There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to orgasm in every sexual encounter. In fact, more people should. And there's nothing wrong with wanting to have a real good time leading up to that orgasm. We all should know ourselves enough to know what we like, want and don't want in a sexual encounter. We all should practice healthy communication and negotiation, both in and out of the bedroom. And we ALL should embrace the INCREDIBLE power of the word, "No".
And in fact, we all come into each sexual encounter with our own sets of kinks, flavors and fantasies. As long as it's between two or more consenting adults and no one is getting harmed, there's nothing wrong with any of it. But damn! Does every encounter have to come with a laundry list of kinks, flavors and fantasies that MUST be 100% realized for us to be satisfied?
And if we do enter a sexual encounter with a pages long check list of things we MUST do in order to get off, I wonder how many of those pages are devoted to the other person(s) in the room? How many checkboxes are devoted to listening to their wants and desires, trying our best to fulfill those wants and desires, and actively listening and doing in the moment so we're getting our partner(s) off as well?
And if we are firmly on the "I am ONLY here to serve" side of the spectrum, again I wonder how many of those checkboxes are devoted to asking what the other person wants, listening to what they want, and then doing what they want? I cannot tell you the number of men I've encountered over the decades who SWEAR up and down all they want to do is serve. But when the blessed hour arrives for them to serve, suddenly I'm swept up completely against my will into THEIR fantasy of what THEY want to do. Their "I am only here to serve" attitude is only if that service matches their already pre-set fantasy of what that should look like and not about the other person at all.
And that's really what the crux of this rant is about. Selfishness. And how much of our selfishness we bring into our sexual encounters. To be sure, if the pre negotiated terms of you and the other person(s) agreement is that this encounter is ONLY about you and your needs, then fine. If not, you're truly only using the other person as a warm body and/or hole to masturbate onto/into. I can't speak for everyone, but I'm more than just a sleeve.
I really don't want to come off as a prude. Because I'm not. Like most, I have my own set of kinks, flavors and fantasies. And I've lived long enough and experienced enough to have had a good many of those realized over the years. There are still a few that are not yet realized, and that's okay. Maybe someday with the right person(s) I'll get lucky and it'll happen.
But nowadays I’m not as much interested in checking off boxes as I am about creating something organic. I’m MUCH more interested in how we can fuck in the moment instead of fucking with a checklist. Communication is key. I’d rather be spontaneous and see where the moment takes us than be limited by a checklist. Kinks, flavors and fantasies can for sure be incorporated into play. But nowadays I’d rather those very specific things be a welcome part of the meal instead of the whole damn buffet. Just sayin’.
Tl;dr: Want a fuckbuddy for life? Get rid of the checklist and let's go from there.
And in fact, we all come into each sexual encounter with our own sets of kinks, flavors and fantasies. As long as it's between two or more consenting adults and no one is getting harmed, there's nothing wrong with any of it. But damn! Does every encounter have to come with a laundry list of kinks, flavors and fantasies that MUST be 100% realized for us to be satisfied?
And if we do enter a sexual encounter with a pages long check list of things we MUST do in order to get off, I wonder how many of those pages are devoted to the other person(s) in the room? How many checkboxes are devoted to listening to their wants and desires, trying our best to fulfill those wants and desires, and actively listening and doing in the moment so we're getting our partner(s) off as well?
And if we are firmly on the "I am ONLY here to serve" side of the spectrum, again I wonder how many of those checkboxes are devoted to asking what the other person wants, listening to what they want, and then doing what they want? I cannot tell you the number of men I've encountered over the decades who SWEAR up and down all they want to do is serve. But when the blessed hour arrives for them to serve, suddenly I'm swept up completely against my will into THEIR fantasy of what THEY want to do. Their "I am only here to serve" attitude is only if that service matches their already pre-set fantasy of what that should look like and not about the other person at all.
And that's really what the crux of this rant is about. Selfishness. And how much of our selfishness we bring into our sexual encounters. To be sure, if the pre negotiated terms of you and the other person(s) agreement is that this encounter is ONLY about you and your needs, then fine. If not, you're truly only using the other person as a warm body and/or hole to masturbate onto/into. I can't speak for everyone, but I'm more than just a sleeve.
I really don't want to come off as a prude. Because I'm not. Like most, I have my own set of kinks, flavors and fantasies. And I've lived long enough and experienced enough to have had a good many of those realized over the years. There are still a few that are not yet realized, and that's okay. Maybe someday with the right person(s) I'll get lucky and it'll happen.
But nowadays I’m not as much interested in checking off boxes as I am about creating something organic. I’m MUCH more interested in how we can fuck in the moment instead of fucking with a checklist. Communication is key. I’d rather be spontaneous and see where the moment takes us than be limited by a checklist. Kinks, flavors and fantasies can for sure be incorporated into play. But nowadays I’d rather those very specific things be a welcome part of the meal instead of the whole damn buffet. Just sayin’.
Tl;dr: Want a fuckbuddy for life? Get rid of the checklist and let's go from there.
