I wanted an unfiltered glimpse into the male sexual psyche...

[huguest]

Cheating is the result of being a complete piece of shit.

Sorry Tight_N_Juicy to have quote you. I'm sure your sex life is good because you did find the right one. The one that match your libido. But it's YOUR libido that your men is matching, not the way around.

Since, most men have a higher libido then their women they are with. Many men are stuck in a neglected relation.

That doesn't excuse cheating by any mean, but it does explain the pattern.

We live in a society where :
1) Monogamy is expected
2) women are not required to provide sexual demand
3) men are expected to be faithful
4) men can't force sex on anyone

As a men, I have little chance if none to find a women that match my libido. So if I do find a women that I do fall in love with and my needs for sex are not meet. I have 3 choices.
1) breakup but the chance to find the perfect math are very dime.
2) suck it up and live in a neglected relation.
3) cheat and hope that everyone is satisfy in that relation.

I know it's a egocentric decision and those who choose that path are as you quoted "complete piece of shit". But is it's not as much egocentric to satisfy only your own sexual needs as a women?

In the end, I'm sure cheater think it doesn't hurt their partner if they don't know it. It's only a matter of trust and trust is a ego satisfaction.

But again, only those who are mature enough knows that trust is the foundation of a long relation. Just like not putting your men in that neglected situation is the foundation of a long relation.

You know that testosterone in women is what make your libido right?
Men bathes in that hormone. Do you have any idea how strong is the urge?

I'm not excusing cheater, I merely trying to explain the pattern. You don't have control over someone else behavior, but you do have control over your own.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

Sorry Tight_N_Juicy to have quote you. I'm sure your sex life is good because you did find the right one. The one that match your libido. But it's YOUR libido that your men is matching, not the way around.

Since, most men have a higher libido then their women they are with. Many men are stuck in a neglected relation.

That doesn't excuse cheating by any mean, but it does explain the pattern.

We live in a society where :
1) Monogamy is expected
2) women are not required to provide sexual demand
3) men are expected to be faithful
4) men can't force sex on anyone

As a men, I have little chance if none to find a women that match my libido. So if I do find a women that I do fall in love with and my needs for sex are not meet. I have 3 choices.
1) breakup but the chance to find the perfect math are very dime.
2) suck it up and live in a neglected relation.
3) cheat and hope that everyone is satisfy in that relation.

I know it's a egocentric decision and those who choose that path are as you quoted "complete piece of shit". But is it's not as much egocentric to satisfy only your own sexual needs as a women?

In the end, I'm sure cheater think it doesn't hurt their partner if they don't know it. It's only a matter of trust and trust is a ego satisfaction.

But again, only those who are mature enough knows that trust is the foundation of a long relation. Just like not putting your men in that neglected situation is the foundation of a long relation.

You know that testosterone in women is what make your libido right?
Men bathes in that hormone. Do you have any idea how strong is the urge?

I'm not excusing cheater, I merely trying to explain the pattern. You don't have control over someone else behavior, but you do have control over your own.

You done mansplaining?

 

[AllieHeidi]

Cheating is a sexual need. So I could say that cheating happen when sexual need is not met.
In general men have a stronger libido then women. For sure at some point women will need to attend to those needs.

Why not just masturbate, then? If sexual release is the goal, it can easily (and conveniently) be obtained in that manner. Why involve another person, at all?

 

[AllieHeidi]

I'm not excusing cheater, I merely trying to explain the pattern. You don't have control over someone else behavior, but you do have control over your own.

I find it interesting that this entire post was essentially an explanation as to why weak men are weak and have poor self-control. We're well aware of the "testosterone plight" of the human male and how that can influence their behavior.

Violent crime is also disproportionately committed by males because of that hormone, but it's also a combination of a bunch of other factors. None of which most people give a shit about because at the end of the day, people are being harmed.

You stated that trust requires maturity. Sure. You know what else requires maturity? Self-control.

 

[huguest]

Why not just masturbate, then? If sexual release is the goal, it can easily (and conveniently) be obtained in that manner. Why involve another person, at all?

Well, masturbate doesn't provide the human contact, the affection, the recomfort. The men language.

If everything can be fixed by masturbation, there wouldn't need for a partner no?

 

[huguest]

I find it interesting that this entire post was essentially an explanation as to why weak men are weak and have poor self-control. We're well aware of the "testosterone plight" of the human male and how that can influence their behavior.

Violent crime is also disproportionately committed by males because of that hormone, but it's also a combination of a bunch of other factors. None of which most people give a shit about because at the end of the day, people are being harmed.

You stated that trust requires maturity. Sure. You know what else requires maturity? Self-control.

Geez, I never saw a youtube so biased. really castration of a solution?! really? Maybe I can find a youtube out there that recommend Clitoridectomy. You could feel the bias at it's peek when the guy compare men to chimpanzee.

Testosterone is part of you and me. Your dad as some too you know?!
Maturity is self-control. It's the meaning of self-control + responsibility, no doubt about it.
You know how to change bad behavior? with positives reinforcement and good education. Good example.

 

[huguest]

Be careful Aheidla of youtube algorithm, I'm sure your a good person. But youtube will expose you to what you want to see.

If youtube refer video of castration, well...

 

[AllieHeidi]

Geez, I never saw a youtube so biased. really castration of a solution?! really?

The video summarizes points within Evolutionary Biology surrounding the Male Warrior Hypothesis with regard to male aggression. Ironically, evolutionary biology is frequently used to explain men's sexual needs and behaviors whenever the subject of cheating comes up. I suppose the only sectors of evolutionary biology that should be explored and discussed are those that people find more palatable when it includes their demographic.

Testosterone is part of you and me. Your dad as some too you know?!

My dad is dead. And when he was alive, he allowed his testosterone to get the better of him on several occasions. One such incident landed him in prison. So, my own father was included in the FBI statistics cited in that video. Isn't that lovely?

Anyway, I just plugged in "why is most violent crime committed by males" into a Google search, and thousands of hits populated. That video just happened to be the most succinctly structured for the purpose of this discussion. But there are numerous studies on that topic as any criminal justice major would know.

Well, masturbate doesn't provide the human contact, the affection, the recomfort. The men language.

If everything can be fixed by masturbation, there wouldn't need for a partner no?

If human contact, affection, and comfort of just any person are enough to satisfy a man, then there is no need for that man to bother entering a committed partnership with one person, now is there?

 

[huguest]

The video summarizes points within Evolutionary Biology surrounding the Male Warrior Hypothesis with regard to male aggression. Ironically, evolutionary biology is frequently used to explain men's sexual needs and behaviors whenever the subject of cheating comes up. I suppose the only sectors of evolutionary biology that should be explored and discussed are those that people find more palatable when it includes their demographic.

The summarizes was lacking the fact that men have reasoning and chimpanzee don't. There are many theories for evolution. Hitler had one too. Anyway let's stay focus on the subject.

My dad is dead. And when he was alive, he allowed his testosterone to get the better of him on several occasions. One such incident landed him in prison. So, my own father was included in the FBI statistics cited in that video. Isn't that lovely?

Again, I'm sorry if the men's in your life was awful. Your reality and my reality are very different. Would you say it that demographic your talking about? Education, valorisation, proper support is the difference.

I had teacher's parents, in Canada with good values and sibling. But I did end up with a ex that kept me in a sexless relation. She was from a family with value that degraded men in general. Matriarchal is no better then patriarchal. My family prone equality.

So I really think it's a question of education, good value. If you give proper support to young men, they will have enough maturity to not cheat. Just like if you give proper value to young women they will treat men as equal and not degrade men.

If human contact, affection, and comfort of just any person are enough to satisfy a man, then there is no need for that man to bother entering a committed partnership with one person, now is there?

I would say it a over simplified view of a relation. But for men yeah I would say so, they are financially independent, can defend themselves. Men do want kid's too. But I think everyone search for affection, recomfort, human contact. They are proven to be the basic of human need's. Women or men.

No one have a long committed partnership guaranty. You have to bring something to the other partner. It can be any particular thing, For men usually it's protection, support financial and emotional. For women, men search for affection, recomfort, sex. I tend to include "human contact, affection, and comfort" in the word sex, because sex is not just emptying my ball's. It's so much more.

Actually I don't understand women who do not wish to match the libido of men. I mean sex is so good, gratifying, good emotionally and physically. It's keep the relation bound and strong. If properly done it can literally be nirvana. It would dismiss any temptation for cheating.

 

[AllieHeidi]

The summarizes was lacking the fact that men have reasoning and chimpanzee don't.

The fact that humans have the ability to reason makes the violent crime statistics for males even more concerning, then. Not less. But ok.

I think everyone search for affection, recomfort, human contact. They are proven to be the basic of human need's. Women or men.

Yes. The problem is that too many men don't know how to show affection and comfort and engage in human contact with women without making it sexual. Too many men don't understand the infrastructure of female sexuality as it applies to the vast majority of women who are sexual. The basic formula for women goes:

Mental > Emotional > Physical

Whereas most men work backward from this model:

Physical > Emotional > Mental

The problem then arises when men neglect to holistically "seduce" their women, and then become baffled when the sex becomes more and more scarce. Most women need to be stimulated mentally and emotionally before anything sexual is (enthusiastically) on the table for them. Too many men fail to adequately (and consistently) stimulate the minds and emotions of their female partners. Then the next thing they know, they're complaining about not getting as much sex as they (always) want because they're running on a backward/mirror version model of female sexuality.

I don't understand women who do not wish to match the libido of men. I mean sex is so good, gratifying, good emotionally and physically. It's keep the relation bound and strong. If properly done it can literally be nirvana.

That's the point. Most men don't do it properly. And then that results in tragic outcomes such as researchers discovering that 80% of women don't orgasm from penetrative sex.

Source

Most men don't bother to take a holistic approach to female pleasure. They just want to get in, get theirs, and go to sleep. From an evolutionary standpoint, the only practical purpose for the male orgasm is procreation, the pleasure aspect exists so there is an incentive to procreate. The female orgasm, however, is not necessary for procreation. However, many evolutionary biologists have surmised that the purpose of the female orgasm is solely for pair bonding. In other words, our orgasms are supposed to bond us to our mates. If we don't come, and frequently, we don't bond or the bond fades.

Now, if 80% of women aren't coming, is it no wonder that not only does the incentive to have sex with their partners decrease, but so does their desire to even be with them, at all? I mean, would you want to keep having sex with someone if you got little to no pleasure out of it? I imagine most men wouldn't tolerate that for more than a few seconds before peacing out of the relationship entirely. The fact that these so-called "cold fish" women even bother staying with the men who don't get them off while still maintaining the house, caring for any kids, and working full-time is, frankly, something to be applauded. Because it definitely couldn't, and wouldn't be me.

If you're not stimulating her mind or heart, and then also failing to make her come, can you really honestly complain that she no longer wants to fuck you?

Perhaps more men should take some responsibility for their wives' and girlfriends' waning sexual desire for them instead of assuming that showing her physical affection every now and again is some sort of Konami code to getting the opportunity to use them for yet another masturbatory session.

 

[huguest]

Yes. The problem is that too many men don't know how to show affection and comfort and engage in human contact with women without making it sexual. Too many men don't understand the infrastructure of female sexuality as it applies to the vast majority of women who are sexual. The basic formula for women goes:

Mental > Emotional > Physical

Whereas most men work backward from this model:

Physical > Emotional > Mental

The problem then arises when men neglect to holistically "seduce" their women, and then become baffled when the sex becomes more and more scarce. Most women need to be stimulated mentally and emotionally before anything sexual is (enthusiastically) on the table for them. Too many men fail to adequately (and consistently) stimulate the minds and emotions of their female partners. Then the next thing they know, they're complaining about not getting as much sex as they (always) want because they're running on a backward/mirror version model of female sexuality.

That's the point. Most men don't do it properly. And then that results in tragic outcomes such as researchers discovering that 80% of women don't orgasm from penetrative sex.

Your sooo right on that one. I'm 100% in accord with you. Men should learn how women work and how to please them. Women do need emotional connection, they need to feel appreciated, it's all start with kindness and it's not a game that you push, just listening to her needs and be there. There is no forced or rushed sex. There is as much pleasure to give then to receive.

It's true that some men do take the smalless act of affection of a women for an invitation to sex. I will attribute that to a serious lack of affection. That poor men is so neglected he is desperate.

With my girlfriend we did attend a course in tantric sex and seduction. It's a all new level of experimenting love. It's didn't transform into more sex to my dismay but the sex/love is great.

So if we go back to the topic of cheating. We may have a situation where, men do want sex but doesn't know how the women work. That issue result in a tragic outcome of less sex and that less sex push the men to look elsewhere. hmmm

Don't get me wrong, but if it's your body and your preference would it be your responsibility to teach your men how you prefer the sex? Sure if he's too stupid to learn and listen, then he's not worth the relation.

I will say this many time in this conversation. there is always two side of a story. If men have to learn and adapt to how the women prefer her sex life. Would it be fair that the women learn and adapt too?

Don't answer that question, I know men are really demanding toward sex and it's a nice thing that men learn to adapt, dose and get really good at seduction. That make love/sex even greater.

I will just say that if you do want to be fair with your men because they do adapt to your preference. It would be great or greater if you could seduce him too.

 

[AllieHeidi]

Don't get me wrong, but if it's your body and your preference would it be your responsibility to teach your men how you prefer the sex? Sure if he's too stupid to learn and listen, then he's not worth the relation.

I said "holistically seduce the woman." That involves seducing a woman's mind and heart before even touching her body. The problem lies with men who tend to find building mental and emotional connections to women to be a "chore" because, during that time period, they're not getting laid. And since most women are socialized to be accommodating and don't want to "nag" men about their emotional needs and just "grin and bear it," they tend to "give in" and may end up having sex that is either only somewhat pleasurable or not at all. So, already, many, if not most, women do quite a bit of "adapting" to men's sexual needs out of a sense of obligation; most to their own detriment and misery.

That then leaves the door open for lackluster sex on the woman's end which eventually morphs into resentment for her male partner and subsequently a tapering off of her desire to even accommodate him sexually as time goes on and the relationship continues.

When a woman is very direct and assertive about her needs and makes it clear to men that she won't settle for less; she's deemed as "emasculating" or too "masculine." Frankly, my dear, women can't win. Men want women who are sexually like other men, but still soft, feminine, quiet, and accommodating. They want a perpetual sandwich-maker who can fuck them silly.

The bottom line, most men don't have a genuine desire or interest in connecting to women emotionally or just appreciating them as human beings outside of what they can get from them sexually. If most men are honest, when it comes to a woman they're attracted to, they don't sincerely care about her interests, hobbies, or thoughts. They don't sincerely care about her aspirations and dreams. They don't sincerely care about her accomplishments or accolades. They will, however, pretend to care just to sleep with her.

Eventually, that charade can only last so long before she picks up on his bullshit and loses interest in having sex with him, all together. Especially if he's mediocre in bed, to begin with. The impressive ability of such a man to consistently fail at sexually pleasuring women is the proverbial nail in the coffin for a woman's dwindling desire for him and his penis. Yet and still, what he won't fail to do is present with a surprised Pikachu face when she a) leaves him, or b) proceeds to give him the cold shoulder.

 

[deleted12324041]

You done mansplaining?

Apparently...he was not.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

Fuckin A!

 

[AllieHeidi]

@TryHarrd Why are you following me, now? Can you not, please?

I don't understand why we can't stop people from following on here. From what I've looked up, it used to be controllable.

 

[huguest]

Aheidla how old are you?

Your describing a young men that doesn't know nothing what a relation is. I assure you that young men will learn and be a men someday, But your 100% right I understand why your are so frustrated.

He will learn by try and error, what can I say there is not solution for that. Maturity take time.

I recommend you to date older men, in the meantime the "holistically" part is a bit intense. There is no way a men can predict what type of women you are. A relation it's a partnership. You need to establish your expectations, both of you. Be specific, "I want to have sex about ounce every 2 days", "I want you to take your time" etc.

I'm 47 old, I still struggle with sex ratio with my girlfriend.

IF from the beginning you where talking about a men with no experience fresh from adulthood. Cheating is very common.

To give you a range and it's imply only me.

21 to 24 I was masturbating about 2 to 3 time a day. with my peek at age 21. It was relief masturbation, for every session I skipped it was a frustration built-up.

25 to 32 I was masturbating about ounce a day.

32 to 40 I was masturbating about ounce every 2 days

Now it's more 2 to 3 time a week. My girlfriend it's ounce a week or less.
A sexless relation is 12 or less time a year.

There is no way a women can coop with the libido of a men of that age. For sure the only thing he is interested at that age is sex. Everyone is different, you can find men with less libido then some women, but we are talking in general here.

 

[TryHarrd]

@TryHarrd Why are you following me, now? Can you not, please?

I don't understand why we can't stop people from following on here. From what I've looked up, it used to be controllable.

Because I value your point of view and am here to gain a better insight into the female psyche. I thought that's why follow exists. But so be it...

 

[AllieHeidi]

@TryHarrd You can watch threads to get updates on when specific people post in them.

Aheidla how old are you?

I recommend you to date older men

You must not have read everything I've written in this thread. Once again, I am a millennial (somewhere between 27 and 42 years old) and I am not attracted to men. I am (romantically) attracted to women only. I briefly (average ~3 months) dated men in the past, and the experiences were unpleasant for several reasons. The biggest reason, of course, was that I was obviously going against who I am.

However, regardless of that detail, those few, very brief experiences, coupled with the multitude of anecdotes I've heard from other women (of all ages) led me to conclude that most men seem to "tolerate" women in relationships just for convenient access to sex. It then made me wonder why men even bother to get into committed relationships with women at all when broken down to the basics, that's all they really want; sex, food, hobbies, and silence. That's it. Hence, "the research."

 

[FrankieGuile]

@TryHarrd You can watch threads to get updates on when specific people post in them.





You must not have read everything I've written in this thread. Once again, I am a millennial (somewhere between 27 and 42 years old) and I am not attracted to men. I am (romantically) attracted to women only. I briefly (average ~3 months) dated men in the past, and the experiences were unpleasant for several reasons. The biggest reason, of course, was that I was obviously going against who I am.

However, regardless of that detail, those few, very brief experiences, coupled with the multitude of anecdotes I've heard from other women (of all ages) led me to conclude that most men seem to "tolerate" women in relationships just for convenient access to sex. It then made me wonder why men even bother to get into committed relationships with women at all when broken down to the basics, that's all they really want; sex, food, hobbies, and silence. That's it. Hence, "the research."

It seems you have reached your own, rather emphatic, conclusion and further "research" will not provide any new insight but just fodder for your desire to argue. Believe what you wish on the topic and act accordingly, for better or worse.

 

[AllieHeidi]

It seems you have reached your own, rather emphatic, conclusion and further "research" will not provide any new insight but just fodder for your desire to argue. Believe what you wish on the topic and act accordingly, for better or worse.

All of my conclusions have been drawn from the words, thoughts, and opinions of nearly thousands of men themselves. It's all from the horse's mouth. I had a hypothesis and looked to men for answers about men. This isn't about arguing. This is about me learning about men from men. Any disagreements regarding my conclusions should honestly be taken up with the men who exist in the well from which I siphoned my information.