My friend seems to be struggling with his sexuality but is too homophobic to accept himself

[Adymoe]

Many gays will say if you're wondering if another guy is gay, "watch where his eyes wander". Although my friend makes a constant effort to check out girls in a perverted way, he checks out guys as well. Just not quite as often as he does with girls.

If we are in a water park, I'll see my friend peaking at other guys bulges as they walk by, I'll even catch him 'up downing' men from a distance. He's openly admitted to me that he likes checking out guys asses (he said he thinks it's funny when guys have big cakes). With me personally, majority of the time I take my shirt off in from of him, he cant resist looking at my treasure trail. He's even stared at it while he was in the middle of a conversation with his brother one time when I was changing in front of him. There's been a handful of times when we've been out in public and a really hot guy will walk by us. Ofc me being bisexual, I'll hardcore check the hot guy out and I'll turn to look at my friend and sure enough my friend is checking the guy out as well. What makes him really suspicious is the fact he's very uncomfortable being around nude men. He thinks it's gross, he even thinks seeing another guys penis is gross. Why tf you checking out guys sexually if you think they're gross? Is he just attracted to guys and he's trying to fight it?

A few other reasons why I think hes not straight....he loves using a dildo in his ass while wearing women's lingerie. Yes straight guys have this fetish I know but many gays do as well. He's also told me that he's never been able to orgasm while having vaginal intercourse with women. He can only cum from a blowjob. Could it be the condom? I suppose, but fucking your girlfriend 100+ times and couldn't cum once? Somethings fishy there. He's so "obsessed" with girls based on his behavior towards them. It's just weird to me

One other weird red flag I got from him recently is that he never has had an issue with me sleeping in his bed with him until a few weeks ago. We got into his bed and usually he falls asleep within minutes. Well not this time. He tossed and turned for over an hour before he said to me "I think I'm going to go sleep on the couch in the living room". I said "why can't you sleep?". He responded "I'm just getting hold and cold and hot and cold". I said "okay no problem". He leaves and I stay in his bed. I offered to take the couch but he insisted I stay in his bed...the next morning comes around and I walk out to the living room to see him. He tells me that he had to go for a brief walk to clear his mind after tossing and turning the previous night. He then told me it was my fault he couldn't sleep. He said that he hadn't masturbated in a couple weeks and was really horny. He did not release himself after he left his room for the couch. I asked him why it would be my fault, he didn't really have an answer and just said again he was really horny. He made some stupid excuse that he felt bad I wasn't comfortable enough under his single blanket we were sharing. He never had any concerns the other multiple times we slept together....he then says he doesn't want to share a bed with me anymore! So if you are so straight, why did it matter if you were sharing a bed with me while being that horny? Why did you have no issues after you sepreated yourself from me? Sure seems like he was having some unwanted sexual thoughts while being horny with me by his side.

I'll also add that he is very homophobic!

Anyways it sure seems like he's got some internal issues, I just wanted your input if you have any. Thanks

 

[GayBootyLover69]

not to excuse his homophobia but i wonder if he grew up in a place/household where it was encouraged, its not always easy to unlearn things you grew up with even when they're wrong

 

[Adymoe]

not to excuse his homophobia but i wonder if he grew up in a place/household where it was encouraged, its not always easy to unlearn things you grew up with even when they're wrong

I guess I didn't mention it but he's very religious and his family doesn't believe in homosexuality at all. That would obviously make him very uncomfortable with any gay feelings he is having

 

[GayBootyLover69]

I guess I didn't mention it but he's very religious and his family doesn't believe in homosexuality at all. That would obviously make him very uncomfortable with any gay feelings he is having

ah i see

not sure what it would take to convince him that homosexuality is okay, in that case

 

[Adymoe]

I hope one day he just grows out of it. He's clearly very bothered with the feelings he is having, eventually he's going to have to face them and deal with them accordingly. He suffers anxiety, depression, loneliness and anger issues. It's obviously bothering him more than it should for someone who's "straight"

 

[wtfalice]

lol he gets fucked by a dildo...i don't doubt his straightness

 

[uwsmike]

I'd say it's less about homophobia and more about being afraid the friends and family will disown him if he comes out.

How does he present? Do many people just assume he is gay?

 

[Adymoe]

lol he gets fucked by a dildo...i don't doubt his straightness

Until he can't hold back his urges for an actual cock...lol

 

[Adymoe]

I'd say it's less about homophobia and more about being afraid the friends and family will disown him if he comes out.

How does he present? Do many people just assume he is gay?

He is very straight passing because of how much energy he puts into trying to constantly prove his attraction to women. I've had a couple other mutual friends mention to me they also think he is not straight just due to how much he over compensates women and how homophobic he is. It's easier for me to see red flags in him because I'm bisexual and have been in his shoes before but most straight people wouldn't catch on to any of it. He's not flamboyant or anything like that. I just pay attention to where his eyes wander. His family doesnt believe in homosexuality so of course they aren't going to believe that their family member could be gay. It causes some delusion

 

[nj6443]

Okay, @Adymoe, I gotta say I was reading along fine until the second paragraph slapped me with “he likes wearing women’s lingerie and fucking himself with a dildo” lmao

This guy is not sexually typical - he can’t be classified easily. I would guess that he just has a lot of issues stemming from repression of his sexuality in general. His sexuality sounds, like, scattered in a way. So many different behaviors that don’t really add up.

For example, when I was in a bad place at 23ish years old a few years ago, I could only cum from a blowjob, but it was because I was processing trauma and couldn’t emotionally connect with any of my partners - penetration was too intimate but a blowjob wasn’t. I would go soft if I tried to penetrate them.

So yeah. If you wanna sleep with him, it sounds like it’ll eventually happen. But if you wanna be a good friend, just give him space to do what he wants. Don’t point out his inconsistencies - he’s already painfully aware of them on some level. Let him be and be there for him

And finally, plenty of straight guys check each other out / size each other up. I have seen most of my straight friends do the “up and down” on other guys, check out their outfits, physiques, etc. I’ve asked them about it and they tell me it’s not sexual at all. If an obese person wearing lingere walked into a bar you were in, you might still look them up and down in sheer horror, but it wouldn't be sexual haha

 

[Adymoe]

Okay, @Adymoe, I gotta say I was reading along fine until the second paragraph slapped me with “he likes wearing women’s lingerie and fucking himself with a dildo” lmao

This guy is not sexually typical - he can’t be classified easily. I would guess that he just has a lot of issues stemming from repression of his sexuality in general. His sexuality sounds, like, scattered in a way. So many different behaviors that don’t really add up.

For example, when I was in a bad place at 23ish years old a few years ago, I could only cum from a blowjob, but it was because I was processing trauma and couldn’t emotionally connect with any of my partners - penetration was too intimate but a blowjob wasn’t. I would go soft if I tried to penetrate them.

So yeah. If you wanna sleep with him, it sounds like it’ll eventually happen. But if you wanna be a good friend, just give him space to do what he wants. Don’t point out his inconsistencies - he’s already painfully aware of them on some level. Let him be and be there for him

And finally, plenty of straight guys check each other out / size each other up. I have seen most of my straight friends do the “up and down” on other guys, check out their outfits, physiques, etc. I’ve asked them about it and they tell me it’s not sexual at all. If an obese person wearing lingere walked into a bar you were in, you might still look them up and down in sheer horror, but it wouldn't be sexual haha

Yes I totally agree with you. I'm not pushing him to admit anything or do anything with me. I'm just letting him figure things out at his own pace. And yes some straight guys check other guys out but when a guy checks other guys out while at the same time acts very homophobic and disgusted at the sight of nude men...there's an issue. That's not normal. He's even told me before that he used to only watch lesbian porn because he didnt want to see dicks. That's pure internalized homophobia.

 

[ILoveGames48]

I know a guy that’s same age as I am.. and the only thing his ass knows is dildos. And his cock knows masturbators .. he is 53 years old. Never been sucked or sucked a cock .. or fucked a guy or been fucked

Said the best thing they made was the machines that put dildo on and control the speed that way..


So even though he’s had dildos in his ass that were freakin huge.. length and round .. and masturbators .. he is still a virgin as he’s never been with anyone

 

[deleted27470621]

Sry for mistakes - English not my mother tongue.

I had same situation to my best friend before (but he didnt have dildo - i dont know about it ))))))).

First of all i found how he check boys bulge everywhere - in the pool party, in the locker room at gym, on the streets fo a walk, and i ask him :" bro what u doing? What u check for?" (im straight, but i have a litlle bit bi-curious experience in webcam), And he say something like : " What do u mean i love only girls etc about girls

Then after New Year's Party we both sleep in one bad in friend's guest room in the friends house, and he try to touch my hand, every finger omg - so weird but he was drunk, and i think this was a "drunk man stuff", but after i make a stuff like im sleeping, he push my hand harder several times and 1 time silently moaning, and then he running in a toilet i think he jerk off silently like a ninja XDDD, when he came in bed i rly sleep already

After this his trick he start avoid me and sleep with me with reasons "i had cold or hot" i go to sleep in kitchen on coach, or if were on guest house he said " i will sleep with anyone but not with him", this was a hard time to me, because i dont understand whats going on, because i don't do any crazy stuff to him, and dont touch him etc.

i too many time yhinking of this type of situation, and i have only 1 answer

Many straight boys do many things to proof this, but if they were bi, their best friend ina group of a risk, because this intimate friendship can evolute to a bromance and then evolute in something big then friendship. And this "straight" made by society traditional stuff boys start to want some stuff from best friends - hmmm like a masturbating together etc., but they cant a request, they straight. Then they start avoid this feelings and then a best friend who call this feelings. They think this is not a justify to a friend, but they cant say what they feeling right now. Homophobic story of bi corious stuff.

Then afraid of i see his naked (im not about intimate zones) - about naked chest, arms, legs, stomache, etc

But u need choose a tactical desicion what u want from this situation - what u want from him. I give my friend a space to breathe, i hold intense messaging, and time together, and i told that i dont understand why boys self destroy themselves because they cant speaking about they feelings, and i start speaking about "if my friend were a bi, this is not a shame at all, and i dont shame of some stuff connected with that, but i dont understand why my friend afraid of my reaction, if i dont fear him", he dont answer anything

He won't invite me in pool or sauna - he won't be topless with me. But weird thing he start invite me in tv nights to his home. Start request me go to bed with him to watch youtube show on laptop. I was in pijama all time , he say too hot in a room, and pull down pijama, i say ok, but were сold in the room rly cold -20С degrees on a street - yeah he is in dark boxers in a room with half-hard bulge (i dont do anything for it, only accept him like a bi friend), he ask "hm im in a good shape ?" " i answered yes nwm"- shape body not shredded with round soft lines (cutie slim bear type). But im straight, and he like a little brother to me, if i were gay, i take off this boxers in a second XDDDDD And we sleep in 1 bed - im sleeping, he awake in toilet for a "reason" 2 times (1 time i heard silent a moaning from thin door).

Then couple of times he think he put his boxers in his bag in a gym, but it was mine - i have a light grey backpack, he had black backpack - a big difference in my opinion - i laught and return it to him with words "thanks this were not a dick" - and he had a tricky smile.

All this time he date different girls (models from instagram or model agancies), and all time this relationships were broken for some reasons whom center around some fetishes, thet girls dont like to do - im know about fingering request only. (Fingering a usual stuff in common girl+boy couples as i know). And second reason he cant speak about his feelings.

Time will gone, and he start were agressive to me, he set up situations he almost naked in bed with me, but i ignore that because im straight and little bit bi curious and because i want so this "straight" boy try to tell his feelings by words to someone.

i try to speak with him several times, if he wont to some stuff with me, ok, say it to me and we discuss that, i dont think that handjob with a best friend a big crime to a my "straight world" or society "straight world" )))))

This was long term - around 2 years, then he tell me "u know what i am, but i cant telling u about whay i feel, sorry and move on in another town" - he spy for my insta, and socials all this last 1,5 years, try to date gfs and be a coolest straight guy in galaxy (his datings rly fantastic). And say to our friends how he regret of our friendship.

I can advice u speak to him - what he liked - boys, girls etc., but speak in a line honest from bother sides, if he will fear, u can say "bro i liked +++++++", but u, what u like ? What is ur type ? If u can take his trust - he answear u, ask him about u, get he sex interest in u or not ? - its to important to build a strategy to next behaviour in friendship. I advice it to u because noone can tell u his orientation, only he, but u need his trust to do that from his side.

U can say to me :" man u advice to me what u dont doing in ur situtation", my situation were different my best friend (or ex friend dont know) were raped by his homie when he was slept after drunk party at 15 years (he was teen and this was shock to him) and then he try to proof all world then he so "straight".





"

 

[Steve_Flint]

I have a friend just like that. He was raised in a rural area and was very naïve but sexy as hell. I invited him over to hang out, drink and watch straight porn videos. We drank two bottles of some good chardonnay. I noticed that he had a hard-on and had a wet spot near the zipper of his short pants, obviously a sign that he was excited and that his cock was oozing pre-cum. I also noticed that he always watched the guys in the videos.

After about an hour of this, I started kidding him about his sexy tan and distinct tan line near his short pants. Honestly, my goal was for us to jack off together while watching porn and maybe some mutual masturbation. He finally said, “Want to see my tan line?” “Sure,” I said as we walked back near the bedroom. He dropped his short pants which revealed a deep tan line several inches lower than his briefs with pale white skin under his pants. I touched the tan line and made some comments. Then, I saw his hard dick straining to poke through his briefs. That is when I decided to make my play. “Want to jerk off” I said. “Sure,” he said as I started to pull my hard dick out. That is when Jim said, “I prefer total body contact” and started taking off his shirt. I started doing the same and when I dropped my briefs Jim had his first look at a hard circumcised dick with red pubic hair. “Wow,” he said. It is sure hot as fire.” I kept looking at his hard dick which was maybe 6 inches to my 5.8 inches. He was also circumcised with brown/black pubic hair. As our clothes fell off we fell into my bed. We made love for two hours.

It took him about a year or 25-30 lovemaking sessions for him to say he thought he was gay. I told him not to label himself as we both had young wives that we fucked too. That was 20 years ago, and we still fuck 10-15 times a year and save a little cock for our wives. But I know he still has deeply ingrained feelings of guilt, but not when I am fucking his ass.

Steve

 

[Brodie888]

This one is very easy to figure out actually.

He is probably gay or at the very least at the gay end on the bisexual spectrum. No doubt.

His situation is that his religious belief is overriding his natural tendency. He has been taught that gay sex is a sin.

So it's not that he ia homophobic in thw traditional sense. It's just that he believes he should not give into temptation of committing a sin against his God.

So it's more that he has to come to terms with the flaws in his religion than his sexual orientation.

 

[678wsb]

Plenty of straight guys check out other guys. Just like straight women check out other women.

I know a guy that’s same age as I am.. and the only thing his ass knows is dildos. And his cock knows masturbators .. he is 53 years old. Never been sucked or sucked a cock .. or fucked a guy or been fucked

Said the best thing they made was the machines that put dildo on and control the speed that way..


So even though he’s had dildos in his ass that were freakin huge.. length and round .. and masturbators .. he is still a virgin as he’s never been with anyone

Any reason why he hasn't been with anyone?

 

[chrisrobin]

Methinks the gent complains to much and expresses anti behaviour in an attempt to cover up the truth.
His background will have a lot to do with along with the feelings and conversations he's had regarding gay guys in general, so does he regard gay guys as below contempt, no place in the world for them?
Such people who have been radically influenced can be dangerous, so, while he might admire in a sneaky way your treasure trail he might well be the one, to prove his manhood, who would turn on you.

 

[Adymoe]

Plenty of straight guys check out other guys. Just like straight women check out other women.


Any reason why he hasn't been with anyone?

Yeah I get that....but does a straight guy check out the same guy 100+ times? I doubt it...

 

[Adymoe]

Methinks the gent complains to much and expresses anti behaviour in an attempt to cover up the truth.
His background will have a lot to do with along with the feelings and conversations he's had regarding gay guys in general, so does he regard gay guys as below contempt, no place in the world for them?
Such people who have been radically influenced can be dangerous, so, while he might admire in a sneaky way your treasure trail he might well be the one, to prove his manhood, who would turn on you.

He used to always say that gay men belong in hell. He still has thought about this. He has some very disgusting hatred for LGBTQ people despite being a faithful Christian

 

[Brodie888]

He used to always say that gay men belong in hell. He still has thought about this. He has some very disgusting hatred for LGBTQ people despite being a faithful Christian

Yeah, that's just the cover he puts on to try and throw people off his gay scent.

The hardest person to come out to is often yourself. There's a difference between knowing you are attracted to men and admitting what it actually means. I wonder if he realizes straight men don't have same sex attraction. He probably thinks everyone struggles?