Javierdude22: [quote author=ItalianStallion link=board=relationships;num=1058851299;start=0#0 date=07/21/03 at 22:12:38] but she says for a little while that she wants to be on her own unattached because she says she has never been able to feel like that and she says she doesn't want to be forty years old and feel like she missed out. [/quote]
I.S., I think this quote of yours is basically the main problem to your girlfriend, and the explanation in my opinion lies there.
Look, i have two really good friends who are and were involved in really longtermrelationships. One of them started at 14 and were together for 7 years. The other started at 15, and are still together at 23, and living together.
The two that are still together are my best friends. The girl confided by telling me several times along the way (when she was 18, 19, and 21) that she is not sure. She loved him very much, and didnt really think about getting with anyone else, but being young, being a teenager involves so much more than a relationship, at least to many people, and i think that must be respected. Look, what she told me was, that she would really love to go abroad on an exchange program, but her bf would go nuts over it, as he would be missing her too much. But also oether things, like just going out with Gf and having fun was something she felt she was missing out on. And this is where it gets tricky.
She could go out with her gf anyways right? True. But it is a fine line, where she doesnt want to really get it on with guys (cause she loves my friend) but she wants to feel like she cóuld, if she wanted to. It was a psychological thing to her, going out with girlfriends with a sense of unattachedness, even though she would never dream of doing anything with anyone else, as she doesnt want to compromise her relationship with my friend. Eventually, she didnt ask that time apart, and they became more a couple than ever. I never asked her again if she feels she's missing out, as i dont wanna jeopardize their relationship. Back then it was a really big problem to her, she cried for days cause she didnt want to hurt my friend, but also didnt want to have that feeling she missed out on being a teenager, by the age of forty or earlier.
I still fear that she will regret later on in life, something that might damage their possible marriage. Blame is easy at that point.
The other couple broke up at 21, not because of this reason, there were some cheating problems. But from the girl i also know she felt she was missing out on being a teen. Im including them to let you know it is a very very common problem.
Look, there are always more than one options open. Gig may be right in that she is softly letting you know she wants to break up, but she doesnt want to say it to your face. Maybe...but the only thing, in my opinion, arguing for that perspective, is that she doesnt have a problem with you having oral sex. I find that weird, i would never want that, and if my gf in that case could do that as well, i wouldnt want her back. I would talk to her about this, and mae sure what the deal is, and lay your law down on this, if you feel she should not have aný kind of sex. I find kissing different, but each has a different perspective on this.
But, as ive said, i dont believe she is leading you on, judging from your two posts. I've seen this more than one time, and even though each case is different, i think all she wants, is to feel a teenager for a while. You said she might only need a summer for it, i can understand that, as the summer always holds the coolest stuff to do with friends. She wouldnt give you that timeframe i think, if she wanted to secretively break up.
Whta to do now then. Look, the last thing you want to make her feel, is that you are the one inhibiting her from a teenagelife. I know you dont feel you missed out, that is very cool, but of course, people are different, let her enjoy her time. Cause if you would be the one making her feel restrained, it is easier to think: i'm not so sure about him anymore. So give her that space, just like you said you already are. Just law down the law on the sexual part, i am very principled on that, and you seem to be also, sex is not something to be shared just with anyone.
Many have talked about how you will get back together if you are meant for eachother. But judging from your posts, and from what i have seen with others, that is not even the question. I think she still feels she is with you, only she needs to be single in her actions for a while. I hope all is well in the meantime dude.
Laterz
, i'm glad everything is gonna work out for you guys.
