What to do with my straight friend? HELP

[Viego2005]

I'm not openly gay yet, my some of my friends know, one in question being my straight best friend.
He slept on my apartment last night and in the morning I gather the courage to ask if he ever wanted I would like to give him a blow job. If he did not want however he could say and I would never touch the subject again.
He refused by just saying he is 100% straight. What bugged me was that he didn't say he doesn't want it, just that he is straight.
That bugged me a bit but I let it go as promise and haven't touched the topic again.
I'm afraid that by making the question I caused damage to the friendship which I do not want because it's already hard keeping it since he went to college far away from mine.
For reference we are both 19 ( he is 6 months older tho).
Do you have any advice?
Thx

 

[Rooker]

Him saying he is 100% straight IS a refusal.

If you want to remain friends, don’t ask him again.

You shot your shot, but maybe apologize for role in making it awkward. Unwanted sexual advances are uncomfortable.

 

[techpump]

Please stop trying to make straight men do gay things. It is awkward, and is just so not cool. Gay men seem to really have a strong desire for straight men, why, I don't know, but they do. If you like your friendship with your straight friend, why are you making it sexual? Is he a friend or your hoping-to-be gay boyfriend? If you want to fuck your friends, find gay or bi friends to fuck.

If I were him I wouldn't be your friend anymore, because I'd suspect the only reason you were my friend is so you could do me. That negates the whole point of being a friend versus a lover. I have girls/women that I'm very close friends with, best friends is an understatement. Yes, they are gorgeous. Yes, I have some sexual attraction to them, but I have sexual attraction to almost all women out there. Have I ever asked them if we could do anything sexual, even just a kiss?! NO. Never not once have I ever considered that. Even when sometimes they were kind of coming on to me. No. Because I cherish and honor our FRIENDSHIP. That's what friends are. Friends, not lovers.

You are young at 19 and trying to figure things out. But here's one word of advice from a straight man:
Don't ask your straight friends for sex.

 

[Viego2005]

Him saying he is 100% straight IS a refusal.

If you want to remain friends, don’t ask him again.

You shot your shot, but maybe apologize for role in making it awkward. Unwanted sexual advances are uncomfortable.

I did apologize after he refused and did not touch the subject again.
I reflected about it the whole day after he went back to college. I regret asking it. 30 seconds of logical thinking were all ir took for me to realize how selfish it was but I did not see that at the time. It's not like I'm looking for a relationship. I do love him, but mostly platonically, and don't want that to change. Our friendship started because I was there when he need me, and he had always give me reasons to trust me, that's why I manage to tell him about my sexuality.

I think what happened yesterday was a result of us being close, to then spend a year apart, he came back with so many thing to tell me, about college, parties and girls. I think I did what I did out of jealousy for him having relationships with others while I only get to see him once a year, mixed with egoism and wishing to experience something only I would have liked. Thinking that " he does this with the girls he meets at random parties maybe he would with me too".

Gosh, I regret it so much but I don't think there is something I could do to take it back. We keep talking about how each others days went. So perhaps he hasn't give up on me yet.

Do you think there's is something I should do?

 

[thongboy]

If it's a good friendship, value it for what it is. Don't fuck it up by trying to make sex a necessary component.

 

[Rooker]

I did apologize after he refused and did not touch the subject again.
I reflected about it the whole day after he went back to college. I regret asking it. 30 seconds of logical thinking were all ir took for me to realize how selfish it was but I did not see that at the time. It's not like I'm looking for a relationship. I do love him, but mostly platonically, and don't want that to change. Our friendship started because I was there when he need me, and he had always give me reasons to trust me, that's why I manage to tell him about my sexuality.

I think what happened yesterday was a result of us being close, to then spend a year apart, he came back with so many thing to tell me, about college, parties and girls. I think I did what I did out of jealousy for him having relationships with others while I only get to see him once a year, mixed with egoism and wishing to experience something only I would have liked. Thinking that " he does this with the girls he meets at random parties maybe he would with me too".

Gosh, I regret it so much but I don't think there is something I could do to take it back. We keep talking about how each others days went. So perhaps he hasn't give up on me yet.

Do you think there's is something I should do?

Say this. That’s the best road to recovery I can think of.

 

[dreamer20]

If he did not want he could say and I would never touch the subject again.
He refused by just saying he is 100% straight. What bugged me was that he didn't say he doesn't want it, just that he is straight. I'm afraid that by making the question I caused damage to the friendship which I do not want because it's already hard keeping it since he went to college far away from mine. We are both 19. Do you have any advice?
Thx

I advise you to maintain a Platonic friendship with him. Just do whatever fun things you did before. Spend time together when you can. Tell him you appreciate having him as a friend and see how he responds.

 

[thickcockjames]

if he said he’s 100% straight that is 100% a refusal of your advance. Even if he isn’t and he’s in some sort of denial, it is not your place to push. How would you feel if someone was pressuring you to go through your process in a way you didn’t feel comfortable.

Odds are, he’s just a straight guy. If he’s a good person he will still be your friend regardless of your sexuality and it’ll be you job as a good person to respect that he isn’t gay.

 

[playklax01]

You asked and got a response. Nothing more needs to be said. Don't bring up the topic to him again, it's going to make him more uncomfortable and will only make things worse. You say you're back to friendly talk/texting, leave good enough alone.

You're 19. You put yourself out there, got rejected, it happens. I'd say there's a likely 99% chance that he's not even thinking of this anymore or even cares that it did happen, so don't dwell on it.

 

[notthatguy]

Saying he is 100% straight is a refusal unless he added further words like "maybe" or "possibly"..

 

[zaratoga]

Please stop trying to make straight men do gay things. It is awkward, and is just so not cool. Gay men seem to really have a strong desire for straight men, why, I don't know, but they do. If you like your friendship with your straight friend, why are you making it sexual? Is he a friend or your hoping-to-be gay boyfriend? If you want to fuck your friends, find gay or bi friends to fuck.

If I were him I wouldn't be your friend anymore, because I'd suspect the only reason you were my friend is so you could do me. That negates the whole point of being a friend versus a lover. I have girls/women that I'm very close friends with, best friends is an understatement. Yes, they are gorgeous. Yes, I have some sexual attraction to them, but I have sexual attraction to almost all women out there. Have I ever asked them if we could do anything sexual, even just a kiss?! NO. Never not once have I ever considered that. Even when sometimes they were kind of coming on to me. No. Because I cherish and honor our FRIENDSHIP. That's what friends are. Friends, not lovers.

You are young at 19 and trying to figure things out. But here's one word of advice from a straight man:
Don't ask your straight friends for sex.

Not necessarily about this case, but I do want to leave here an answer I added in "ask a straight man" that was deleted because I'm not straight.

Yes, some queer folks do have a fetish over straight guys. Some of us talk about it because we certainly have been in situationships with guys who define themselves as "straight". Some guys in that thread were so mad telling others that "if they do this or that, they're not straight". We don't disagree with that, but it's not that we are going to convince them otherwise. We're not therapists.
I have received weird vibes from self-defined straight guys that have messed up with my head. I have even f-cked guys who still consider themselves straight. It's not me dealing with the mental gymnastics.

OP: If you feel like apologizing, do it, but don't dwell on it. Just thank him for being cool about it and remind him that it'll never happen again.

 

[Meisme]

I did apologize after he refused and did not touch the subject again.
I reflected about it the whole day after he went back to college. I regret asking it. 30 seconds of logical thinking were all ir took for me to realize how selfish it was but I did not see that at the time. It's not like I'm looking for a relationship. I do love him, but mostly platonically, and don't want that to change. Our friendship started because I was there when he need me, and he had always give me reasons to trust me, that's why I manage to tell him about my sexuality.

I think what happened yesterday was a result of us being close, to then spend a year apart, he came back with so many thing to tell me, about college, parties and girls. I think I did what I did out of jealousy for him having relationships with others while I only get to see him once a year, mixed with egoism and wishing to experience something only I would have liked. Thinking that " he does this with the girls he meets at random parties maybe he would with me too".

Gosh, I regret it so much but I don't think there is something I could do to take it back. We keep talking about how each others days went. So perhaps he hasn't give up on me yet.

Do you think there's is something I should do?

You're definitely a smart man if you've come to this point from what happened.
I would advice to not mention that thing again and live your friendship as simply as possible, don't make it complicated. Complicated friendships tend to be bad friendships.

 

[BigDave79]

From my reading of your post it sounds like you're starting to obsess over the regret of what was said or done. If you are serious about maintaining this friendship then you'll have to find a way to deal with that. You asked and he said no, worrying about it isn't going to help

 

[playklax01]

It all reminds me of that scene on Schitt's Creek where David is freaking out about his drivers test, and Alexis tells him (maybe not the exact quote, the gist is here) "They're not thinking of you the way you're thinking of you.", "Remember, nobody cares". It's so true and powerful, I've worked into my own mind to calm myself down where there's something like this going on.

 

[Stephenmass]

Him as stated above saying he is straight is his refusal. Be glad he didn't take it further and went on to say something like you're fucking gay? Or something derogative that pops in his head. That said, it would have been his right to be mean about and he wasn't. Seems to me he was cool with his answer and didn't make you feel like less than his friend by doing so. If the friendship is still going, respect his space ALWAYS. If you knew he was straight, quite honestly you shouldn't have said what you said. But again, he was cool about it which tells me everything is ok friendship wise.