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So I’m in a weird situation with a friend who I think may be bi and I wanted to ask people’s thoughts. For the purpose of this I shall call him Tom.
So Tom and I have worked together for a little over 18months. In the last maybe 8months we’ve become very close.
As far as I’ve always known, he’s straight. He’s in a long term relationship with his gf and there has never been any reason to assume otherwise. He’s an intensely private guy too, keeps work and personal life very separate and doesn’t ever talk about anything personal/emotional etc.
That however has started to change with me. As we’ve got closer as friends things have morphed a little. It started off with us spending a lot more time around one another when at work. I started to catch feelings and now I’m a little head over heels with him. Others have noticed how we are around one another leading them to ask questions if something is going on between us. But on a number of occasions they’ve been prompted so not because of my behaviour but because of his behaviour toward me.
Tom seeks me out as much as I seek him. We text non stop when we’re not together, share silly memes constantly and generally are solidly in one another’s orbit at most times. As we’ve got closer Tom has begun to mix personal and work life more in that he’s invited me out with his friends outside of work. He’s confided in me in very personal matters and that is something he just doesn’t do with anyone else. He’s also alluded more and more that maybe he isn’t as happy in his relationship as he lets on.
Friends have commented on things as well. They’ve noticed that when I’m not paying attention he stares at me. When I’m not about he will ask after me, and pay close attention to where I am and what I’m doing in the sense of making sure I’m ok. He’s made a number of comments to friends about wanting to take care of me etc.
I’ve been super careful about how I behave around him because I don’t want it to be obvious that I have feelings for him and ruin our friendship because this is the most important thing above all.
When we’ve been on nights out together, he gets drunk and that’s when he changes even more. He becomes more touchy, putting his arm around me, staring after me when I’m not paying attention and has made many questionable comments. Including the most recent night out where he said “love you” to me twice, which is not his usual behaviour with mates at all.
A colleague also told me that they had observed a conversation in which he had alluded to questioning his sexuality but thinking being anything other than straight would ruin his life. Though I take this information with a huge pinch of salt.
Im openly gay and friends have said on a number of occasions that in his shoes they wouldn’t behave toward me the way he does in the circumstances as a straight guy.
I wonder if he’s bi and this is a strange situation for him. Wondering if any other users have been in similar situations or have any thoughts on what might be occurring here and how to handle it.
I care about him so much, he’s become one of the most important people in my life. Despite my feelings for him, the most important thing to me is protecting our friendship because he means the world to me in that respect. But if there’s a possibility he may feel the same I would love to be with him. It’s a very strange situation
So Tom and I have worked together for a little over 18months. In the last maybe 8months we’ve become very close.
As far as I’ve always known, he’s straight. He’s in a long term relationship with his gf and there has never been any reason to assume otherwise. He’s an intensely private guy too, keeps work and personal life very separate and doesn’t ever talk about anything personal/emotional etc.
That however has started to change with me. As we’ve got closer as friends things have morphed a little. It started off with us spending a lot more time around one another when at work. I started to catch feelings and now I’m a little head over heels with him. Others have noticed how we are around one another leading them to ask questions if something is going on between us. But on a number of occasions they’ve been prompted so not because of my behaviour but because of his behaviour toward me.
Tom seeks me out as much as I seek him. We text non stop when we’re not together, share silly memes constantly and generally are solidly in one another’s orbit at most times. As we’ve got closer Tom has begun to mix personal and work life more in that he’s invited me out with his friends outside of work. He’s confided in me in very personal matters and that is something he just doesn’t do with anyone else. He’s also alluded more and more that maybe he isn’t as happy in his relationship as he lets on.
Friends have commented on things as well. They’ve noticed that when I’m not paying attention he stares at me. When I’m not about he will ask after me, and pay close attention to where I am and what I’m doing in the sense of making sure I’m ok. He’s made a number of comments to friends about wanting to take care of me etc.
I’ve been super careful about how I behave around him because I don’t want it to be obvious that I have feelings for him and ruin our friendship because this is the most important thing above all.
When we’ve been on nights out together, he gets drunk and that’s when he changes even more. He becomes more touchy, putting his arm around me, staring after me when I’m not paying attention and has made many questionable comments. Including the most recent night out where he said “love you” to me twice, which is not his usual behaviour with mates at all.
A colleague also told me that they had observed a conversation in which he had alluded to questioning his sexuality but thinking being anything other than straight would ruin his life. Though I take this information with a huge pinch of salt.
Im openly gay and friends have said on a number of occasions that in his shoes they wouldn’t behave toward me the way he does in the circumstances as a straight guy.
I wonder if he’s bi and this is a strange situation for him. Wondering if any other users have been in similar situations or have any thoughts on what might be occurring here and how to handle it.
I care about him so much, he’s become one of the most important people in my life. Despite my feelings for him, the most important thing to me is protecting our friendship because he means the world to me in that respect. But if there’s a possibility he may feel the same I would love to be with him. It’s a very strange situation