Drunk sex with straight best friend - doesn't remember

[Jason]

Of course he remembers.

if he was able to get it up he wasn’t silly drunk.

His coping strategy is to pretend he doesn’t remember. If he admits to remembering he has to admit he’s bi. And he might even have to admit sex felt better with you than any woman. Maybe he’s more gay than bi. That takes some processing.

one day he might talk about it again. But I suggest leave it to him.

 

[Jason]

Does he know he was good? You know he was good but if he is completely inexperienced it may be that he doesn’t. You could make a point of saying the whole evening was good and set you up for the week ahead. But say the evening was good not the sex he’s pretending didn’t happen.

 

[Nomebear]

Of course he remembers.

if he was able to get it up he wasn’t silly drunk.

His coping strategy is to pretend he doesn’t remember. If he admits to remembering he has to admit he’s bi. And he might even have to admit sex felt better with you than any woman. Maybe he’s more gay than bi. That takes some processing.

one day he might talk about it again. But I suggest leave it to him.

I had a similar experience with a friend who did contract work for me. A real lady's man, there was always a female clutching on to him. He and I were on a trip shopping for heavy equipment at auctions. We shared a hotel room, and I was amazed at how fit and strong he appeared, and he had no problems being nude. Not much body fat on him, he was tall with big hands, feet, and dick. Without drinking and smoking pot as an excuse, he instigated and bottomed for me, and was a voracious fuck. From that night on he explored his "other side" in depth with me. In the end, he married a woman who drove him crazy, and I haven't seen him in years. So, these "straight guys" can be full of surprises.

 

[LosAzules]

So I think most of us agree, he absolutely remembers. Now, if you want it to happen again it's probably best to just play along with his supposed amnesia. Unless he took other substances, like pills, he would definitely remember some parts of the sexual encounter. Sounds like what he needs is gentle validation.

You can play along but also say, "yeah I don't remember much but I remember having a really good time". That way, it relieves some of his anxiety that he messed up a friendship also and might ease some anxiety that the sex was something negative. Put a positive spin on the night without saying what happened.

I guarantee he will find an excuse to go out again, drink with you and it will happen again. Guarantee it.

This is a long-shot, but you considered that he may actually be worried that he made you uncomfortable?

It sounds like he came onto you and was pretty assertive about it. Even if you enjoyed his unexpected aggressiveness, he may not know that.

Remember that he is presumably more used to women. For a gay man, having an attractive straight guy with whom you've been platonic friends for years suddenly get sexually aggressive towards you is a dream come true. These days, some women might call the same behavior "rapey."

So, you might get him to open up to you by assuring him that he didn't do anything wrong, but phrasing it in a roundabout way that doesn't get specific but makes it safe for him feel like he can be honest about what happened.

 

[Itsnotme29]

This is a long-shot, but you considered that he may actually be worried that he made you uncomfortable?

It sounds like he came onto you and was pretty assertive about it. Even if you enjoyed his unexpected aggressiveness, he may not know that.

Remember that he is presumably more used to women. For a gay man, having an attractive straight guy with whom you've been platonic friends for years suddenly get sexually aggressive towards you is a dream come true. These days, some women might call the same behavior "rapey."

So, you might get him to open up to you by assuring him that he didn't do anything wrong, but phrasing it in a roundabout way that doesn't get specific but makes it safe for him feel like he can be honest about what happened.

I think he would know by me that I wasn't uncomfortable. I've been totally normal with him since, I'd like to think he knows I felt safe & respected and that's why I enjoyed it as much as I did.

More things coming to mind as time goes on - I remembered today that he told me about a gay bar he went to with a work friend a couple of months back and told me we should go sometime and he'd be my wingman. Maybe I'm reading too much in to it but I'm beginning to wonder was I missing the signs for so long?

 

[Jake1973]

Yeah that's my thoughts. I actually feel as if I was taken advantage of because I'm the one that now carries all the baggage effectively. It's a weight on my shoulders. A secret I am more than happy to carry to the grave if that's what he wants but to have me carry it and also carry all the questions surrounding his knowledge of the whole thing is totally unfair in my eyes.

Not for nothing, but how convenient for him. He's got a GF/wife I assume, plus kids, and he gets to just go back to his life. Makes me suspect you are not the first guy he did this with despite all his claims.

 

[Evenflow618]

That’s a bisexual

 

[Devious Obsidian]

This is a long-shot, but you considered that he may actually be worried that he made you uncomfortable?

It sounds like he came onto you and was pretty assertive about it. Even if you enjoyed his unexpected aggressiveness, he may not know that.

Remember that he is presumably more used to women. For a gay man, having an attractive straight guy with whom you've been platonic friends for years suddenly get sexually aggressive towards you is a dream come true. These days, some women might call the same behavior "rapey."

So, you might get him to open up to you by assuring him that he didn't do anything wrong, but phrasing it in a roundabout way that doesn't get specific but makes it safe for him feel like he can be honest about what happened.

"These days, some women might call the same behavior "rapey." Yeah so let's not do this. You made a point with everything else but don't downplay women's experiences with harassment and sexual assault as them being paranoid


That being said, OP, your friend absolutely remembers that night and for whatever reason, he's pretending it didn't happen. You can either confront him about while being reassuring or have another night of drinking with him to see where that goes but i have to personally recommend the former

 

[tobythecat]

That’s a bisexual

Too right it is.
The OP is clearly uneasy about all this and don't want to spoil his friendship with this guy so is sharing the situation here and asking for sound advice.
Yet there are all these Gay members saying "do it again, do it again" like they are trying to get the OP to entrap his mate, that's not good advice at all.

 

[brnguy]

Its a typical reply - they enjoyed the experience but think it diminishes their manhood, so, tuck it away and deny it happened.

Been there before myself, he still “doesn’t “ remember.

 

[The_Quiet_One]

He probably remembers. And if he wants to play this game of not remembering, then you should call his bluff and just tell him. You're both adults, and these are the games children play, not two grown men. The experience doesn't have to be anything other than him trying something out with a friend who he knew was safe. He's the one making it awkward and weird, you should be able to talk about this with him.

I've fooled around with a few straight friends in the past, and almost every time it was because they were curious and knew they could trust me. Several of them pretended to not remember for a while, but they always seemed to "remember" eventually. Either to come back for seconds, or to tell me that they were just trying it out.

My advice is that you be honest with him if he asks you what happened, but only if he asks you what happened again. See how he responds. Maybe it's not what you think, maybe he genuinely only remembers parts of it, and isn't sure it really happened. You'll never know until you talk to him about it.

 

[chrisrobin]

Been there before myself, he still “doesn’t “ remember.

My buddy who didn't "remember" enjoyed the pleasure of fucking me another couple of times and still didn't "remember a thing" so when it happened again I made surer after I turned and said thankyou for some wonderful cum loads - that's when he confessed to remembering everything but feeling guilty as he'd really enjoyed it

 

[Itsnotme29]

He probably remembers. And if he wants to play this game of not remembering, then you should call his bluff and just tell him. You're both adults, and these are the games children play, not two grown men. The experience doesn't have to be anything other than him trying something out with a friend who he knew was safe. He's the one making it awkward and weird, you should be able to talk about this with him.

I've fooled around with a few straight friends in the past, and almost every time it was because they were curious and knew they could trust me. Several of them pretended to not remember for a while, but they always seemed to "remember" eventually. Either to come back for seconds, or to tell me that they were just trying it out.

My advice is that you be honest with him if he asks you what happened, but only if he asks you what happened again. See how he responds. Maybe it's not what you think, maybe he genuinely only remembers parts of it, and isn't sure it really happened. You'll never know until you talk to him about it.

Maybe I'll get the opportunity to talk about it with him one day, over a few more drinks might be the best way to approach it though

 

[Movie18]

Get drunk together again and ask him the same thing about doing it with a trans person, see what his response is, if he does it again then congratulations you got a regular fuck buddy, the more times he does it the less he can deny it.

Ps. Oh and be prepared for the worst, don't hope to much maybe he tried it and didn't liked it hence why he is denying it.

 

[Itsnotme29]

Get drunk together again and ask him the same thing about doing it with a trans person, see what his response is, if he does it again then congratulations you got a regular fuck buddy, the more times he does it the less he can deny it.

Ps. Oh and be prepared for the worst, don't hope to much maybe he tried it and didn't liked it hence why he is denying it.

And if that's the case then I'm ok with that. I'm a big advocate for trying anything once, better to have tried and be sure of what you do and don't like than to spend years or a lifetime always wondering.

I'm a firm believer that most will try something with the same sex at least once at some point in their lives, men and women, I think it's only natural to wonder and I'd imagine most will try it when the time is right.

If it is the case that this is how he feels, I'm just glad it's me he trusted and still seems to be comfortable enough around me after

 

[Mackiefondu]

Really debated posting this but I feel I have nobody else to talk to about it and it's driving me insane and completely consuming my thoughts.


So me and my best friend have known eachother about 18 years now.
I'm openly bisexual and have been for a number of years now and he was actually the first person I came out to and he has been nothing but supportive ever since.
He is your typical run of the mill straight guy - a real ladies man - handsome as hell and a proper charmer (& a father, if that has any relevance)

We are both early 30's

I won't lie, in earlier years I was very attracted to him and regularly fantasized about him although I always knew it was unrealistic.

Fast forward to the present - I have matured hugely over the years and have had plenty of sexual encounters with like-minded men and women without the need to chase or fantasize about anyone in my friends circle. I have always strictly kept my sex partners and friendships separate.

Last week after a night out I went back to said friends house to continue drinking, which we did.
We chatted and chilled out for a bit. Before I knew it and I cannot recall how the conversation came up but he said to me that he would be into having sex with a trans person and asked me if I would to which I replied no I don't think so.
I was BLOWN AWAY by this statement because as I said, I could never have imagined him to be anything other than straight.

My next memory was him coming out of the toilet and he still had his jeans undone and was holding his dick in his hand laughing.

My initial reaction was shock and I said - 'wtf? Are you messing?'
He didn't reply just continued laughing. I (being the horny shameless fucker that I am ) then said give me a a taste.

Without hesitation he moved toward me at which point I got off the chair and on to my knees.

After a few minutes he suggested we go upstairs, which we did.

To cut a long story short - we had sex (but we didn't kiss) he was totally coherent and assertive, dominant even. After fooling around for a few minutes he told me he'd like to fuck me which I agreed to (even though that was a VERY risky move - I wasn't planning on having sex that night, so naturally hadn't, shal we say, prepared)

It was an amazing experience. The chemistry was incredible. He even told me to maintain eye contact at one point.

Afterwards I felt a little awkward, we've been friends for so long I didn't want to geoprodise what we had.
I asked him did he feel awkward and he said no, not at all, that was fun.

I left after that, feeling elated but scared.

The morning after he messaged me asking how I was and proceeded to tell me that he remembers nothing after a certain point from last night.

In the days that have followed he still maintains that he has no recollection of anything that happened in the latter part of the evening.

We have met up since and he even quizzed me on what I could remember and looked for reassurance from me that he hadn't made a fool of himself.

A part of me wants to believe that he can't remember, because maybe that reduces the risk of losing him.
But on the other hand I feel so confused about the whole thing and want him to acknowledge it.

I am going through a rollercoaster of emotions ever since and I just can't move on from it.

My younger self would have been delighted about the whole thing but in reality I feel incredibly disappointed that it happend because over the years I had accepted the fact that it would always just be a fantasy and to be thankful for having something much more valuable in our friendship.

I want to bring it up and talk about it to make sense of it as I feel it's making me feel crazy trying to suppress it but I don't want to say anything incase he doesn't believe me or isn't comfortable? In my mind I think the lack of memory is a distraction, but I've never had the experience of 'blackout' or memory loss from alcohol, which is probably why I don't buy in to the idea? Not to mention the fact that I'm sensitive towards his feelings and wouldn't want to make him recall something that he may not be comfortable with.


What should I do?

There is no doubt but he remembers. You should say that you have some gaps in your memory as well. That might give him some comfort and you also. Move on until the next time it happens, because it will and both of you will want it to happen.

 

[Chris - keep it up]

...because over the years I had accepted the fact that it would always just be a fantasy and to be thankful for having something much more valuable in our friendship.

...

That's it! For you and probably for your best friend. So remain silent about what happend and give it a chance to run the way it used to run.

 

[badgamer67]

Really debated posting this but I feel I have nobody else to talk to about it and it's driving me insane and completely consuming my thoughts.


So me and my best friend have known eachother about 18 years now.
I'm openly bisexual and have been for a number of years now and he was actually the first person I came out to and he has been nothing but supportive ever since.
He is your typical run of the mill straight guy - a real ladies man - handsome as hell and a proper charmer (& a father, if that has any relevance)

We are both early 30's

I won't lie, in earlier years I was very attracted to him and regularly fantasized about him although I always knew it was unrealistic.

Fast forward to the present - I have matured hugely over the years and have had plenty of sexual encounters with like-minded men and women without the need to chase or fantasize about anyone in my friends circle. I have always strictly kept my sex partners and friendships separate.

Last week after a night out I went back to said friends house to continue drinking, which we did.
We chatted and chilled out for a bit. Before I knew it and I cannot recall how the conversation came up but he said to me that he would be into having sex with a trans person and asked me if I would to which I replied no I don't think so.
I was BLOWN AWAY by this statement because as I said, I could never have imagined him to be anything other than straight.

My next memory was him coming out of the toilet and he still had his jeans undone and was holding his dick in his hand laughing.

My initial reaction was shock and I said - 'wtf? Are you messing?'
He didn't reply just continued laughing. I (being the horny shameless fucker that I am ) then said give me a a taste.

Without hesitation he moved toward me at which point I got off the chair and on to my knees.

After a few minutes he suggested we go upstairs, which we did.

To cut a long story short - we had sex (but we didn't kiss) he was totally coherent and assertive, dominant even. After fooling around for a few minutes he told me he'd like to fuck me which I agreed to (even though that was a VERY risky move - I wasn't planning on having sex that night, so naturally hadn't, shal we say, prepared)

It was an amazing experience. The chemistry was incredible. He even told me to maintain eye contact at one point.

Afterwards I felt a little awkward, we've been friends for so long I didn't want to geoprodise what we had.
I asked him did he feel awkward and he said no, not at all, that was fun.

I left after that, feeling elated but scared.

The morning after he messaged me asking how I was and proceeded to tell me that he remembers nothing after a certain point from last night.

In the days that have followed he still maintains that he has no recollection of anything that happened in the latter part of the evening.

We have met up since and he even quizzed me on what I could remember and looked for reassurance from me that he hadn't made a fool of himself.

A part of me wants to believe that he can't remember, because maybe that reduces the risk of losing him.
But on the other hand I feel so confused about the whole thing and want him to acknowledge it.

I am going through a rollercoaster of emotions ever since and I just can't move on from it.

My younger self would have been delighted about the whole thing but in reality I feel incredibly disappointed that it happend because over the years I had accepted the fact that it would always just be a fantasy and to be thankful for having something much more valuable in our friendship.

I want to bring it up and talk about it to make sense of it as I feel it's making me feel crazy trying to suppress it but I don't want to say anything incase he doesn't believe me or isn't comfortable? In my mind I think the lack of memory is a distraction, but I've never had the experience of 'blackout' or memory loss from alcohol, which is probably why I don't buy in to the idea? Not to mention the fact that I'm sensitive towards his feelings and wouldn't want to make him recall something that he may not be comfortable with.


What should I do?

Don't stress but if he tries it again call out his BS

 

[ILoveGames48]

I have said in several posts that I believe guys are straight but then there are straight guys when extremely horny will do male or female .. or for curiousity they may try a little bit of gay stuff .. being curious doesn’t make a guy gay.. just like if a gay guy is curious about being with a girl doesn’t make him straight and it doesn’t mean he isn’t satisfied with his sexual preference..



Along comes this guy.. Billy ( William was his name but he liked being called Billy )

We had been friends for many years .. we’d drink a few beers ( well I’ll admit a lot of beers ) and I woke up in my bed next morning ( hung over for sure) and I felt like this dead weight on my back… and it was him.. to my surprise.. totally naked .. I still had my clothes on so I knew then we never did anything . So I just rolled him over off me ..
I got up went to bathroom to take a piss and I rubbed my asscheek as it was numb.. and it was wet and I was like wtf .. it was his cum all over that ass of my pants ..

I took them off and tossed in washer.. put some other clothes in and washed them..

He wakes up wondering why he was naked.. then says last thing he remembered was he was saying if he met a guy and he could fuck his ass as hard as he wanted .. no holding back.. he’d do it ..


I laughed and told him in order to do that the other guy needs to be naked as well. .. we didn’t know how his cum was all over my pants but we figured he had a wet dream that caused it..

Few weeks later we sat watched tv drank a few beers and he says this time we were goi g to do it before I got too drunk.. flops his dick out rock hard ….


We did it that night then one more time sober .. then said he always wondered what be like to be inside a guy ..

 

[deleted25372661]

Id be surprised he does remember. And honestly guys do what to experiment, even the straightest guys. While it sucks he wont acknowledge it, but just know, you got with him, and youll probably be the only.