I have a new friend in my life who I met last year, who I've invited to come over every Sunday to watch movies with on streaming. Through talking we discovered we have a lot in common based on how we live our lives and our struggles, etc. I feel like every weekend we get to know each other a little better. I find out things about him that I do or go through myself and now that we both have laid out those cards on the table, there is room for us to grow closer.
Aside from having much in common, I notice when he leaves he kinda says goodbye to me twice. We hug, I tell him to get home safe and once he's out the door, he turns to me with a smile and waves goodbye again with these eyes of intrigue. He always does this and I've learned to love this about him. We have been having open discussions about certain factors in our lives and one thing we have been comfortable with each other to talk about openly is sex. When we first exchanged emails and he told me more about himself, one of the things he said was he has impulse control problems. I have always wanted to ask what he meant by that. I had an idea based on how it sounded. I thought maybe he was referring to masturbation or porn. He was indeed.
I shared with him my views on masturbation and how I don't believe it's a bad thing the way "religious" people make it out to be. It's something we all do. I also told him that what he feels may be an addiction to porn could simply be him responding to his hormones raging inside him. I told him I didn't want to assume his experience isn't what he says it is, but to be open to understanding that what you perceive as having an addiction to porn could simply be your hormones desiring that kind of content since we both aren't sexually active. Because I said this, he has been real open with me about him watching porn and even masturbating based on tonight's conversation. We joke with each other and I feel the two of us growing closer. He has said certain things that led me to believe he might be into guys as well as girls but I didn't want to read too much into it. Like saying "they" when he was speaking about past relationships. The context of how he said it felt like he was purposely not using he or she pronouns to be ambiguous. That's one thing that caught my ear. But again, I don't want to read too much into that.
Tonight was our most open conversation about sex thus far and he shared with me that he thinks about sex a lot and he wants it. We bonded more over us not having normal lives that include a partner to have sex with, so our conversations get very intimate. Then there's the way he looks at me. To be honest, I'm a loner to the max so having a regular friend who is in my life like this still feels weird. When I talk to him then finish what I am saying, he will continue to look at me for a couple seconds longer, then I get awkweird and have to turn my head because I don't want to respond to his gaze with a weird gaze of my own. He does that a lot and it freaks me out. It's like when someone shakes your hand for longer than 5 seconds. When do you let go before I take my hand back to my side?
After we watched an episode of Star Trek Voyager, he mentioned he has to write a Star Trek fanfic and I joked asking if his fanfics are the kind about Kirk and Spock being lovers and he was very into that as he laughed. Later that night he sent me a raunchy meme with Kirk and Spock naked in the tub and I thought, oh wow. Is this your humor or is this the kinda stuff you like? Again, I'm doing my best not to read too much into what he does or says because that will only lead to a huge let down. However, I do feel us growing closer and I'm wondering if that closeness is something he feels as well and wants to explore. The day I first saw him through my living room window, I said to myself, "Damn, he is fine!" And he is. That fineness hasn't left him. He's super attractive and I catch glimpses of him when he's watching the TV. Apparently he does that to me too as he admitted he caught me dozing off earlier. With my bedroom door closed and two people making heat together in a non-sexual way, I get sleepy. But I try to fight it.
Because we only see each other once, maybe twice a week, getting to know what kinks he is into is taking a while, but I am learning more and more about him and I'm just getting vibes is all. We were discussing penises today. I mentioned to him that after a while men go through problems with libido and erectile dysfunction and how I asked my doctor for Viagra when I was concerned about not getting hard when I want to. That's when he went into detail about his libido and what he is into. To be quite honest, this is me falling for yet another guy the way I always do. However, is it just me and the way I feel or am I seeing something with him as well? Only time will tell...I really enjoy his company and he says the same. He said the highlight of his week is when he gets to come over to hang with me.
Aside from having much in common, I notice when he leaves he kinda says goodbye to me twice. We hug, I tell him to get home safe and once he's out the door, he turns to me with a smile and waves goodbye again with these eyes of intrigue. He always does this and I've learned to love this about him. We have been having open discussions about certain factors in our lives and one thing we have been comfortable with each other to talk about openly is sex. When we first exchanged emails and he told me more about himself, one of the things he said was he has impulse control problems. I have always wanted to ask what he meant by that. I had an idea based on how it sounded. I thought maybe he was referring to masturbation or porn. He was indeed.
I shared with him my views on masturbation and how I don't believe it's a bad thing the way "religious" people make it out to be. It's something we all do. I also told him that what he feels may be an addiction to porn could simply be him responding to his hormones raging inside him. I told him I didn't want to assume his experience isn't what he says it is, but to be open to understanding that what you perceive as having an addiction to porn could simply be your hormones desiring that kind of content since we both aren't sexually active. Because I said this, he has been real open with me about him watching porn and even masturbating based on tonight's conversation. We joke with each other and I feel the two of us growing closer. He has said certain things that led me to believe he might be into guys as well as girls but I didn't want to read too much into it. Like saying "they" when he was speaking about past relationships. The context of how he said it felt like he was purposely not using he or she pronouns to be ambiguous. That's one thing that caught my ear. But again, I don't want to read too much into that.
Tonight was our most open conversation about sex thus far and he shared with me that he thinks about sex a lot and he wants it. We bonded more over us not having normal lives that include a partner to have sex with, so our conversations get very intimate. Then there's the way he looks at me. To be honest, I'm a loner to the max so having a regular friend who is in my life like this still feels weird. When I talk to him then finish what I am saying, he will continue to look at me for a couple seconds longer, then I get awkweird and have to turn my head because I don't want to respond to his gaze with a weird gaze of my own. He does that a lot and it freaks me out. It's like when someone shakes your hand for longer than 5 seconds. When do you let go before I take my hand back to my side?
After we watched an episode of Star Trek Voyager, he mentioned he has to write a Star Trek fanfic and I joked asking if his fanfics are the kind about Kirk and Spock being lovers and he was very into that as he laughed. Later that night he sent me a raunchy meme with Kirk and Spock naked in the tub and I thought, oh wow. Is this your humor or is this the kinda stuff you like? Again, I'm doing my best not to read too much into what he does or says because that will only lead to a huge let down. However, I do feel us growing closer and I'm wondering if that closeness is something he feels as well and wants to explore. The day I first saw him through my living room window, I said to myself, "Damn, he is fine!" And he is. That fineness hasn't left him. He's super attractive and I catch glimpses of him when he's watching the TV. Apparently he does that to me too as he admitted he caught me dozing off earlier. With my bedroom door closed and two people making heat together in a non-sexual way, I get sleepy. But I try to fight it.
Because we only see each other once, maybe twice a week, getting to know what kinks he is into is taking a while, but I am learning more and more about him and I'm just getting vibes is all. We were discussing penises today. I mentioned to him that after a while men go through problems with libido and erectile dysfunction and how I asked my doctor for Viagra when I was concerned about not getting hard when I want to. That's when he went into detail about his libido and what he is into. To be quite honest, this is me falling for yet another guy the way I always do. However, is it just me and the way I feel or am I seeing something with him as well? Only time will tell...I really enjoy his company and he says the same. He said the highlight of his week is when he gets to come over to hang with me.
