefore, can we treat you like one?

I'm really not trying to sound like an asshole. Everybody should
be treated how they want to be treated, but guys are confused desperate beings.

So, just because you're in a sexually oriented place, someone has a right to touch you in a way you're not comfortable? Riiight.

Most strip clubs, at least the ones that are not cheap sleazy whorehouses in reality, do not tolerate clientelle touching their workers in that manner, either. If you're too grabby with a stripper, you will get bounced.

The only time grabbing groping, and touching are even close to appropriate is if you're getting a private couch dance in the "Champagne Room." Which costs beaucoup bucks.

The reason for the "Don't touch what you can't afford" line is because YEAH, many men in strip clubs do view the workers there as objects.

Also, in many people's minds, stripper is just one step up from whore. So, basically, to some people, if you're in the strip club, and you're female, you are fair game.

Sadly, there are more than a few strip clubs around that are very......low rent. There are small, private rooms where customers go in for a "couch dance" which, in reality, for a bit extra, is really for a sex act.

That's the shame of it, many of those type of lower rent strip clubs are in reality, very sex negative places. Sex and sexuality should be fun, those type of strip clubs are not, and that's what is confusing for many men, the idea that in popular culture, stripper=whore, or is just one rung up the ladder from whore, no matter what a woman (or man's) reasons for pole dancing are.

 

[aninnymouse]

I always hated that "don't touch what you can't afford" line, which more often than not is being spouted by the same people persistently defending women as individuals, that they aren't all money grabbing whores, that they don't hold out on sex/head just to get nice gifts... talk about mixed fucking messages, it's no wonder so many men say they'll never understand women

I think that goes hand in hand with the line "Yeah, I AM a bitch. I'm just not YOUR bitch, ya diggit?

 

[B_Nia88]

I don't understand why men feel like because they are in a crowded space with close body contact that they have the right to touch you innaproprietly.

 

[billdong9999]

I remember back in college a girl grabbed the front of my pants at a crowded club. I was shocked at how bold she was... and she kept on walking.

Personally, I'm fairly grossed out by people who think that's okay... either gender.

 

[693987]

rtg I understand how you feel, but you're going to a titty bar. A place were men pay women to sexually "harass" them.

And the line "excuse me, do not touch what you cannot afford" is very strange. Do you think you're an object? Therefore, can we treat you like one?

I'm really not trying to sound like an asshole. Everybody should
be treated how they want to be treated, but guys are confused desperate beings.

Strangely enough, you STILL came off sounding like an asshole.

Strippers aren't paid to be sexually harassed by douche-bags. They're paid to arouse people by dancing mostly naked/naked. Even with a lap dance there are still very restrictive rules in place in regards to how you can touch the dancers.

Someone who is dressed nicely and female still doesn't deserve to be harassed by some random cunt at a titty bar.

I DO agree that the "Do not touch what you cannot afford" is odd.

Are you a call girl, rtg? Are you a sex worker? No? Then you may want to pick a different line..

 

[NotSoDumb_Blonde]

"touch what you can't afford." I think that's funny. In fact, if you're going to HATE come backs, what about "fuck you, asshole." I mean, do you REALLY MEAN, fuck you. What does that mean? How would they do it? Sorry, being a snit, but if you're going to bust on someone's post, at least give them some create for having a come back! I think she meant it as an insult, not as a way to make herself an object but a pretty good fly-off-the-seat-of-your-pants retort because someone just slapped her ass. Hell, I'd be speechless. I mean, come on. It was a come back, not a philosophical debate on the female position in comparison to men....I think....:wink:

On to topic. :biggrin1:Nope, never, never understood this. With the blonde curly hair, ready smile, and build, I seem to draw men that don't listen to me say, 'no not interested in dancing with you...' until I get pissed and shoot fire from my blue eyes. Ha! :tongue:Anyway, annoying. So much so, I don't really go out without my female posse.

Never had anyone try the tug of war, that must have sucked for you dolf, because not only would you have to navigate the wanker, but you'd have to smooth things with the irate (and for good reason!) boy friend, partner, spouse!

I've seen it go both ways though. I mean, I've seen women come on to men so strong it's embarrassing to be a girl! And I've seen gay men do the dragging thing too. Maybe instead of a women's issue, or guy issue, it's a people issue? Maybe some people have the concept of the 'bubble' down, and know social rights and wrongs, and others simply don't??? Missed out on that lecture?

Interesting topic.