"he Should Just Listen Carefully"

[SSS79]

Many many many women complain that a man should listen carefully to the woman's body, and body language, and small movements and sighs and the intensity of their breathing...etc to know and understand if what they are doing is good and pleasurable or not that much.
Do you really think that men take most of the responsibility if they fail to interpret your "secretive" body language or body signals in response to their moves and actions to your body? Why not just sort of speak out and say or tell in a way, in a more clear or explicit or simple form that men would definitely understand instead of blaming "men" that they don't read our signals well, and that they should "listen carefully" or "watch carefully"!
You know, sometimes we do what we do with the good intention that we want to please our partners, but without proper understandable communication, we just don't know exactly what you want or need at a certain moment and we keep going or proceed without knowing that we are missing on something! and then we get ALL the blame!
I'm not saying it's women's fault, but I just want to explain it might not be the men's fault too! It's just a problem of miscommunication!
Some men (I don't want to say many men!) do not get the right message from your body moves and language, and they try hard to please their partners as far as they know! If a woman needs a certain kind of a move or act, why not make sure that her man is getting the message clearly!

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

I'm so sick of guys posting questions which are just their own not at all subtle way of venting their frustrations about women in general.

Fucking annoying as fuck.

This isn't even a question, is it? Jesus Christ take your insecurity somewhere else.

 

[deleted924715]

I'm so sick of guys posting questions which are just their own not at all subtle way of venting their frustrations about women in general.

Fucking annoying as fuck.

This isn't even a question, is it? Jesus Christ take your insecurity somewhere else.

+1

You posted *exactly* what I was thinking

 

[LaFemme]

I'm so sick of guys posting questions which are just their own not at all subtle way of venting their frustrations about women in general.

Fucking annoying as fuck.

This isn't even a question, is it? Jesus Christ take your insecurity somewhere else.

Ditto. Honestly, a vent about women. In Ask a Woman. It is annoying.

How’s this for clear communication.

1. This section is reserved for asking questions.
2. Don’t like paying attention to a woman’s needs? Don’t have sex with women.
3. Venting to women about women? Dumb as hell.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

For anyone reading who takes sincere advice: pissing and moaning to random women about other women is not going to make you better at fucking.

 

[MickeyLee]

Because men have the ego fragility of untempered glass. And are clearly dumber than a bag of dicks.

*Some men. Like, most men. But not all men. I stand by the good dudes. And will throw rocks to protect the good dudes*

What the other womangs posted +1

 

[SSS79]

wow!
All my intentions from this post was to question if women should acknowledge, at least sometimes, that the problem is in the failure in communication between both sides, rather than to blame any partner for the lack of fulfilling the other's desires and needs! why are so many comments on this site posted by women complaining that "men should listen more carefully" instead of just once questioning, giving the good intentions so many men have when they are with their partners, that the problem might be something else rather than men do not listen carefully!
It has nothing to do with insecurities, or blaming women or anything!
It was a merely defensive post about you "women" accusing us many of the times that we do not listen carefully!! Maybe we do listen but we don't get the message sometimes because it is not clear enough!
Why can't I, or any other man argue about this!
All you want is that we take your blame and accept it?!
All I was addressing was the "communication" part in any relationship, especially in our sexual lives, and how it might cause frustrations that could be easily avoided if we try to change the way we communicate our feelings and our desires iso blaming the other part that they don't care!
I might say also, that you don't have the courage to rethink about "your" attitude towards all this issue! It's much easier to blame the guys about everything!

 

[deleted924715]

Do women complain about this here? Example please.

 

[286798]

Im not shy when giving feedback. If i don't, I know will rarely get pleasure because so few guys have made the effort to learn to read those subtle cues you referred to. What feels good to me is pretty much the opposite of what you see in porn, so I gotta say what works. Clearly. Repeatedly. Even then, men selfishly want a list of step by step instructions that guarantee pleasure every time... but unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. Conversely, I think some women selfishly want it to be good with out giving feedback. It doesn't work that way.

That said... Men who have taken the initiative to learn this skill have been the best lovers. Hands down. Without question. The size of their dick has been irrelevant in that equation. One was on the smaller side, actually. But men who have done the work to develop the skill and not just assume that their magic stick is THEEEEE BESSSSST EVAHHHHHH are the ones I want to have a romp in the sack with. Men who care about my pleasure enough to ask questions about what i like will get a return invitation.

Want to be a good lover? Skip all the PE exercises and do the work.

 

[MickeyLee]

Dudes will watch other dudes play video games for hours just to pickup some obscure key combo to add minimal points to their game score.

Same dudes can't pay enough attention to the human they are nude with, and inside of, to notice any guidance not printed on flash cards.

Men: women are demanding, entitled bitches

Also Men: women won't tell us what they want

Women: Alexa, find "lesbian mixer" near me...

 

[286798]

I need a light touch on my lady bits. No smacking, no jamming of fingers... if ya mash the button, it trips the breaker and i feel nothing. Noooooothiiiiing. I can't tell you how many times I say "softer", "gentle", "easy" in the bedroom. Because I want to have fun too. If he gets 3 strikes of mashing the button, i get out of the bed.

So while some men "listen", they still don't pay attention.

 

[deleted924715]

Why do I get the feeling that the communication skills of the women here are being called into question because a dude has posted asking "why does/doesn't his partner do x/ what does it mean when his partner x /how can he get his partner to x" in AaW and been told to ask his partner rather than a bunch of random strangers who have never met her?

Someone feeling generous has probably mentioned about reading cues - you know because they don't know her and you really can't go wrong by paying attention.

I would love to have the confidence of some of these guys. If I don't get there, I blame me. If he doesn't get there I... blame me.

 

[deleted924715]

I need a light touch on my lady bits. No smacking, no jamming of fingers... if ya mash the button, it trips the breaker and i feel nothing. Noooooothiiiiing. I can't tell you how many times I say "softer", "gentle", "easy" in the bedroom. Because I want to have fun too. If he gets 3 strikes of mashing the button, i get out of the bed.

So while some men "listen", they still don't pay attention.

Rubbing it like a stain on a shirt

 

[EllieP]

It's like the old joke: how is a golf ball different from a clitoris?

A man will spend 20 minutes in the bush looking for a golf ball.

But seriously, like I've always said, if you can't communicate with someone you're fucking, then maybe you're fucking the wrong person. And communication doesn't always involve the vocal cords.

 

[Scarletbegonia]

Many many many women complain that a man should listen carefully to the woman's body, and body language, and small movements and sighs and the intensity of their breathing...etc to know and understand if what they are doing is good and pleasurable or not that much.
Do you really think that men take most of the responsibility if they fail to interpret your "secretive" body language or body signals in response to their moves and actions to your body? Why not just sort of speak out and say or tell in a way, in a more clear or explicit or simple form that men would definitely understand instead of blaming "men" that they don't read our signals well, and that they should "listen carefully" or "watch carefully"!
You know, sometimes we do what we do with the good intention that we want to please our partners, but without proper understandable communication, we just don't know exactly what you want or need at a certain moment and we keep going or proceed without knowing that we are missing on something! and then we get ALL the blame!
I'm not saying it's women's fault, but I just want to explain it might not be the men's fault too! It's just a problem of miscommunication!
Some men (I don't want to say many men!) do not get the right message from your body moves and language, and they try hard to please their partners as far as they know! If a woman needs a certain kind of a move or act, why not make sure that her man is getting the message clearly!

People communicate in different ways. I've had male partners demand I interpret their subtle signals (in times where I was juggling too much stuff and stress...family funerals, child illness, etc).
So both sexes can do this.
And only certain sorts of people are good at truly reading another. And rarely do two of them pair up.

 

[Scarletbegonia]

Ok, I just reread and realized you only care about horizontal communication.
Sex is intensely vulnerable on the ego side for women. Even tops are being vulnerable. (Service tops, even more so, I’m guessing, from the half alluded stories I’ve heard)

My sweetie does something that pops me deeply into sub space/flying, and there’s no way I’m communicating without specific asking. The speaking helps me “come back” for a few seconds. And I can’t say I’m an overly clear communicator.
This space freaked him out at first, but (later) I was able to explain how it’s a Good Thing.

But let’s say the play isn’t that intense. And let’s say I’m focusing on giving pleasure(not that the above isn’t fun for him, but it is a bit more science experiment like), and he’s not a verbal guy.
Guess what I’m doing...reading breath, body movements, expressions and even micro expressions.
For him, a question or two is ok, but constant check ins take him out of his own headspace.
He says it’s one place in his life where he doesn’t have to think constantly. I agree, on my side.
Another example of “fit.” We fit and compliment the other in many ways.

I might say also, that you don't have the courage to rethink about "your" attitude towards all this issue! It's much easier to blame the women about everything!

 

[SSS79]

Dudes will watch other dudes play video games for hours just to pickup some obscure key combo to add minimal points to their game score.

Same dudes can't pay enough attention to the human they are nude with, and inside of, to notice any guidance not printed on flash cards.

Men: women are demanding, entitled bitches

Also Men: women won't tell us what they want

Women: Alexa, find "lesbian mixer" near me...

well, the analogy of watching another dude playing video games can be similar to watching another dudes giving pleasure to women trying to learn a trick or two, but this only happens by watching porn; and most women won't appreciate learning from porn when one wants to apply in real life!
I never said or thought women are demanding, and I always believed that any partner, man or woman have the right to have any desires or needs, in any form possible; and yes, it's the duty of the other partner to try to first find out and learn about his/her partner's desires and needs, and secondly to do his/her best to satisfy those needs; otherwise it's an act of selfishness or neglect and disrespect;
Isn't there in real life sexual relationship a man with good intent that tries his best to find and satisfy his partner's desires, but for some reason along the way, he overlooked a clue or two; maybe he was too focused and absorbed in what he was doing trying - sometimes - to please his partner; maybe he was misinformed or badly educated (many of the times from porn) that he should do this or that; or maybe the woman has some weird fetish or wild desire that could never come to his mind unless told... why do you find "women won't tell us what they want" so provocative or demeaning or insulting?!
why isn't it normal and expected that when you give us a clue and you don't get the right response, you should try communicating your feelings and desires differently? not necessarily in a verbal explicit form, but maybe using stronger clues!!!

 

[SSS79]

Im not shy when giving feedback. If i don't, I know will rarely get pleasure because so few guys have made the effort to learn to read those subtle cues you referred to. What feels good to me is pretty much the opposite of what you see in porn, so I gotta say what works. Clearly. Repeatedly. Even then, men selfishly want a list of step by step instructions that guarantee pleasure every time... but unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. Conversely, I think some women selfishly want it to be good with out giving feedback. It doesn't work that way.

That said... Men who have taken the initiative to learn this skill have been the best lovers. Hands down. Without question. The size of their dick has been irrelevant in that equation. One was on the smaller side, actually. But men who have done the work to develop the skill and not just assume that their magic stick is THEEEEE BESSSSST EVAHHHHHH are the ones I want to have a romp in the sack with. Men who care about my pleasure enough to ask questions about what i like will get a return invitation.

Want to be a good lover? Skip all the PE exercises and do the work.

Thank you very much for this very different attitude towards the issue!
So, you think that both sides of the equation need to do some more effort to overcome this lack of good communication that sometimes lead to unnecessary and avoidable disappointments. Men should learn to read your clues. And women should give feedback in a clear way sometimes.
This is exactly what I was trying to hint by posing this whole thread. Why blame one side over the other, when both sides have equal responsibility to make sure that communication is clear between them.
But let me ask you this:
You say If you don't give feedback properly "I know I will rarely get pleasure", so I understand you had your bad days with men who couldn't follow your cues, but when did you realize that you should give direct feedback to get better responses? and do you think men should also be keen to ask more often about whether you like this or not? or questions like what do you want me to do now?!! or such questions would sound very silly and stupid?!

 

[SSS79]

Ok, I just reread and realized you only care about horizontal communication.
Sex is intensely vulnerable on the ego side for women. Even tops are being vulnerable. (Service tops, even more so, I’m guessing, from the half alluded stories I’ve heard)

My sweetie does something that pops me deeply into sub space/flying, and there’s no way I’m communicating without specific asking. The speaking helps me “come back” for a few seconds. And I can’t say I’m an overly clear communicator.
This space freaked him out at first, but (later) I was able to explain how it’s a Good Thing.

But let’s say the play isn’t that intense. And let’s say I’m focusing on giving pleasure(not that the above isn’t fun for him, but it is a bit more science experiment like), and he’s not a verbal guy.
Guess what I’m doing...reading breath, body movements, expressions and even micro expressions.
For him, a question or two is ok, but constant check ins take him out of his own headspace.
He says it’s one place in his life where he doesn’t have to think constantly. I agree, on my side.
Another example of “fit.” We fit and compliment the other in many ways.

I might say also, that you don't have the courage to rethink about "your" attitude towards all this issue! It's much easier to blame the women about everything!

My intention was not at all to blame women for anything except blaming men very much often when it comes to this failure in communication. And I truly think that when this miscommunication occurs, it's more fair to rethink about how both partners convey their feelings/desires and how both partners read and understand the other's body language and words, and how both partners need to work on adjusting or changing the communication channels until they make sure they're on the same channel. My attitude is there is no one to blame in most of the cases, unless there is a very selfish or insensitive side that simply doesn't care about his/her partner. I believe that yes men should try to focus more on the women's cues and signals, and when in doubt they should try to ask explicitly in a nice way to get any guidance. but at the same time, women, when they see that their partner doesn't really respond or follow their cues and signals should try to use words or any other mean to communicate their desires. No side should blame the other, unless it's clear that he/she deserves to be blamed!

 

[286798]

Thank you very much for this very different attitude towards the issue!
So, you think that both sides of the equation need to do some more effort to overcome this lack of good communication that sometimes lead to unnecessary and avoidable disappointments. Men should learn to read your clues. And women should give feedback in a clear way sometimes.
This is exactly what I was trying to hint by posing this whole thread. Why blame one side over the other, when both sides have equal responsibility to make sure that communication is clear between them.
But let me ask you this:
You say If you don't give feedback properly "I know I will rarely get pleasure", so I understand you had your bad days with men who couldn't follow your cues, but when did you realize that you should give direct feedback to get better responses? and do you think men should also be keen to ask more often about whether you like this or not? or questions like what do you want me to do now?!! or such questions would sound very silly and stupid?!

Yes and no. If a partner isn't getting pleasure, they 100% should give feedback. However they need to. BUT the flip side is still that nonverbal communication is still communication. When it comes to the bedroom, I'm very intune to nonverbal communication. I've done the work to be good at this. The men who have most rocked my world have been good at this. People who are good at this will probably rock errbody's world.

And, no, im not saying that a dude should ask "what do you want now" step by step... but early on in getting to know each other, if ya put a check-in on my pleasure ahead of your ego/wanting to appear as a stud, you're probably gonna get a whole lot farther.

The reason I have found that I need to be very direct and specific is because what feels good to me is NOT what you see in porn. And dudes who can't read nonverbal cues tend to go there for inspiration when what they use do fails to get me there. I don't WANT to be so direct, but I also want to orgasm so I put aside my ego/desire to appear cool and ask. And TBH, i don't know if being so direct HAS helped. Some dudes revert to trying what he's seen in porn even after I've been clear.