"We all want what we can't have" is such BS

[bigboaster]

Not sure anyone cares about this but... I see people use this phrase ALL the time on here. "We all want what we can have"
Usually whenever a discussion comes up (in the context of gay men) about being attracted to straight men (usually exclusively). But it can also apply to anyone with very rigid/strict sexual standards focusing on qualities they don't possess but seek in others. And it's always bothered me for a couple reasons.

1) Doesn't this phrase suggest that people who say this don't want what they can have? So you won't ever seek an attainable partner then? Or if you do... you're basically settling. Is that the conclusion? I don't get it. It's always come across a but incel-ish to me tbh.

2) It's not ALL, please stop projecting your personal desires onto other people quite frankly. Plenty of people seem happy with what they "can have", Me being one of those people.

3) It's basically a thought terminating cliche. People say this as if it's some satisfying response, but it really isn't? Like what comes next? What are you gonna do about it? Nothing? How does this phrase help anything?

 

[Boaxy]

1.Nope. Because we can't help what we like. I can have James Charles, as yes he's gay and attracted to men, but I'm not attracted to him. But yes he's gay/available, but never in a million years (and I say this as someone who is feminine myself. I'm a Black gay man, and the last person to judge. and I respect James Charles and I'd be ride die best friend/girlies with him forever etc. lol but he's, and guys like him, are not my type at all romantically) or I can like Ethan from H3H3. Yes he's straight but I find him fucking hot. So sadly I'll just complain and whinge because it's unfair. Why are guys I'm attracted to. I can't have?

That's why we're tripping. We can't have it. (In this case, wanting a straight guy etc.) Like at least if there was a chance, we would be less agitated about it. But we just hold onto small still impossible hopes, and what if's, and could be's, maybe's, and possibly's and probably's etc.

The funny thing, is that "what you can't have". You actually can have, if you're lucky enough. (Either or, it's going to take a miracle/challenge for it to happen). For example supposedly Shane Dawson identified as Straight (and some people still believe he is) and Ryland developed feelings for Shane, which Shane told Ryland he's not gay, and not into guys, but sure enough (and several bouts of Youtuber/influencer Drama later lol) causing Shane to later come out as Bisexual, and long story short, they got legally partnered up, and they have twin sons they adopted, so yeah.

2.Okay great you got lucky. There are some of us who haven't yet. I'm scared I'm never gonna find love and I want a Boyfriend/I want to find love. I'm never gonna be one of those that say, "Some people will never find love." That's horrible. I want everyone who's single and wants love, to get it. But sadly right now I'm in my 30s and still single and lonely, and upset about it. .

3.Idk hope we get lucky. I mean life can't be that cruel that you're always gonna get what you can't? My Mom died when I was 11. My identical twin brother who was gay as well, died when he was 15. I'm Black, Gay, Autistic, single, lonely. In my 30s now. Like I feel I deserve love, and I have every right to be mad at the world. I'm hoping some guy out there understands.

I honestly just wish I was fucking not gay. Straight people you guys are so lucky and I get so jealous of straight people, straight guys, straight girls. I'm sorry. There I fucking said it. Smh.

I just hate how I"m in this box, like and we can't change or do anything about it. So yeah. I can't help what I like, and it seems unfair that because I'm those three letters, g, a, and y. I have to just not have any thoughts at all about straight guys, and just eliminate straight guys, and straight crushes. Because I'm automatically the bad guy, both from straight and gay people's perspectives, from crushing on a straight guy. I'm just tainted, ugly, weird, perverted, damaged goods. etc. Like fuck this. Smh.

But it's okay I can "just find a guy who's into me" sure, as that's as easy as you say it is. That's the part I don't get. Straight people at least have a wider dating pool. We don't have that luxury. In fact it's worse, as you have forbidden/impossible crushes, then you have to realize if you do want to find someone who's LGBTQ to date, it seems like it's a challenge/something difficult. So I don't know. We just can't win.

I just want to be loved that's all.

 

[HungBtmVegas]

I don't want what I can't have because I've never wanted someone I CAN'T have. I've liked straight guys and had their cocks in my mouth less than an hour after the telling them I'm gay because a lot of straight guys actually want to find out if guys suck cock better at least once and I'm at my most confident when a conversation turns sexual.

 

[Raybo Revoy]

I do think it's BS. I think a lot of life is about adapting to what is realistic to let yourself be as happy or content as you can be. And it is possible to get what you thought you couldn't have and then find out it isn't really what you wanted. I've been there. So be happy and remind yourself of what you have that's good and tell "the impossible dream" to go fuck itself!

 

[Boaxy]

I do think it's BS. I think a lot of life is about adapting to what is realistic to let yourself be as happy or content as you can be. And it is possible to get what you thought you couldn't have and then find out it isn't really what you wanted. I've been there. So be happy and remind yourself of what you have that's good and tell "the impossible dream" to go fuck itself!

Oh that's just not true.

If you want what you can't have, you're accepting the unconventional aspects of you get lucky and get it.

For example I'm fully aware of the skeletons and baggage my crush has. I don't give a shit I still want him. I hate being Black and Gay so much. I know if I wasn't Gay, I'd have him as my dream man as he's Straight unfortunately, so at the moment he's Straight or I don't care. I'm starting to hate labels. It's whatever.

But I just want to find love so yeah.

 

[deleted19462351]

I've wanted what I couldn't have and much like anyone with a brain and some self respect I got over it and tried to leave it behind, hard but not impossible, obviously hurts ever more when you can see the lack of emotional maturity it's making them be this way, but I cannot wait forever.

Regarding straight guys some of you really need to take the blindfold off, celebrities DO NOT represent what the majority look like, that well groomed "straight" guy you might be drooling about constantly might not be straight, he's just isn't into you. Heck, I'm not into most guys and I'm not straight (and don't use my profile percentage as evidence of anything, I haven't touched that since day 1)

Also I don't get the kind of guys I like, they might fool around with me but never date me, heck, some couldn't even offer me a friendship, so what I'm gonna do? Keep after them and accept breadcrumbs? Nah, fuck that.

 

[deleted28504631]

Well, I think in my case it is true, unfortunately.

I want a long-lasting, fulfilling romantic relationship with a woman but I can't have one because I'm more sexually attracted to men.

Or I want a rich and fulfilling sex life with men but I can't have one because the only men I'm attracted to are 10s that are out of my league.

 

[Twisted_GardenofOenothera]

Not sure anyone cares about this but... I see people use this phrase ALL the time on here. "We all want what we can have"
Usually whenever a discussion comes up (in the context of gay men) about being attracted to straight men (usually exclusively). But it can also apply to anyone with very rigid/strict sexual standards focusing on qualities they don't possess but seek in others. And it's always bothered me for a couple reasons.

1) Doesn't this phrase suggest that people who say this don't want what they can have? So you won't ever seek an attainable partner then? Or if you do... you're basically settling. Is that the conclusion? I don't get it. It's always come across a but incel-ish to me tbh.

2) It's not ALL, please stop projecting your personal desires onto other people quite frankly. Plenty of people seem happy with what they "can have", Me being one of those people.

3) It's basically a thought terminating cliche. People say this as if it's some satisfying response, but it really isn't? Like what comes next? What are you gonna do about it? Nothing? How does this phrase help anything?

From what I've been told and with what I've observed from others and myself (to some extent), is that people typically want someone that complements them well. I think there's a reason why the term "opposites attract" exists. A lot of people are attracted to people who have traits that they don't or traits that they admire or feel "foreign" to them. In many people, an example that of a manifestation of this is that "the masculine desires the feminine, and the feminine desires the masculine." This is most easily observed in heterosexual people. Of course, maybe this is just a product of cultural conditioning, as "sexual complementarianism" was the underlying gender and sexuality framework throughout most Abrahamic and even some Eastern societies. Though, I do believe that our attractions are natural and hard to rewire out of us. (Feel a bit like a hypocrite for writing this because I love masc×masc stuff despite not being very masculine myself)
Also, maybe in the case for some people...they just like the thrill of chasing a taboo, which isn't great and probably isn't healthy.
Anyways... it is a bit sad to keep pursuing what you can't realistically have and to not mature and learn to accept what you can control. I used to think that I would never find a gay or bi man that is desirable, but after being on here and learning more about gay people and gay culture from around the world, I actually have found gay male spaces where I can find lots of nice men who could be into me hahaha, and even if I didn't, I'd learn to just accept that and become celibate and devote myself to God or something. There are always options for contentedness, right?
Interesting post, Boaster. hope this was somewhat insightful.

 

[bigboaster]

From what I've been told and with what I've observed from others and myself (to some extent), is that people typically want someone that complements them well. I think there's a reason why the term "opposites attract" exists.

Makes sense. I don't disagree with the underlying psychology of it.

A lot of people are attracted to people who have traits that they don't or traits that they admire or feel "foreign" to them. In many people, an example that of a manifestation of this is that "the masculine desires the feminine, and the feminine desires the masculine." This is most easily observed in heterosexual people.

Interesting you bring that up. There are so many ways that this applies to straight people that both back up and kinda disprove the rule. I think there are just too many heteros to really box in here but on the basic framework of feminine (woman) seeking masculine (man). Yes it's the standard for sure.

Of course, maybe this is just a product of cultural conditioning, as "sexual complementarianism" was the underlying gender and sexuality framework throughout most Abrahamic and even some Eastern societies. Though, I do believe that our attractions are natural and hard to rewire out of us. (Feel a bit like a hypocrite for writing this because I love masc×masc stuff despite not being very masculine myself)

Never heard that term before. Will be looking more into that. Although on its surface it's fairly straight forward and does track with previous research I've encountered on this topic.

Also, maybe in the case for some people...they just like the thrill of chasing a taboo, which isn't great and probably isn't healthy.
Anyways... it is a bit sad to keep pursuing what you can't realistically have and to not mature and learn to accept what you can control.

Well this is where I appreciate some bits of self introspection and awareness. Most of the time this is presented as "healthy" just because it is "normal". When it's really never seemed a healthy mindset to actually perpetuate. Glad to see someone admit that for a change.

I used to think that I would never find a gay or bi man that is desirable, but after being on here and learning more about gay people and gay culture from around the world, I actually have found gay male spaces where I can find lots of nice men who could be into me hahaha,

Well no one can say LPSG never helped someone helped out. Cheers my man.

and even if I didn't, I'd learn to just accept that and become celibate and devote myself to God or something. There are always options for contentedness, right?
Interesting post, Boaster. hope this was somewhat insightful.

You're not wrong. For some. Maybe a life of solitude is the more ideal scenario. I guess it's a case by case thing.

Thanks foe replying bud, your post was certainly more insightful than anything I expected (which was for this post to be mostly ignored lol) appreciate your time and thoughts.

 

[Twisted_GardenofOenothera]

Makes sense. I don't disagree with the underlying psychology of it.

Interesting you bring that up. There are so many ways that this applies to straight people that both back up and kinda disprove the rule. I think there are just too many heteros to really box in here but on the basic framework of feminine (woman) seeking masculine (man). Yes it's the standard for sure.

Never heard that term before. Will be looking more into that. Although on its surface it's fairly straight forward and does track with previous research I've encountered on this topic.

Well this is where I appreciate some bits of self introspection and awareness. Most of the time this is presented as "healthy" just because it is "normal". When it's really never seemed a healthy mindset to actually perpetuate. Glad to see someone admit that for a change.


Well no one can say LPSG never helped someone helped out. Cheers my man.

You're not wrong. For some. Maybe a life of solitude is the more ideal scenario. I guess it's a case by case thing.

Thanks foe replying bud, your post was certainly more insightful than anything I expected (which was for this post to be mostly ignored lol) appreciate your time and thoughts.

Thank you for the feedback, yourself. You're a user I have a lot of respect for and you gave some great feedback on a very vulnerable post of mine, so I thought it'd only be just to return the favor. (^ ^)

 

[englad]

I do not get the lionising of straight masculinity.

We've been through a ton more than they have. And we keep going. That's something I deeply admire about us. We're far tougher and more resilient than they are.

 

[deleted19462351]

I do not get the lionising of straight masculinity.

We've been through a ton more than they have. And we keep going. That's something I deeply admire about us. We're far tougher and more resilient than they are.

Oh definitely, they fold like a wet towel paper the moment they don't get their way.

 

[FLICOMTSFH]

See, this is why LPSG is so frustrating.
I'm 100% straight. This forum really caters 90 percent to gay guys.
I have no issue with gay guys other than to say I don't roll that way.
My conclusion is, this is the way it works out no matter which big dick forum you find, or even if you invent a new one.

My interest is, I am blessed with a rather impressive member and it needs constant care and feeding by females. I can't get enough pussy.

 

[Kinglmao]

Question if you jack off to a guy you want but can’t get rn is that form of manifestation?

 

[FrankieGuile]

Not sure anyone cares about this but... I see people use this phrase ALL the time on here. "We all want what we can have"
Usually whenever a discussion comes up (in the context of gay men) about being attracted to straight men (usually exclusively). But it can also apply to anyone with very rigid/strict sexual standards focusing on qualities they don't possess but seek in others. And it's always bothered me for a couple reasons.

1) Doesn't this phrase suggest that people who say this don't want what they can have? So you won't ever seek an attainable partner then? Or if you do... you're basically settling. Is that the conclusion? I don't get it. It's always come across a but incel-ish to me tbh.

2) It's not ALL, please stop projecting your personal desires onto other people quite frankly. Plenty of people seem happy with what they "can have", Me being one of those people.

3) It's basically a thought terminating cliche. People say this as if it's some satisfying response, but it really isn't? Like what comes next? What are you gonna do about it? Nothing? How does this phrase help anything?

Kudos for the thought provocation. My snarky response is "It is what it is," but that's another example of a superficial and meaningless response for the pseudo-profound when intelligence fails. I'm aligned with your thoughts on items 2 and 3, and cannot improve on them. I don't think item 1 is as symmetrical as you believe, but that doesn't matter -- the phrase is a pathetic utterance of a lazy mind and is not true to boot. For example, I don't want people around me who conduct life with such pessimism and abdication of free will, so I make a practice of cutting them out of my life. So, contrary to the statement, I don't want what I don't have.

 

[Raybo Revoy]

Not sure anyone cares about this but... I see people use this phrase ALL the time on here. "We all want what we can have"
Usually whenever a discussion comes up (in the context of gay men) about being attracted to straight men (usually exclusively). But it can also apply to anyone with very rigid/strict sexual standards focusing on qualities they don't possess but seek in others. And it's always bothered me for a couple reasons.

1) Doesn't this phrase suggest that people who say this don't want what they can have? So you won't ever seek an attainable partner then? Or if you do... you're basically settling. Is that the conclusion? I don't get it. It's always come across a but incel-ish to me tbh.

2) It's not ALL, please stop projecting your personal desires onto other people quite frankly. Plenty of people seem happy with what they "can have", Me being one of those people.

3) It's basically a thought terminating cliche. People say this as if it's some satisfying response, but it really isn't? Like what comes next? What are you gonna do about it? Nothing? How does this phrase help anything?

 

[Kinglmao]

Not sure anyone cares about this but... I see people use this phrase ALL the time on here. "We all want what we can have"
Usually whenever a discussion comes up (in the context of gay men) about being attracted to straight men (usually exclusively). But it can also apply to anyone with very rigid/strict sexual standards focusing on qualities they don't possess but seek in others. And it's always bothered me for a couple reasons.

1) Doesn't this phrase suggest that people who say this don't want what they can have? So you won't ever seek an attainable partner then? Or if you do... you're basically settling. Is that the conclusion? I don't get it. It's always come across a but incel-ish to me tbh.

2) It's not ALL, please stop projecting your personal desires onto other people quite frankly. Plenty of people seem happy with what they "can have", Me being one of those people.

3) It's basically a thought terminating cliche. People say this as if it's some satisfying response, but it really isn't? Like what comes next? What are you gonna do about it? Nothing? How does this phrase help anything?

I want my ex back ( sometimes when I’m bored) but he don’t want me and lives in a whole other state, and has a boyfriend I’m pretty sure . So I can’t have him lmao, sometimes we want things that just ain’t gonna happen it’s life tbh.

 

[bigboaster]

I want my ex back ( sometimes when I’m bored) but he don’t want me and lives in a whole other state, and has a boyfriend I’m pretty sure . So I can’t have him lmao, sometimes we want things that just ain’t gonna happen it’s life tbh.

Yeah sometimes of course. But I think it's healthy to acknowledge and move on to greener pastures. I think my issue lies with those determined to stay stuck in a cycle of seeking the thing that is unattainable.

 

[FrankieGuile]

Yeah sometimes of course. But I think it's healthy to acknowledge and move on to greener pastures. I think my issue lies with those determined to stay stuck in a cycle of seeking the thing that is unattainable.

It may be because they do not want to move forward and improve their lot, but instead wallow in self-pity and live self-absorbed, fueled by the sympathy of others. It is difficult for me to understand such a mindset and such a person cannot make any meaningful difference in this world, but those who remain stuck exist among us.

 

[Black TinTin]

1.Nope. Because we can't help what we like. I can have James Charles, as yes he's gay and attracted to men, but I'm not attracted to him. But yes he's gay/available, but never in a million years (and I say this as someone who is feminine myself. I'm a Black gay man, and the last person to judge. and I respect James Charles and I'd be ride die best friend/girlies with him forever etc. lol but he's, and guys like him, are not my type at all romantically) or I can like Ethan from H3H3. Yes he's straight but I find him fucking hot. So sadly I'll just complain and whinge because it's unfair. Why are guys I'm attracted to. I can't have?

That's why we're tripping. We can't have it. (In this case, wanting a straight guy etc.) Like at least if there was a chance, we would be less agitated about it. But we just hold onto small still impossible hopes, and what if's, and could be's, maybe's, and possibly's and probably's etc.

The funny thing, is that "what you can't have". You actually can have, if you're lucky enough. (Either or, it's going to take a miracle/challenge for it to happen). For example supposedly Shane Dawson identified as Straight (and some people still believe he is) and Ryland developed feelings for Shane, which Shane told Ryland he's not gay, and not into guys, but sure enough (and several bouts of Youtuber/influencer Drama later lol) causing Shane to later come out as Bisexual, and long story short, they got legally partnered up, and they have twin sons they adopted, so yeah.

2.Okay great you got lucky. There are some of us who haven't yet. I'm scared I'm never gonna find love and I want a Boyfriend/I want to find love. I'm never gonna be one of those that say, "Some people will never find love." That's horrible. I want everyone who's single and wants love, to get it. But sadly right now I'm in my 30s and still single and lonely, and upset about it. .

3.Idk hope we get lucky. I mean life can't be that cruel that you're always gonna get what you can't? My Mom died when I was 11. My identical twin brother who was gay as well, died when he was 15. I'm Black, Gay, Autistic, single, lonely. In my 30s now. Like I feel I deserve love, and I have every right to be mad at the world. I'm hoping some guy out there understands.

I honestly just wish I was fucking not gay. Straight people you guys are so lucky and I get so jealous of straight people, straight guys, straight girls. I'm sorry. There I fucking said it. Smh.

I just hate how I"m in this box, like and we can't change or do anything about it. So yeah. I can't help what I like, and it seems unfair that because I'm those three letters, g, a, and y. I have to just not have any thoughts at all about straight guys, and just eliminate straight guys, and straight crushes. Because I'm automatically the bad guy, both from straight and gay people's perspectives, from crushing on a straight guy. I'm just tainted, ugly, weird, perverted, damaged goods. etc. Like fuck this. Smh.

But it's okay I can "just find a guy who's into me" sure, as that's as easy as you say it is. That's the part I don't get. Straight people at least have a wider dating pool. We don't have that luxury. In fact it's worse, as you have forbidden/impossible crushes, then you have to realize if you do want to find someone who's LGBTQ to date, it seems like it's a challenge/something difficult. So I don't know. We just can't win.

I just want to be loved that's all.

I think the term "want what you can't have" implies that desire comes from the fact that they are not obtainable. If they were, you wouldn't be interested.