I need your help or advice with my sexual desire towards my straight best friend

[Merophe]

I've been having a hard time dealing with these issues for some time now, I can't get rid of these sexual urges.
So I'm a depressed Thai femme gay with not much friends at all, but a year ago I met this white straight man from the States (Italian descent). He's ultimately my type and the opposite of me in every aspect. He's super tall, has light colored hair, gorgeous green eyes with a yellow hue, friendly, and open; unlike me who's super shy (maybe that's why I don't have many friends and it makes me super lonely). So over the past year we've had a good time together, spent moments doing friendly activities, and considered each other best friends. However, the party has come to an end cuz he's moving back to the United States on this April 15, and it breaks my heart. I'm at the stage of life where I don't have much friends, especially close or best ones, and going out seeking new one who clicks with me is hard (yes, I've tried before, but most are tourists who stay in Phuket for like a week or two).

We've never had sexual things at all cuz he's straight, but I've accidentally seen his penis and naked twice in the past few months. It left footprints on my brain and I've been having dreams about doing sexual intercourse with him. I can't let those feelings away at all, I did a grindr hookup one time (which is also one of my struggling cuz I barely got someone I liked who'd agree to do it with me since i'm femme, short, and normal looking) a day after my dream, but I felt nothing. And those urges are still present in my heart.

Last night I slept over at his place and opened up with him about this sexual desire toward him, which he's noticed for some time now but he keeps avoiding bringing this topic up cuz it makes him uncomfortable. We always open up to each other, and I told him that I needed to feel that penis and I wanted to do a blow job, but he said it's never gonna happen and I had to deal with it (for the context, I've told him before that I didn't have any romantic feelings towards him, which I genuinely do and he sees it; that's why we keep being good friends).

Since then, I've been having these weird feelings; sad cuz he's leaving, jealous of those female friends he's been hooking up with (which I'm also their friends too), hurt cuz I have a feeling with him (but I doubt about this part cuz I've been asking myself about my feelings, and I don't think of him romantically; but I might be delusional tho). Ultimately, I don't know what to do, deal with this, or how to cope. I need all of your advice, or sharing your similar stories that might help me, or anything. Please help me. Thank you in advance

 

[briacon429]

If it makes you feel any better, a lot of us gay guys have been in your shoes. Unfortunately there‘s not much you can do about it. If he’s not interested in guys, there’s nothing you can say or do to change that (in the same way that there’s nothing anyone can say or do to get you interested in girls.)

I agree the real question is how to cope. If he’s moving away April 15, that might be your best answer right there. If you can still be friends long-distance, then you may be able to stay in touch; but if not, you may need to say goodbye. Either way, it’ll be sad to see him go, but‘s for the best, because you need to move on.

I hope that helps. If you want to chat one-on-one, my DMs are open.

 

[Merophe]

If it makes you feel any better, a lot of us gay guys have been in your shoes. Unfortunately there‘s not much you can do about it. If he’s not interested in guys, there’s nothing you can say or do to change that (in the same way that there’s nothing anyone can say or do to get you interested in girls.)

I agree the real question is how to cope. If he’s moving away April 15, that might be your best answer right there. If you can still be friends long-distance, then you may be able to stay in touch; but if not, you may need to say goodbye. Either way, it’ll be sad to see him go, but‘s for the best, because you need to move on.

I hope that helps. If you want to chat one-on-one, my DMs are open.

thank you honey, truly appreciate that
Well, before we parted in the morning, he said that he hoped most things stayed the same but that some things could change.
I don't even know what to do or how to deal with everything that's going on in my head right now.

 

[hellomoinguoi]

Did he know you are gay before having friend relationship with you ? If yes okay he’s kinda open that but maybe he doesnt into having sex with men or have never try or maybe never. It’s definitely hard to persuade him to do what you wish and just only one thing you could do is that try to forget it so sorry for that bro

 

[Merophe]

Did he know you are gay before having friend relationship with you ? If yes okay he’s kinda open that but maybe he doesnt into having sex with men or have never try or maybe never. It’s definitely hard to persuade him to do what you wish and just only one thing you could do is that try to forget it so sorry for that bro

Yes he knew I was gay right away, but it might be that i was like the first person he met when he moved to Thailand, so we became friends. and yeah, I don't think i'd forget it, but I hope time would heal and make it bearable.
and thank you

 

[Merophe]

I think I'm somewhat better now, but his actions kinda makes it worse.
So me, him, and our friends, 4 of us, are now traveling to Yao Noi island (the other two are couples). me and him share a room together, and it should be fine cuz we've done it before. I slept over at his place many times in the past year, and he did at mine like twice.

However, he just told me like 5 minutes ago that he'll stay in the couple's room and sleep even on the floor there cuz 'I'm working'. But I already told him that it's not a big deal at all cuz I work in the dark quitely. So, I did ask him straight forwards that is it cuz you feel uncomfortable staying with me alone? and he said he got a mixed feeling.

How should I feel when your best friend says he's uncomfortable around you privately?
I don't even know what to do or say, I just left that room and am staying in my room alone now.

 

[BUNBEA]

I've been having a hard time dealing with these issues for some time now, I can't get rid of these sexual urges.
So I'm a depressed Thai femme gay with not much friends at all, but a year ago I met this white straight man from the States (Italian descent). He's ultimately my type and the opposite of me in every aspect. He's super tall, has light colored hair, gorgeous green eyes with a yellow hue, friendly, and open; unlike me who's super shy (maybe that's why I don't have many friends and it makes me super lonely). So over the past year we've had a good time together, spent moments doing friendly activities, and considered each other best friends. However, the party has come to an end cuz he's moving back to the United States on this April 15, and it breaks my heart. I'm at the stage of life where I don't have much friends, especially close or best ones, and going out seeking new one who clicks with me is hard (yes, I've tried before, but most are tourists who stay in Phuket for like a week or two).

We've never had sexual things at all cuz he's straight, but I've accidentally seen his penis and naked twice in the past few months. It left footprints on my brain and I've been having dreams about doing sexual intercourse with him. I can't let those feelings away at all, I did a grindr hookup one time (which is also one of my struggling cuz I barely got someone I liked who'd agree to do it with me since i'm femme, short, and normal looking) a day after my dream, but I felt nothing. And those urges are still present in my heart.

Last night I slept over at his place and opened up with him about this sexual desire toward him, which he's noticed for some time now but he keeps avoiding bringing this topic up cuz it makes him uncomfortable. We always open up to each other, and I told him that I needed to feel that penis and I wanted to do a blow job, but he said it's never gonna happen and I had to deal with it (for the context, I've told him before that I didn't have any romantic feelings towards him, which I genuinely do and he sees it; that's why we keep being good friends).

Since then, I've been having these weird feelings; sad cuz he's leaving, jealous of those female friends he's been hooking up with (which I'm also their friends too), hurt cuz I have a feeling with him (but I doubt about this part cuz I've been asking myself about my feelings, and I don't think of him romantically; but I might be delusional tho). Ultimately, I don't know what to do, deal with this, or how to cope. I need all of your advice, or sharing your similar stories that might help me, or anything. Please help me. Thank you in advance

Ah I really feel for you as unrequited love for anyone let alone gay men for straight men is tough. Its positive that you still hang round together and have good friendship and it natural to feel a bit pissed off when he is with women. But at least your friend has been honest re his feeling and not leading you on with is positive and he had not rejected you or been off with you. So you will have great memories of that friendship.

Years ago I took a fancy to a maintenance work mate (I knew he closeted) and I was absolutely smitten with him, as he was so fucking fit a right dark hair rough hottie. We used to talk and joke around and I thought he was cool with me being gay. Anyhow at the works party one Friday night the secretary said 'taken a picture with B (that's me) and he said loudly "nah no way, no thanks mate " really loudly and moved away pronto Everyone was laughing at me and I put my drink down and left straight away feeling absolutely humiliated. I never spoke to him again even though he tried to talk to me for ages afterwards and then I left the company. I never forgot that feeling of shame and embarrassment and that was over 25 years ago.

 

[BUNBEA]

I think I'm somewhat better now, but his actions kinda makes it worse.
So me, him, and our friends, 4 of us, are now traveling to Yao Noi island (the other two are couples). me and him share a room together, and it should be fine cuz we've done it before. I slept over at his place many times in the past year, and he did at mine like twice.

However, he just told me like 5 minutes ago that he'll stay in the couple's room and sleep even on the floor there cuz 'I'm working'. But I already told him that it's not a big deal at all cuz I work in the dark quitely. So, I did ask him straight forwards that is it cuz you feel uncomfortable staying with me alone? and he said he got a mixed feeling.

How should I feel when your best friend says he's uncomfortable around you privately?
I don't even know what to do or say, I just left that room and am staying in my room alone now.

I guess he is ok being friends but not sleeping with you in the same room. So I guess after all he is not cool with you being gay and wanting to have sex with him. Just take it day for day mate he is leaving in 9 days so you will be ok till then hopefully.

 

[Merophe]

I guess he is ok being friends but not sleeping with you in the same room. So I guess after all he is not cool with you being gay and wanting to have sex with him. Just take it day for day mate he is leaving in 9 days so you will be ok till then hopefully.

Thank you so much. truly appreciate your caring towards me, and I hope I'd be ok
I've never got whatever I wanted in life, and I've been dealing with depression for years.
But in the end, I have to deal and cope with it, and make the best of what I got.

 

[wvgwm52]

i think it is hard to et things out of your mind when seeing a friends cock and he is straight-----and i had friend hung around all time--took showers and would walk around my place naked still wet--taking his towel drying his hair-- him knowing i was gay and he did this knowing he was being a tease---

one night was another night we sat watched straight porn and would jerk off--we would turn away from each other-- so we couldnt see each others dicks--on this night he didnt turn--he just jerked of and knew i watched him as ijerked mine off-- then he began shooting cum up his chest and stomach and it was alot of it--i wanted to tell him let me lick it up but i knew he wouldnt let me-- but he takes his hand and rubbed it all over his chest and stomach as i sat next to him jerking off about to cum--he reached his hand over took my dick in his hand and jerked me off his hand slick and wet with his cum and then i shot cum on my stomach and he pointed it toward him let it shoot on his leg- and hip--
he let go wiped my cum off his hip and rubbed his chest with it said it makes a good lotion--

in my mind i called him a teasing ass prick--he gets dressed puts his shirt on--didnt even wash his chest n stomach off before putting shirt on--


i kind of tried to talk him into things after that but he wouldnt so i didnt press the issue about it--i just learned some lines shouldnt be crossed and in a few ways he crossed them

 

[Merophe]

i think it is hard to et things out of your mind when seeing a friends cock and he is straight-----and i had friend hung around all time--took showers and would walk around my place naked still wet--taking his towel drying his hair-- him knowing i was gay and he did this knowing he was being a tease---

one night was another night we sat watched straight porn and would jerk off--we would turn away from each other-- so we couldnt see each others dicks--on this night he didnt turn--he just jerked of and knew i watched him as ijerked mine off-- then he began shooting cum up his chest and stomach and it was alot of it--i wanted to tell him let me lick it up but i knew he wouldnt let me-- but he takes his hand and rubbed it all over his chest and stomach as i sat next to him jerking off about to cum--he reached his hand over took my dick in his hand and jerked me off his hand slick and wet with his cum and then i shot cum on my stomach and he pointed it toward him let it shoot on his leg- and hip--
he let go wiped my cum off his hip and rubbed his chest with it said it makes a good lotion--

in my mind i called him a teasing ass prick--he gets dressed puts his shirt on--didnt even wash his chest n stomach off before putting shirt on--


i kind of tried to talk him into things after that but he wouldnt so i didnt press the issue about it--i just learned some lines shouldnt be crossed and in a few ways he crossed them

I don't think that would be possible, and now I surrender to that idea of sexual fantasy and move on with my life. And hope that time would heal me quickly enough.
But thanks for sharing your story, very interesting

 

[justahornyguy174]

I don't want to get your hopes up falsely but I'd say he does have some desires towards you but is possibly conflicted about it being a straight guy. The fact he has "accidentally" let you see his cock a few times is telling. I know it must be hard seeing someone go away like that, I know as I've felt it before. I guess you haven't got much time so maybe just try talking to him and being totally open.

 

[Merophe]

I don't want to get your hopes up falsely but I'd say he does have some desires towards you but is possibly conflicted about it being a straight guy. The fact he has "accidentally" let you see his cock a few times is telling. I know it must be hard seeing someone go away like that, I know as I've felt it before. I guess you haven't got much time so maybe just try talking to him and being totally open.

well, me and him always open up about everything, so that's why I told him what I wanted, and it ended up not going well at all. Moreover, I don't think he purposely let me see his cock at all, it was all totally pure accidents, and I've never seen it fully (just one time his cock, and other times his naked ass from the back). There were many things going on the past couple days, and it makes me kinda lost in my head, and I don't know what to do; just try to function normally.
But thank you, truly appreciate your comment.

 

[torontoguy1097]

I've been having a hard time dealing with these issues for some time now, I can't get rid of these sexual urges.
So I'm a depressed Thai femme gay with not much friends at all, but a year ago I met this white straight man from the States (Italian descent). He's ultimately my type and the opposite of me in every aspect. He's super tall, has light colored hair, gorgeous green eyes with a yellow hue, friendly, and open; unlike me who's super shy (maybe that's why I don't have many friends and it makes me super lonely). So over the past year we've had a good time together, spent moments doing friendly activities, and considered each other best friends. However, the party has come to an end cuz he's moving back to the United States on this April 15, and it breaks my heart. I'm at the stage of life where I don't have much friends, especially close or best ones, and going out seeking new one who clicks with me is hard (yes, I've tried before, but most are tourists who stay in Phuket for like a week or two).

We've never had sexual things at all cuz he's straight, but I've accidentally seen his penis and naked twice in the past few months. It left footprints on my brain and I've been having dreams about doing sexual intercourse with him. I can't let those feelings away at all, I did a grindr hookup one time (which is also one of my struggling cuz I barely got someone I liked who'd agree to do it with me since i'm femme, short, and normal looking) a day after my dream, but I felt nothing. And those urges are still present in my heart.

Last night I slept over at his place and opened up with him about this sexual desire toward him, which he's noticed for some time now but he keeps avoiding bringing this topic up cuz it makes him uncomfortable. We always open up to each other, and I told him that I needed to feel that penis and I wanted to do a blow job, but he said it's never gonna happen and I had to deal with it (for the context, I've told him before that I didn't have any romantic feelings towards him, which I genuinely do and he sees it; that's why we keep being good friends).

Since then, I've been having these weird feelings; sad cuz he's leaving, jealous of those female friends he's been hooking up with (which I'm also their friends too), hurt cuz I have a feeling with him (but I doubt about this part cuz I've been asking myself about my feelings, and I don't think of him romantically; but I might be delusional tho). Ultimately, I don't know what to do, deal with this, or how to cope. I need all of your advice, or sharing your similar stories that might help me, or anything. Please help me. Thank you in advance

Well I can pretty much guarantee your "friendship" with this fella is over. Here's my take... stick to gay guys. You define yourself as gay. Going after straight men is immature behaviour and you are setting yourself up for disappointment and possibly worse. Best of luck

 

[wvgwm52]

For years I thought all guys fucked guys .. up until I was 21 22 years old .. alot of fellows let me suck their dick and fuck me.. then all of a sudden stop and start dating women.. I guess they did it with me as well as others when was horny and needed to get off somehow

 

[Merophe]

Well I can pretty much guarantee your "friendship" with this fella is over. Here's my take... stick to gay guys. You define yourself as gay. Going after straight men is immature behaviour and you are setting yourself up for disappointment and possibly worse. Best of luck

I hope me and his friendship does not end here. I don't have many friends here, and most of them are women since I grew up in some kind of women's-dominated environment. I'd love to have gay friends too, but one factor that also plays a major role in making it hard to find a good friend here is that the town where I live is a tourist town. People come here for like a week and then go. it's true that i've been making tons of friends, but they're just superficial friends that you met for like 10 minutes in the nightclubs.

 

[Merophe]

For years I thought all guys fucked guys .. up until I was 21 22 years old .. alot of fellows let me suck their dick and fuck me.. then all of a sudden stop and start dating women.. I guess they did it with me as well as others when was horny and needed to get off somehow

It happened to me once in the uni with another straight friend, he's always been my great friend. I went to sleep over at his place, then he asked me he wanted to try something new (I sucked his dick, and he sucked mine; it's actually my first sexual intercourse). And I think our thing is to assure him that he only attracts to women haha

But we're still great friends, though we've never had any sexual things since then. Sadly he lives far from me (he lives in Bangkok, but whenever I visited Bangkok, I always met him)

 

[Loves2bl]

If it makes you feel any better, a lot of us gay guys have been in your shoes. Unfortunately there‘s not much you can do about it. If he’s not interested in guys, there’s nothing you can say or do to change that (in the same way that there’s nothing anyone can say or do to get you interested in girls.)

I agree the real question is how to cope. If he’s moving away April 15, that might be your best answer right there. If you can still be friends long-distance, then you may be able to stay in touch; but if not, you may need to say goodbye. Either way, it’ll be sad to see him go, but‘s for the best, because you need to move on.

I hope that helps. If you want to chat one-on-one, my DMs are open.

Best response

 

[wvgwm52]

I will say. For years guys I thought were my friends were same guys had sex with whether it was blowjobs and screwing me.. as time went on they quit coming around then I realized the guys that I thought were my friends were just horny and used me ..

So now years later I’d see them on Facebook and message them and they never replied.. so then I realized I am not worthy of friends as I guess they were afraid I’d mention the past so the number of friends I have is far and few n between ..

 

[Stephenmass]

Keep in your head it has nothing to do with you. Or him for that matter. You are at least bi or gay, he is straight. Respect his space or you will surely lose what seems like a good friendship. I'm not saying that to be evil, but if you enjoy his company and have a few laughs here and there and enjoy his fully clothed company you either accept that as it is and when he leaves you may lose him as a friend forever. He's already made it clear and still is friends with you. That's all he wants. He's straight dude, respect his space.