Being single

[MaxTheGayTwink]

I (22M) have been single pretty much my entire life and have no experience in dating or sex (and have no clue how to find other gay men around London).
I also don't want to rush into things because I feel like I would regret it but seeing so many friends looking happy in relationships, getting married, having kids, it can make me feel like I'm missing out. I don't even really have friends that I am able to see often because all my friends are either online (only ever been able to meet one online friend) or have their own busy lives.
I don't know what to do really. I try not to think too much about it, and usually I am relatively happy with my life, but sometimes it's impossible not to. I don't like drinking and I'm not huge on stuff that's popular for my age such as clubbing (I'm quite introverted and usually prefer quiet places) so that's out of the question, and most other things I enjoy tend to have an older demographic or be online.

TL;DR
I guess what I'm getting at is that I just feel behind in life and need reassurance that it's okay to not have things figured out yet and not have any experience in the gay dating world.

 

[Candlewax]

You are so young, hunny the time will come and your person is out there !

 

[lapdog2001]

I (22M) have been single pretty much my entire life and have no experience in dating or sex (and have no clue how to find other gay men around London).
I also don't want to rush into things because I feel like I would regret it but seeing so many friends looking happy in relationships, getting married, having kids, it can make me feel like I'm missing out. I don't even really have friends that I am able to see often because all my friends are either online (only ever been able to meet one online friend) or have their own busy lives.
I don't know what to do really. I try not to think too much about it, and usually I am relatively happy with my life, but sometimes it's impossible not to. I don't like drinking and I'm not huge on stuff that's popular for my age such as clubbing (I'm quite introverted and usually prefer quiet places) so that's out of the question, and most other things I enjoy tend to have an older demographic or be online.

TL;DR
I guess what I'm getting at is that I just feel behind in life and need reassurance that it's okay to not have things figured out yet and not have any experience in the gay dating world.

I'm straight and didn't even start dating until I was in college (university). I was just too shy when younger, and even in my college years it wasn't a sex fest for me, like many people describe here. Be patient, and look to get into some kind of group activities. There must be club/groups/etc in the London area!

 

[ChristmasGoofy]

I’m very similar. I’ve only been on one date ever, and have had very little luck on the apps. I’m also not much of a drinker or bar goer and really enjoy sitting on my couch. Which also makes it tricky being a gay man, too! That said, I don’t feel a ton of external pressure to date or have sex or anything. Yes I have friends who’ve gotten married and had kids, but for the most part I’m shocked because “we’re all so young!” (I’m 23 so not that young, but still also fairly young). I really just want to have had the experience of dating. All this to say, I have no advice for you, but please report back any success you have for the rest of us!

 

[Boaxy]

If you were a handful of years older (22 is very young. But if you were like late 20s and starting to worry, I'd be understanding. Ten years later you might have a point), and if I knew more about you that would justify your anxiety/being scared (feminine, Black, in a homophobic area etc.)

Because I'm in my early 30s, single, Black etc. and I feel lonely. But yeah.

 

[Boaxy]

You are so young, hunny the time will come and your person is out there !

I feel we should stop doing this.

In turn, I feel we should also stop "Some people are never going to find love" as well.

I feel either or "You're gonna find someone/someone is out there for you" and "There is a possibility you might never find someone" both are bad. The right approach is just to pray, wish luck, hope the best for that person, if love/having a special someone is what they want, they will get it etc.

 

[Evenflow618]

Single is best. You have the ability to do whatever you want

 

[Candlewax]

I feel we should stop doing this.

In turn, I feel we should also stop "Some people are never going to find love" as well.

I feel either or "You're gonna find someone/someone is out there for you" and "There is a possibility you might never find someone" both are bad. The right approach is just to pray, wish luck, hope the best for that person, if love/having a special someone is what they want, they will get it etc.

Just trying to offer sage advice to someone way younger than me - but if you feel this way, I have no argument

 

[theplayerking]

I (22M) have been single pretty much my entire life and have no experience in dating or sex (and have no clue how to find other gay men around London).
I also don't want to rush into things because I feel like I would regret it but seeing so many friends looking happy in relationships, getting married, having kids, it can make me feel like I'm missing out. I don't even really have friends that I am able to see often because all my friends are either online (only ever been able to meet one online friend) or have their own busy lives.
I don't know what to do really. I try not to think too much about it, and usually I am relatively happy with my life, but sometimes it's impossible not to. I don't like drinking and I'm not huge on stuff that's popular for my age such as clubbing (I'm quite introverted and usually prefer quiet places) so that's out of the question, and most other things I enjoy tend to have an older demographic or be online.

TL;DR
I guess what I'm getting at is that I just feel behind in life and need reassurance that it's okay to not have things figured out yet and not have any experience in the gay dating world.

You need to make friends in real life before you start worrying about a boyfriend. Join some clubs, meetup groups, sports teams, etc. Take a class or find a hobby and pursue it with like minded people. Gay or straight, it doesn’t matter at this point.

 

[18wheeler]

I (22M) have been single pretty much my entire life and have no experience in dating or sex (and have no clue how to find other gay men around London).
I also don't want to rush into things because I feel like I would regret it but seeing so many friends looking happy in relationships, getting married, having kids, it can make me feel like I'm missing out. I don't even really have friends that I am able to see often because all my friends are either online (only ever been able to meet one online friend) or have their own busy lives.
I don't know what to do really. I try not to think too much about it, and usually I am relatively happy with my life, but sometimes it's impossible not to. I don't like drinking and I'm not huge on stuff that's popular for my age such as clubbing (I'm quite introverted and usually prefer quiet places) so that's out of the question, and most other things I enjoy tend to have an older demographic or be online.

TL;DR
I guess what I'm getting at is that I just feel behind in life and need reassurance that it's okay to not have things figured out yet and not have any experience in the gay dating world.

I’m 49 and married twice. Adore my wife and even love being married, But would love to have enjoyed single life longer.

You’re so Young. Please enjoy being single as long as you can

 

[Boaxy]

Single is best. You have the ability to do whatever you want

That's your opinion, which you're entitled to have. Perhaps you have commitment issues/you're unfaithful. Perhaps you have a picky type/attraction. Perhaps you work too much. Perhaps you had a previous bad relationship. Perhaps you have baggage/bad habits about yourself you don't want someone else to deal with, or you think someone else won't put up with/understand/never mind/compromise etc. with. Perhaps, whatever.

There are people who think like you, and there are people who are aromantic/asexual, in which the thought of a close intimate partner/companion/spouse scares them, and it's something that kinda makes them nervous, and something they don't wish to partake in/interest themselves in.

But any healthy relationship, sayings like "If you're single, you don't feel tied down to anyone, and you can do whatever you want.", is kinda bullshit, as again, any healthy relationship, your partner would be understanding/twin flames/you guys think alike, and if you each need alone time to yourself, or if something is plaguing or bothering one of you, you guys can talk it out, and talk it over, and work it out etc. If you annoy them, and if they annoy you, it's water under the bridge, as every relationship is gonna have moments like that, but you guys overcome it etc. the trust level is over 9000 etc. so yeah lol.

So I kinda feel in my opinion and perspective, those who chime in to people who are lonely and want love and a special someone with "Being single is great, you don't feel attached to someone", is really awful, and I just gave a perfect argument, if I say so myself, as to why you may think that is, (and you have the right to think this way) but it's not a paramount, universal, global opinion/answer to have. So yeah.

 

[chrisrobin]

I (22M) have been single pretty much my entire life and have no experience in dating or sex (and have no clue how to find other gay men around London).
I also don't want to rush into things because I feel like I would regret it but seeing so many friends looking happy in relationships, getting married, having kids, it can make me feel like I'm missing out. I don't even really have friends that I am able to see often because all my friends are either online (only ever been able to meet one online friend) or have their own busy lives.
I don't know what to do really. I try not to think too much about it, and usually I am relatively happy with my life, but sometimes it's impossible not to. I don't like drinking and I'm not huge on stuff that's popular for my age such as clubbing (I'm quite introverted and usually prefer quiet places) so that's out of the question, and most other things I enjoy tend to have an older demographic or be online.

TL;DR
I guess what I'm getting at is that I just feel behind in life and need reassurance that it's okay to not have things figured out yet and not have any experience in the gay dating world.

Take your time, dont rush in panic.

 

[bar4doug]

I (22M) have been single pretty much my entire life and have no experience in dating or sex (and have no clue how to find other gay men around London).
I also don't want to rush into things because I feel like I would regret it but seeing so many friends looking happy in relationships, getting married, having kids, it can make me feel like I'm missing out. I don't even really have friends that I am able to see often because all my friends are either online (only ever been able to meet one online friend) or have their own busy lives.
I don't know what to do really. I try not to think too much about it, and usually I am relatively happy with my life, but sometimes it's impossible not to. I don't like drinking and I'm not huge on stuff that's popular for my age such as clubbing (I'm quite introverted and usually prefer quiet places) so that's out of the question, and most other things I enjoy tend to have an older demographic or be online.

TL;DR
I guess what I'm getting at is that I just feel behind in life and need reassurance that it's okay to not have things figured out yet and not have any experience in the gay dating world.

One thing I've learned in my years is that nobody figures everything out right away. I have seen friends get married / couple up for the stupidest / cruelest reasons:

Some of the most interesting:

1. One of my friends told us about his engagement, and said, "She put in her dues, it's time." He got married just because she was okay (he liked her, didn't really *love* her), and she was waiting for the rock. She eventually took a nice lump sum, and a chunk of his pension in the divorce. He eventually married again, and soon again got divorced.

2. One of my friends got married because he didn't want to be the last 'friend' who was single. He ended up marrying a witch. They got a divorce, and eventually she stalked his social media to make his life a living hell. They've both moved on after a cooling off period.

3. A college buddy got married right after school. She didn't want him hanging out with any of us (his college friends), so we really never saw him. She took him for a ride. They were on the rocks for a while. In his state of residence, after 20 years, divorce is 50-50. Well, they were coming up upon it. His lawyer was dumb as a rock. Her lawyer knew what (s)he was doing. She told him, "We will finalize after I get back from vacation", sounding very sincere. He bought it. Her lawyer served him with papers 20 years and one day, ensuring a big payday.

In a nutshell, coupling up is not all green grass.
If you have doubts about any relationship, then there is no doubt on what you should do.
If you are ill-at-ease in a relationship, it's probably not for you.
Don't worry about it. You are what you are, and just because everyone around you is coupling up, doesn't mean you need to. You have freedoms that those folks may never have....

As they say, the grass is always greener across the street. Don't let that perception bother you.

BTW, I always hated dance clubs, and always preferred the local hang-out / dive place to meet people. Actually, the best relationships I've ended up in came together when I wasn't even looking for them...

 

[Evenflow618]

That's your opinion, which you're entitled to have. Perhaps you have commitment issues/you're unfaithful. Perhaps you have a picky type/attraction. Perhaps you work too much. Perhaps you had a previous bad relationship. Perhaps you have baggage/bad habits about yourself you don't want someone else to deal with, or you think someone else won't put up with/understand/never mind/compromise etc. with. Perhaps, whatever.

There are people who think like you, and there are people who are aromantic/asexual, in which the thought of a close intimate partner/companion/spouse scares them, and it's something that kinda makes them nervous, and something they don't wish to partake in/interest themselves in.

But any healthy relationship, sayings like "If you're single, you don't feel tied down to anyone, and you can do whatever you want.", is kinda bullshit, as again, any healthy relationship, your partner would be understanding/twin flames/you guys think alike, and if you each need alone time to yourself, or if something is plaguing or bothering one of you, you guys can talk it out, and talk it over, and work it out etc. If you annoy them, and if they annoy you, it's water under the bridge, as every relationship is gonna have moments like that, but you guys overcome it etc. the trust level is over 9000 etc. so yeah lol.

So I kinda feel in my opinion and perspective, those who chime in to people who are lonely and want love and a special someone with "Being single is great, you don't feel attached to someone", is really awful, and I just gave a perfect argument, if I say so myself, as to why you may think that is, (and you have the right to think this way) but it's not a paramount, universal, global opinion/answer to have. So yeah.

True it’s still good being single. More than likely a relationship will fizzle out if it’s not compatible. That’s why I think being single is better because you can meet people without cheating. There is more freedom for sure.

 

[Boaxy]

True it’s still good being single. More than likely a relationship will fizzle out if it’s not compatible. That’s why I think being single is better because you can meet people without cheating. There is more freedom for sure.

That particular stance is an exception. Usually when someone laments about being alone, and longing love, and someone returns with "Being single isn't so bad." What they mean 99.999 percent of the time, is that relationships/love is dead and stop dreaming/thinking about that.

I don't think people mean what you claim, and that single is good, because it allows you to date/mingle/circulate with other people. Well no shit, that's the default of being single. How does that mean being single is good, when you're doing the job description of what being single is? Smh lol.

And, yes some relationships fizzle out, but not all of them. Even if it might inevitably and/or eventually fizzle out (who's to say we can predict the future, what will happen in a distant time, chance, fate etc.) if someone wants to fall in love/have a relationship, they should be able to, if they don't like being alone. It's just don't being in toxic relationships, where I'll agree, it's not worth it, but if it's a healthy relationship, and both parties are a good match for each other, go for it. Relationships are still nice to have, if someone is feeling lonely. So yeah.

 

[MaxTheGayTwink]

Just want to say thanks to everyone adding their feedback to the thread. I've been reading everything and it's interesting seeing what different advice everyone has to say and it has helped me worry slightly less.

 

[ActionBuddy]

I (22M) have been single pretty much my entire life and have no experience in dating or sex (and have no clue how to find other gay men around London).
I also don't want to rush into things because I feel like I would regret it but seeing so many friends looking happy in relationships, getting married, having kids, it can make me feel like I'm missing out. I don't even really have friends that I am able to see often because all my friends are either online (only ever been able to meet one online friend) or have their own busy lives.
I don't know what to do really. I try not to think too much about it, and usually I am relatively happy with my life, but sometimes it's impossible not to. I don't like drinking and I'm not huge on stuff that's popular for my age such as clubbing (I'm quite introverted and usually prefer quiet places) so that's out of the question, and most other things I enjoy tend to have an older demographic or be online.

TL;DR
I guess what I'm getting at is that I just feel behind in life and need reassurance that it's okay to not have things figured out yet and not have any experience in the gay dating world.

Just my humble advice, if you are willing to accept it from an older man who felt very much the same as you when I was your age.

Get involved in volunteering for progressive organizations that you share values with. You will meet your new peers and some awesome mentors by doing so.

That was the best advice that I ever received from an awesome teacher. You need peers for comaraderie, and personal growth, socially. You need mentors for their wise advice, caring hearts and their support for you while getting through difficult times.

You need and deserve both of those forms of support in your life, especially if your family of origin has failed to provide that for you!

Reach out for the LOVE that you deserve. You are worthy of it, brother. Don't ever forget that!

You are GOLDEN!

A/B

 

[JockFull]

As another older man who was in a similar position at your age, I would also encourage you to be patient. I know you don't feel like it now, but you are still very young. To put it briefly, in my opinion, if you dream of having a special relationship with a soul mate you can really share life with, the right one is worth waiting for, even if it takes a long time.

I did hardly any dating or anything, and never found romance until my late 30s. We got married when I was 40, and I have never looked back.

So many relationships don't work out and can mess up your life. This is one situation where I think it's best to be patient and choose carefully. You deserve someone who will really be a good match for you.

In the meantime, enjoy your life and find ways to get involved and make friends. Hobbies you can share with others can be great, and there are so many possibilities. Volunteering can be good too and give you a sense of fulfillment that you are doing something good that's not just for yourself. And somewhere along the way you will probably meet someone when you're least expecting it. I hope so.

Best wishes for a happy and rewarding life.

 

[jeffery55870]

I (22M) have been single pretty much my entire life and have no experience in dating or sex (and have no clue how to find other gay men around London).
I also don't want to rush into things because I feel like I would regret it but seeing so many friends looking happy in relationships, getting married, having kids, it can make me feel like I'm missing out. I don't even really have friends that I am able to see often because all my friends are either online (only ever been able to meet one online friend) or have their own busy lives.
I don't know what to do really. I try not to think too much about it, and usually I am relatively happy with my life, but sometimes it's impossible not to. I don't like drinking and I'm not huge on stuff that's popular for my age such as clubbing (I'm quite introverted and usually prefer quiet places) so that's out of the question, and most other things I enjoy tend to have an older demographic or be online.

TL;DR
I guess what I'm getting at is that I just feel behind in life and need reassurance that it's okay to not have things figured out yet and not have any experience in the gay dating world.

I’m in the kind of the same situation with you.

I’m just turn to 23, and in the final semester of my university life. I want to have a relationship with other so bad because I felt my best time of youth is fading away.
I always dreaming about I could have a relationship in school, but I failed to do that. (I am very romantic person so have a lot of pink bubbles dreaming about my own relationship, but it made me pain because I can’t get in any relationship)
My friends always think I’m a great guy, but no one will fall in love with me( only take me as “good friend”. I personally think my looking is like middle (not good but not bad). So I am so wonder and very lost about why can’t I find anyone to advance forward .(My friend said I’m lack of luck and chance, as you I like quite too and I bare joint activities in school.)

Recently I came out to my friends I am a pansexual. Because a bad romance( not even a romance however) to a british guy I met in class last semester.
He came to my university for exchange, and he can’t speak Chinese at all. So I decided to have a group with him, and help him as best as I can ( the class was teaching in English,but most of the students speak Chinese to communicate.) We became friends, talking a lot during the class and drinking together even asked him out for times (but he is busy anyway). And I found out I fallen in love to him for the first time in my life I feeling strong vibe of “loving” someone. But sadly, I too care about him, and he started to feeing uncomfortable, and I found out he just “pretend” to be nice because he take me as a “tool” he only reply my message only when he want to ask me things about the class. And in the end of the semester he decided to end the friendship. I didn’t know why but I cried really hard as soon as he told me that.
After all I decided to came out(isn’t that easy in the place I am) feel a little released after that.
Still struggling to have a relationship, but I put some concentration into my test and start to jogging/swimming to make myself better.
This is my first post of telling myself on the internet to stranger. just want to let you know you’re not alone and hope we will get better and whatever we want as soon as possible.
(I recently read a news talking that when will the first time of sex happens decided by DNA and my older brother is almost 30 he never have a girlfriend , I feel little afraid of that haha)
Sorry for the long story about myself and English isn’t my main language so it might cause you guys hard to read.

 

[Aluuchio]

I (22M) have been single pretty much my entire life and have no experience in dating or sex (and have no clue how to find other gay men around London).
I also don't want to rush into things because I feel like I would regret it but seeing so many friends looking happy in relationships, getting married, having kids, it can make me feel like I'm missing out. I don't even really have friends that I am able to see often because all my friends are either online (only ever been able to meet one online friend) or have their own busy lives.
I don't know what to do really. I try not to think too much about it, and usually I am relatively happy with my life, but sometimes it's impossible not to. I don't like drinking and I'm not huge on stuff that's popular for my age such as clubbing (I'm quite introverted and usually prefer quiet places) so that's out of the question, and most other things I enjoy tend to have an older demographic or be online.

TL;DR
I guess what I'm getting at is that I just feel behind in life and need reassurance that it's okay to not have things figured out yet and not have any experience in the gay dating world.

Hey, I’m not gonna share any advice because I’m 24 and in the same position as you, but there is a lot of good advice in this thread. If you want to chat you can send me a message if you want.