Why are bottoms against fucking vers dudes?

[Onlyonly]

Hey guys
I’ve been trying to figure this out for a while. Please provide some insight.

Whenever you’re on a gay app you often find “bottom looking for total top, no vers” - why? As if a vers guy is less capable of fucking you just cuz he also takes it up the ass?
Is it internalized homophobia? You want your man to be a man and you’re the only one who can take it?

Please don’t take offense. I’m not tryi g to call anyone out. Just confused as to why being vers is not good enough for some bottoms.

 

[DSF140]

The reality is that from listening to a lot of bottoms, they always say that when someone labels himself as "versitile" , it means that he's really a bottom but internalized homophobia won't allow him to admit it to himself. Secondly, these same bottoms don't want to encounter someone who might want to be dicked in return. Since the bottom likes only to be fucked, he cannot comprehend when someone truly likes both. So in their minds, "versitile" means closet case bottom, because in their minds, that's all they know. Yes, it's an evil and petty world out there.
There's too many other cool guys out there, so I won't even bother with a bitchy bottom who has a laundry list of what is acceptable. It's about as offensive as the guy with racial requirements or dick size requirements.

 

[erpap]

for me it’s a mind thing I think. I tried topping and it was ok but never stay really hard but as a bottom I stay rock hard! Just my wiring I guess!

 

[DSF140]

Sure. But that's not what was said. No one said you were a bad top or that guys don't enjoy you. What was said is that you cannot possibly understand what it's like to be penetrated because you haven't. The experience gives perspective that cannot be acquired in other ways, and the empathy it can generate is different and unique. You're not all things to all men. Neither am I. That's 100% cool and O.K. Be open to the idea that others have knowledge that is different and useful even if you yourself don't choose to explore.

On that note total bottoms should have to work to please a top who likes anal to see the work that those men put in.

So true, @Nudistpig . A "total bottom" should also experience what it's like to fuck someone who is constantly giving you negative feedback on how to fuck, as well as simply getting to understand the physicality of fucking, period. I'm usually always topping, and a good and fun fuck session for me is basically like a long cardio session at the gym. A lot of speeding up with the thrusts, slowing down, pivoting around, pulling all the way out, etc., all the while constantly watching the facial expressions of the other person, making sure that what I'm doing is pleasurable and not painful. Also, I have to make sure that my level of pleasure remains at a manageable level so as not to cum.

 

[902369]

It’s both. I like to bottom and I like being with men who like to top. I will never want to top you. I don’t care or feel like reading things like “well, you have a penis too so why doesn’t it feel good for you to top.” It actually doesn’t. I don’t find sticking my penis into a wet, warm asshole to be all that attractive but I defiantly love being taken to pound town.

It also somewhat involves the idea of masculinity. I live in the United States and I already have my opinion that most men in this country aren’t that masculine in comparison to men from elsewhere (let’s compare Russian men to American men and guess which one is more masculine) which is why gay men here constantly hype up the ideal masculine partner because they are seeking something they don’t possess themselves.

Lastly, I’m tired of vers never flipping the same question to men who only prefer to top. This can be a topic of discussion as well.

 

[DSF140]

Dude fist of all I know it was not a personal comment towards me and my ego ins't wounded Kosmic said which implies he finds them bad tops I'm just saying guys who never bottom don't necessarily have to be bad tops and I use myself as an example that was it. Your last statement is unnecessary because you do not know me. Why do you think I asked for the clarification?

You're cool, @find83 . I do know that some guys are great lovers without having to train at the "Fuck Academy" For me, I had to study up on everything because, in all honesty, low self-esteem made me think that I couldn't do a damn thing right in the sex department. Silly, ain't it?!

 

[Nudistpig]

Look, I said it once I said it again now, there are no such things as tops and bottoms. Those are BDSM roles that almost no one does right. Porn has made gay men think they have an identity that is all about not doing anything outside prescripted lines and lately I run into total bottoms that don't suck dick and total tops that think they have no obligation past penetration. This is the reason orgy sex and sex parties suck giant non existent donkey dondonlingers.

You cannot go to a sex party unless invited to be such and expect to be total bottom, breeding whore or total top I only fuck muscle pigs. That means the party is not going anywhere as the fastest hottest most vers guys get in get out while the rest wait for the other 10 total bottoms to magically fuck them while also wanting the others to do the same. It's amazing how many times I see the same guys making the same claims and expecting it to be different, bitching at hosts, at others, demanding, calling hookers, it is sloppy.

If you are in a group, you have obligations to the group. To each other. If everyone wants to get fucked and instead one guy takes all the others and their loads, then he screwed over all the others for his needs. Not cool not going to make for a good repeat. Repeat play is important fro those elaborate fantasies everyone seems to have but never do. You can't do most of it with strangers, again it's not porn. I also think in a relationship there is give and take and both men need to step up and stop being so demanding and not flexible. I have fucked, been fucked, fisted been fisted etc etc etc when I didn't want to and was not really living for it. Why, because another man needed me to give him pleasure, I am his lover or friend and I do the fucking work so one day hopefully he reciprocates.

We have preferences. Most of you learned to eat your veggies and some even like them now. Learn to like taking care of each other and go outside the comfort zone,

 

[Onlyonly]

Tops aren’t against fucking vers dudes.
Tops don’t have anything against fucking anyone who has a nice ass. Idk what tops you’ve encountered.

And I have asked tops to bottom for me and they have. Whether that makes them vers or a top who gets fucked every once in a while, Ian not really an issue lol

But I feel like bottoms limit themselves cuz they want a total top and are always claiming there are no tops around... if you love a dick up your ass why can’t the dude next to you?

Your points are valid, I may not agree with them but they’re valid.

 

[Onlyonly]

And I also get a lot of shit because I say that I like both hot guys and hot chicks, but my desire for men is a lot stronger than that for women. 100% gay guys, especially, tell me that I'm basically lying to myself. They can't comprehend that I'm "versital-gay" with regards to gender.

I don’t tell gay guys I’m bi anymore cuz I’ve found that there’s more stigma coming from gay guys than straight girls.
Every single gay guy I’ve fucked and told I’m bi tells me “oh you’re just confused” or “you don’t wanna fully come out” - I’ve been bisexual for 13 years I think I know what I like - and it’s the same bottoms who are “total top only” or “no vers”

Their next question is have you fucked as many women as men as if being bisexual is 50/50 or as if dating men and women is equally the same. Each sex and person is unique.

 

[deleted1074483]

Thus, since his needs can’t be fulfilled with me because I’m not interested in topping, it will not work.

I think it’s a legit thing when bottoms say they aren’t interested in versatile men

And it’s really telling when versatile men never have these same problems with men who exclusively prefer to top 100% of the time.

Yes us 100% top guys do sometimes have the same issues you describe - I'm a relationship guy and twice got into a relationship with vers guys - even though we'd discussed it fully and they'd said they were happy to bottom, it did get to a point where their needs weren't being met by me, so those relationships ended.

I just think its easier, especially if you don't sleep around and want a relationship if one is top and one bottom - as you said vers guys can have all the vers guys they want to flip fuck with

 

[DSF140]

Read the initial question, everyone! Bottoms don't fuck anyone. They're bottoms. They don't want to fuck anyone versatile. They don't want to fuck a top. They don't want to fuck another bottom. They don't want to fuck. They want to be fucked.

 

[LICNYCgay]

As a mostly bottom I have no issue with sex with a versatile guy. I actually think versatile guys can be better tops than strictly tops because they know what it feels like to be penetrated. They know what you’re feeling when they fuck you hard but also know how exquisite it is for him to go painfully slow so you can enjoy every inch he has to offer. I think all tops should bottom now and then so they know what it feels like.

 

[BBB2.5]

I am a total bottom and I enjoy all things related to my ass, as well as sucking dick. I prefer a total top or at least a ver/top. It's with these men I know they will provide me with what I need from them. Which happens to be their dick for fucking and me sucking. Their tongue for rimming. I in return can give them what they need, my ass and mouth. It's my thinking/experience a versatile guy may enjoy being a top initially, but are hoping somewhere along the way that I will switch roles for them. I'm not that guy, it's something I don't really like doing..... Usually when it comes to hookup sites, we all use them now. A guys profile pictures will tell you a lot about what they really enjoy. They may say they are versatile, enjoying both roles. However, the pictures they share are of their ass, with 1 dick picture. That alone let you know from the beginning their true desire.

 

[hale989]

I’m vers, maybe vers/top, not because I enjoy bottoming less, it’s just that there are more bottoms, and preparing to bottom takes fucking work and time.

I really dislike bottoms demanding total tops. Or, as one guy on Grindr put it, he hates guys that are into dick!?!? I’m sorry, aren’t we gay guys here? Can’t we love fucking ass and love dick? It’s almost like some form of homophobia. A top that’s interested in the bottom getting off? The horror. If you’re a total bottom, that’s fine, but it should be acceptable if the top likes your dick, sucks your dick, and wants you to cum - because we’re GAY.

 

[Onlyonly]

Well if versatile men do, they certainly aren’t as loud with it as they are with their complaints against bottoms.

Because tops. Ever go around complaining they can’t find ass. Bottoms are the ones loud af talking about “there are no total tops around” when there are perfectly good vers dicks that can do the job.

 

[find83]

Well if versatile men do, they certainly aren’t as loud with it as they are with their complaints against bottoms.

Oh now they are LOL. Your points are valid because it's what fits you and your experience. I'm bi but top only maybe because of my short stature I always get vers guys asking to flip or trying to figure my ass which is a turn off. If I said I came to top that is what I'm doing I'm not gonna magically turn vers. I think some vers guy think that versatility is natural( especially on the gay side) so everyone wants to fuck and get fucked and it's due to internalised homophobia that you top only or being selfish why you bottom only. Which is not the case I met some bottoms who legit can't top to save their lives and it has nothing to do with the dick size.

 

[Onlyonly]

Cool. This thread and it’s responses reminded me of people who say they personally don’t do something yet don’t take into account the majority of people that actually do it. Like:

“I’m versatile and I don’t expect my bottom partners to top me” - when the majority of versatile men expect this. Or:

“I’m bisexual and date other men” - when the majority of bisexual men don’t date other men.

You can’t have minority opinions represent the majority.

I can have my experiences represent myself which is what I thought I was doing.
Our experiences are different. I’m vers so I don’t interact with a lot of tops, you do. But that doesn’t mean that it makes my opinion a minority or invalid. Which is how you’re coming off now. “Shut up about it cuz you’re one out of ten who does this therefore it doesn’t even matter” - you’re discouraging people from speaking about their experiences and wanting to get insight.

 

[DSF140]

And I also get a lot of shit because I say that I like both hot guys and hot chicks, but my desire for men is a lot stronger than that for women. 100% gay guys, especially, tell me that I'm basically lying to myself. They can't comprehend that I'm "versital-gay" with regards to gender.

 

[Onlyonly]

same here I think some guys just think height=dominance which in our cases isn't it. Btw nice to meet another bi short bro ;-)

Nice to meet you too dude.

Okay but also why do guys 6’2” and higher hit me up cuz they like to be dominated by a short guy?
I used to be self conscious of my height until I noticed tall muscular dudes love to bottom for short guys.

 

[englad]

I'm mainly a top (open to bottoming only in relationships). I can safely say that I prefer versatile men considerably more than total bottoms.

I also avoid total tops like the plague. In my experience it's this group that tend to exhibit the most internalised homophobia. However I love hooking up with other versatile tops.

The main thing I dislike about a lot of total bottoms is, some of them seem to be divorced from their own penises and won't let you touch them. Can't stand that. Plus they're normally too focussed on anal sex, I prefer oral over anal.

With versatile men however, I find you can have a particularly ranged sexual experience, as they tend to be very in tune with their own bodies.