Ahh thank you I’m definitely ready to find love again and not be so guardedYou are strong. You are invincible. You were brave enough to show love. That is NEVER bad. All will be ok with you because you are emotionally intelligent.
You hurt in the right way.
You will love again. Either him or someone else and it will all be good and right for you.
Good man.
When you're the one who hurt, finding "closure" is understandably next to impossible. It's a waste of time to get into the mind of the sinister person doing the hurting to you, but comprehending that they didn't give a damn at all is upsetting. Even though countless people chimed in to my similar situation with "The guy was an ass, man. You're better off.", it doesn't ease the pain. When I called him out shortly before never seeing him again with his lousy treatment (more like non-treatment) toward me, he said, "I'm sorry that you're bothered by my actions." Anyone who sides with a douche bag who feels it's okay to crap all over another person, wipe their hands and move on like I never existed to begin with is simply a sinister piece of shit, and the helpful advice-givers to me have a valid point.
Woah yeah 5 and a half years is a long time And you’re right man, I’ve spent countless hours trying to understand why but at this point nothings gonna change. I think that I struggle with self worth and was investing all of my potential “happiness” with him. Next time, I’m not gonna let someone have that hold on me
Thank you! Yeah looking back I def had blinders on. I really appreciate you and everyone else for giving your insight on this and helping me. It feels good to not hold all this in
How old is he? Sorry, but Even with blurry face his still looks very manly straight men for me is like there's no way he's into men, even the pose he makes is really straight lol, like 30s Manly Straight Men have a manly men Job, I can imagine how he's talk too, definitely very ManlyChapter 4: California
Part 2
It’s now the morning of Halloween 2020, he wakes up before me and I soon get up afterwards. I open up my luggage and pull out this Aviation shirt I got him (he loved it) then smiled and sat back down. Sam is a very open minded person and was the most chill person I’ve ever met other than my best friend Austin so I should’ve taken that opportunity to ask if he wanted to shower together due to the warm water only lasting for like a minute (ok guys, don’t get an Airbnb in Van nuys right next to the 101 if it’s at a discounted rate that seems too good to be true, the place was also infested with roaches). I didn’t because I knew I would’ve got hard but I finished my shower as quick as I could.
I pull out a wash cloth and say “sorry there’s no more towels you might have to dry off with this washcloth” and hold it near his waist. He laughs and says ok I’ll try! He’s so kind of a person I couldn’t do that to him, I opened up the hidden closet and pulled out a towel and he laughs and whips me with a towel, I was into it not gonna lie.
He pulls his shirt off and I see his amazing body, slim but toned and his happy tail leads right to where I need to be. I could see his soft cock moving around in his boxers while he walks to the bathroom and it was so hot, I could’ve been naughty with myself just from that
It’s just before sunrise and we headed to Griffith observatory to catch the views and the view was incredible. We then head down to the OC for breakfast then I took him to my spot in Laguna at the bluffs, it’s a breathtaking spot that overlooks Laguna beach, the valley and the ocean. It’s super romantic and peaceful. This was gonna be the spot where I was going to tell him — except I didn’t because there were so many people around.
We head down to a smaller beach in Laguna, but there were too many people there as well. The marine layer hasn’t quite burned off yet so it was a little chilly but he wanted to see how warm the water was, and if it was warm enough I told him I’d get in there with him. He goes down to the water and puts his hand in and goes “well it feels better than the shower but not quite there yet” so we walked back up and left.
I’m freaking out inside, I wanted to blurt it out but kept missing opportunities. I was so sure that he wanted this too, we’d hug countless times and always seem to get lost in each others eyes. I thought this was my soul mate.
We had an hour drive back to LA so I decide to tell him my feelings. Whilst shaking I told him that I liked him and was attracted to him as he was the most beautiful, amazing person I’ve ever met. He smiled and goes “Ahh I knew you did!” I said you do!? He goes “yeah, I could tell by the way you looked at me and by all the gifts I got for my birthday, I knew something was up
I said, well do you feel the same way? And he said that because of his job he couldn’t be in a relationship right now but that he’s flattered.
I’m in shock and wasn’t even considering the thought of if he wasn’t into me. This is the part where my toxic trait came out - I apologized profusely and he said it’s all good, his best friend is bi so it’s not a problem and that I’m an amazing person and we have a lot of fun together.
I was crushed on the inside but pumped I still had my friend. That part mattered the most to me. He acted as though nothing changed between us and so did I. I just said forget I said that and we continued on to Malibu. We spent the night there watching the sunset then stopped by the Fast & Furious house and Torrettos (my car people will get it).
We get back to the Airbnb and says he has to head home as he lives about two hours away in the desert. I’m shaking so much I can barely open the door, he looks at me and says “Just relax, we’re good” then gives me a hug. Feeling ashamed I’m trying to hide my emotions. He packs up his stuff and thanks me for the great weekend then headed off.
I lay on my bed replaying everything that I did, wondering if I said too much or not enough and wishing I never said anything at all. We texted back and forth that night and a few days after. I returned home from Cali feeling defeated but lucky that I still had my friend - or so I thought..
He was leaning down to touch the water, idk how a “pose” makes him seem straight.. I’m masc and you’d never tell I was into guys by looking at me or talking to me. And you don’t even know him so I wouldn’t jump to conclusions. We had a great connection but unfortunately it didn’t work out
Sorry, I don't know but that was my impression when I saw his photo, I'm curious why you didn't confirm his orientation first? I mean, does he have an ex-gf or something? I'm just afraid he's just going with the flow, like, I don't know, he knows you like him so he's just returning your attention, because I've read somewhere here too, someone said a straight guy is returning his attention, like flirting with him, posing in front of him, or somein like that, because he knows someone is looking at him, glances at him, then someone said he just likes the attention, straight guys returning gay attention just for fun, Like, that attention somehow validates his good looks, or his manliness, since you said you're not sure you're good at hiding your feelings in front of him too, I've been there, you just lost control in front of your crush, and it's really obvious lol, like your crush knew, and I'm feeling really ashamed for fall into straight, and that's makes me closed my heart and really minimize to socialize with men, Love is just awful, for me love is always one sided, is love really always one sided? And when someone ask someone to be his/her boy/girl friend he/she just say yes but not in love? And the love blooming after? I can imagine the conversation too, which makes you feel the same way, he just keeps returning your attention, actually his excuse is kinda bad too, wouldn't it be better if he said he doesn't into men? I think giving the reason of his job not allowing he to be in a relationship is really really bad, is more easy to accept if he say he's straight actually, at least for me, coz I know that feeling is impossible, just like when a girl falling to me as a gay men, it's just doesn't work,
Yeah! Part of my strategy for getting over it was to realize he might not a bad person, he was just not good for me and I repeated that to myself until I almost believed it.
He IS a bad person. To himself, you were merely a bad fit, and you never cross his mind anymore. I've been one - and question why I'M the problem here - who remembers everyone, no matter how insignificant they were to me. It's both fascinating and deeply disturbing. I can't remember exact conversations, but I remember places and have that difficulty to understand that most everyone doesn't give a damn about strangers, or even long term childhood friends. You have a casual conversation with me in an elevator, I'll think (again, very wrong) we should be social friends for life.
