I caught my neighbors 19 year old son stealing my underwear, again, and I’m not sure how to address it..

[deleted23047251]

Yeah. Not really sure how to begin with this, but I’m gonna try.

I’m a 31 year old gay man, and over the years have become close friends with my straight neighbors who are several decades older than me and are married. They’re very good people and a ton of fun. They invite me to join them on their vacations at their lake house sometimes which is only like 30 minutes away. I like them and they’re just solid people, even if a little bit ignorant about some things. They know I’m gay and respect that, but just sometimes ask silly questions about gay men that can make you roll eyes. Regardless, they’re good people.

They have a son who I have suspected was gay or bi for the two years that I’ve known him. I don’t really interact with him much except for when he joins the conversations I’m having with his parents. He’s actually very masculine guy and is very kind and polite but I have caught him staring at my ass so many times it’s crazy - I don’t think he realizes it’s not very discreet. He’s also a good guy though and is in college, and just visiting over the summer break. His parents totally think he’s straight.

None of this is really an issue. I’m a personal trainer and actually used to be a stripper for a few years in my mid twenties, so I’m used to getting stares because of my muscles or because I have a huge ass that’s a little out of control (this family doesn’t know I used to be a stripper obviously). But last week I was over at this family’s lake house and realized I was missing some underwear. I didn’t think much of it and guessed I must have misplaced it. Honestly there have been a few times over the summer already where I thought I must have forgotten my underwear. But then this week I was at their lake house again, and I decided to go to my room after going for a swim so that I could get out of my swim trunks and into my underwear and shorts.

I walked into my room and immediately found their son going through my backpack which just had my clothes inside. It was just a half second, but he immediately froze and stopped looking in there when he realized I was in the room. He was stammering and nervous and immediately got red-faced and awkward, but was able to make some excuse that he thought I might have “batteries” and was looking for some. In my confusion, I kind of just said “uh.. no sorry man.. don’t have batteries”. And it was very awkward and he left. After he left my brain finally had a lightbulb moment and I connected the dots that he had probably stolen my underwear the previous week and several times before and might have been trying to steal my underwear again just now.

My question is this: I’m obviously not attracted to the guy (he’s way too young for me) nor do I want to make him feel too bad about this in a public way, especially because he’s not out to his family. I know he’s a horny 19 year old closeted guy just doing stupid shit. Because of my muscles and ass, im used to guys acting “strange” around me my entire life. That said, I don’t know whether I should just address this, or leave it alone.

Im inclined to just leave it alone, but I can already tell the guy is incredibly uncomfortable around me because I think he knows I know he has my underwear. I think he’s afraid I might out him to his family as being bi or gay.

What should I do? Never discuss it ever? If I do discuss it, is it better to just say, “hey don’t do that again, you shouldn’t steal, but it’s okay to be gay? If you’re closeted and gay, I understand how that can be and am here if you need to talk through that. I won’t tell your family about this” to calm his nerves? Or is the fact that he physically attracted to me to this level just gonna make this whole thing unbearably awkward? I’ve had my underwear stolen before in gym locker rooms by strangers, but this situation seems a bit more sensitive.

Im overthinking all of this. But if you were him what would you want the person in my situation to do? He is now unbearably awkward around me (which yeah he should suffer those consequences honestly), but I also know this is a little nuanced.

 

[6798491]

Yeah. Not really sure how to begin with this, but I’m gonna try.

I’m a 31 year old gay man, and over the years have become close friends with my straight neighbors who are several decades older than me and are married. They’re very good people and a ton of fun. They invite me to join them on their vacations at their lake house sometimes which is only like 30 minutes away. I like them and they’re just solid people, even if a little bit ignorant about some things. They know I’m gay and respect that, but just sometimes ask silly questions about gay men that can make you roll eyes. Regardless, they’re good people.

They have a son who I have suspected was gay or bi for the two years that I’ve known him. I don’t really interact with him much except for when he joins the conversations I’m having with his parents. He’s actually very masculine guy and is very kind and polite but I have caught him staring at my ass so many times it’s crazy - I don’t think he realizes it’s not very discreet. He’s also a good guy though and is in college, and just visiting over the summer break. His parents totally think he’s straight.

None of this is really an issue. I’m a personal trainer and actually used to be a stripper for a few years in my mid twenties, so I’m used to getting stares because of my muscles or because I have a huge ass that’s a little out of control (this family doesn’t know I used to be a stripper obviously). But last week I was over at this family’s lake house and realized I was missing some underwear. I didn’t think much of it and guessed I must have misplaced it. Honestly there have been a few times over the summer already where I thought I must have forgotten my underwear. But then this week I was at their lake house again, and I decided to go to my room after going for a swim so that I could get out of my swim trunks and into my underwear and shorts.

I walked into my room and immediately found their son going through my backpack which just had my clothes inside. It was just a half second, but he immediately froze and stopped looking in there when he realized I was in the room. He was stammering and nervous and immediately got red-faced and awkward, but was able to make some excuse that he thought I might have “batteries” and was looking for some. In my confusion, I kind of just said “uh.. no sorry man.. don’t have batteries”. And it was very awkward and he left. After he left my brain finally had a lightbulb moment and I connected the dots that he had probably stolen my underwear the previous week and several times before and might have been trying to steal my underwear again just now.

My question is this: I’m obviously not attracted to the guy (he’s way too young for me) nor do I want to make him feel too bad about this in a public way, especially because he’s not out to his family. I know he’s a horny 19 year old closeted guy just doing stupid shit. Because of my muscles and ass, im used to guys acting “strange” around me my entire life. That said, I don’t know whether I should just address this, or leave it alone.

Im inclined to just leave it alone, but I can already tell the guy is incredibly uncomfortable around me because I think he knows I know he has my underwear. I think he’s afraid I might out him to his family as being bi or gay.

What should I do? Never discuss it ever? If I do discuss it, is it better to just say, “hey don’t do that again, you shouldn’t steal, but it’s okay to be gay? If you’re closeted and gay, I understand how that can be and am here if you need to talk through that. I won’t tell your family about this” to calm his nerves? Or is the fact that he physically attracted to me to this level just gonna make this whole thing unbearably awkward? I’ve had my underwear stolen before in gym locker rooms by strangers, but this situation seems a bit more sensitive.

Im overthinking all of this. But if you were him what would you want the person in my situation to do? He is now unbearably awkward around me (which yeah he should suffer those consequences honestly), but I also know this is a little nuanced.

As a closeted 27 year old (who has been outed publicly a few times), leave it alone.

 

[deleted23047251]

As a closeted 27 year old (who has been outed publicly a few times), leave it alone.

Okay, I understand. Can I ask how come?

 

[GeorgiaMan]

Yeah. Not really sure how to begin with this, but I’m gonna try.

I’m a 31 year old gay man, and over the years have become close friends with my straight neighbors who are several decades older than me and are married. They’re very good people and a ton of fun. They invite me to join them on their vacations at their lake house sometimes which is only like 30 minutes away. I like them and they’re just solid people, even if a little bit ignorant about some things. They know I’m gay and respect that, but just sometimes ask silly questions about gay men that can make you roll eyes. Regardless, they’re good people.

They have a son who I have suspected was gay or bi for the two years that I’ve known him. I don’t really interact with him much except for when he joins the conversations I’m having with his parents. He’s actually very masculine guy and is very kind and polite but I have caught him staring at my ass so many times it’s crazy - I don’t think he realizes it’s not very discreet. He’s also a good guy though and is in college, and just visiting over the summer break. His parents totally think he’s straight.

None of this is really an issue. I’m a personal trainer and actually used to be a stripper for a few years in my mid twenties, so I’m used to getting stares because of my muscles or because I have a huge ass that’s a little out of control (this family doesn’t know I used to be a stripper obviously). But last week I was over at this family’s lake house and realized I was missing some underwear. I didn’t think much of it and guessed I must have misplaced it. Honestly there have been a few times over the summer already where I thought I must have forgotten my underwear. But then this week I was at their lake house again, and I decided to go to my room after going for a swim so that I could get out of my swim trunks and into my underwear and shorts.

I walked into my room and immediately found their son going through my backpack which just had my clothes inside. It was just a half second, but he immediately froze and stopped looking in there when he realized I was in the room. He was stammering and nervous and immediately got red-faced and awkward, but was able to make some excuse that he thought I might have “batteries” and was looking for some. In my confusion, I kind of just said “uh.. no sorry man.. don’t have batteries”. And it was very awkward and he left. After he left my brain finally had a lightbulb moment and I connected the dots that he had probably stolen my underwear the previous week and several times before and might have been trying to steal my underwear again just now.

My question is this: I’m obviously not attracted to the guy (he’s way too young for me) nor do I want to make him feel too bad about this in a public way, especially because he’s not out to his family. I know he’s a horny 19 year old closeted guy just doing stupid shit. Because of my muscles and ass, im used to guys acting “strange” around me my entire life. That said, I don’t know whether I should just address this, or leave it alone.

Im inclined to just leave it alone, but I can already tell the guy is incredibly uncomfortable around me because I think he knows I know he has my underwear. I think he’s afraid I might out him to his family as being bi or gay.

What should I do? Never discuss it ever? If I do discuss it, is it better to just say, “hey don’t do that again, you shouldn’t steal, but it’s okay to be gay? If you’re closeted and gay, I understand how that can be and am here if you need to talk through that. I won’t tell your family about this” to calm his nerves? Or is the fact that he physically attracted to me to this level just gonna make this whole thing unbearably awkward? I’ve had my underwear stolen before in gym locker rooms by strangers, but this situation seems a bit more sensitive.

Im overthinking all of this. But if you were him what would you want the person in my situation to do? He is now unbearably awkward around me (which yeah he should suffer those consequences honestly), but I also know this is a little nuanced.

While what he did wasn’t appropriate, it’s relatively harmless in the big picture. Maybe just say “hey I’m here if you want to talk, but please don’t go through my things again” and just let it drop.

 

[dreamer20]

I think you should spank him:

 

[HappyMedium]

I think it's best to talk it out and clear the air, otherwise the weird energy between the two of you will become noticeable to his parents. You can soften it by telling him that you're flattered that he finds you attractive but this is not OK. Tell him how it made you feel but counter it with empathy of knowing what it's like to be closeted. Assure him that you'll not speak of this to his parents. And affirm that you are not interested in pursuing anything with him other than being a friend of his parents. Nothing wrong with asserting some boundaries, in fact it's the perfect moment to do so.

You sound like a very thoughtful person, so I think you'll be able to handle this with care. Good luck!

 

[deleted23047251]

While what he did wasn’t appropriate, it’s relatively harmless in the big picture. Maybe just say “hey I’m here if you want to talk, but please don’t go through my things again” and just let it drop.

Thanks for the feedback. Yeah, that might be the best way to approach it. I obviously need to set boundaries, but considering the context I don't want to cause any unnecessary anxiety for him as a closeted guy.

 

[deleted23047251]

I think it's best to talk it out and clear the air, otherwise the weird energy between the two of you will become noticeable to his parents. You can soften it by telling him that you're flattered that he finds you attractive but this is not OK. Tell him how it made you feel but counter it with empathy of knowing what it's like to be closeted. Assure him that you'll not speak of this to his parents. And affirm that you are not interested in pursuing anything with him other than being a friend of his parents. Nothing wrong with asserting some boundaries, in fact it's the perfect moment to do so.

You sound like a very thoughtful person, so I think you'll be able to handle this with care. Good luck!

Thanks for the advice. I think what you're saying makes sense. But damn, this is going to be uncomfortable no matter what.

 

[Trevor]

While what he did wasn’t appropriate, it’s relatively harmless in the big picture. Maybe just say “hey I’m here if you want to talk, but please don’t go through my things again” and just let it drop.

IMO this is the best approach, let him know that you are there for him if he wants to talk and assure him that his secret is safe with you. Shame you are not attracted to him because 12 years is not that big of an age gap IMO.

I was just looking at your photos and if my parents had a brought along a friend who had a body and an ass like yours on our beach vacations when I was a horny closeted gay teen I'd have pitched a tent in my shorts every time I saw you shirtless and would have probably rubbed my dick raw from jerking off 24/7.

What kind of underwear did he steal? Did he take that thong you are wearing in your photo?

 

[deleted23047251]

IMO this is the best approach, let him know that you are there for him if he wants to talk and assure him that his secret is safe with you. Shame you are not attracted to him because 12 years is not that big of an age gap IMO.

I was just looking at your photos and if my parents had a brought along a friend who had a body and an ass like yours on our beach vacations when I was a horny closeted gay teen I'd have pitched a tent in my shorts every time I saw you shirtless and would have probably rubbed my dick raw from jerking off 24/7.

What kind of underwear did he steal? Did he take that thong you are wearing in your photo?

LMAO. Dude, not sure if youre being dramatic or not, but are you saying that its not surprising he'd react the way he did to me?

No I didn't wear a thong to their lakehouse. I wouldn't do that lol. But yeah, he took some of my calvin klein briefs as well as some of my underarmour compressions..

 

[oddman]

"Right - You, Me, Pub, Pint, Now. Bring *all* your questions."

And then don't spare details for his blushes. You've got an opportunity to spare a young man a lot of future stress, awkwardness and pain. His dad's (probably) not going to be able to cover this stuff.

And even if he does just turn out to be a straight kleptomaniac, you can pivot to "don't be an idiot" as a man he respects?

While a beer venue loosens tongues and establishes masculine rapport, swap pub-n-pint for a locale-approved-age-appropriate-social-space (he'd be underage in the US?). It's surprising what you can say across a Starbucks table and the other patrons 6ft away don't bat an eyelid.

 

[deleted23047251]

"Right - You, Me, Pub, Pint, Now. Bring *all* your questions."

And then don't spare details for his blushes. You've got an opportunity to spare a young man a lot of future stress, awkwardness and pain. His dad's (probably) not going to be able to cover this stuff.

And even if he does just turn out to be a straight kleptomaniac, you can pivot to "don't be an idiot" as a man he respects?

While a beer venue loosens tongues and establishes masculine rapport, swap pub-n-pint for a locale-approved-age-appropriate-social-space (he'd be underage in the US?). It's surprising what you can say across a Starbucks table and the other patrons 6ft away don't bat an eyelid.

Thanks for the advice. I can see how that could be helpful in terms of giving him advice about coming out/gay life and all that. But wouldn't he be mortified if i were to address the underwear situation in that setting?

 

[oddman]

That depends

Thanks for the advice. I can see how that could be helpful in terms of giving him advice about coming out/gay life and all that. But wouldn't he be mortified if i were to address the underwear situation in that setting?

Yes, so mention it either not at all, or without judgement in context with the other tells you've spotted over the years.

And in my experience having a friendly chat about sharp subjects privatley-in-public can make freak outs less likely because of the social circumstances. You do need to be comfy holding your frame there too though.

The theft isn't necessarily the big picture here. Sure, it's an expense for you, but it's not the end of the world. The root cause is his curiosity - satisfy that and he'll not need to go rummaging through other folks stuff to sate whatever he needs.

 

[jusright]

I think the way to go is like someone previously said, clear the air and set boundaries. Otherwise, there'll always be an air of awkwardness between you. If done with a sense of humour and no judgement, therefore he knows that he can you, there shouldn't be a problem. This approach tends to work for awkward situations in general.

 

[Trevor]

LMAO. Dude, not sure if youre being dramatic or not, but are you saying that its not surprising he'd react the way he did to me?

No I didn't wear a thong to their lakehouse. I wouldn't do that lol. But yeah, he took some of my calvin klein briefs as well as some of my underarmour compressions..

No not being dramatic, I haven't seen your face pic but you have an amazing body. If this teen is a closeted gay dude he is very likely hot and bothered whenever you are around, especially if you are wandering around the lake house shirtless in swimming trunks. Not sure how conservative the area where you live is but you might be the only out adult gay man he knows. A lot of gay teens are very attracted to older men.

I am in my late 40s and there is nothing about me that would indicate that I am into guys and the other day some gal in her mid 20s came up to me in a grocery store parking lot as I was getting in my truck and asked if her brother who I had seen in the store with her (and looked to be about 18 or 19) could have my number, I said: "what for?" and she said because he thinks you are hot. I honestly thought it was some kind of scam and kinda laughed and said: "Nah, but tell him thanks for the compliment." Afterward I kinda felt bad thinking I probably should have given the kid my number and at least talked to him because I was a gay teen once and literally had absolutely NOBODY to talk to about stuff.

Or It could be something as simple as maybe this teen's mom still buys his undies and he wants some sexy Calvin Klein briefs or some Underarmor compressions but is too embarrassed to ask mom to buy him that kind of underwear or is too bashful to buy them himself so he decided to swipe yours thinking you wouldn't notice that they were missing or if you did you just think you left them at his parent's lake house.

The first time I went and bought some sexy underwear for myself when I was about that age It was a struggle to not get a raging boner when I was walking through the men's underwear section picking it out. Then I was wondering if the lady at the checkout counter would think I was gay for buying designer underwear. lol

In either case the poor kid is probably horribly embarrassed that you caught him in the act and is utterly terrified that you are going to tell his mom and dad that you caught him rifling through your backpack and that he stole your underwear.

 

[deleted23047251]

No not being dramatic, I haven't seen your face pic but you have an amazing body. If this teen is a closeted gay dude he is very likely hot and bothered whenever you are around, especially if you are wandering around the lake house shirtless in swimming trunks. Not sure how conservative the area where you live is but you might be the only out adult gay man he knows. A lot of gay teens are very attracted to older men.

I am in my late 40s and there is nothing about me that would indicate that I am into guys and the other day some gal in her mid 20s came up to me in a grocery store parking lot as I was getting in my truck and asked if her brother who I had seen in the store with her (and looked to be about 18 or 19) could have my number, I said: "what for?" and she said because he thinks you are hot. I honestly thought it was some kind of scam and kinda laughed and said: "Nah, but tell him thanks for the compliment." Afterward I kinda felt bad thinking I probably should have given the kid my number and at least talked to him because I was a gay teen once and literally had absolutely NOBODY to talk to about stuff.

Or It could be something as simple as maybe this teen's mom still buys his undies and he wants some sexy Calvin Klein briefs or some Underarmor compressions but is too embarrassed to ask mom to buy him that kind of underwear or is too bashful to buy them himself so he decided to swipe yours thinking you wouldn't notice that they were missing or if you did you just think you left them at his parent's lake house.

The first time I went and bought some sexy underwear for myself when I was about that age It was a struggle to not get a raging boner when I was walking through the men's underwear section picking it out. Then I was wondering if the lady at the checkout counter would think I was gay for buying designer underwear. lol

In either case the poor kid is probably horribly embarrassed that you caught him in the act and is utterly terrified that you are going to tell his mom and dad that you caught him rifling through your backpack and that he stole your underwear.

Yeah I appreciate the advice man... It's going to be so awkward, but honestly I don't want him to feel shame about it. It is what it is, and I don't want him to feel anxious about his family knowing. But yeah, he shouldn't have stolen.

 

[Trevor]

Yeah I appreciate the advice man... It's going to be so awkward, but honestly I don't want him to feel shame about it. It is what it is, and I don't want him to feel anxious about his family knowing. But yeah, he shouldn't have stolen.

From your description he sounds like a good kid. Yeah it is going to be so awkward and the kid is going to be terribly embarrassed but I suspect that since he is a good kid he will know he shouldn't have stolen and will probably tearfully apologize. I suspect that once you assure him that you are not going to tell his family and that if he ever needs to talk about anything you will be there for him I suspect it will be like a huge weight lifted off his shoulders.

 

[deleted23047251]

From your description he sounds like a good kid. Yeah it is going to be so awkward and the kid is going to be horribly embarrassed but I suspect that since he is agood kid he will know he shouldn't have stolen and will probably tearfully apologize. I suspect that once you assure him that you are not going to tell his family and that if he ever needs to talk about anything you will be there for him I suspect it will be like a huge weight lifted off his shoulders.

That's good to know. Yeah... awkward as fuck situation, but I also know that guys are guys, and it is what it is. Its definitely not the first time i've had my underwear stolen. So either way, best to nip this in the bud, right? I don't want to sound conceited, just realistic.

 

[GeorgiaMan]

That's good to know. Yeah... awkward as fuck situation, but I also know that guys are guys, and it is what it is. Its definitely not the first time i've had my underwear stolen. So either way, best to nip this in the bud, right? I don't want to sound conceited, just realistic.

I get it's not the easiest conversation to have but don't build it up more than it has to be. He's likely gay or at the least curious. As said earlier, your pics are hot and hell I'd look your way a few times and I'm much older than 19. Doesn't have to be longer than 90 seconds if he doesn't want to talk about it then. Honestly I'd keep it casual so he wouldn't feel bad coming to me later just in case.

 

[deleted23047251]

I get it's not the easiest conversation to have but don't build it up more than it has to be. He's likely gay or at the least curious. As said earlier, your pics are hot and hell I'd look your way a few times and I'm much older than 19. Doesn't have to be longer than 90 seconds if he doesn't want to talk about it then. Honestly I'd keep it casual so he wouldn't feel bad coming to me later just in case.

thanks for the advice man! ugh, yeah. its awkward no matter what right? i'm just not sure if this will permanently make things awkward. or if he'll see it as me being chill about it. Idk. But I'm glad to get another gay male perspective on this.