I wanted an unfiltered glimpse into the male sexual psyche...

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TryHarrd said:
This is where we disagree. I think women care about boners a hell of lot more than they are willing to own up to. They may put up a front, but long term, not being able to satisfy the sexual urges of your partner adds to the inadequecies already burdening them - am I a good mother? Am I good wife? - compounding their already suffering self doubt. It's exactly the same sort of validation men seek, but they need to make their partner orgasm instead.
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Not a mother. Or a wife. I don't question whether or not I'm a good fucker, because I do that for me. Not for the satisfaction of men generally.

If I ever become single, I'm not going out of my way to make anyone cum but me. Other than @brownballs I don't care if any penis which belongs to a human being busts a nut ever again. And I make him cum plenty. So do other ladies.

Really tho, I can cum without love. Without approval. Without giving a fuck. Just happens that I'm lucky enough to care about the person who repeatedly fucks me and shares a life with me.
 
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huguest said:
I do understand your point of view and I'm with you cheating is inacceptable. You do have valid points and it would be hard to justify cheating. Tight_N_juicy is correct, I do not venture much in the site and I'm certain that the level of absurdity is very high there is not doubt about it. it's a sex website after all.

So I'm not here to argue with you.

I'm just not comfortable with the way your doing your little science project.
1) why not post it in the men section and ask if it's concern the male psyche?
2) A title like "I wanted an unfiltered glimpse into the male sexual psyche" and then argue in the "women issue" ?!
3) falling back on the "cheating argument" knowing very well that it's your relation wound. Because the male sexual psyche is just cheating?!
4) not including women side of the cheating argument, well it's make for a nice "science" project.
5) giving advice in a form "My findings" saying that most men are bound to cheat. and giving the only solution is live without men. It's resemble a lot of your life style.
6) admitting that your emotion are at the heart of this topic.
7) admitting that you don't want nothing to do with men.
8) when I suggest a solution of a society that would expose men with better values, you do not explore it and only answer "Men will survive my bitter and inane little rants just fine".

I think the real "women issue" here is you dealing with your relation wound with men since they no longer are part of your love life. I don't blame you I got issue too.

I'm just not comfortable with the way your doing it because your are a very intelligent women.

For my part, I'm tired of been tagged as "bad" (yes I know you didn't say it your too clever for that).
Violent Men here, oppression there, cheater and anything in between. I miss the day's when "strong", "hard working", "gallant", "needed", "faithful" was tagged on men. They are My values and the value of many men. Just not on the mouth of society and woman in general. (because everyone have relation trauma).

I know, don't put the hat if it's doesn't fit you, anyway. I need a bit of positive thinking. Solution!

I try to change this feeling in my own way. Cary on.
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There is no reason to internalize anything that some random stranger says on the internet about a demographic you happen to belong to. Especially if that stranger has admitted to essentially being damaged goods and having issues. You really should be taking my words, and this entire thread, with a grain of salt, sir.
 
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TryHarrd said:
Men are, in general, more hornier than women. Don't crucify them for it. And in the same way I accommodate my wife during her period, you need to accommodate men being horny.
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I absolutely do not need to accommodate men because I don't date men. I'm not attracted to men in that way. My own very psyche, existence, and sexual orientation are antithetical to the male sex as a whole when it comes to companionship.

As far as I'm concerned, I am only able to "connect" with my male peers on very basic and superficial levels such as through music or MW2 LAN parties. And even with the latter, there's only so much one person can take when it comes to the very "passionate" players.

 
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@aheidla

I think much of what is on here is fantasy rather than actual facts. Many people bend the truth to a staggering degree, so I wouldn't generalise what is on here w 1. Everyday men in general 2. Anything but fantasy.

Of course there will always be those that are unplatable for us though I don't think they are the majority. I say that as a guy who has never cheated and never would. Maybe I am naive but my friends are the same.

On a sidenote, I think women are just as likely to cheat as men, it's just much less talked about or fantasied about publicly. Why? It's frowned upon by misogynistic types.

As for the sexual psyche of guys, I'm unsure if its male specific and I'd love to find out if its just men are much bolder about saying it aloud (or on forums like this). From my experience (and convos w others) it's a myth that we think about sex constantly.

I'd be curious how much this site is indicative of the general population. I suspect this is rather niche group of people that isn't representative of the average.

I may be completely wrong
 
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@michael_3165

For the record, I didn't just use this site for research. I used others and mostly focused on "manosphere" forums, groups, etc. Honestly, from what I've gathered, that probably did get me mildly "emotional" in my research as @huguest suggested, is that most men don't really "like" women. They tolerate us. We're too "complicated." Too "emotional." Too needy. Too much work. We're burdensome and annoying to men. If we're not sleeping with them we serve no other purpose.

They don't see us as friend material and if we suggest it, they take it as an insult because "only other men can be their friends." "Having a female as a friend is pointless." Because apparently, we're only for sexual pleasure and birthing their offspring. That's it. Why would I want to be reduced to that? Why would I want to be reduced to not being seen as a whole person? No sane individual would. It's no different than women who reduce men to their wallets, physical assets, and their ability to "lift things up and put them down." It's dehumanizing.

I think people, in general, are more honest on the internet because anonymity provides a sense of security. No one knows or really cares who you are and you can speak your mind without judgment online. So, I'm unsure if I entirely agree with the "fantasy" suggestion. If anything, a site like this, as well as others, is where they feel the freest to be themselves.

Also, the topic of cheating mostly came up with (primarily closeted) bisexual men as they seemed to be the ones talking about cheating the most, even more than straight men. Yes, people from both sexes and all sexual orientations are prone to cheating. But to pretend certain demographics within those groups aren't more prone to do so compared to others is a bit myopic, to me.
 
I feel like I need to elaborate on what I'm talking about with my assertion that "most men don't really like women."

It stems from a theory regarding how males are socialized as they grow that I wholeheartedly agree with: men aren't taught how to be men, they're taught how not to be women. They're not taught how to be masculine, they're taught how not to be feminine. And the methodology of this teaching is grounded in shame. Boys who are "too girly" are shunned. Thus, anything related to femaleness and femininity is programmed in the male mind to automatically be synonymous with inferiority.

This article goes into more detail on the theory by a licensed therapist. She's not entirely wrong.
 
aheidla said:
There is no reason to internalize anything that some random stranger says on the internet about a demographic you happen to belong to. Especially if that stranger has admitted to essentially being damaged goods and having issues. You really should be taking my words, and this entire thread, with a grain of salt, sir.
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I'm glade you cleared that out for me.

If you let me give my 2 cents I can explain a bit the pattern of cheating and how I see it.

When you seek a relation, it's for fulfilling a need. In general and it's a big generalisation,
Men seek sexual recomfort, physical contact. The language of men is more physical.
Women seek emotional recomfort, protection. The language of women is more verbal with emotion.
It doesn't mean it's only that but it's a big part of men/women. Men do seek emotions and women do seek physical too, it's just not their main need when seeking a relation.

So when a men cheat, and it's can be for many reason, but mainly it's because is seeking sexual satisfaction outside of the relation. Women see that as a betrayal because for her it's mean that men can't be trusted the "protection" part of the deal is broken. Just like the "sexual recomfort" is broken.

A coin as always two face, it's never a one side story. Cheating is a active decision and your responsible for your action. But you can be responsible for the passive inaction action as well.

There a unwritten rule when your in a relation, each part is seeking something out of that relation. If your not fulfilling your part, don't expect the other to fulfil theirs. There is as much and even more passive neglected men then there is cheater out there.

You can say that you will never belittled yourself to satisfy your partner sexual need, don't be surprise to be cheated. I'm not saying that if you been cheated on, you deserve it I'm just saying that cheating happens for a reason, just look into it.

I invite you to go in the "safe space" section look how many men complain of sexless relation.
The only good thing is that with cheating at least you can end the relation for that reason. For a sexless relation it's not as evident.

It's my two cent.
 
aheidla said:
@michael_3165

For the record, I didn't just use this site for research. I used others and mostly focused on "manosphere" forums, groups, etc. Honestly, from what I've gathered, that probably did get me mildly "emotional" in my research as @huguest suggested, is that most men don't really "like" women. They tolerate us. We're too "complicated." Too "emotional." Too needy. Too much work. We're burdensome and annoying to men. If we're not sleeping with them we serve no other purpose.

They don't see us as friend material and if we suggest it, they take it as an insult because "only other men can be their friends." "Having a female as a friend is pointless." Because apparently, we're only for sexual pleasure and birthing their offspring. That's it. Why would I want to be reduced to that? Why would I want to be reduced to not being seen as a whole person? No sane individual would. It's no different than women who reduce men to their wallets, physical assets, and their ability to "lift things up and put them down." It's dehumanizing.

I think people, in general, are more honest on the internet because anonymity provides a sense of security. No one knows or really cares who you are and you can speak your mind without judgment online. So, I'm unsure if I entirely agree with the "fantasy" suggestion. If anything, a site like this, as well as others, is where they feel the freest to be themselves.

Also, the topic of cheating mostly came up with (primarily closeted) bisexual men as they seemed to be the ones talking about cheating the most, even more than straight men. Yes, people from both sexes and all sexual orientations are prone to cheating. But to pretend certain demographics within those groups aren't more prone to do so compared to others is a bit myopic, to me.
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For certain, My reality and your reality are not the same. I'm sorry if your relation with men was awful.

Women do see a side of the coin that men do not see and vis versa. Be happy! it's what I wish for you. If for you it's mean removing men from the equation, go for it girl.

Take care of yourself. I did it for me, I'm now more happy with someone who she consider me as equal.
 
@huguest There is no excuse for cheating for any reason. If one isn't getting what they need from their partner and after discussing the issue with their partner, their partner refuses to accommodate their needs, leave. That's it. It's not complicated.

@michael_3165 Only because of how laughably easy it is to get men to agree to casual sex. This is also why lesbians typically don't want to bother with bisexual women. It all boils down to men and how easy it is to cheat on your partner with them. If men didn't give it up so easily, that trope wouldn't exist. It's also why so many straight men get nervous over girls' trips. They know how easy they are to get coaxed into bed by women. It's all very shallow and hilarious, yes.

 
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aheidla said:
@huguest There is no excuse for cheating for any reason. If one isn't getting what they need from their partner and after discussing the issue with their partner, their partner refuses to accommodate their needs, leave. That's it. It's not complicated.

@michael_3165 Only because of how laughably easy it is to get men to agree to casual sex. This is also why lesbians typically don't want to bother with bisexual women. It all boils down to men and how easy it is to cheat on your partner with them. If men didn't give it up so easily, that trope wouldn't exist. It's also why so many straight men get nervous over girls' trips. They know how easy they are to get coaxed into bed by women. It's all very shallow and hilarious, yes.

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I know there is no excuse for cheating, I 100% agree with you, when I was in breakup period with my ex, I did decline a other women for sex even if my ex keep me sexless for 14 years.. I put myself in the place of my ex, and I wouldn't have lived with myself if I did. I do have a strong sense of responsibility and I know I'm the exception.

If your about to cheat, your relation is already dead. You may as well end it, you will lose less time finding the right one. I'm just saying if there is no excuse for cheating, there is no equivalent for the sexless pattern women have toward men that often do bring the men to cheat.

And your right, a lot of men just cheat because they can. They are weak and immature because women knows that for a long relation to last, trust is important. Do women know sex is important too for a long relation to last?
 
aheidla said:
Well, that would explain why my little brother is still single. Although my peers (millennials) are no better.

Full stop, we are the most insufferable and undateable demographic. And yes, I am also talking about myself, here.
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It was still really hard dating in the 90's too but we were looking for Mr/Mrs Right and knew it. Now later in life it is interesting my generation are facing the same sort of challenges you are facing in terms of balancing interests and needs in a relationship. But we're doing it from the basis of a long term solid relationship that we've enjoyed for many years, not starting things that way. So I enjoyed your comments but don't envy your position.

Even though I'm critical of the tradition of marriage as it stands, I wouldn't throw out of the baby with the bath water. Being young and possessive is something wonderful - to fall in love and exclusively share life's adventures - and it would be a loss to miss this. But as time goes on, things change, though we don't want the adventure to end, especially in resentment. And that's the challenge my generation is facing.
 
aheidla said:
Why? Serious question.
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Because most women are incapable of or unwilling to establish long term relationships with men without sexual access being a primary bargaining chip involved. One way men and women are quite alike is that we tend dip out or violate relationships when the main point we were sold upon is no longer being held up. Women seem to get so frustrated at this when it manisfests amongst men, conveniently forgetting that they're typically sold upon a man being the primary socioeconomic provider, and are just as (if not more prone) to cheating or dissolving a relationship if they ever approach or exceed their spouse's income or social status.
 
Sagittarius84 said:
Because most women are incapable of or unwilling to establish long term relationships with men without sexual access being a primary bargaining chip involved. One way men and women are quite alike is that we tend dip out or violate relationships when the main point we were sold upon is no longer being held up. Women seem to get so frustrated at this when it manisfests amongst men, conveniently forgetting that they're typically sold upon a man being the primary socioeconomic provider, and are just as (if not more prone) to cheating or dissolving a relationship if they ever approach or exceed their spouse's income or social status.
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I asked @huguest.
 
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aheidla said:
Why? Serious question.
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Cheating is a sexual need. So I could say that cheating happen when sexual need is not met.
In general men have a stronger libido then women. For sure at some point women will need to attend to those needs.

Tight_N_Juicy said:
Not a mother. Or a wife. I don't question whether or not I'm a good fucker, because I do that for me. Not for the satisfaction of men generally
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In a relation, people doesn't express at the beginning our expectations. Men assume he will be satisfied with sex. Women seek faithfulness and many others thing. It's a given thing.

Your not obliged to satisfy your men need in sex. just like is not obliged to yours. Cheating result of that issue.
 
huguest said:
Cheating is a sexual need. So I could say that cheating happen when sexual need is not met.
In general men have a stronger libido then women. For sure at some point women will need to attend to those needs.



In a relation, people doesn't express at the beginning our expectations. Men assume he will be satisfied with sex. Women seek faithfulness and many others thing. It's a given thing.

Your not obliged to satisfy your men need in sex. just like is not obliged to yours. Cheating result of that issue.
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Cheating is the result of being a complete piece of shit.
 
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