Literally not true. Gay men watch gay porn…. And most gay men do not drag women as women are our biggest allies. So don’t you dare say we try dragging women every opportunity we get.You should feel all those things with her. She probably got sick of your actions towards her. She's has let it build up and is full of resentment now. She's jealous. There's a reason she's jealous. Ask her. It's still suspicious the post about your friend. What would have happened if he actually wanted more that time? You were just too curious on that post. You will be one of those men who gets married and still on grindr behind your wife and 3 kids back.
Ohh and the phobic answers are just sick. No one knows this woman, or how she feels or what she's been through with him. Plenty of gay men can't stand women in porn and drag them at every oppurtunity because of it. If she doesn’t want to picture her partner being intimate with anyone then it's understandable. She loves the guy. He must be a real catch.
I wish I was her friend.
Cuddling with Friends and Other Issues
- Thread starter justaguy5000
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I apologise. I meant the women who do the straight scenes in gay porn get slated. You know the sites
. I shouldn't have generalised this at all. It's not all gay men, obviously. In fact, it's only a very few. It's just a reference to something that does happen, and yet I should have added for context that I understood why it's upsetting (even if the slandering is not right) because it's your space. But yet when it's something affecting her life in her own space, she isn't allowed an opinion. Otherwise, she's phobic. She didn't even make it public, and we've only heard one side of the story. I wrote that quickly and sent it without even proofreading it.Part of your problem is the moral implications of answering these questions exactly as asked....perhaps try, "Is close physical, prone intimacy the norm amongst non related adult heterosexual men, and could that possibly be the catalyst for her perceived jealous response?"
I'm not labeling your guy's relationship as weird, gay, or anything, but you're also not joking for no reason, and I seriously doubt you see this as common behavior amongst heterosexual men(irrespective of whether or not you think it should be).
I would hope that just about any heterosexual male in modernity, living in the western world would know by default their female sexual/romantic partner is going to have some manner of issue with that type of physical intimacy with anybody short of family....we can always have an open forum as to the validity of their perspective, but I think it's a bit childish to be an adult man and not expect it.
It’s definitely not that weird bro. Me and a few of my friends often cuddle up together on the sofa or in bed just like you.
Tbf we even shower together and stuff, it’s nothing sexual just we’re all super close.
I can’t really give you any advise on what to say to your gf other than maybe just don’t do it in front of her from now on and speak to your mate so he’s aware too
I don't think it's at all weird that you cuddle with your friend. I think it's a shame that your GF is jealous and insecure about this. All I can suggest is trying to explain it to her and try to reassure her - and if she still has an issue, it's her problem. Ultimately she needs to get over this - and if she can't or won't, I'd be questioning whether she really is right for you.
Dave NoCal
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The U.S. is probably the most pruriently prudish culture on Earth. We are preoccupied with sex yet punish physical contact. Taking the OP's statements at face value, it is not surprising that his girlfriend is taken aback by the Op and his friend's physical closeness. I would say that their relationship is atypical but that, truth be told, many men wish for that kind of closeness.
Cultures vary in how physical closeness is viewed. For example, In my travels in Italy I have booked hotel rooms with "two beds" that are two twin sized beds bolted together and made up with one set of bedding. The rooms were booked for myself and a close male friend. Also in Italy, I have observed friends touching each other's waists as the pass by each other in close proximity, say in a resaurant, kissing each other on the cheek as part of saying hello, and place a hand oth a friend'sshoulder while talking with him . All of this is culturally normal. I have observed some similar behaviors in Mexicco and England, all the non-U.S. countries I have visitied forany length of time.
It seems to me that the OP is comfortable with being a bit unconventional, as it relates to the culture here in the U.S. More power to him. However, most people are extremely conventional and he can expect some pushback. His willingness to be unconvetional may worry his girlfriend in other ways.
Cultures vary in how physical closeness is viewed. For example, In my travels in Italy I have booked hotel rooms with "two beds" that are two twin sized beds bolted together and made up with one set of bedding. The rooms were booked for myself and a close male friend. Also in Italy, I have observed friends touching each other's waists as the pass by each other in close proximity, say in a resaurant, kissing each other on the cheek as part of saying hello, and place a hand oth a friend'sshoulder while talking with him . All of this is culturally normal. I have observed some similar behaviors in Mexicco and England, all the non-U.S. countries I have visitied forany length of time.
It seems to me that the OP is comfortable with being a bit unconventional, as it relates to the culture here in the U.S. More power to him. However, most people are extremely conventional and he can expect some pushback. His willingness to be unconvetional may worry his girlfriend in other ways.
It's not that weird. Sometimes you have connections with other dudes that are hard to define. I was close to a guy in college, and we had a couple of experiences that might be considered kinda gay. He was over in my apartment one night, and we were kinda drunk watching a movie. Then a sex scene came on, I noticed he started rubbing his cock through his sweatpants. I was sitting next to him on the couch, and I was like, Horny much? He said, Hell yeah bro. That led to him lifting up his shirt, with his brown silver dollar nipples in full view, asking if I wouldn't mind rewinding the movie so he could re-watch the sex scene. At this point, I started to get into the moment. The scene started again, and he was still rubbing his cock. I noticed his nipples were kinda hard, so I reached my hand over and started rubbing his left nip a little. He glanced at me, and I stopped, but he said it's cool, feels kinda good. So I started again, his nipples were super hard by now, basically looked like pencil erasers. He came right after that in his pants, looked over at me and started laughing. I cracked up too. He said, Guess I have sensitive nips. I said, yeah I guess so. He pulled his shirt back down, and said You're the only dude who's ever allowed to touch my nipples. I said, I get a free pass whenever? And he said, Yeah basically. That started something mildy sexual between us for the next several months. Anyway, sometimes you can't define stuff. Not saying yours is sexual, but it's weird where things might lead.
MastiffNutz
Loved Member
♂
When you say, "fake ass cuddling I do with her to get laid", does that mean that you only cuddle with her in order to initiate sex? And when you say "with my bro and just feeling warm and safe and at peace," do you ever feel that way when you're cuddling with your GF?
She might not be jealous of the time you spend with him, nor the cuddling. It might be the confluence of a bunch of things that is upsetting her. Someone else on the thread mentioned that, as an adult, you've GOT to know that the man-man cuddling will raise eyebrows. Your GF sounds like she's being cool with it, which is lucky and great. But maybe she's feeling that you're getting some important emotional and physical (non-sexual) needs met by someone else, and it's unconventional, and you spend a lot of time with him, and in her head she might be thinking, "why the hell are we even together?"
Do you think it's possible that she feels like you're not clearly communicating to her your desires and goals in your relationship with her, and with him? Such that she doesn't know where she stands in this whole thing?
I feel the same way. After reading the post, I also have this thought. I sense that after you got together, there might have been a bunch of miscellaneous issues that have caused her to harbor resentment for a long time, but you haven't noticed her emotional changes. Her negative emotions have been growing, and your act of hugging your friend happened to be taken by her as an opportunity to express her dissatisfaction. This opportunity could have been triggered by any other behavior. You should have a good talk with your girlfriend and pay attention to her emotions and needs. I believe this situation really isn't about whether your hug with your friend is right or wrong. I think neither of you is at fault; you just need to communicate well and see if you are still suitable for each other.
Emotional perception is quite subjective. Perhaps your girlfriend has dissatisfaction with other matters as well, but she has talked to you about issues concerning you and your friends, and you have taken her words to heart. Therefore, when you are with your friends, you particularly notice her unhappiness (?). It's somewhat like the Bermuda Triangle effect; in fact, the number of missing persons in the Bermuda Triangle is not unusually high compared to other areas, but people are particularly sensitive to the topic of the Bermuda Triangle. When they see reports about it, they pay more attention, which creates the illusion that there are more reported disappearances.
It's unfortunate that some people are so quick to jump to conclusions. It’s true we don’t know his girlfriend, but we also don’t truly know OP. At the same time, I find it interesting to see what some are reading between the lines here. I’d like to offer an idea that might bring a bit of insight. From my experience, I’m convinced there’s both a romantic dimension and a sexual dimension. Most people don’t consciously think about this because, for many, the romantic and sexual dimension overlap.
It’s possible that OP may be heterosexual in terms of sexual attraction but also homoromantic feeling a deep, close bond and even enjoying cuddling with another man, without any sexual intentions. Before I go on, though, I’d like to hear what OP thinks. Does this description resonate with your experience at all?
It’s possible that OP may be heterosexual in terms of sexual attraction but also homoromantic feeling a deep, close bond and even enjoying cuddling with another man, without any sexual intentions. Before I go on, though, I’d like to hear what OP thinks. Does this description resonate with your experience at all?
I mean I don't know about the specific nomenclature but that sounds pretty close. It's not so much romantic but yeah something along those lines. I don't take him out on Valentine's day and I don't have candle lit dinners with him. Lol.
But yeah I think we're bonded about as close as anyone could be.
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Cuddling with your friend isn't weird at all. In fact, I think forming close relationships with other men and expressing one's feelings toward friends would go a long way toward improving male mental health. The problem is that society wants to classify any type of closeness between men as homosexual - as your girlfriend is trying to do.
Your girlfriend is clearly jealous and wants to drive your friend away - the reason that she is insinuating that your behavior is gay. This is clearly bad behavior and she should stop. If she doesn't, it's a warning sign for you - there will be more bad behavior ahead in your relationship.
On the other hand, you should ask yourself whether you are prioritizing your friendship with your buddy over your relationship with your girlfriend. If you are, you should think about what you really want - just sexual relationships with women? Most girlfriends don't want to be the "third" in a relationship, behind your friend. No judgment here - just urging you to sort out what you really want from these relationships. Doing so will help you establish priorities and boundaries with your friend and future girlfriends.
Your girlfriend is clearly jealous and wants to drive your friend away - the reason that she is insinuating that your behavior is gay. This is clearly bad behavior and she should stop. If she doesn't, it's a warning sign for you - there will be more bad behavior ahead in your relationship.
On the other hand, you should ask yourself whether you are prioritizing your friendship with your buddy over your relationship with your girlfriend. If you are, you should think about what you really want - just sexual relationships with women? Most girlfriends don't want to be the "third" in a relationship, behind your friend. No judgment here - just urging you to sort out what you really want from these relationships. Doing so will help you establish priorities and boundaries with your friend and future girlfriends.
She's not pulling this from thin air. She senses something. It's her gut reacting to you and shouting red flag. Whether you agree or not, it's not what other women would consider a normal thing, but more importantly, this isn't a normal argument. My BF and most BFs I know would make sure their partner felt loved first.
If I can be honest, your post sounds very uncaring. It's like her, and the relationship is nothing more than just an inconvenient prop for you to have because it's what the other boys normally do. You don't sound like you are bothered about how she feels, regardless if it's OTT or not. If it was someone I cared for, then I would want to make sure they knew that I cared for them and their feelings. I swear you'll be the type that's married on grindr in 10 years' time.
I know I'm basing this off of nothing. But I can't help but go with those great gut instincts that we women are blessed with. The majority of the time, we sniff out conmen at some point. The problems start we catch feelings before this is realised, then it gets harder to leave. Then our lives end up a mess trying to keep up with the boundary line that keeps getting moved by them. If you can't give her what she's asking from you, whether it's OTT in your eyes, or even just the simple reassurance of showing her you care. Just let her go whilst she is young enough to move on with someone who gives her what she needs. Or better still, just learn to communicate better with her regarding problems instead of asking the internet for backup. Or show her your posts from on here. Then you'll hear what she really feels, straight from the horses mouth.
If I can be honest, your post sounds very uncaring. It's like her, and the relationship is nothing more than just an inconvenient prop for you to have because it's what the other boys normally do. You don't sound like you are bothered about how she feels, regardless if it's OTT or not. If it was someone I cared for, then I would want to make sure they knew that I cared for them and their feelings. I swear you'll be the type that's married on grindr in 10 years' time.
I know I'm basing this off of nothing. But I can't help but go with those great gut instincts that we women are blessed with. The majority of the time, we sniff out conmen at some point. The problems start we catch feelings before this is realised, then it gets harder to leave. Then our lives end up a mess trying to keep up with the boundary line that keeps getting moved by them. If you can't give her what she's asking from you, whether it's OTT in your eyes, or even just the simple reassurance of showing her you care. Just let her go whilst she is young enough to move on with someone who gives her what she needs. Or better still, just learn to communicate better with her regarding problems instead of asking the internet for backup. Or show her your posts from on here. Then you'll hear what she really feels, straight from the horses mouth.
Update-
Had a talk with the GF a few night ago. For the most part it was civil and somewhat productive. I told her that I understood she wasn't happy that I was so close with my friend. She told me that she didn't actually care what I did with my friends and that she knew I wasn't cheating on her.
Then it kind of spiraled. She started talking about how her friends are more mature than mine and how they have better jobs. She said that I shouldn't waste my time with "lowlifes" and "losers". Then she said my best friend was the worst of all of them because he doesn't have a degree and she thought he was a freeloader and a Scorpio.
That's basically when I checked out of the conversation. I just got up, left her place, and drove home.
It's true that most of my friends are blue collar guys. But they're all good people. My friend went to community college for a year but then quit. They all work. And they've never freeloaded anything.
A few times I've bought some things for group activities that they might not have been able to afford (sports and concert tickets) and a few times I've loaned my friend some cash. Never a lot of money. And he's always paid me back usually pretty fast.
Like I helped him with the security deposit on his apartment when he miscalculated how much he'd need for his first and last months rent. He paid me back with his next paycheck.
When we lived together we split rent and utilities and he never asked me to cover for him. He's just not that kinda guy.
I don't know what his zodiac sign has to do with anything. Lol
I got out of there because I didn't want to have a fight about who's friends are better. I could feel myself getting agitated and just didn't want to deal with it.
Anyway it's been two days. She's called me a bunch of times and sent me a bunch of text messages. I haven't responded. Not sure I even want to deal with her anymore.
Sorry this wasn't directly relating to cuddling with my friend, but sort of stemmed from it I guess.
I guess if someone could explain the zodiac thing to me I'd be appreciative. I'm a Leo if that matters lol
Had a talk with the GF a few night ago. For the most part it was civil and somewhat productive. I told her that I understood she wasn't happy that I was so close with my friend. She told me that she didn't actually care what I did with my friends and that she knew I wasn't cheating on her.
Then it kind of spiraled. She started talking about how her friends are more mature than mine and how they have better jobs. She said that I shouldn't waste my time with "lowlifes" and "losers". Then she said my best friend was the worst of all of them because he doesn't have a degree and she thought he was a freeloader and a Scorpio.
That's basically when I checked out of the conversation. I just got up, left her place, and drove home.
It's true that most of my friends are blue collar guys. But they're all good people. My friend went to community college for a year but then quit. They all work. And they've never freeloaded anything.
A few times I've bought some things for group activities that they might not have been able to afford (sports and concert tickets) and a few times I've loaned my friend some cash. Never a lot of money. And he's always paid me back usually pretty fast.
Like I helped him with the security deposit on his apartment when he miscalculated how much he'd need for his first and last months rent. He paid me back with his next paycheck.
When we lived together we split rent and utilities and he never asked me to cover for him. He's just not that kinda guy.
I don't know what his zodiac sign has to do with anything. Lol
I got out of there because I didn't want to have a fight about who's friends are better. I could feel myself getting agitated and just didn't want to deal with it.
Anyway it's been two days. She's called me a bunch of times and sent me a bunch of text messages. I haven't responded. Not sure I even want to deal with her anymore.
Sorry this wasn't directly relating to cuddling with my friend, but sort of stemmed from it I guess.
I guess if someone could explain the zodiac thing to me I'd be appreciative. I'm a Leo if that matters lol
Seems like it might not be a lifelong connection after that conversation.
If she's judging anyone by zodiac signs then she's trouble and you should get out of that relationship. Not only is it wrong in this case, it means that everyone in your life could be judged this way too and not by their actions, beliefs, etc. I know it might be tough in the short run but eventually you'll realize that you avoided a toxic relationship with an unreasonable person.
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