What does this mean, am I gay or what?

[BifuriousJoel]

So here's my deal:

All my life I've only had crushes (or "fallen in love," whatever) on women. Had an unrequited crush on a female friend in high school, had a considerably stronger unrequited crush on a close female friend in college.

Now, this part is pretty embarrassing. Some months ago I've developed a slight...obsession with a female IG model. It's not a parasocial relationship. It may sound douchebaggy but I only care for her looks, I don't even comment on her posts, so it's not like that, it's purely superficial. However, I have a folder full of her pictures and I can spend hours looking through her pics online, saving them to my computer, etc. Recently on another forum someone said there's a rumor that she's starting an OF and I swear my heart SKIPPED A BEAT like never before, which is pretty lame, getting so freakishly excited about that. So, to say I'm into how this chick looks would be an understatement. I think she's the most beautiful woman in the world and I would look at her pics and literally think that's the sexiest thing I've seen in my life, like it's another level.

HOWEVER...

Most of the times, especially recently, I get horny about her and try to jerk off to one of her pics...and I can't. I don't get hard enough, even when I'm literally thinking her pics are the hottest shit I've seen. So what do I do? I jerk off to pics of hot dudes.

Yeah, plot twist: Ever since I've been jerking off, I've done it to men as well as women, more often to men, actually. Henry Cavill, Chris Hemsworth, Chris Evans, Alan Ritchson, sometimes gay porn. I cum in seconds, most of the time. But there's no...allure, no strong attraction. It's almost mechanical. I rarely get horny enough about dudes to want to jerk off to them, you know what I mean? Like I never think, "Oooh, let's masturbate to Chris Hemsworth!" That's only what I turn to after I can't jerk off to pics of women, which is what got me horny in the first place and what I wanted to do. And I feel bad afterwards, not in a "gay is a sin" kind of way but in a "I didn’t actually WANT that" kind of way. (I should note here, I have no problem cumming to straight/lesbian porn, it's just pictures that give that problem, which I don't have with pictures of men. It's ridiculous, I can easily cum to pictures of just a hot dude's face but not to the hottest girl I've seen showing her amazing ass).

I know many bi men prefer men sexually if not emotionally or romantically, but if you made me choose between a bed full of hot dudes and a bed full of hot girls...well, ngl, I would think about it a bit, but in the end I'd choose the girls. So what the hell? Why is my dick only into dudes??

The way I see it, there are 2 options:

1) I'm clearly gay and I should abandon this pathetic denial and start thinking about dating men, even though I've never had so much as a crush on a guy (well, there's this guy at the gym that kinda catches my eye but I think that's mostly cause he was really nice to me one time and that's literally all it takes for me to like someone)

Or...

2) I'm bi, leaning straight, but I have some kind of weird mental block, like performance anxiety even when jerking off to women and I find it easier to jerk off to men because there's no real desire or attachment there.

What do you think?

 

[greyj88]

I'm not bi, so I can't speak from personal experience, but from what you've described you sound pretty damn bisexual to me.

As far as not being emotionally attracted to to men maybe you just haven't let yourself be open to that yet? Especially since it does sound like you might be close to a crush on the gym guy after the two of you made a one-on-one connection when he was nice to you. Again I'm just speculating since I'm not myself, but I always have a lot of respect for guys who are openly bi/pan because I feel like it would be very easy to just put yourself on guard rails about men if you can genuinely be satisfied with a woman.

Even if you do never develop romantic feelings for a guy, you don't have to be 50/50 or have you sexual and romantic attractions match each other when it comes to partner gender. Being bisexual doesn't automatically go with being biromantic and ultimately labels are for you to communicate your experiences to other. Only you can really know which ones are right and if or when they're actually helpful.

 

[BifuriousJoel]

Ngl, I'd be lying if I said I haven't had a thought or two about the guy from the gym...but I'm pretty sure he's straight anyway.

The part that's tripping me the most is that everything in my mind and body and every sexual urge is telling me I'm horny about this baddie from IG...except my dick. I guess I've always imagined closeted gay/bi guys in denial to be different, like I can't imagine a gay guy in denial having 95% of his sexual and romantic fantasies to be about women or spending hours simping over pics of hot girls, you know what I mean?

 

[LittleBlade]

It may be that you've put the IG girl on such a pedestal - that you worship her SO much - that mentally, you don't want to "debase" her by thinking of her in a sexual way - especially if you haven't had the same problem wanking to other girls before. Perhaps if you imagined her acting sexually towards you, it might help.
It seems that you might be bi, and are only now realising it, but not fully accepting it (obviously, because it's a whole new thing for you to contemplate). So likewise, imagine the gym guy acting sexually towards you : would the thought of it repulse you, or turn you on?

 

[BifuriousJoel]

It may be that you've put the IG girl on such a pedestal - that you worship her SO much - that mentally, you don't want to "debase" her by thinking of her in a sexual way - especially if you haven't had the same problem wanking to other girls before. Perhaps if you imagined her acting sexually towards you, it might help.
It seems that you might be bi, and are only now realising it, but not fully accepting it (obviously, because it's a whole new thing for you to contemplate). So likewise, imagine the gym guy acting sexually towards you : would the thought of it repulse you, or turn you on?

I don't know, I definitely think of the IG girl in a sexual way. It's weird, I do this thing where I have frequent trouble sleeping so I let my mind wander fantasizing about random sexual shit. Well, I start fantasizing/visualizing sex stuff with this girl and I get hard but then as soon as I try to jerk off to it I go soft, like there's some sort of mental block in the action of masturbation itself.

As for the guy from the gym, if I imagine him acting sexually towards me, it doesn't repulse me. Yeah, I'd fuck him. But I think if he hadn't been nice to me I wouldn't have been spared him a second glance.

 

[BIGBULL29]

Hi buddy!

I know all about being confused about my sexual orientation all my life.

First and foremost, you cannot control what makes your penis hard -- no man can. And there's nothing you can do to change that fact. That said, your sexuality can evolve over time, but, even that, you won't have any control over.

As far me, I get aroused by both men and fat lesbian/bisexual women. I go in phases where I watch only chunky women having sex with each other, although it's unlikely I would have no romantic interest in women. If I look normal, everyday women, I am never attracted to them --- just heavier women who identify as bisexual or lesbian (gets my dick super hard). Now, when it comes to men, I can get instantly hard with a variety of dudes, but I have to be more in a "dude mood." Sometimes I only get aroused by straight men having sex, and other times, I like full-on gay porn (kissing, etc.). I have a slightly more romantic interest in men than in women, but it's still not strong (I think I'm more aromantic).

I don't try to figure it all out anymore -- I just go with the flow and follow my interests and tastes. You need to do the same, friend.

I have a buddy who only gets off on gay porn for years, but tries to think he's straight when there is absolutely no evidence of that. I do get off strongly on lesbian sex but that doesn't make me straight, either. Honestly, I don't know what I am, and I don't care.

If you want to talk more, just let me know. I'm here for you, even though it's all online.

Enjoy being a man and having a penis and a set of balls. It's fun.

Take good care, buddy.

 

[englad]

I would say the main thing is just don't torture yourself with which label to put yourself into for now. Labels are there to help us describe who we are, not to define who we are.

Just explore your sexuality, analyse yourself and find out what you like. It's fine to take a while, and it's fine if that changes over time because it does for some people.

As for the "many bi guys prefer men sexually, but not romantically or emotionally" types, that might be true of the ones in the closet, but it's a very different situation from what I've seen with out ones (who are usually biromantic or sometimes homoromantic). I've seen plenty start with that position but change their tune once they get more comfortable with their sexuality or they meet someone they like etc. That's why I tend to take that statement with a very big pinch of salt.

 

[techpump]

I don't know, I definitely think of the IG girl in a sexual way. It's weird, I do this thing where I have frequent trouble sleeping so I let my mind wander fantasizing about random sexual shit. Well, I start fantasizing/visualizing sex stuff with this girl and I get hard but then as soon as I try to jerk off to it I go soft, like there's some sort of mental block in the action of masturbation itself.

As for the guy from the gym, if I imagine him acting sexually towards me, it doesn't repulse me. Yeah, I'd fuck him. But I think if he hadn't been nice to me I wouldn't have been spared him a second glance.

I think this last part you said here says a whole lot about where your mind is at more than where your dick is at.

Its possible you are hetero-romantic like you desire and can see yourself in a relationship with a woman, but you're homo-erotic where you really see yourself sexually with men. Yes, that IG chick (who the F is she anyway, I wanna see how hot this lady is damn!?!!!), you find her to be the most beautiful woman you've ever imagined, and you'd do anything to have sex with her. But maybe you more desire a relationship with her, so when you try to cum to her, its not working out so well. But the dude at the gym, or gay porn, whatever it is male-centric you get your cock off to, that happens it works and it works very well. Point proven by your last sentences in the post I quoted. Earlier in it you say you "definitely THINK of the IG girl in a sexual way" but the guy at the gym acting sexually towards you "doesn't REPULSE" you, and that "yeah, I'd fuck him" is pretty telling that at face value, you have sexual desire and attraction for not just that guy but probably other men, too, whereas you "think" of the IG girl in a sexual way, but the longer you think about it, and her, it might not be so sexual anymore.

Have you had sex with women before? With men? You might just be wondering what both genders' body parts feel like and you're more familiar with penis since you have one. Hence why its so easy to get off to men for you.

I used to converse with a guy online who obsessed about women being his romantic life partner material, but he chose to cum to gay and transwomen porn. He was graphic about what men and transwomen cock would do to him, but he never got descriptive about what he'd do to pussy, well he did early on in our convo, but it was all oral-related, and then he quit that talk and switched to cock fantasies and getting plowed by dick.

Lastly, you say yah you'd fuck that gym guy, but if he hadn't been nice to you you wouldn't look at him twice. so that's kind of homo-romantic too. So maybe you are bi but lean towards men for sex and women for relationship.

 

[BifuriousJoel]

Hi buddy!

I know all about being confused about my sexual orientation all my life.

First and foremost, you cannot control what makes your penis hard -- no man can. And there's nothing you can do to change that fact. That said, your sexuality can evolve over time, but, even that, you won't have any control over.

As far me, I get aroused by both men and fat lesbian/bisexual women. I go in phases where I watch only chunky women having sex with each other, although it's unlikely I would have no romantic interest in women. If I look normal, everyday women, I am never attracted to them --- just heavier women who identify as bisexual or lesbian (gets my dick super hard). Now, when it comes to men, I can get instantly hard with a variety of dudes, but I have to be more in a "dude mood." Sometimes I only get aroused by straight men having sex, and other times, I like full-on gay porn (kissing, etc.). I have a slightly more romantic interest in men than in women, but it's still not strong (I think I'm more aromantic).

I don't try to figure it all out anymore -- I just go with the flow and follow my interests and tastes. You need to do the same, friend.

I have a buddy who only gets off on gay porn for years, but tries to think he's straight when there is absolutely no evidence of that. I do get off strongly on lesbian sex but that doesn't make me straight, either. Honestly, I don't know what I am, and I don't care.

If you want to talk more, just let me know. I'm here for you, even though it's all online.

Enjoy being a man and having a penis and a set of balls. It's fun.

Take good care, buddy.

It's so strange to me, the whole subject of attraction. Out in the world, I rarely even look at dudes (only if they have their shirts off and/or are really hot lol), it's all about the women for me. And when it comes to porn...gay porn rarely does it for me, I just cycle through the same like 5 videos, so it's more about pics of hot male celebrities but they're also just like the same handful of dudes that turn me on, so it's pretty weird that when I can't get it hard to a woman, my go-to instinct is "okay, let's jerk off to Chris Hemsworth now." Like it's so...random. (I mean, I did grow up with those Marvel movies but still).

 

[BifuriousJoel]

I would say the main thing is just don't torture yourself with which label to put yourself into for now. Labels are there to help us describe who we are, not to define who we are.

Just explore your sexuality, analyse yourself and find out what you like. It's fine to take a while, and it's fine if that changes over time because it does for some people.

As for the "many bi guys prefer men sexually, but not romantically or emotionally" types, that might be true of the ones in the closet, but it's a very different situation from what I've seen with out ones (who are usually biromantic or sometimes homoromantic). I've seen plenty start with that position but change their tune once they get more comfortable with their sexuality or they meet someone they like etc. That's why I tend to take that statement with a very big pinch of salt.

I guess the part that frustrates me the most is that my dick doesn't get hard to what I want it to get hard to lol. And it's not like, I don't know, like a closeted Southern Baptist minister desperately trying to make himself hard looking at titty magazines, you know what I mean? Like, I genuinely get horny looking at hot women and get boners looking at them, thinking about them, etc, but in the case specifically of this one chick and a couple of others, the minute I try to jerk off is like dead dick. And then I open some Henry Cavill gif and cum in seconds but it feels mechanical.

 

[BIGBULL29]

It's so strange to me, the whole subject of attraction. Out in the world, I rarely even look at dudes (only if they have their shirts off and/or are really hot lol), it's all about the women for me. And when it comes to porn...gay porn rarely does it for me, I just cycle through the same like 5 videos, so it's more about pics of hot male celebrities but they're also just like the same handful of dudes that turn me on, so it's pretty weird that when I can't get it hard to a woman, my go-to instinct is "okay, let's jerk off to Chris Hemsworth now." Like it's so...random. (I mean, I did grow up with those Marvel movies but still).

I'm a bit confused. So you get a boner if you look at muscle dudes/twinks/bears kissing each other in a general sense?

Does lesbian sex turn you on?

It's mainly male celebrities that you get hard?

 

[englad]

I guess the part that frustrates me the most is that my dick doesn't get hard to what I want it to get hard to lol. And it's not like, I don't know, like a closeted Southern Baptist minister desperately trying to make himself hard looking at titty magazines, you know what I mean? Like, I genuinely get horny looking at hot women and get boners looking at them, thinking about them, etc, but in the case specifically of this one chick and a couple of others, the minute I try to jerk off is like dead dick. And then I open some Henry Cavill gif and cum in seconds but it feels mechanical.

I get that, but honestly just roll with it. Dicks sometimes have a mind of their own. At the end of the day, does it truly matter which photo made you cum or whether the catalyst for your cumming was a man or a woman?

I'm not bi myself, but I am aware that a lot of bi people experience something called the "bi cycle" where the desire for which gender fluctuates from one week to the next. So it could be that you're currently at a stage of the bi cycle where men (or very specific ones at least) are making you hornier or it could also be that because you have less experience with them, the novelty is making you more turned on.

I think the part you should probably do a bit more self-reflection or at least try to elaborate more on is the "it feels mechanical". In what way? Have you had any sexual experience with men yet?

 

[BifuriousJoel]

I think this last part you said here says a whole lot about where your mind is at more than where your dick is at.

Its possible you are hetero-romantic like you desire and can see yourself in a relationship with a woman, but you're homo-erotic where you really see yourself sexually with men. Yes, that IG chick (who the F is she anyway, I wanna see how hot this lady is damn!?!!!), you find her to be the most beautiful woman you've ever imagined, and you'd do anything to have sex with her. But maybe you more desire a relationship with her, so when you try to cum to her, its not working out so well. But the dude at the gym, or gay porn, whatever it is male-centric you get your cock off to, that happens it works and it works very well. Point proven by your last sentences in the post I quoted. Earlier in it you say you "definitely THINK of the IG girl in a sexual way" but the guy at the gym acting sexually towards you "doesn't REPULSE" you, and that "yeah, I'd fuck him" is pretty telling that at face value, you have sexual desire and attraction for not just that guy but probably other men, too, whereas you "think" of the IG girl in a sexual way, but the longer you think about it, and her, it might not be so sexual anymore.

Have you had sex with women before? With men? You might just be wondering what both genders' body parts feel like and you're more familiar with penis since you have one. Hence why its so easy to get off to men for you.

I used to converse with a guy online who obsessed about women being his romantic life partner material, but he chose to cum to gay and transwomen porn. He was graphic about what men and transwomen cock would do to him, but he never got descriptive about what he'd do to pussy, well he did early on in our convo, but it was all oral-related, and then he quit that talk and switched to cock fantasies and getting plowed by dick.

Lastly, you say yah you'd fuck that gym guy, but if he hadn't been nice to you you wouldn't look at him twice. so that's kind of homo-romantic too. So maybe you are bi but lean towards men for sex and women for relationship.

I dunno, like yeah, I often fantasize about being in (hetero) relationships (not with the IG chick but with like, real life girls I've had crushes on) but with the IG girl and others like her the fantasies are definitely sexual.

For a while there I was kinda like your buddy in that I would jerk off to women but it was kind of...passive, kind of nebulous, like "hot girl is hot" whereas with men it was more specific like, "I want Chris Evans to breed my hole and this is what I'm picturing in detail." But over time that changed and I did start thinking more about fucking pussy, eating pussy, like actively being there, not in a passive role like before, but making her cum, making her orgasm, getting turned on by her being turned on by me, like full on details.

I actually haven't had sex at all, neither with men nor women. But I have this weird idea that I'd get performance anxiety with a hot woman, but with a hot man it'd be easier because I can just get on all fours and let him plow me lol. Maybe I'm just lazy and that reflects in my boners lol?

Oh, and the IG chick is called Gabi Champ lol. You'd probably be like, "eh, she ain't all that" but I don't know, I think she's fucking insane:

 

[BifuriousJoel]

I'm a bit confused. So you get a boner if you look at muscle dudes/twinks/bears kissing each other in a general sense?

Does lesbian sex turn you on?

It's mainly male celebrities that you get hard?

Muscle dudes kissing each other in a general sense? Like 50-50. Depends on how hot they are, tbh.

Lesbian sex? Yes, pretty much always, super effective.

Male celebrities? Yes, but just a few of them. Is that weird?

 

[BIGBULL29]

Muscle dudes kissing each other in a general sense? Like 50-50. Depends on how hot they are, tbh.

Lesbian sex? Yes, pretty much always, super effective.

Male celebrities? Yes, but just a few of them. Is that weird?

You're definitely like dudes. If you get instantly hard from lesbian sex, you have some heterosexual attraction, but that doesn't mean you're truly bisexual.

I'm an aromantic pansexual (lesbian sex and gay sex). When I watch straight porn, I'm much more focused on the dude.

 

[BifuriousJoel]

When I watch straight porn, I'm much more focused on the dude.

I never do that. In straight porn the dude might as well be invisible for me. Even in "Hot Guys Fuck" I'm only focused on the woman lol.

 

[techpump]

I dunno, like yeah, I often fantasize about being in (hetero) relationships (not with the IG chick but with like, real life girls I've had crushes on) but with the IG girl and others like her the fantasies are definitely sexual.

For a while there I was kinda like your buddy in that I would jerk off to women but it was kind of...passive, kind of nebulous, like "hot girl is hot" whereas with men it was more specific like, "I want Chris Evans to breed my hole and this is what I'm picturing in detail." But over time that changed and I did start thinking more about fucking pussy, eating pussy, like actively being there, not in a passive role like before, but making her cum, making her orgasm, getting turned on by her being turned on by me, like full on details.

I actually haven't had sex at all, neither with men nor women. But I have this weird idea that I'd get performance anxiety with a hot woman, but with a hot man it'd be easier because I can just get on all fours and let him plow me lol. Maybe I'm just lazy and that reflects in my boners lol?

Oh, and the IG chick is called Gabi Champ lol. You'd probably be like, "eh, she ain't all that" but I don't know, I think she's fucking insane:

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Oh yah Gabi, she's cute! I'd nail her for sure lol but she's probably a terrible lay in bed, I just feel like these model types can't really fuck and are all "oo ooo ooo oo o ooo" in bed, then again, she could give the sloppiest deepthroat gagging blowjob ever!?

Yah this dude I knew, he couldn't cum to straight porn or women in videos, but as soon as gay porn went on, he'd pop in a second. Couldn't understand why. I said dude you're probably gay, men get you going, so that's what makes your sexuality sexual.

Yah man until you fuck a living human being, you really won't know what turns your cock on or off. You just have to try. Having performance anxiety before performing at all is for sure a valid worry. But the longer you wait the more anxious you'll be. My advice would be to hook up with whoever makes your pelvis twitch, guy, girl, in between, whoever. You'll probably want it so bad you'll be raging hard and fuck and cum no problem, who cares how long it takes, just try again in an hour, or tomorrow. If they like you and want you too, they'll stick around for more fucks.

 

[BifuriousJoel]

Oh yah Gabi, she's cute! I'd nail her for sure lol but she's probably a terrible lay in bed, I just feel like these model types can't really fuck and are all "oo ooo ooo oo o ooo" in bed, then again, she could give the sloppiest deepthroat gagging blowjob ever!?

Yah this dude I knew, he couldn't cum to straight porn or women in videos, but as soon as gay porn went on, he'd pop in a second. Couldn't understand why. I said dude you're probably gay, men get you going, so that's what makes your sexuality sexual.

Yah man until you fuck a living human being, you really won't know what turns your cock on or off. You just have to try. Having performance anxiety before performing at all is for sure a valid worry. But the longer you wait the more anxious you'll be. My advice would be to hook up with whoever makes your pelvis twitch, guy, girl, in between, whoever. You'll probably want it so bad you'll be raging hard and fuck and cum no problem, who cares how long it takes, just try again in an hour, or tomorrow. If they like you and want you too, they'll stick around for more fucks.

That last part's easier said than done because I'm ugly af lol and the only people that have been into me (men and women), well, I haven't been into them, exactly.

 

[LittleBlade]

"And then I open some Henry Cavill gif and cum in seconds"

Well that's a given : it's Henry Cavill! I saw a post on Instagram last week and lost count of the number of guys saying along the lines of "I'm 100% straight, but I would go gay for Henry Cavill"!

 

[BifuriousJoel]

Well that's a given : it's Henry Cavill! I saw a post on Instagram last week and lost count of the number of guys saying along the lines of "I'm 100% straight, but I would go gay for Henry Cavill"!

Yeah, Cavill is like a cheat code if you want a quick wank.