I'm sorry for the long post in advance, but I could really use some advice right because I just don't feel good at all. I can't remember the last time I've felt this way.
I'm (24M) bisexual and have never dated a guy until a couple of months ago. Honestly, this was the year (Late January) that I first began experimenting with guys too. All my life, I hadn't done with thing a guy but I took a chance and decided to let this be the year. All my life I also said I wouldn't do it because of internalized homophobia and because I saw myself with a wife and kids when all is said and done.
But this guy in particular changed my mind and opened it to the possibility of what could be. We're the same age and everything (Before, I'd said I'd never mess around with a guy my age because that runs the risk of us knowing the same people, they're kinda immature, etc. but regardless, I took a chance with him.). He had never dated a guy before either, so we were venturing down this road for the first time, together.
--
We lasted about 3 months. I tried fighting for it to make things work, but there was always something. I didn't like the way he talked to me sometimes, I felt like I never got affirmation or reassuring words (His response was "What kinda gushy stuff do you want me to say"), I felt like he didn't support me at other times, the list goes on, and I won't bore you guys with the details.
All in all, we just don't work. Our schedules no longer align, we keep having disagreements, and more. We had called it quits last week, but then got on the phone and seemingly resolved things, but I can tell it's just not there anymore. It's just not going to work. We haven't officially called it off but I know it's only a matter of time.
I'm very hurt. Despite my initial beliefs about dating guys, I gave it a chance and now look at me. Despite my initial beliefs about entertaining a guy my age, I gave it a chance and now look at me. Everything just blew up in my face. I'm damn near broken right now. I go through moments of being ok with how things turned out, telling myself that "it was for the best" and that "I'll make it through" but for the most part, I'm upset.
--
These days I have no appetite, on-and-off crying, I'm getting headaches, I don't feel like doing anything. I'm just not myself anymore because of how bad this caught me off guard and how bad I feel. Work and my occasional hobbies keeps me distracted but once those are done, I'm stuck in my head thinking of him and how things went downhill.
It's to the point I'm considering therapy. I really wanted it to work with him but it just didn't.
And what's worse is that I know he's just fine without me. He has a very promising future, many groups of friends, and more. I have nothing and no one. I'm not close to my family and my friends are surface-level; I can't talk to them about deep things like this. None of them even know about him or the fact that I'm bisexual. I'm alone. That's what's brought me here.
I have people that are romantically interested in me but I don't want them. Literally, last week on the day when he and I stopped talking, an old girlfriend hit me up wanting to rekindle things but I'm not interested at all. I wanted him. They say in order to get over someone, you have to get under someone else. That's worked in the past, but not this time. I'm not remotely interested in dating anyone else, doing anything casual with my old fwb's, etc. etc. I've met up with one of them and it just didn't do anything for me. It felt like I was just trying to fill the void.
--
I'm just lost on where to go and what to do. I know I need to focus on myself, start working out consistently, eating right, etc. and I've been doing that the past few days but I know that's not enough. I know I need to focus on my mental status but I just don't know how to do that. I constantly check my phone to see if he's reached out, but every time, it's nothing. I try to reframe my negative thinking and feelings but it's no good. I need help on what to do next. A part of me is even thinking, if I look better and work on myself then I can talk to him in the future and try making things work, but I know that's not the right mindset to have.
To be brutally honest and I'm sorry if this comes off some sort of way, but he wasn't all that in the looks department; Maybe a 6.5 at best. I know I could do far better in that area given how I look and who I've attracted in the past. But thanks to him, I also learned that it's not always about the looks, it's also about the person and how they make me feel. And we don't really have much in common. When he's talking about work or these organizations that he's in, I'm like "Oh ok, that's nice", followed by some questions because I literally have no concept of what he's talking about. And he's supposed to be moving away for Med-School in 2025 (Unless he decides to stay local), so I'm sure that would've caused a rift between us. I guess it's better these things happened three months in as opposed to a year+ in.
But despite all of this, I liked how he made me feel when things were good and I liked who I was around him.
He received a part of me that I've never shared with anyone else and I feel as though that's why this hurts so bad. I would've done anything for him.
I'm sorry for the long post. I just need help because I'm in a steep mental decline. I didn't even wanna come home last night. Can anyone please help? Thank you so much.
--
TL;DR: Me and the first guy I've ever dated called things off for good. I'm extremely hurt to the point where I don't wanna do anything. I have headaches, I'm crying on-and-off, and more. I really liked him but we just couldn't make it work. Can I please get some help?
I'm (24M) bisexual and have never dated a guy until a couple of months ago. Honestly, this was the year (Late January) that I first began experimenting with guys too. All my life, I hadn't done with thing a guy but I took a chance and decided to let this be the year. All my life I also said I wouldn't do it because of internalized homophobia and because I saw myself with a wife and kids when all is said and done.
But this guy in particular changed my mind and opened it to the possibility of what could be. We're the same age and everything (Before, I'd said I'd never mess around with a guy my age because that runs the risk of us knowing the same people, they're kinda immature, etc. but regardless, I took a chance with him.). He had never dated a guy before either, so we were venturing down this road for the first time, together.
--
We lasted about 3 months. I tried fighting for it to make things work, but there was always something. I didn't like the way he talked to me sometimes, I felt like I never got affirmation or reassuring words (His response was "What kinda gushy stuff do you want me to say"), I felt like he didn't support me at other times, the list goes on, and I won't bore you guys with the details.
All in all, we just don't work. Our schedules no longer align, we keep having disagreements, and more. We had called it quits last week, but then got on the phone and seemingly resolved things, but I can tell it's just not there anymore. It's just not going to work. We haven't officially called it off but I know it's only a matter of time.
I'm very hurt. Despite my initial beliefs about dating guys, I gave it a chance and now look at me. Despite my initial beliefs about entertaining a guy my age, I gave it a chance and now look at me. Everything just blew up in my face. I'm damn near broken right now. I go through moments of being ok with how things turned out, telling myself that "it was for the best" and that "I'll make it through" but for the most part, I'm upset.
--
These days I have no appetite, on-and-off crying, I'm getting headaches, I don't feel like doing anything. I'm just not myself anymore because of how bad this caught me off guard and how bad I feel. Work and my occasional hobbies keeps me distracted but once those are done, I'm stuck in my head thinking of him and how things went downhill.
It's to the point I'm considering therapy. I really wanted it to work with him but it just didn't.
And what's worse is that I know he's just fine without me. He has a very promising future, many groups of friends, and more. I have nothing and no one. I'm not close to my family and my friends are surface-level; I can't talk to them about deep things like this. None of them even know about him or the fact that I'm bisexual. I'm alone. That's what's brought me here.
I have people that are romantically interested in me but I don't want them. Literally, last week on the day when he and I stopped talking, an old girlfriend hit me up wanting to rekindle things but I'm not interested at all. I wanted him. They say in order to get over someone, you have to get under someone else. That's worked in the past, but not this time. I'm not remotely interested in dating anyone else, doing anything casual with my old fwb's, etc. etc. I've met up with one of them and it just didn't do anything for me. It felt like I was just trying to fill the void.
--
I'm just lost on where to go and what to do. I know I need to focus on myself, start working out consistently, eating right, etc. and I've been doing that the past few days but I know that's not enough. I know I need to focus on my mental status but I just don't know how to do that. I constantly check my phone to see if he's reached out, but every time, it's nothing. I try to reframe my negative thinking and feelings but it's no good. I need help on what to do next. A part of me is even thinking, if I look better and work on myself then I can talk to him in the future and try making things work, but I know that's not the right mindset to have.
To be brutally honest and I'm sorry if this comes off some sort of way, but he wasn't all that in the looks department; Maybe a 6.5 at best. I know I could do far better in that area given how I look and who I've attracted in the past. But thanks to him, I also learned that it's not always about the looks, it's also about the person and how they make me feel. And we don't really have much in common. When he's talking about work or these organizations that he's in, I'm like "Oh ok, that's nice", followed by some questions because I literally have no concept of what he's talking about. And he's supposed to be moving away for Med-School in 2025 (Unless he decides to stay local), so I'm sure that would've caused a rift between us. I guess it's better these things happened three months in as opposed to a year+ in.
But despite all of this, I liked how he made me feel when things were good and I liked who I was around him.
He received a part of me that I've never shared with anyone else and I feel as though that's why this hurts so bad. I would've done anything for him.
I'm sorry for the long post. I just need help because I'm in a steep mental decline. I didn't even wanna come home last night. Can anyone please help? Thank you so much.
--
TL;DR: Me and the first guy I've ever dated called things off for good. I'm extremely hurt to the point where I don't wanna do anything. I have headaches, I'm crying on-and-off, and more. I really liked him but we just couldn't make it work. Can I please get some help?
