I understand. Well your not wrong in trying to get out there. Your very brave, but if you keep beating yourself up about it then you'll just shove yourself into a box. But most importantly you shouldn't try to rush it because these things end up coming at there own pace
I was just describing what I felt. Yes, the sex was consensual until I said no. And yes, he was understanding as well (which I'm 100% great full for). Yes, I know I fucked up. I just need advice. This was my first time. Like I said, I wasn't trying to judge, I did give him a chance. Also, he did say that he was in an open relationship with his husband and we didn't talk about how many sexual partners he had before (which is my mistake because I forgot to ask). I did ask him if he was into any smoking or drinking and he said just an occasional cig and drink (which I tasted). When I was walking though his house to get to his bedroom, it was clean. His bathroom was clean as well. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to sound immature. I'm just scared and unaware. Truly. I don't have anyone who I can talk to in day to day life. So I'm just looking for advice.
No, this is not what's it's like. You just happened to hook up with an idiot for the first time. It's unlikely you caught something. I've had some horrible hookups but nothing made me feel violated. Mostly it made me sad for the person because they were trying to hook up to get a few minutes of pleasure in their messed up lives. Some hookups will make you see stars and some will leave you feeling grossed out. Protect yourself because no one else will. If it isn't working for you, politely make your excuses and leave. Go home, take a hot shower, and try again.
Funny thing is what you described during your first time with a guy is exactly what I fear when I get to that point. I just pray to gay heaven that they wash well and douche before anything
Thank you for this. I brushed my teeth and scrubbed myself 3 times. I'm just scared if I start getting cold sores in a couple of days. I found a LGBT friendly Dr. and I'm waiting on them to get back to me on Monday for an appointment. I think if I had been on PrEP, I wouldn't have been so paranoid. Majority of it was oral. But I still want to be cautious.
Funny thing is what you described during your first time with a guy is exactly what I fear when I get to that point. I just pray to gay heaven that they wash well and douche before anything
Thanks for calling me brave. This is something that I thought I never would've done in a million years. On my way there,I thought to myself "if i didn't do it now, I'll never do it". This was something I did want to explore. And I didn't want to feel like time was passing by me. I've read on experiences like this but I never thought I would've experienced it.
Fr. Well now you can use this experience to learn and grow. Do you have a support group, or friends that you can talk to about alot of this?
Nope. I'm still in the closet. It's kinda the reason why I joined LPSG.
I see. Do you happen to come from either a strict, or religious household?
Both lol, my parents are a little bit more lenient about me going out because I am a male adult. They're pretty accepting about dating interracially (I'm asian), but not about LGBT rights. It's not spoken about in my household at all.
Ohhhh I see. Well it's probably just a topic that they aren't too keen on how to discuss. I came out when I was 16, but that's because I come from a family that keeps it real. I was still trying to navigate through it all, but eventually I learned that I'm me and being gay is much more fun than being straight. For starters, when people assume that you like girls you don't have to feel uncomfortable nor be the butt of their jokes because you know your truth, so you can hit em with the I'm gay and they'll back off. Next, you don't have to worry about accidentally getting a girl pregnant because you can't be too drunk to not know the difference between pussy and penis. Finally, all the incredibly hot gay porn that makes straight porn look mediocre to your true desires
Mostly what I'm saying is to be proud to be you, and when you get the courage or find yourself in a spot where you feel the least bit scared of the outcome, shout it out and don't look back
Mate, you know who you are and what you want. You know your sexual identity. You can’t just give yourself away to anyone who will have you. If you’re both attracted to each other the sex is going to be out of this world! Don’t have sex with people just because they are willing to have sex with you.
sex is meant to be enjoyed, if you’ve got a guy who you dislike, him or his body, then you’re not going to have a good time.
- Elki,
Don't worry! It does get better. Trust me and everyone else who said it. Don't feel bad about your choice since it allows you to discover what you actually want! I know a few guys that specifically ask for their partners to clean themselves before hooking up, or even when they are already there and see that they're not clean enough, they just ask them to go and have a wash.
Also, about your insecurities. It's obviously ok to have them, but keep in mind, you don't need to lower your standards because you think someone might reject you. You're going to be attractive for sooo many people, just find someone that you find attractive too! Majority of the people on scruff or grindr that wants to get laid off won't waste their time with someone that they don't find hot, they just want someone to bust it quick. Everyone that hits on you thinks you're cute, or hot, or both. Don't think they'll back off or something. Just go for it!
Also, about your insecurities. It's obviously ok to have them, but keep in mind, you don't need to lower your standards because you think someone might reject you. You're going to be attractive for sooo many people, just find someone that you find attractive too! Majority of the people on scruff or grindr that wants to get laid off won't waste their time with someone that they don't find hot, they just want someone to bust it quick. Everyone that hits on you thinks you're cute, or hot, or both. Don't think they'll back off or something. Just go for it!
- Elki,
Oh and about your STD scare, I don't think you should worry. If they guy has a partner and still sexually active with other people chances are that he's 100% careful with it. Even tho this one was a bit... naughty... I guess.
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Don't pray to gay heaven because there is no god. Have the conversation beforehand. If you will only fuck a guy that has douched then ask them if they douche.Funny thing is what you described during your first time with a guy is exactly what I fear when I get to that point. I just pray to gay heaven that they wash well and douche before anything
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We all have bad sex at times. You need to read up on safe sex as you are overreacting but by over reacting are putting yourself at increased risk.
Very low chance you got HIV from that interaction but HIV is in precum so possible. More likely HEP A from rimming. A clean arse can have HEP A too.
Brushing your teeth after oral sex is a bad idea as it increases the chance of gums bleeding and that can be a way for infection to get into your body.
Regarding getting tested. Most tests look for antibodies not antigens so you will not get a positive result before around week 6. This is why in some territories you can aces PEP to treat posible HIV exposure. To work well PEP is taken within a day of suspected exposure but can still work if a few days have passed.
Fo and get tested and while you are there see if PrEP is available. PrEP if taken daily or before and after sex helps prevent HIV infection. For peace of mind it is worth getting it is you can. You may also be able to get vaccinated for HEP B and HPV. Again it all depends on where you live unfortunately but get tested and see what is available.
Don't get too hung up on the first time, use it as a learning exercise. I happily tell guys that I don't rim. You can do the same. If it is a deal breaker for them, move on. If eating ass becomes your thing, tell them it will be the best they have ever had but only if they douche.
You will be fine.
Don't think too deeply about the gay heaven part cuz it was just an expression, but I hear what you saying
cedarizzo
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Sorry you had a bad experience for your first time. Bad sex does happen sometimes. The only thing you did wrong (in my opinion) was continuing having sex with him for as long as you did. I would have 'Noped' right out of there at the first sign that it wasn't right. His size, the cigarette breath, dirty dick....all of those would been signs for me to leave. Good sex begins with everybody involved enjoying what is happening. If you weren't happy, then you need to stop and leave. You NEVER have to continue if you aren't enjoying it, that is your decision!
As for the possibility of catching something, you need to educate yourself with the STDs. Whenever you have sex, no matter how enjoyable it is, if afterwards you are going to constantly beat yourself up with the possibility of STDs, then you shouldn't be having sex with others. Educate yourself on the different diseases, learn how to prevent them, learn what the warning signs are. You will be so much more at ease.
Sex can be so much fun. Get better at choosing your partners. Learn about STDs. And just have fun! Discover what is fun and good for you, and go find people who enjoy the same things. HAVE FUN!
As for the possibility of catching something, you need to educate yourself with the STDs. Whenever you have sex, no matter how enjoyable it is, if afterwards you are going to constantly beat yourself up with the possibility of STDs, then you shouldn't be having sex with others. Educate yourself on the different diseases, learn how to prevent them, learn what the warning signs are. You will be so much more at ease.
Sex can be so much fun. Get better at choosing your partners. Learn about STDs. And just have fun! Discover what is fun and good for you, and go find people who enjoy the same things. HAVE FUN!
Sorry you had an awful time dude! Bad hookups are gonna happen but at least you can tell yourself it’s only gonna get better from now on haha.
The likely hood that you caught a STD is slim but I think the reason you’re freaking out is from the fact you actually did it. There’s probably a little bit of shame and disgust in yourself which is normal. I mean normal in the sense that you’ve been raised to think only dudes fuck girls and everything else is nasty or perverted. I felt the same way when I first hooked up with a dude. I swear I got HIV and was going to die and what would my parents think and on and on went my mental spiral. Then 6 months went by and everything was all clear so I did it again and had the same thoughts afterwards. Took me a little while to recognize the pattern and become educated on STDs and HIV and what are high risk and low risk behaviors. To me, the guy didn’t have good hygiene. You think guys like that are getting a lot of action? Chances are … probably not. Unless you’re into that (no judgement to the pigs out there lol), but most guys tolerate a little after workout BO at most. And if he’s not hooking up a lot, statistically, it’s very unlikely he would have something. Could he? Yes anyone you hook up with could have anything but from a numbers standpoint, probably not.
Gonna give you a little advice if you don’t mind: If at anytime you’re not feeling or enjoying the hookup, it’s OK to stop and/or leave. Don’t let the opinion or judgements of others dictate your life. That’s a life lesson as well as a sexual lesson. You gotta listen to your gut. I’m sure there are plenty of dudes on here that will tell you about a hookup that they’ve left or not done for one reason or another and they haven’t regretted it. There are plenty of fish in the sea and it’s ok to throw back a bad catch. Read up on STDs and HIV and learn how they’re transmitted and how to minimize the risks. Never rely on someone else to be in charge of YOUR health. Take precautions, practice safer sex, and listen to your gut.
If you have any questions or wanna chat just hit me up bro. Glad you took the time to post cause I’m sure there’s another guy that’s gonna benefit from this as well. No ones perfect but we can all make better choices if we learn. You’re gonna be aight dude!
The likely hood that you caught a STD is slim but I think the reason you’re freaking out is from the fact you actually did it. There’s probably a little bit of shame and disgust in yourself which is normal. I mean normal in the sense that you’ve been raised to think only dudes fuck girls and everything else is nasty or perverted. I felt the same way when I first hooked up with a dude. I swear I got HIV and was going to die and what would my parents think and on and on went my mental spiral. Then 6 months went by and everything was all clear so I did it again and had the same thoughts afterwards. Took me a little while to recognize the pattern and become educated on STDs and HIV and what are high risk and low risk behaviors. To me, the guy didn’t have good hygiene. You think guys like that are getting a lot of action? Chances are … probably not. Unless you’re into that (no judgement to the pigs out there lol), but most guys tolerate a little after workout BO at most. And if he’s not hooking up a lot, statistically, it’s very unlikely he would have something. Could he? Yes anyone you hook up with could have anything but from a numbers standpoint, probably not.
Gonna give you a little advice if you don’t mind: If at anytime you’re not feeling or enjoying the hookup, it’s OK to stop and/or leave. Don’t let the opinion or judgements of others dictate your life. That’s a life lesson as well as a sexual lesson. You gotta listen to your gut. I’m sure there are plenty of dudes on here that will tell you about a hookup that they’ve left or not done for one reason or another and they haven’t regretted it. There are plenty of fish in the sea and it’s ok to throw back a bad catch. Read up on STDs and HIV and learn how they’re transmitted and how to minimize the risks. Never rely on someone else to be in charge of YOUR health. Take precautions, practice safer sex, and listen to your gut.
If you have any questions or wanna chat just hit me up bro. Glad you took the time to post cause I’m sure there’s another guy that’s gonna benefit from this as well. No ones perfect but we can all make better choices if we learn. You’re gonna be aight dude!
I'm sorry you had this experience but rest assured we've all been there. I'm 38 and first time was when I was 16 with a guy who was in his late 30's. I met him online and back then chat rooms were just becoming a thing. There wasn't even a way to see photos unless someone took one with a digital camera and emailed it to you. Suffice it say when I met him, I was not attracted to him but was too young and inexperienced to know what to do. Plus I was the only gay kid I knew of, I was lonely and horny and ended up going through with it. Thing is that wasn't the last time I settled for sex with someone I wasn't attracted to. It happens, especially when you might lack confidence in yourself. The thing is rejection is a part of life, and you will probably encounter it a lot. But over time you learn that rejection isn't worth worrying about and it's also out of your control. You could have the best body and the biggest dick and still get turned down for any number of reasons.
In terms of an STD I doubt you would have caught one, but head down to your local sexual health clinic and get some tests done. Those places are usually highly confidential. The ones we have were I live just ask for your first name and contact number, and then call you to come in when your results are ready. I would say the guy just had shitty hygiene and if there were no obvious sores or rashes I wouldn't get too in your head about it. HIV is nearly impossible to get orally unless you have a huge weeping wound like an abscess or something. Also, if you swallowed his load, the acid in your stomach would have completely destroyed it.
Don't let this one incident make you feel bad about yourself. Just be more discerning in future, don't be afraid to ask for a current photo and most importantly you are under no obligation to do anything just because you have shown up at a guys house.
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