When She Approaches You First

[Obelisk8]

I wouldn't mind if a young and pretty lady approached me.

I'm sure young and pretty makes it enjoyable to be approached, but I've certainly had a share of not-so-attractive (to me) women show some interest. I'm not that great a catch so think it's entirely appropriate and treat it as just as much of a worthwhile experience as with someone who I find appealing. I also have a few close male friends whose experiences I know, and who have been propositioned (successfully) by women 10, 20, even almost 30 years their senior and have no reluctance to engage with such women. I don't mean to imply that men aren't discriminating, but I do think that men (the ones I know) treat the women approaching them as whole people not merely as certain specifications.

 

[KindlyJedi]

I wouldn't mind :^)

 

[Geekyguy]

Similar to how I have heard my sisters or female friends chat abt it. If I’m attracted its great, if not and yr fun, we can be friends. If I’m not attracted and u suck, then go away u creep.

 

[Hatt_101]

What do men think when a woman takes the initiative to ask them out? Do you prefer to be the one to bring it up? Because I've asked out half the guys I've dated I never thought how he might feel about it. Discuss.

I think more ladies should do this I would never have a problem with it. I've never met a girl who's asked out a guy before but I don't see any thing wrong with it.

 

[twoton]

So guys have to deal with women being creepers?

I’m not sure I have, personally. Long ago when I had a college internship there was a woman who caught my attention because of the way she would look at me, and when I’d come in some mornings stuff would be moved around on my desk, and I was fairly certain it was she who had done it, and it gave me a weird feeling but that was the extent of it. I don’t know if that qualifies or not.
Generally I was open to whatever attention I’d get and would play the ingenue if the feeling wasn’t mutual.

EDIT: WTH do I mean “was”? I’m still open to whatever attention I get.

 

[twoton]

I state so if a woman starts becoming overly personal.

As in, “Thank you. My wife bought it for me.”

.

 

[xXSlateXx]

Honestly I would be flattered. I don't have a lot of experience in this topic, but have had low self-esteem through my teenage years and even into my twenties. If a girl had asked me out I would have been thrilled because it meant she found some aspect of me attractive (or at least that would be my hope). I have no problems with a girl taking the initiative at all.

 

[boatnik]

I've always been somewhat shy and socially inept. Fortunately I have always attracted a lot of female attention and am often flirted with, asked out and downright propositioned. Without exception every relationship or encounter I have had with a women was initiated by her. So I definitely appreciate a woman who is not afraid to let her desires be known.

 

[diver6]

I have always been very quiet and shy so I love it when women are forward and take charge. I love it when the wife is forward with me especially with sex!! I like to know its what they want and are happy in return it makes me happy.

 

[Sagittarius84]

I prefer it actually... To me it's a sign she is genuinely attracted to me and not just waiting for me to convince her to give me a chance. Makes everything else afterwards much less transactional seeming.

 

[lapdog2001]

What do men think when a woman takes the initiative to ask them out? Do you prefer to be the one to bring it up? Because I've asked out half the guys I've dated I never thought how he might feel about it. Discuss.

Like some others that have replied, I've always been shy when it comes to expressing romantic interest in someone new. I have been friend-zoned countless times as I probably waited far too long in expressing interest. I have been asked out by a few women in my lifetime. At a wedding a gorgeous (and single!) woman shared the same table as I. While we were dancing, she passed me her number on a piece of paper (no cell phones back then!) written in eyeliner. I immediately responded yes (of course!) and told her that I had been working up the nerve to ask her out.

I wouldn't mind if a young and pretty lady approached me. Me being able to recognize that she is trying to show interest in me is another story.

The cliche that hindsight is 20-20 applies to me as well. Looking back, I now realize that there have been some women in my past who were expressing interest in subtle ways, but oblivious LapDog didn't catch on to those signals.

Am I in favor of a woman taking the initiative??? YES!

 

[1079855]

I have Asperger's syndrome. So most of the time when a lady is approaching me and sending me those signs, I will completely miss them. I also never got a lot of opportunities or experience to get better at it neither. That part is my fault because I have a tendency to shy and withdraw away; especially when I'm feeling depressed.

 

[insert_8]

. . . The cliche that hindsight is 20-20 applies to me as well. Looking back, I now realize that there have been some women in my past who were expressing interest in subtle ways, but oblivious LapDog didn't catch on to those signals . . . .

Yeah, another quiet-and-shy one here. I can also look back on some "missed opportunities". Some of them I recognized for what they were only long after they passed - years later!

And, in a couple of cases, I recognized what it was all about at the time it was happening, but I was not at all attracted to the girl. (I was about 30, and already married, before I could articulate the kind of woman I was attracted to. If I had figured that out a decade earlier, I would not have spent as much time looking in places and situations where my "preferred" type of woman was unlikely to be found, and instead concentrated my efforts where chances of success were much better.)

As a young kid I got teased, ridiculed, and picked on quite a bit. In my late teens and early 20's there were a few times where girls acted interested, but my intuition said they were disingenuous, and they only wanted to set me up for embarrassment and to display my social awkwardness. Perhaps that was so; perhaps my intuition was giving a false alarm, or perhaps the girl's own awkwardness and inexperience.was triggering my suspicions.

 

[insert_8]

I prefer it actually... To me it's a sign she is genuinely attracted to me and not just waiting for me to convince her to give me a chance.

That's definitely true . . . . but the door swings both ways. Think of what mental discomfort you're putting the girl through! I bet she's thinking the exact same thoughts: "What if HE isn't genuinely attracted to me? Suppose he's playing some kind of game, just waiting for me to make the first move? Is it worth risking the rejection?"

. . . . Makes everything else afterwards much less transactional seeming.

You feel more freedom to be spontaneous, open, honest, and a bit vulnerable, rather than guarded, manipulative, and always plotting your next move. My wife and I got over that hurdle by writing to each other - sight unseen - for 3-1/2 months before we actually met. That was not a conscious plan by either of us, but circumstances conspired to make it happen that way. It was clumsy and awkward, but it was also an excellent way for two quiet-and-shy people to get acquainted on a rather personal level and avoid feeling each other out through a "transactional" process. When we finally DID meet, we were already definitely "in like" with each other. (And then things happened rather quickly: we married just one year plus two weeks from the day we first saw each other, and still are after almost 45 years.)

 

[Sagittarius84]

That's definitely true . . . . but the door swings both ways. Think of what mental discomfort you're putting the girl through! I bet she's thinking the exact same thoughts: "What if HE isn't genuinely attracted to me? Suppose he's playing some kind of game, just waiting for me to make the first move? Is it worth risking the rejection?"

I mean this is some shallow, barely skimming the surface logic, but the "game" at least the goal of it for me presumably is some sort of sexual encounter, so I find it a hard sell that too many women realistically fear "he doesn't want to have sex with me", as acutely as men face when initiating an encounter with a woman...granted, issues of, "does he only want to fuck me?", or the like are no less valid anxieties they may have pertaining to a future relationship ...but i think they are far removed from a base, primal question of "does he/she want to see/touch me naked", to which I think women have higher privilege of probability to assume then men.

 

[Sagittarius84]

You feel more freedom to be spontaneous, open, honest, and a bit vulnerable, rather than guarded, manipulative, and always plotting your next move. My wife and I got over that hurdle by writing to each other - sight unseen - for 3-1/2 months before we actually met. That was not a conscious plan by either of us, but circumstances conspired to make it happen that way. It was clumsy and awkward, but it was also an excellent way for two quiet-and-shy people to get acquainted on a rather personal level and avoid feeling each other out through a "transactional" process. When we finally DID meet, we were already definitely "in like" with each other. (And then things happened rather quickly: we married just one year plus two weeks from the day we first saw each other, and still are after almost 45 years.)

My wife, before we had even kissed started drunkenly feeling me up in a Waffle House booth after a night at the club with a bunch of coworkers...struck a much deeper chord than the coy looks and joking double entendres a lot of my other women collegues tossed around in their largely benign flirting...it meant to me she was willing to sacrifice her strategy and pride to get the sex she wanted, and i felt a little bit of camaraderie from her on that.

 

[insert_8]

. . . the "game" at least the goal of it for me presumably is some sort of sexual encounter . . . .

If that is the case, I understand your reasoning.

I can't see myself approaching a woman solely for sex, so your logic didn't occur to me. But even in that situation it seems like there are fears which apply equally to men and women, such as "Suppose he/she wants more than random sex, and gets attached?"

 

[Sagittarius84]

If that is the case, I understand your reasoning.

I can't see myself approaching a woman solely for sex, so your logic didn't occur to me. But even in that situation it seems like there are fears which apply equally to men and women, such as "Suppose he/she wants more than random sex, and gets attached?"

I think that fear only exists as a function of opportunity, and as such is an example of privilege, whether justified or not. I think if attachment is the primary concern, then attraction has already been considered a given. I think a better world is one where there are equally held fears, but the existing one has inherent inequities, she for the most part knows he's going to be interested, but doesn't know if he poses a danger, he essentially has no real fear of her being a danger, but has no real idea if she's interested.

 

[BWPHOENIX]

What do men think when a woman takes the initiative to ask them out? Do you prefer to be the one to bring it up? Because I've asked out half the guys I've dated I never thought how he might feel about it. Discuss.

I love it. It’s so refreshing when a woman has the confidence to let you know that she’s into you.

And confidence is one of the sexiest qualities a woman can have. You definitely have it, Goddess.

A huge turn on.

 

[974136]

I get approached more than not, but its my body language that introduces the convo. I always want to make sure that its 100 percent consensual and I also love a woman who speaks up about her wants and needs. Of course, if i see potential with a little shy or nervousness, I usually will take lead.