It's a combination of things really bruh, the pain issue is very individual if a woman isn't used to being stretched both width and depth wise, some women experience a little discomfort and or pain, some feel a lot of pain to the point of tapping out sometimes. With regard to the visual that's often a big impact in its own right, again individual whether it's shock, surprise, excitement, fear or a combination of all.
Obviously a large cock is going to have the potential to fill the whole vagina at once stretching it deeper and wider than a small cock can, stimulating all parts at once.
Foreplay and warming up is essential for an inexperienced woman that's not used to a large penis along with lube etc, angle of penetration and pace are important to try and avoid too much discomfort too early and the risk of vaginal tearing.
Once all's going well I've had women cumming all over my dick that have said that they've never experienced even the slightest orgasam with their usual partner or husband, in my opinion that's what makes the biggest difference, the experience as a whole with a large penis, the anticipation, the challenge, the way it takes their breath away, giving their body a full workout, the pleasure they experience, the way they react body mind and soul, the way they're left exhausted and shattered but truly satisfied. One of the biggest changes sex with a large penis can make is on a woman's mind in my experience, the way it raises the bar, changing their expectations for what great sex should feel like and what it can do. Once the mind knows how good it was there's no way to go back to what her expectations were before, that's what truly makes the difference.
I think you are totally right Mike, maybe some women physically can't take a large cock, but for most women its proper arousal and technique to get her to adjust and appreciate the extra size of a large cock.
I think one thing that a lot of these different sites(quora, reddit, etc.)where women talk about large cocks being painful is that the guys that they were attached to had no love making skills, and you can imagine a guy with a large cock trying to shove it in her vagina when it's dry and not aroused, it would be agony.
Where in your situation it's the opposite spending time getting her ready through mental conditioning, lots of arousal, and being gentle while she adjusts to the extra large size.
Also a lot of women experiences have only been with average sized dicks, they will not be aware of all those areas deep in their vagina, as well as the ones that need more pressure( bigger girth) to be aroused properly. Both of these characteristics can cause those intense mind blowing orgasms that she could only have experienced with a talented lover with a big cock, so in other words, she doesn't know what she is missing.
So when women are asked if size makes any difference and all she's had and has known are either small or average cocks, or a big one where the guy is too dumb to know how to use it properly, can leave a impression that size doesn't matter or they are painful.
Until I suppose until they experience something like the treatment you give them Mike, or the other poster that's wife had a great experience with big cock, women don't know what they are missing.
You can see this genuinely most in amature Videos where the woman is fully aroused and is getting fucked by a very large cock, you can witness the amazing intensity and how rapid her orgasms are by her body or leg shaking, hands grabbing the sheets(on the bed), toe curls, and her eyes rolling in the back of her head. The sexual sounds a woman makes are so different too between the different cock sizes. With a average cock women don't generally make too many sounds of arousal. With a really big cock the sounds the woman makes are usually non stop either OMG, or shit, fuck some words similar. Lots of sounds of pleasure that coordinate with the thrusting of the large cock, as the intensity is so real and greater than a average cock.
I think it's very true a woman will not leave a husband/partner for cock size alone, but sometimes guys will think this way, when infact there are other reasons why in a relationship a woman leaves. Just from a womans sexual satisfaction standpoint, the age old saying "bigger is better" does have a ring of truth to it.
BTW Mike speaking of amature videos, you posted one of you fucking one of your friends, can you please post more videos of you fucking her or different women , thanks