Do you guys believe that actual monogamous love in the lgbt community actually exists? Our dating pool is big but small cause it’s full of people but half of them are experimenting , dl , in relationships already or not looking to be in a relationship because of the trauma . And the half of the other half grew up with Grindr and stuff and know love from lust . And now our culture is just a lust culture , no shade but onlyfans , this website, twitter and tumblr are all examples of that . I’m starting to think that find your person is not an actual logical thing for a lot of us to believe in cause it probably won’t happen for a lot of us .
Does Real love in the gay community exist in 2024?
- Thread starter Kinglmao
- Start date
There are plenty of monogamous couples in the lgbt community. And plenty of couples who have been together for 10+ years plus and more.
Most of these couples are just out living their lives. Thye are likely older people.
They don't exist in the social media sphere trying to be attention seeking (some are of course). Or perpetually seeking drugs and sex like the single people are.
It's easy to get a picture of the "gay community" based on the Internet or a pride parade or your local bar. But those things don't encapsulate the breadth of gay and queer men in the world.
Most of these couples are just out living their lives. Thye are likely older people.
They don't exist in the social media sphere trying to be attention seeking (some are of course). Or perpetually seeking drugs and sex like the single people are.
It's easy to get a picture of the "gay community" based on the Internet or a pride parade or your local bar. But those things don't encapsulate the breadth of gay and queer men in the world.
Ok I agree with you mostly except if we don’t see them at pride or at the bars , where are we supposed to see and get an actual image of healthy relationships in our community?
Title Question: "Does Real Love In The Gay Community Exist In 2024?" As I believe human beings can love one another, then I also believe that love to exist. But to lump everyone who attests to be gay into a collective "gay community" group and disparage it for being promiscuous - that is exactly the type of thing an anti-gay evangelical would do. I'm not going to slut shame anyone for not choosing a monogamous relationship. Regardless of a person's sexuality, how they live their sex life and who they choose to love is their prerogative and none of my business.
Yeah I do agree that is a problem when so many of our images we see are often the sex crazed or the attention seeking or other such examples of "negative" stereotypes. And it's not often offset by examples of the opposite.
I'm not sure how that problem is gonna be fixed.
Not only that but how do we know or find the ones of us that don’t just want hook ups and fwbs. Because after a while going out and searching the clubs for the few people who want ltr gets tiring and discouraging.
Your profile says you live in Texas -- do you happen to live in DFW? Dallas has the world's largest church where MOST of the members are gay dudes. It was founded by ten gay guys in 1970. It's called Cathedral of Hope.
Anyway I think you're more likely to find romantically/monogamously inclined gay guys in a space like that, compared to a space like Grindr. Good luck finding your better half!
A lot of times is not about finding the men . It’s about the gay culture down here , it’s not a lot of gay men who have good strong relationships because most of it is hook up culture and dl guys . And I have lived in a lot of Texas and the gay scene changes in some aspects but most of the time it’s the same in the regard that in todays society relationships are kind of a dying thing and amongst the gay community its even worse .
I’m 34 and have been with my husband for 11 years. It's still possible.
Sgaguy2000
Admired Member
Interesting takes on here. I'm in a similar boat of seeing such a small pool. I have lived in 4 different states and same in them all.
For those saying it does exist (monogamoys gay specifically), those couples aren't on the apps and just living their life... that makes sense. But with that in mind, for those not on apps and those who currently have it and are on the apps, how did they/you find it amidst the gay culture?
I'm not into hookups and don't drink, so most apps are out and bars are out. People that seem to fit this tiny pool are always so far away. Though that seems to be something I've heard of... starting on an app long distance, is that the most realistic?
And to clarify, I'm not disparaging those who are outside off what I'm looking for. Just trying to figure out where I fit in, because I don't seem to fit in, in the current culture based on what I'm wanting for myself. That may be generalising the culture as a whole but that is kind of the point. Where and how do you find relationships outside of those all too real aspects?
For those saying it does exist (monogamoys gay specifically), those couples aren't on the apps and just living their life... that makes sense. But with that in mind, for those not on apps and those who currently have it and are on the apps, how did they/you find it amidst the gay culture?
I'm not into hookups and don't drink, so most apps are out and bars are out. People that seem to fit this tiny pool are always so far away. Though that seems to be something I've heard of... starting on an app long distance, is that the most realistic?
And to clarify, I'm not disparaging those who are outside off what I'm looking for. Just trying to figure out where I fit in, because I don't seem to fit in, in the current culture based on what I'm wanting for myself. That may be generalising the culture as a whole but that is kind of the point. Where and how do you find relationships outside of those all too real aspects?
I second this post . Maybe I didn’t word the original question correctly . I was kinda just asking ( and working at the same time) I wasn’t thinking too deeply into it . I wasn’t trying to generalize everyone in the entire community but also it’s hard to differentiate sometimes when that’s all we see a lot of times on our tvs or on the apps. People can do what they I don’t care, if it works for them good but for people looking for monogamous relationships where do you find them?
Ya know what sucks I dont really have interest in sex anymore (for various reasons) and my desire for a relationship is kinda dying cause i lost hope lol. Idk what to do now but I guess I’ll be able to pick up more hobbies .
I also hate hookups and fwbs.
I lucked out, because I ended up meeting my boyfriend 2 years ago.
We were friends for 1 year, and started dating in 2023.
Before him, I'd dated more than 170 guys (I've dated more guys than I ever did anything sexual with).
Fast forward to now, and we've had our problems, but we made amends and are still going strong.
I wish there were way more positive role models and healthy couples our age (I'm almost 28 & my boyfriend turned 27 this past April).
170?!? What are you doing casting a spell? lol I’ve dated 1 1/2 guys. I probably should drop out of this dating race if those are the numbers that are being put on the board. Im to dating what Americans in the Olympics are to soccer . Tragic lmao
This is my experience with in no way means it will happen for anyone else. I’m bisexual and for a long while I dated women (go on dates I set up on dating apps). I’d have hookups with guys. Not sure which was I was going to end up. I just chose to be open to it all. Despite paying for dating apps, going on actual dates, hookups. I met my current boyfriend as a Grindr hookup. Neither one of us expected it to be more than just having fun. But now we’ve been together for 3 years plus and we’re in a deeply committed relationship. I believe it can very much happen. The guy right before my boyfriend taught me that I could have legitimate emotional feelings for a guy and I truly loved him. Still do. It can be a scene of endless hookups and no commitment, but it can also be quite the opposite.
I hope you find that someone special.
I hope you find that someone special.
I met my ex the same way. And tbh hes the reason why I never want to find a guy that way again. But I’m glad it worked out for you hearing success stories make me happy. I get happy when others are happy, some of us have to struggle but it’s ok.
I struggled for many years. I had my heart broken many many times. I’m an optimistic hopelessly romantic. I never gave up hope.
Idk I guess I’m not giving what I’m supposed to give. cause the results don’t even vary it’s just always a flop.
The notion a romance and love being the core of relationships and marriage is relatively new. Such unions used to be primarily economic and strategic in nature. You had better odds at life if you had a family. Sounds weird since it means more mouths to feed, but together you could do much more that one person could - division of labor and extra helping hands.
In recent years however, with the advancement of technology we are less reliant on physical labor and can manage households a with less effort. Add to that influence from media and literature and the emphasis has switched from practical reasons to romantic reasons. While our brains have always been wired to us being social beings and needing a "tribe" the biological reasons for this need have diminished. Add to that decades of influence from romanticism and we find ourselves craving love, relationships and companionship with the level of heightened emotions we're used to seeing in our daily media. But life isn't all heights. Life isn't endless bliss where we get to "live happily ever after".
While your question focused on the sexual nature of relationships, it can not be answered ignoring all the other factors coming at play. From my own experience I've seen people craving relationship while not knowing what it is, what it entails and feeling let down when it fails to match their expectations. The result - countless new attempts that end the same.
I might be leaning more towards an area that is more closer to myself in this subject and that is the definition of love. What it means to love. How does a person fall in love. And is it possible to feel close to someone but never fall in love... Because as I said before - our perception of love and relationships is constantly shaped by our environment and society. Ridding one self of those influences you start to ask yourself what do these things actually mean to you.
I used to ask the same question as you. That was back in the 2010's. When I wanted to find a partner for life, while it seemed that everyone else was interested only in sex. There had been exceptions.. that never played out due to several reasons, mainly geographical. Fast forward to today, with all the scars both on my soul and body and I have learned a lot, but I find myself having even more questions than before.
I can see now how I used to come on too strong. Like I felt that I desperately needed to get into a relationship. Got a hard lesson of how my world view was twisted into thinking that I do not matter and that the person I would love matters above all, so I'd sacrifice everything for him. I remember from my childhood that we were told stories about love, how we've been sent to this world as halves destined to find our match and become whole. Subconsciously that mindset rooted in me. Not from that one tale, no. But from the collection of every peace of information about love I was exposed to. As a result I always felt incomplete and felt like I needed to fill a void.
I fell in love really hard. Got hurt even harder. But it opened my eyes in many ways. Nothing gets you out of depression better than cutting out a toxic person that's poisoning you slowly. Met people, gained experiences. Started to see life differently. Started to put my own needs first, like my mental and physical health, took risk changing job. And started to re-asses my mindset.
And right about that time I also met my current boyfriend. Ironic, isn't it. But as I said before - life isn't a fairy-tale. There are ups and downs and there have been arguments and we've been close to breaking up as well. Life is ever changing and we need to be okay with that.
I used to get mad at guys who answered that they're not looking or anything particular, just looking at what's up. But after all this time I think that they are the one's doing the right thing. You can't force things. You can't force love, it should just happen.
Sorry for the long rant. Hope you can find at least something that helps you.
In recent years however, with the advancement of technology we are less reliant on physical labor and can manage households a with less effort. Add to that influence from media and literature and the emphasis has switched from practical reasons to romantic reasons. While our brains have always been wired to us being social beings and needing a "tribe" the biological reasons for this need have diminished. Add to that decades of influence from romanticism and we find ourselves craving love, relationships and companionship with the level of heightened emotions we're used to seeing in our daily media. But life isn't all heights. Life isn't endless bliss where we get to "live happily ever after".
While your question focused on the sexual nature of relationships, it can not be answered ignoring all the other factors coming at play. From my own experience I've seen people craving relationship while not knowing what it is, what it entails and feeling let down when it fails to match their expectations. The result - countless new attempts that end the same.
I might be leaning more towards an area that is more closer to myself in this subject and that is the definition of love. What it means to love. How does a person fall in love. And is it possible to feel close to someone but never fall in love... Because as I said before - our perception of love and relationships is constantly shaped by our environment and society. Ridding one self of those influences you start to ask yourself what do these things actually mean to you.
I used to ask the same question as you. That was back in the 2010's. When I wanted to find a partner for life, while it seemed that everyone else was interested only in sex. There had been exceptions.. that never played out due to several reasons, mainly geographical. Fast forward to today, with all the scars both on my soul and body and I have learned a lot, but I find myself having even more questions than before.
I can see now how I used to come on too strong. Like I felt that I desperately needed to get into a relationship. Got a hard lesson of how my world view was twisted into thinking that I do not matter and that the person I would love matters above all, so I'd sacrifice everything for him. I remember from my childhood that we were told stories about love, how we've been sent to this world as halves destined to find our match and become whole. Subconsciously that mindset rooted in me. Not from that one tale, no. But from the collection of every peace of information about love I was exposed to. As a result I always felt incomplete and felt like I needed to fill a void.
I fell in love really hard. Got hurt even harder. But it opened my eyes in many ways. Nothing gets you out of depression better than cutting out a toxic person that's poisoning you slowly. Met people, gained experiences. Started to see life differently. Started to put my own needs first, like my mental and physical health, took risk changing job. And started to re-asses my mindset.
And right about that time I also met my current boyfriend. Ironic, isn't it. But as I said before - life isn't a fairy-tale. There are ups and downs and there have been arguments and we've been close to breaking up as well. Life is ever changing and we need to be okay with that.
I used to get mad at guys who answered that they're not looking or anything particular, just looking at what's up. But after all this time I think that they are the one's doing the right thing. You can't force things. You can't force love, it should just happen.
Sorry for the long rant. Hope you can find at least something that helps you.
Inspiring story . They should put more testimonials like this in magazines. I feel like you definitely clocked some tea about me without meaning too . Your post is definitely helpful, I am kinda coming out of the sexual mindset around relationships now . I’m even kinda coming out of the romanticizing the whole love thing too .
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