relationship advice / only been with one person

[goldcowboy]

hey guys, this is something i’ve been mulling over in my head for a couple months now. Growing up, other gay guys never really took a liking to me and I hadn't had my first sexual experience or kiss for that matter until I was 22. It was with my current partner who I adore and love more than anyone in my life and I love spending everyday with him. we get along perfectly and have grown so much with each other and definitely make each other better people. We’ve been together for nearly 2 years now and nothing bad has transpired and we love each other deeply.

The advice i’m looking for is, i’ve never had sex or kissed or had any form of intimacy with another man and i’m scared that I will always wonder what else is out there in the world? I’m completely happy with our sex life and we love exploring new things, but I often find myself wondering about hooking up with randoms or having wild gay orgies or hooking up with an old friend over the holidays or meeting someone new and being interested in them sexually. And it’s not for a lack of love or closeness in our relationship but more curiosity for what other kinds of men I could have sex with and be intimate with. I’m wondering if anyone else has ever felt that before? or if anyone has thoughts about it?

I don’t want to jeopardize what I have because I love my partner deeply and he’s shown me so much about myself and relationships and I could see us lasting for the rest of my life. I just don’t want to wake up one day and regret never having sex with someone else and seeing what that’s like. I also don’t want to resent him for reasons i’ve created.

i’d love any advice or ideas people have? I’ve thought about bringing it up with him as well but again I don’t want to ruin something amazing just because I want to have sex with others? I’m very conflicted and it makes me feel like a bad partner and makes me feel guilty that I feel this way.

 

[dreamer20]

My first sexual experience = I was 22. I adore my partner of ~ 2 years. But I wonder about sex with a friend, others & wild orgies. Anyone else thought that before? I don’t want to jeopardize what I have.

Then do what your conscience dictates and don't jeopardize what you have by having secret sex with others. You said the two of you "love exploring new things". Ensure that the two of you do that exploring together - such as if you mutually agreed to have sex with another person for example

 

[elklindoxxx]

Then do what your conscience dictates and don't jeopardize what you have by having secret sex with others. You said the two of you "love exploring new things". Ensure that the two of you do that exploring together - such as if you mutually agreed to have sex with another person for example

As a corollary....

Cheating on your partner will cause a lot of problems. So my partner and I go with other couples and it has turbocharged our sex lives.

Talk about opening up your relationship with your partner. There are many online resources to get you started.We also went to a therapist beforehand for advice and it was the best money ever spent.

 

[cawkgawker]

Cheating always fucks things up. You can't get away with it because the other guy has a mouth- and even if you could you will feel like shit, your partner will know something is wrong and it won't take long for the awful truth to come out. Maybe - as suggested - your partner would be into having sex with another couple but if he's as into you as you say you are into him, I would doubt it. That usually doesn't happen until the sex gets old but the love has deepened to where that would not be a relationship killer.

 

[Brodie888]

To be completely cynical, I would say just enjoy your relationship for what it is today and cherish every moment while it lasts.

You are still in the honeymoon phase. Most likely it will break down at some point in the next 5-10 years if not sooner and you will get your chance to know what it's like with other men at that point.

So don't worry about things that will eventually happen anyway or pray that you are one of the few to prove me wrong.

Good luck!

 

[Ernestoteles]

I’m completely happy with our sex life and we love exploring new things

If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Enjoy your paradise.

 

[bredrbull]

My advice: think of a non-threatening way of bringing up the possibility of you jointly hooking up with a 3rd person. Not for any sort of relationship, but for some fun and exploration. If, as you say, you guys enjoy exploring, this would just be another form of exploration. Just remember, this wouldn't be about a relationship or love. It would just be sex.

 

[theplayerking]

hey guys, this is something i’ve been mulling over in my head for a couple months now. Growing up, other gay guys never really took a liking to me and I hadn't had my first sexual experience or kiss for that matter until I was 22. It was with my current partner who I adore and love more than anyone in my life and I love spending everyday with him. we get along perfectly and have grown so much with each other and definitely make each other better people. We’ve been together for nearly 2 years now and nothing bad has transpired and we love each other deeply.

The advice i’m looking for is, i’ve never had sex or kissed or had any form of intimacy with another man and i’m scared that I will always wonder what else is out there in the world? I’m completely happy with our sex life and we love exploring new things, but I often find myself wondering about hooking up with randoms or having wild gay orgies or hooking up with an old friend over the holidays or meeting someone new and being interested in them sexually. And it’s not for a lack of love or closeness in our relationship but more curiosity for what other kinds of men I could have sex with and be intimate with. I’m wondering if anyone else has ever felt that before? or if anyone has thoughts about it?

I don’t want to jeopardize what I have because I love my partner deeply and he’s shown me so much about myself and relationships and I could see us lasting for the rest of my life. I just don’t want to wake up one day and regret never having sex with someone else and seeing what that’s like. I also don’t want to resent him for reasons i’ve created.

i’d love any advice or ideas people have? I’ve thought about bringing it up with him as well but again I don’t want to ruin something amazing just because I want to have sex with others? I’m very conflicted and it makes me feel like a bad partner and makes me feel guilty that I feel this way.

What was his sexual history before you got together? Guys who hooked up a lot before starting a relationship tend to be more open to group play.

Do you watch porn together? If so you could pull up a three way video and let him know how hot it makes you.

I think framing it in the context of being interested in trying a group, rather than just having sex with someone else, might be more productive.

 

[Graham123]

Having a secret affair will put your loving relationship at risk, the grass isn’t any greener on the other side so in my opinion leave well along be thankful you have a wonderful and loving relationship in the first place don’t put all you have a risk for a curiosity shag.

 

[Rooker]

Fuck that.

I had a lot of partners before my wife, and while I don’t regret the fun, I realized after fucking her that I could’ve waited.

She was on the opposite and was glad she did. Not because I’m great, but because of the value she places on it.

Sex is many different things to many people. Intimacy is special.

 

[m95jj]

Ive had this conversation with my first boyfriend when I came out as Bi.

He brought it up - he mentioned that he was concerned that because I’m new to all of this, I might end up feeling resentment towards him because I haven’t been able to experiment and explore.

^i completely summarised that, the conversation was way more intimate and thorough. But I just wanted to get to my response (in hopes that it helps or just gives you another POV)

My partner brought this particular conversation up after a night out and some drinks and it was something that was clearly bothering him. I personally made it clear to him that I was happy where our relationship was at in that moment, however I wouldn’t say no to experimenting together and allowing me to explore my own desires. This conversation is not an easy one and if your other half doesn’t bring it up, it could be difficult to have as your partner might just think you want to leave him without validating your feelings.

Do you think your partner would be open to something like going to a club and allowing you to make out with a guy? This is how me and my ex started. We went to a club and he gave me a free pass to make out with any guy I managed to pick up.

This sort of situation requires lots of conversations and mutual respect and understanding really. It’s a tough one, but I know exactly where you are coming from and how you feel, cause I was you around 10 years ago.

 

[Zhugezen]

Some additional perspectives.

While not gay, but closeted bi, but also being with the only person I was intimate with, married the woman i’ve only been with, two kids now, I share these following thoughts. I resonate with you about wondering what it might be with others. You are very young, so it may be hard to understand, not that you can not intellectually, but because simply you have not had the years to experience the hardships of relationships and life to truly appreciate, but still, can learn from other people’s mistakes/experiences.

1. Be grateful for what you have, live in the moment. The future is never guaranteed and what you might want may happen soon enough, by your current relationship ending for reasons you don’t know at this time.
2. Have you thought why you feel the way you do? Why do you feel fear for wondering? I understand that fear, fomo maybe, as I feel that too, for not having intimate experiences with others people, especially since I’ve been unhappy with my marriage, but unwilling to divorce because of the kids (long story and not the point of this thread). But I have come to understand a bit of why I yearn to have another experience of intimacy, if not carnal experiences with other people, because I did not in my youth. For me, after some deep contemplation, it has been trying to address being rejected and overlooked, my own feelings of feeling inadequate, ugly, etc. This has helped a bit, certainly understanding more for me, but I still wonder. It doesn’t cause as much suffering now though, so that good. Maybe if you understand where these feeling are coming from, you can figure how to let go of this fear and craving.
3. If you can have an open relationship, maybe that can work out for both of you…

Your thoughts are also not uncommon. Many folks deal with this in many different ways. Hope you will find something that works for you! Good luck.