Curtis from Sean Cody
- Thread starter YaMeVoy16
- Start date
- Joined
- Jan 23, 2019
- Posts
- 360
- Media
- 0
- Likes
- 5,667
- Points
- 563
- Location
- Portland (Oregon, United States)
- Sexuality
- 90% Gay, 10% Straight
- Gender
- Male
Curtis & Forrest, two hot guys enjoying each others' bodies
![SC Curtis & Forrest.mp4]( "SC Curtis & Forrest.mp4")
@Curtinik love your work and love that you are setting some records straight. I'm perched and ready with questions I've had since 2008.
![images]()
I've always been curious about how the logistics worked for a SC shoot. How did your flights get booked? Cheap fairs, could you choose your seat?
Did you or a guy ever miss a flight out to San Diego? What would they do?
Where did you all stay? I know it was a hotel but was it nice?
Did you have a stipend for food? Were you paid in cash or a check?
How long were most of your trips?
How long were most shoots? I know scenes are stitched together so how long as we talking?
How did Sean Cody find you or how did you find Sean Cody?
Finally, how long did it take you to write your book? Have you always liked writing?
I've always been curious about how the logistics worked for a SC shoot. How did your flights get booked? Cheap fairs, could you choose your seat?
Did you or a guy ever miss a flight out to San Diego? What would they do?
Where did you all stay? I know it was a hotel but was it nice?
Did you have a stipend for food? Were you paid in cash or a check?
How long were most of your trips?
How long were most shoots? I know scenes are stitched together so how long as we talking?
How did Sean Cody find you or how did you find Sean Cody?
Finally, how long did it take you to write your book? Have you always liked writing?
He said he’s retired but I think I remember him saying it was a maybe in the future. No OF for now
Yea I suck at this marketing shit. I always run into hurdles errors messages pop up on the screen. It’s a fucking nightmare. I’m just gonna get on one platform that’s good and stay there. Fuck all the other ones. lol
Yes and I think I’m about to be booted from this site. Someone’s following me around reporting every comment I make. When they boot me from here, I’ll just disappear again. Never to be seen again. But at least my book is out there.
If someone would stop reporting every comment I make. Some guy named Dan Damien on Facebook, pretty sure that’s who is doing it. Dude needs a mental institution…
I tried to make an only fans I said it all up and then it got to the drivers license part. It wouldn’t accept the backside of my drivers license. I couldn’t get to get it. Take a picture of it. And gave up kept saying it was blurry or whatever.
Did you guys add my new X page. Please do. Don’t let these hackers bury me. Contribute to my journey and help me rise up.
who wants me to do an interview? I’ve reached out to two platforms- Queermenow responded and str8upgayporn responded- both wanted content- and agreed to an interview. And then radio silence…. No idea. I tried. I would do an interview on here but… trying to find exposure you know the system works… I advise you guys to reach out to these two and see why they quit responding. Or if you have any other suggestions. And those are some good questions. I might include them in the interview just for you. Help me… help you… lol@Curtinik love your work and love that you are setting some records straight. I'm perched and ready with questions I've had since 2008.
![images]()
I've always been curious about how the logistics worked for a SC shoot. How did your flights get booked? Cheap fairs, could you choose your seat?
Did you or a guy ever miss a flight out to San Diego? What would they do?
Where did you all stay? I know it was a hotel but was it nice?
Did you have a stipend for food? Were you paid in cash or a check?
How long were most of your trips?
How long were most shoots? I know scenes are stitched together so how long as we talking?
How did Sean Cody find you or how did you find Sean Cody?
Finally, how long did it take you to write your book? Have you always liked writing?
I asked a friend of mine to do a test practice interview and it went so well that I feel like I need to share it with you
Interview Transcript: Unfiltered with Nick Hauversburk
Interviewer:
First, let me understand something. Maybe I’m not understanding. Did you just come out of hiding? Have you just chosen to reveal yourself? Is this because of the book? Or were you always known and out, so to speak?
Nick:
Well, sir, if you want to call it hiding, you certainly can. I call it being preoccupied. I’ve never really been into the whole marketing myself or anything like that. However, I have a story to tell. And similar to what Jordan Peterson says, if you have something to say and you don’t, your silence is a lie. Marketing is part of the process, so hoorah, here I am.
Interviewer:
Okay, I see. So people are just starting to contact you, and you’re just starting to be comfortable reaching back out?
Nick:
In your question pertaining to, am I coming out of hiding only because of my book? I would say so—not because I’m greedy and want money. That’s just a perk from it. But I want to help people who have lived a life like mine and can relate.
All those people out there who did porn, committed suicide, or got on drugs—they deserve to have a voice. These big porn companies are getting filthy rich while their performers crumble, while these people crumble and die. And it’s a shame.
When you read my book, you’re going to feel the power in it—the power that lies in the unspoken stories about abused men who live these lives and aren’t allowed to talk about it. They’re just supposed to suck it up.
Well, I’m here to say: You have a voice too. I want to lead the march and say, if you’ve had an abusive childhood and it’s still affecting you to this day, you’re not alone.
If you were a porn star and you turned to drugs to cope with the stigma and hate, I’m here standing as an icon for those people.
Interviewer:
Nick, why aren’t you doing porn anymore?
Nick:
You know, that’s a really good question. Number one, I like cheeseburgers—that made it hard to get shoots, ha ha, talking about gaining weight.
Number two, to be honest with you, it got really monotonous. I’m a character of authenticity, not to toot my own horn, but when I felt like I was acting, it was time to leave. But I worked with so many great people—good-hearted, down-to-earth people.
I’ve enjoyed my career in porn thoroughly. It allowed me to explore the country and go places I never would have gone otherwise. I’m just a small-town country boy, you know? But it also led me to new opportunities.
Given my desire and innovative nature, I decided to use the money to start a construction company. When that picked up, I kind of tapered off from porn and started following that career path because it was more rewarding for the soul and for my self-confidence.
There’s a few fans out there who’ve seen my interest in philosophy, and honestly, that mental stimulation was missing in porn, even though I thoroughly enjoyed the experience.
Interviewer:
Well, that sounds great, Nick, but it’s got to be hard leaving all that money behind. Was your family part of the reason you left?
Nick:
You know, getting used to an income and lifestyle like that, it’s hard. I talk about this in my book. That’s why I call it A Force of Direction.
When you have to train your brain to do a certain thing, now I’m about to touch on a controversial topic—where people might say, “If you put a dick in your butt, you’re gay.”
Now, I typically disagree with that. I was struggling with whether I was gay or not. And this ties into your question about leaving money behind. It’s complex.
When you’re fighting a conflict within yourself, that money becomes less and less important to you. So to answer your question: At one point in time in my life, no, it wasn’t hard to leave the money behind. But in the beginning, it would have been.
As for my family—that’s also a complex answer. We’d have to delve into each member to answer that question in its entirety because my family is a mix of different personalities.
My dad, though—he was the hardest. And I talk about this in my book. I don’t want to give away too much, so I’ll leave that for the reader to find out.
Interviewer:
Nick, are you hinting that this is some kind of tell-all book? Diaries of a Former Pornstar?
Nick:
Haha, damn, that’s a good title. I should’ve gone with it. Sir, it’s called A Force of Direction.
It’s not just my diaries after being a porn star, but you’re close when you call it a tell-all. This is an actual autobiography of my life—from when I was knee-high to a grasshopper in elementary school, dealing with child abuse, to my middle school and high school football days.
I talk about my high school sweetheart, how I fell in love and got my heart broken, and what happened from the time I started porn to when it got leaked in my community.
This book describes my perception of how porn affected my life, my relationships, my drug addiction, my current career, and so much more. It’s one of the biggest achievements of my life.
It’s a masterpiece. It’s an absolute piece of art, describing my life down to the very nuts and bolts. It’s a very easy book to read and highly relatable—especially if you’ve been abused as a child or had a hard life.
I’d like to dedicate this book to all the porn stars who have died from drug addiction, depression, or homelessness. May those who died rest in peace.
Interviewer:
Sounds very inspiring, but it also sounds like you endured quite a bit. Was your abuse mental, physical, or sexual?
Nick:
It’s definitely inspiring. As a matter of fact, I’ve had quite a few critics—people I didn’t know and people I did know—explore different avenues to provide feedback. The majority of them said this: “This has got to be one of the most inspiring books I’ve ever read.”
Someone else said, “You’ve been through the wringer. It’s amazing you’re still sane.” So yes, I endured quite a hellacious life, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
When they say, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” I can attest to the truth of that. You can take it to the bank.
Now, to answer your question: I wasn’t sexually abused, never was. When I speak of abuse, I mean physical and mental abuse.
Some people think mental abuse is just perception, like someone being ridiculed. What I mean by mental abuse is being locked away as a child—listening to other kids playing on their bikes outside while never being allowed to experience that childhood.
I won’t tell the whole story—it’s in the book—but I had a rough childhood. I was beaten badly and regularly. When they talk about corporal punishment, my parents took that shit to the extreme—bloody welts and all.
Writing this book was incredibly difficult when revisiting those moments from my childhood. I’ll tell you right now, there were many nights where I sat at my desk, and tears dropped onto the paper as I wrote.
Interviewer:
That’s heartbreaking. It sounds like writing this book was cathartic. Have you always been a writer?
Nick:
You know, writing this book has taught me something. I’ve been through some rehab facilities due to my drug use—I’m not ashamed of it—and they always try to tap into what’s wrong and make you cry. I kind of got the gist of it.
But what I realized when I was writing was this: When I wrote things down in chronological order and came across unresolved trauma, my brain would unbury those blocked memories. As soon as I approached those memories, I’d cry my eyes out and feel a sense of relief.
So, for anyone out there struggling with something, write down your problems. It’ll fix you. It’ll heal you. Tears heal the soul—that’s the purpose behind them.
When you say it was cathartic, you’re damn right it was. Writing this book allowed me to be free. I can be me now. You want to know the real Nick? I’m here now, unapologetic and happy as hell.
As far as your question about being a writer, I’ve always had the skill but didn’t acknowledge it. I was so focused on carpentry or engineering that I didn’t explore it. But once I started writing, I realized I was good at it.
When you’ve got a story to tell, nature has a way of putting the tools in front of you. I also discovered that when you’re doing the right thing, the universe aligns. My ability to write kind of came to me like that.
Interviewer:
I get it, riding the wave. What was your drug of choice, Nick? Would you care to share your addiction journey? I’m sure it would help others.
Nick:
Sure, I’ll touch on it. I explain a lot of it in my book, so I don’t want to give too much away. But my drug of choice was methamphetamine.
I never would’ve seen myself doing meth. When I got married, I was just drinking beer and whiskey and smoking weed. But due to some circumstances, I found myself being a people-pleaser, which put me in a weak position.
Now, let me make this clear: I own my addiction. No one put the drug in my body—I did. I am responsible for all the damage I caused during my addiction.
Meth dragged me down a path of destruction. I destroyed relationships, including one with someone who loved me unconditionally. Letting that person down devastated me and caused me to spiral out of control.
When one thing went wrong in my life, I would run to drugs, just like I ran to porn for money. It’s another reason I call the book A Force of Direction.
One decision is like standing at a crossroads. You can take the right path or go way down the wrong one, and turning back is almost impossible. Luckily, I had people in my life who kept turning me back until I finally started to crawl out of that darkness.
In Chapter 5, I wrote:
“In the suffocating silence of darkness, when hope is a faint echo, and light a distant lie, the only way forward is to bleed until you have the strength to crawl.”
That describes my addiction journey.
Interviewer:
Sounds like quite a journey. Are you sober now?
Nick:
Well, Chapter 5 already touches on this, so I’ll start there. First off, let me apologize for referencing my book so much, but A Force of Direction has been a beacon that brought all these realizations to the surface.
When I talk about compounding in the dark, I mean as an abused child, you’re robbed of tools. Tools like self-confidence, growth, individuality, purpose—these are essential to developing into your full potential.
Other children who are nurtured, guided, and loved grow up in a room where the light gets brighter and brighter. But for me, it was the opposite. My childhood was like being trapped in a pitch-black room, crawling around aimlessly, always moving backward because I didn’t have those tools.
This deficit carried into my adulthood, leaving me unequipped to handle life’s hardships. That’s why I dove into drugs—I was crawling around in the dark, trying to find an escape.
To answer your question about sobriety, I’d love to give an answer that would make people cheer, but it’s a constant struggle. Sobriety is like running from a demon.
And no, I’m not religious, but the demon metaphor fits. It’s like Pandora’s box—once you open it, you’re in for a long road ahead.
I’ve been sober for quite some time, but it’s an everyday battle. The longer you go without it, the more distance you put between you and that dark room. The secret is focusing on happiness and not getting caught up in the grind. That’s the key to staying sober.
As for your question about my parents, my mom and I have struggled to have a relationship due to my childhood.
My dad… well, let’s talk about the book cover. The two demons on the cover represent my parents.
One demon is the isolation I experienced as a child due to my mom’s mental abuse. The other represents the chaos of living with my dad—his drinking and the tense, volatile household he created.
The physical abuse I endured was easier to handle than the mental. My dad and I had a rocky relationship. He resents me for my career choices and is far from liberal. Matter of fact, he’s the total opposite.
If I may, I’d like to address a rumor about me that stems from my dad and his bigotry. It’s not to change the subject, but it’s important. Some people think I’m racist because of a comment I left on Facebook years ago.
To be clear, I’m very far from racist. I’m probably one of the least racist people you’ll meet.
Interviewer:
Nick, sounds like your life has really come full circle—retirement, sobriety, and now a book. I’m sure your fans want to know: will you ever return to porn?
Nick:
You know, I’ve considered it, and it’s not entirely off the table. But as you said, my life has come full circle, and money doesn’t hold the same value for me anymore.
They’d have to come at me with a significant offer to tempt me back. As of now, I’m content with my current career path.
Rather than exploring my physical self, I’ve transitioned into exploring my mind. Looking inward has been more invigorating than any porn shoot could ever be.
So, to answer your question, most likely no—but never say never.
Interviewer:
Fair enough. I’m sure someone will make you an offer, but it sounds like maybe you’ve moved on mentally.
You talk about questioning your sexuality. Many fans loved how, on screen, you seemed really into men. Were you? And in this age of new labels, do you feel like you have to pick a side?
Nick:
I really appreciate this question because it touches on some complex psychology. To this day, I still struggle with understanding where I fit.
Some might say, “You have to know by now—you’re either gay or not.” But it’s not that simple, and I’m willing to accept that.
I’ve been open and honest about everything and unapologetic about who I am. With that being said, I still struggle to understand my desires.
As far as being into men on film, I touch on this in my book. And while I don’t want to give too much away, I’ll try to sum it up.
For survival, I had to put myself in a mental state—a psychosis, if you will—where I convinced myself I was gay. I would repeat over and over in my head, “I love this. I love this.” Maybe that’s where the confusion stems from.
But in reality, men aren’t something I’d pursue in real life. Women appeal to me much more strongly, and I can see myself falling in love with a woman as I have in the past.
At one point, I even wanted to be gay because it was more profitable. It came with a lavish lifestyle and independence. But I can’t change who I am.
So, in conclusion, no, I’m not gay. But I understand why people might think I am, and I don’t hold it against them.
Interviewer:
Ah-ha! You’ve answered the million-dollar question in a very interesting way—the power of the mind and the complexities of the psyche. But can you get a natural erection from a man?
Nick:
I think I can honestly say no. But I was watching porn the other day, and this petite, feminine boy—man, whatever you want to call him—was getting railed, and he looked like a girl. I saw the penis, but I still got hard.
Not sure if that answers your question or not. Definitely into “trainees,” but not the drag queen type. I like the feminine, feminine, feminine.
Interviewer:
Fair enough. You’ve shared a lot of personal details. Now let’s bring this home: why should your fans buy your book?
Nick:
Well, I’ve touched on this a bit already, but let me break it down. The reason fans should buy my book isn’t just because it’s a masterpiece, though it absolutely is.
The feedback I’ve received has been phenomenal. People who’ve picked it up have told me they couldn’t put it down until they were finished. It’s one of those books that grips you from start to finish.
It’s got ups and downs—moments where you’ll cry, moments where you’ll laugh, and moments where you’ll be on the edge of your seat.
But it’s not just a book—it’s an experience.
I meticulously walk the reader through my life, step by step, with vivid imagery that will make you feel like you’re right there with me. If you’re not seeing the scenes in your head as you read, then you’re probably not reading the right book.
This book is something I’m incredibly proud of. It’s not just about my journey as a former porn star; it’s about resilience, survival, and the human spirit.
If you’ve been through struggles—whether it’s abuse, addiction, or feeling like the odds are stacked against you—this book is for you.
I’d like to dedicate it to all the porn stars who’ve died from drug addiction, depression, or poverty, and to anyone living a life of hardship.
And to my fans: I genuinely appreciate your support. I urge you to read this book, comment on it, and let’s start a dialogue. You can find me on my X page, where I’ll be happy to engage with you.
Thank you for everything, from the bottom of my heart. This book isn’t just for me—it’s for all of us. It’s a symbol of pride, resilience, and hope.
Interview Transcript: Unfiltered with Nick Hauversburk
Interviewer:
First, let me understand something. Maybe I’m not understanding. Did you just come out of hiding? Have you just chosen to reveal yourself? Is this because of the book? Or were you always known and out, so to speak?
Nick:
Well, sir, if you want to call it hiding, you certainly can. I call it being preoccupied. I’ve never really been into the whole marketing myself or anything like that. However, I have a story to tell. And similar to what Jordan Peterson says, if you have something to say and you don’t, your silence is a lie. Marketing is part of the process, so hoorah, here I am.
Interviewer:
Okay, I see. So people are just starting to contact you, and you’re just starting to be comfortable reaching back out?
Nick:
In your question pertaining to, am I coming out of hiding only because of my book? I would say so—not because I’m greedy and want money. That’s just a perk from it. But I want to help people who have lived a life like mine and can relate.
All those people out there who did porn, committed suicide, or got on drugs—they deserve to have a voice. These big porn companies are getting filthy rich while their performers crumble, while these people crumble and die. And it’s a shame.
When you read my book, you’re going to feel the power in it—the power that lies in the unspoken stories about abused men who live these lives and aren’t allowed to talk about it. They’re just supposed to suck it up.
Well, I’m here to say: You have a voice too. I want to lead the march and say, if you’ve had an abusive childhood and it’s still affecting you to this day, you’re not alone.
If you were a porn star and you turned to drugs to cope with the stigma and hate, I’m here standing as an icon for those people.
Interviewer:
Nick, why aren’t you doing porn anymore?
Nick:
You know, that’s a really good question. Number one, I like cheeseburgers—that made it hard to get shoots, ha ha, talking about gaining weight.
Number two, to be honest with you, it got really monotonous. I’m a character of authenticity, not to toot my own horn, but when I felt like I was acting, it was time to leave. But I worked with so many great people—good-hearted, down-to-earth people.
I’ve enjoyed my career in porn thoroughly. It allowed me to explore the country and go places I never would have gone otherwise. I’m just a small-town country boy, you know? But it also led me to new opportunities.
Given my desire and innovative nature, I decided to use the money to start a construction company. When that picked up, I kind of tapered off from porn and started following that career path because it was more rewarding for the soul and for my self-confidence.
There’s a few fans out there who’ve seen my interest in philosophy, and honestly, that mental stimulation was missing in porn, even though I thoroughly enjoyed the experience.
Interviewer:
Well, that sounds great, Nick, but it’s got to be hard leaving all that money behind. Was your family part of the reason you left?
Nick:
You know, getting used to an income and lifestyle like that, it’s hard. I talk about this in my book. That’s why I call it A Force of Direction.
When you have to train your brain to do a certain thing, now I’m about to touch on a controversial topic—where people might say, “If you put a dick in your butt, you’re gay.”
Now, I typically disagree with that. I was struggling with whether I was gay or not. And this ties into your question about leaving money behind. It’s complex.
When you’re fighting a conflict within yourself, that money becomes less and less important to you. So to answer your question: At one point in time in my life, no, it wasn’t hard to leave the money behind. But in the beginning, it would have been.
As for my family—that’s also a complex answer. We’d have to delve into each member to answer that question in its entirety because my family is a mix of different personalities.
My dad, though—he was the hardest. And I talk about this in my book. I don’t want to give away too much, so I’ll leave that for the reader to find out.
Interviewer:
Nick, are you hinting that this is some kind of tell-all book? Diaries of a Former Pornstar?
Nick:
Haha, damn, that’s a good title. I should’ve gone with it. Sir, it’s called A Force of Direction.
It’s not just my diaries after being a porn star, but you’re close when you call it a tell-all. This is an actual autobiography of my life—from when I was knee-high to a grasshopper in elementary school, dealing with child abuse, to my middle school and high school football days.
I talk about my high school sweetheart, how I fell in love and got my heart broken, and what happened from the time I started porn to when it got leaked in my community.
This book describes my perception of how porn affected my life, my relationships, my drug addiction, my current career, and so much more. It’s one of the biggest achievements of my life.
It’s a masterpiece. It’s an absolute piece of art, describing my life down to the very nuts and bolts. It’s a very easy book to read and highly relatable—especially if you’ve been abused as a child or had a hard life.
I’d like to dedicate this book to all the porn stars who have died from drug addiction, depression, or homelessness. May those who died rest in peace.
Interviewer:
Sounds very inspiring, but it also sounds like you endured quite a bit. Was your abuse mental, physical, or sexual?
Nick:
It’s definitely inspiring. As a matter of fact, I’ve had quite a few critics—people I didn’t know and people I did know—explore different avenues to provide feedback. The majority of them said this: “This has got to be one of the most inspiring books I’ve ever read.”
Someone else said, “You’ve been through the wringer. It’s amazing you’re still sane.” So yes, I endured quite a hellacious life, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
When they say, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” I can attest to the truth of that. You can take it to the bank.
Now, to answer your question: I wasn’t sexually abused, never was. When I speak of abuse, I mean physical and mental abuse.
Some people think mental abuse is just perception, like someone being ridiculed. What I mean by mental abuse is being locked away as a child—listening to other kids playing on their bikes outside while never being allowed to experience that childhood.
I won’t tell the whole story—it’s in the book—but I had a rough childhood. I was beaten badly and regularly. When they talk about corporal punishment, my parents took that shit to the extreme—bloody welts and all.
Writing this book was incredibly difficult when revisiting those moments from my childhood. I’ll tell you right now, there were many nights where I sat at my desk, and tears dropped onto the paper as I wrote.
Interviewer:
That’s heartbreaking. It sounds like writing this book was cathartic. Have you always been a writer?
Nick:
You know, writing this book has taught me something. I’ve been through some rehab facilities due to my drug use—I’m not ashamed of it—and they always try to tap into what’s wrong and make you cry. I kind of got the gist of it.
But what I realized when I was writing was this: When I wrote things down in chronological order and came across unresolved trauma, my brain would unbury those blocked memories. As soon as I approached those memories, I’d cry my eyes out and feel a sense of relief.
So, for anyone out there struggling with something, write down your problems. It’ll fix you. It’ll heal you. Tears heal the soul—that’s the purpose behind them.
When you say it was cathartic, you’re damn right it was. Writing this book allowed me to be free. I can be me now. You want to know the real Nick? I’m here now, unapologetic and happy as hell.
As far as your question about being a writer, I’ve always had the skill but didn’t acknowledge it. I was so focused on carpentry or engineering that I didn’t explore it. But once I started writing, I realized I was good at it.
When you’ve got a story to tell, nature has a way of putting the tools in front of you. I also discovered that when you’re doing the right thing, the universe aligns. My ability to write kind of came to me like that.
Interviewer:
I get it, riding the wave. What was your drug of choice, Nick? Would you care to share your addiction journey? I’m sure it would help others.
Nick:
Sure, I’ll touch on it. I explain a lot of it in my book, so I don’t want to give too much away. But my drug of choice was methamphetamine.
I never would’ve seen myself doing meth. When I got married, I was just drinking beer and whiskey and smoking weed. But due to some circumstances, I found myself being a people-pleaser, which put me in a weak position.
Now, let me make this clear: I own my addiction. No one put the drug in my body—I did. I am responsible for all the damage I caused during my addiction.
Meth dragged me down a path of destruction. I destroyed relationships, including one with someone who loved me unconditionally. Letting that person down devastated me and caused me to spiral out of control.
When one thing went wrong in my life, I would run to drugs, just like I ran to porn for money. It’s another reason I call the book A Force of Direction.
One decision is like standing at a crossroads. You can take the right path or go way down the wrong one, and turning back is almost impossible. Luckily, I had people in my life who kept turning me back until I finally started to crawl out of that darkness.
In Chapter 5, I wrote:
“In the suffocating silence of darkness, when hope is a faint echo, and light a distant lie, the only way forward is to bleed until you have the strength to crawl.”
That describes my addiction journey.
Interviewer:
Sounds like quite a journey. Are you sober now?
Nick:
Well, Chapter 5 already touches on this, so I’ll start there. First off, let me apologize for referencing my book so much, but A Force of Direction has been a beacon that brought all these realizations to the surface.
When I talk about compounding in the dark, I mean as an abused child, you’re robbed of tools. Tools like self-confidence, growth, individuality, purpose—these are essential to developing into your full potential.
Other children who are nurtured, guided, and loved grow up in a room where the light gets brighter and brighter. But for me, it was the opposite. My childhood was like being trapped in a pitch-black room, crawling around aimlessly, always moving backward because I didn’t have those tools.
This deficit carried into my adulthood, leaving me unequipped to handle life’s hardships. That’s why I dove into drugs—I was crawling around in the dark, trying to find an escape.
To answer your question about sobriety, I’d love to give an answer that would make people cheer, but it’s a constant struggle. Sobriety is like running from a demon.
And no, I’m not religious, but the demon metaphor fits. It’s like Pandora’s box—once you open it, you’re in for a long road ahead.
I’ve been sober for quite some time, but it’s an everyday battle. The longer you go without it, the more distance you put between you and that dark room. The secret is focusing on happiness and not getting caught up in the grind. That’s the key to staying sober.
As for your question about my parents, my mom and I have struggled to have a relationship due to my childhood.
My dad… well, let’s talk about the book cover. The two demons on the cover represent my parents.
One demon is the isolation I experienced as a child due to my mom’s mental abuse. The other represents the chaos of living with my dad—his drinking and the tense, volatile household he created.
The physical abuse I endured was easier to handle than the mental. My dad and I had a rocky relationship. He resents me for my career choices and is far from liberal. Matter of fact, he’s the total opposite.
If I may, I’d like to address a rumor about me that stems from my dad and his bigotry. It’s not to change the subject, but it’s important. Some people think I’m racist because of a comment I left on Facebook years ago.
To be clear, I’m very far from racist. I’m probably one of the least racist people you’ll meet.
Interviewer:
Nick, sounds like your life has really come full circle—retirement, sobriety, and now a book. I’m sure your fans want to know: will you ever return to porn?
Nick:
You know, I’ve considered it, and it’s not entirely off the table. But as you said, my life has come full circle, and money doesn’t hold the same value for me anymore.
They’d have to come at me with a significant offer to tempt me back. As of now, I’m content with my current career path.
Rather than exploring my physical self, I’ve transitioned into exploring my mind. Looking inward has been more invigorating than any porn shoot could ever be.
So, to answer your question, most likely no—but never say never.
Interviewer:
Fair enough. I’m sure someone will make you an offer, but it sounds like maybe you’ve moved on mentally.
You talk about questioning your sexuality. Many fans loved how, on screen, you seemed really into men. Were you? And in this age of new labels, do you feel like you have to pick a side?
Nick:
I really appreciate this question because it touches on some complex psychology. To this day, I still struggle with understanding where I fit.
Some might say, “You have to know by now—you’re either gay or not.” But it’s not that simple, and I’m willing to accept that.
I’ve been open and honest about everything and unapologetic about who I am. With that being said, I still struggle to understand my desires.
As far as being into men on film, I touch on this in my book. And while I don’t want to give too much away, I’ll try to sum it up.
For survival, I had to put myself in a mental state—a psychosis, if you will—where I convinced myself I was gay. I would repeat over and over in my head, “I love this. I love this.” Maybe that’s where the confusion stems from.
But in reality, men aren’t something I’d pursue in real life. Women appeal to me much more strongly, and I can see myself falling in love with a woman as I have in the past.
At one point, I even wanted to be gay because it was more profitable. It came with a lavish lifestyle and independence. But I can’t change who I am.
So, in conclusion, no, I’m not gay. But I understand why people might think I am, and I don’t hold it against them.
Interviewer:
Ah-ha! You’ve answered the million-dollar question in a very interesting way—the power of the mind and the complexities of the psyche. But can you get a natural erection from a man?
Nick:
I think I can honestly say no. But I was watching porn the other day, and this petite, feminine boy—man, whatever you want to call him—was getting railed, and he looked like a girl. I saw the penis, but I still got hard.
Not sure if that answers your question or not. Definitely into “trainees,” but not the drag queen type. I like the feminine, feminine, feminine.
Interviewer:
Fair enough. You’ve shared a lot of personal details. Now let’s bring this home: why should your fans buy your book?
Nick:
Well, I’ve touched on this a bit already, but let me break it down. The reason fans should buy my book isn’t just because it’s a masterpiece, though it absolutely is.
The feedback I’ve received has been phenomenal. People who’ve picked it up have told me they couldn’t put it down until they were finished. It’s one of those books that grips you from start to finish.
It’s got ups and downs—moments where you’ll cry, moments where you’ll laugh, and moments where you’ll be on the edge of your seat.
But it’s not just a book—it’s an experience.
I meticulously walk the reader through my life, step by step, with vivid imagery that will make you feel like you’re right there with me. If you’re not seeing the scenes in your head as you read, then you’re probably not reading the right book.
This book is something I’m incredibly proud of. It’s not just about my journey as a former porn star; it’s about resilience, survival, and the human spirit.
If you’ve been through struggles—whether it’s abuse, addiction, or feeling like the odds are stacked against you—this book is for you.
I’d like to dedicate it to all the porn stars who’ve died from drug addiction, depression, or poverty, and to anyone living a life of hardship.
And to my fans: I genuinely appreciate your support. I urge you to read this book, comment on it, and let’s start a dialogue. You can find me on my X page, where I’ll be happy to engage with you.
Thank you for everything, from the bottom of my heart. This book isn’t just for me—it’s for all of us. It’s a symbol of pride, resilience, and hope.
LetMeInYourWorldUKnow
Admired Member
Do anyone who do not want to read this- yes he is straight.
Interesting, did your co-stars had similar view about sexuality or they were just genuinely bisexual?
Sad to hear about ur childhood- bad childhood will always haunt into adulthood.
I think a lot of us are curious, some admitted more than others- so that being said, they were normal folks and yes, I’m saying that normal is to be curious at some point in your life. Good people with big hearts… that’s one thing I will say most of them models have really big hearts, and a very sweet.. it was rare for an asshole to come across the scene.
18 year old me is so proud to get a response from THE Curtis.
I remember being 18 living in a spot with only dialup internet well into the 2010s, so my family had to use a little wireless router that ran on shaky cell data for almost-high(ish) speed internet. If I wanted to download one of Curtis's scenes, I had to start that shit before school, then hope it completed before I got home. Streaming a scene was not an option, always cut out. So, I fought hard to watch you swallow a cock like a pro and fuck! You made my closeted senior year easier.
I may reach out to Str8upgayporn, I still like his page.
Similar threads
