Part 2 of my cheating
I guess I might as well say what happened afterwards...
A little bit about me, white guy, former infantry military, tall, bit masculine, bit stocky. During this process, years before and after I was changing. I was a former vs top turned bttm by my partner. With it my attractions changed also. Late twenties early thirties during this trying time.
Before last cheating, I knew we were done because I was done. But my partner was devastated. He didn't know or understand. Huge suprise to me because I thought we were just keeping up appearance for immigration or something. This hurt me to know I hurt him. It shook me to the core and it made me realize that I lost control. That regardless if I was done, that I should use this opportunity to step back.
Unfortunately my partner wanted every detail. Not wise. He finds the person and tells him off but since I was basically the guy's bitch I'm sure it didn't go well.
I should note that my partner was better in everyway, he just lacked personality in the bedroom. Unfortunately that personality, even if acting was what I needed to enjoy sex. The physical stuff was whatever, it's all mental for me. To add insult to injury because I found out what gets me hot he wouldn't touch upon any of it.
So despite some enjoyable time he tried to win me over, it became clear if it wasn't broken before it is now. So as he pulls away I start doing my own thing knowing I'm just stuck until we can separate. I start working out and using gym as cover to explore my gay side.
My first temptation that puts me over the edge to go through with a hookup was a black guy. I'd seen enough porn to make curious to want that experience. It was hot and exciting, guy was bigger and thicker than I'd ever experienced. Riding him was hotter than it ever is with my partner.
Afterwards I was a bit put down. Upset I'd let into my desires, again. However it didn't stop me from hooking up with another BBC the following week, right after the rare spite of sex with my partner. This time it was some Rose thing were he was being super discreet and my lack of experience created a bit of an awkward situation. Pretty sure he was a fellow university student, I was slightly older student being prior service. It was me sucking his 9in BBC and the me getting bent over on the mattress on the floor. Him trying to finish before his roommate got home.
Now I'm starting to get hooked on hooking up. Suck off an hispanic nurse in some shady apartments downtown. Dick was bit musky which is probably why I end up back there again the following week.
Then I end up agreeing to hookup with a small skinny white guy with a big dick while his partner is out. Hot veiny dick, I enjoy his use of me. I give him my number to text if he ever needs sucked off again.
Well things start turning around with my partner, turns out he needed some time to come around. So I stop, no more. I get like two or three months down the road, everything is good until I get text out of the blue from veiny dick ...
I couldn't help myself I was sucking him off that night. I knew it wrong, he could sense I wasn't right. It didn't stop me from swallowing his nut.
I was beside myself, I had a reason, ok an excuse, for every other dick but not this one. My chest was heavy, my partner had come around and I still wanted this if I could make it work. Took a few weeks but I finally just let it out.
It didn't go well, we ended very soon after. And for the sake of this forum I think we can pretend that was end end, even though it wasn't.