"gay best friend"

[Penis Aficionado]

So, last weekend I went to brunch with a friend, and a bunch of her friends/coworkers whom I did not know.

One of the ladies I met seemed really funny and cool. At one point she mentioned that her husband doesn't ever want to do anything, and she wished she had a "gay best friend" to do things like shopping, crafts projects, and drinking wine in the middle of the day with.

Now, I like doing all those things, and I kinda wanted to offer to be that friend. The only thing is, I'm not gay. I mean, I'm pretty gay -- like, I've had a bunch of dicks in my mouth, and I enjoy doing all those abovementioned activities that are apparently in the realm of the gay -- but I'm not, as we would say here on LPSG, "100% gay." I don't feel like the word "bi" really says much about who I am, either, but for practical purposes, OK, I'm bi.

I didn't know whether she wanted a "gay best friend" cause she thought only gays would enjoy doing that stuff with her, or cause she doesn't want/isn't allowed to hang out with dudes besides her husband unless they're gay.

In the end I didn't say anything, because I couldn't think of a way to express interest -- while adding that I'm not totally gay -- without sounding creepy or getting into a situation where I was offering TMI about my sexuality to a relative stranger. Was I right to just let it go, or do you think there's something I could have said?

 

[rtg]

I've always wanted a gay best friend too. But I wouldn't care if he was bi or just more of a feminine straight guy who liked to get pampered, go shopping and / or talk about boys with me.

I think it would have been a bit odd if you tried to explain things to her and suggested to be her new best friend. But perhaps get to know her anyway? Get your number or add her to social media or something and go from there.

 

[AlteredEgo]

"Does your activity partner HAVE to be gay, or would any platonic friend who wants to do those things do? Because... I could be that guy, I think."

 

[Penis Aficionado]

@rtg: some of my best friendships have been of that variety. Well, I don't pamper myself too often - you mean like at a spa or something? But I'll keep you company while you get pampered, and I'm always up for a talk about boys. I should have done what you said, but because she's married I wasn't sure if it was appropriate to suggest hanging out.

@AlteredEgo: Wow, that would have been perfect, and I could have said that without sounding awkward at all. *Slapping myself on the forehead* Why do I always overthink everything?

 

[rtg]

@rtg: some of my best friendships have been of that variety. Well, I don't pamper myself too often - you mean like at a spa or something? But I'll keep you company while you get pampered, and I'm always up for a talk about boys. I should have done what you said, but because she's married I wasn't sure if it was appropriate to suggest hanging out.

Anything really! Spa, just massages in general, getting eyebrows waxed / threaded, hair dressers, etc lol. Ok can you plz move to Australia to be my new best friend? what is it that appeals to you about women who want a male friend like that?

 

[Penis Aficionado]

Anything really! Spa, just massages in general, getting eyebrows waxed / threaded, hair dressers, etc lol. Ok can you plz move to Australia to be my new best friend? what is it that appeals to you about women who want a male friend like that?

I've always wanted to go to Australia!

Answering your last question requires a bit of self-examination, which I will do after a couple glasses of wine. lol.
Seriously, though ... for whatever reason I've just naturally found myself in intimate friendships like that with girls, even going back to high school. Maybe I just like feeling like "one of the girls." Also women generally are just more interesting people to me, although there are exceptions to the rule.

 

[rtg]

I've always wanted to go to Australia!

Answering your last question requires a bit of self-examination, which I will do after a couple glasses of wine. lol.
Seriously, though ... for whatever reason I've just naturally found myself in intimate friendships like that with girls, even going back to high school. Maybe I just like feeling like "one of the girls." Also women generally are just more interesting people to me, although there are exceptions to the rule.

Haha that's funny cos I've always felt more like one of the boys and up until the last few years I have always gotten along better with guys than girls.

 

[Penis Aficionado]

what changed in the last few years? Did you just meet different people?

 

[rtg]

what changed in the last few years? Did you just meet different people?

I've always had trouble befriending females. But I moved to a small town for work and became quite good friends with a few girls from work. Since meeting them I've have my first ever (and more than one) "girls trip".

I haven't really been in any situations over the last few years where I have met guys outside of work... and the guys I have met are all in serious relationships or married so the friendships kinda had limitations (eg we didn't hang out at each other's houses). Plus I'm shy and I just have difficulty building friendships and meeting ppl in general.

 

[AlteredEgo]

@rtg: some of my best friendships have been of that variety. Well, I don't pamper myself too often - you mean like at a spa or something? But I'll keep you company while you get pampered, and I'm always up for a talk about boys. I should have done what you said, but because she's married I wasn't sure if it was appropriate to suggest hanging out.

@AlteredEgo: Wow, that would have been perfect, and I could have said that without sounding awkward at all. *Slapping myself on the forehead* Why do I always overthink everything?

It's so much harder to stay easy in the moment. Anyway. You'll cross paths again. You can say, "Last time I met you, you said yadda-yadda, and I was wondering etc."

 

[nailz]

I'm not gay.
I mean, I'm pretty gay -- like, I've had a bunch of dicks in my mouth

and I enjoy doing all those abovementioned activities that are apparently in the realm of the gay

LOL


Almost every single male friend of mine has eventually tried to hit on me, kiss me or have sex with me. It's gotten to the point where I'm not even sure that women and men can be totally platonic friends. Sooner or later, usually when drinks are involved, they'll try to cross the boundaries of friendship.
With totally gay guys (and I mean gay, not bi, or confused like so many here on LPSG are) I feel "safe". There is no ulterior motive for our friendship, they're not hanging out with me because they're biding their time waiting for an opportunity to try and fuck me when I'm drunk. When they give me life or relationship advice it's not laced with ulterior motives like it would be from a hetero guy trying to get into my pants

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

Nailz, this is why I have chosen not to make friends with men in real life anymore. The manipulation to try to get in my pants goes to extreme measures.

 

[286798]

Almost every single male friend of mine has eventually tried to hit on me, kiss me or have sex with me.

YAAAAASSSSS!!!!!! And it super sucks to lose what you thought was a friend, but in reality, they were just fishing. It makes you question if anyone is really honest.

I've frequently said that David Bromstad would be my ideal gay BFF... He could help me pick paint colors and clothes, we could both point out at hawt guys for the other, and it sure wouldn't hurt my feelers if he took off his shirt... but I wouldn't have to worry about him trying to get in my shortz.

 

[286798]

Nailz, this is why I have chosen not to make friends with men in real life anymore. The manipulation to try to get in my pants goes to extreme measures.

I really want to click "like" on this because I agree, but there's not much to like about it.

 

[DaisyDoesIt]

"The only thing is, I'm not gay. I mean, I'm pretty gay -- like, I've had a bunch of dicks in my mouth, and I enjoy doing all those abovementioned activities that are apparently in the realm of the gay --.........."

LOLOLOLOL! Gotta love this site~! And what an assemblage of confu

 

[rtg]

@nailz, @Tattooed Goddess and @lurker23 - my experience has been a lot different than yours! For most of my life I've had more male than female friends (however, not the case now). And very few of them crossed the boundary... most were purely platonic and I had many nights out drinking with them. I guess perhaps I tend to develop more of a brother-sister relationship with my male friends?

 

[286798]

@nailz, @Tattooed Goddess and @lurker23 - my experience has been a lot different than yours! For most of my life I've had more male than female friends (however, not the case now). And very few of them crossed the boundary... most were purely platonic and I had many nights out drinking with them. I guess perhaps I tend to develop more of a brother-sister relationship with my male friends?

While I was married, I had many of these friendships. While single, not so much... which stinks, because I generally prefer the company of men.

 

[EllieP]

He's a friend, but he's also one of my direct reports. Gary is the one that's so brutally honest with me that I should have fired him long ago except that number one, he's correct on all counts, and number two, he's a fantastic project manager that I couldn't do without.

He's really the one that pushed me over the edge to get a breast reduction for my health. After that he told me that my IQ just went up 10 points and if I dyed my hair it would go up another 10. Yeah, he's like that.

We're very close, but we rarely socialize anymore because we're both so busy. But sometimes when hubby is on the road I'll have dinner at their house. His husband is a gourmet chef, and my husband adores him because he's a wannabe gourmet chef.

But he's my chief buyer when it comes to home accessories, and his eye for color and wall and window coverings is better than mine.

I told him that he's my Florida sister since my sister lives in Austin.

Back to the original question: AE said it best. Just tell her for all practical purposes you are gay and have no intentions of jumping her bones. You do have no intentions of jumping her bones, right? That's probably part of the gay contract that she's inferring.

 

[Penis Aficionado]

@nailz, @Tattooed Goddess and @lurker23: What was the outcome when male friends made sexual advances and you declined? I mean, did they respect your decisions and value your friendship above their sexual disappointment? Or did they lose interest in the friendship once they learned it would not include sex? Or did you end the friendship when you found out your friend had sexual thoughts about you?

@DaisyDoesIt: I don't understand your point; it would help if you finished your sentences. Should I assume you are one of those who believe there's no such thing as bisexual people, but only "confu" gay people?

@EllieP: I have a terrible eye for color. I should get "Always go two shades lighter on the color swatch" tattooed on my arm. And no, I'm really not a bones-jumper. I just thought she would be fun to hang out with, is all.

 

[286798]

It depends on the emotional maturity/awareness of the person and the depth of our prior relationship. Some friendships were able to survive because we had enough history and valued the friendship... others I ended because they clearly didn't respect me or my boundaries and weren't honest about their ulterior motives. Let's face it, you can have all kinds of thoughts and not act on them. I have yet to actually put a Mad Max style bumper on my car to be able to purposefully move left-lane-slowpokes, even though I really, really wanna.

PA- I really hope you can run into this person again soon and that you can form a real friendship.