Is a relationship even worth it anymore? Love seems dead and the gay community seems a mess.

[lostinspace94]

Something I'd like to add is this: Often love is something that grows as you get to know someone rather than simply opening a door and finding it on your doorstep.

Yes, sexual attraction and chemistry has to be there from the start but I also think some people can be too quick to judge or have too inflexible about what they are looking for.

Nobody is perfect, remember you have faults they will have to accept too. If someone will love you knowing all your faults, then you are way ahead already.

Generally speaking, the more equal you and your partner are in regards to looks, libido, morals, values, education and wealth; the more likely your relationship will last.

So it's important to be realistic about what you are, so you can be realistic about what you want.

Totally agree that love grows, I think my point of the thread though is it also requires time to develop. If someone is bouncing from one person to the next (as you also suggest in your second paragraph) nothing can really develop and then you never really learn anything.

I agree 100% regarding finding an 'equal'. The hard part is finding this.

For example, I'm handsome looking, not a sex addict but decent libido, strong morals/values due to my upbringing, Masters level education, and well off. I literally can find a dude who ticks maybe 2 of those at best. As soon as they 'tick the 3rd' something is wrong e.g. someone else could be handsome + decent libido but not educated at all and living pay cheque to pay cheque. Or someone who is educated and well off but not attractive in the slightest (and trust me, I don't have any "IG" level dude desire). So my search just never seems to end even when I'm very willing to compromise.

 

[lostinspace94]

I'm on another continent and it's the same. I feel 90% of the men are in a relationship they only chose to claim they have someone at home, but it's actually all open and everyone fucks around like before. It's frustrating and I stopped dating. Don't know if I start again, but I feel better with myself anyway.

This happens A LOT in NY. +1. Hence I really question the point of even trying if this is what it is. I'm fine sleeping comfortably in my own bed and having hookups/FWB's when I want sex.

 

[Brodie888]

Totally agree that love grows, I think my point of the thread though is it also requires time to develop. If someone is bouncing from one person to the next (as you also suggest in your second paragraph) nothing can really develop and then you never really learn anything.

I agree 100% regarding finding an 'equal'. The hard part is finding this.

For example, I'm handsome looking, not a sex addict but decent libido, strong morals/values due to my upbringing, Masters level education, and well off. I literally can find a dude who ticks maybe 2 of those at best. As soon as they 'tick the 3rd' something is wrong e.g. someone else could be handsome + decent libido but not educated at all and living pay cheque to pay cheque. Or someone who is educated and well off but not attractive in the slightest (and trust me, I don't have any "IG" level dude desire). So my search just never seems to end even when I'm very willing to compromise.

I can understand where you are coming from. And unfortunately, many men make compromises they live to regret down the track.

For example, I have a friend who chose 2 partners consecutively who earned significantly less than he did. After roughly 4 years for each, the other partners cleaned him out financially. So 8 years later he went from owning his house and very comfortable to now having a huge mortgage and barely a cent to his name living hand to mouth and will never get back to where he was.

 

[Almost40]

I

I guess we should give up dating gay men then right? What's the point?

f u ask me, no don't give up dating. But don't date the avarage typical community guys, that's my point. U can find anyone but make sure they are outside this thing called community.

 

[lostinspace94]

I can understand where you are coming from. And unfortunately, many men make compromises they live to regret down the track.

For example, I have a friend who chose 2 partners consecutively who earned significantly less than he did. After roughly 4 years for each, the other partners cleaned him out financially. So 8 years later he went from owning his house and very comfortable to now having a huge mortgage and barely a cent to his name living hand to mouth and will never get back to where he was.

Yup I know many like this, who also put up with cheating and what not, just because they don't wanna stop leeching. It is sad.

 

[lostinspace94]

I

f u ask me, no don't give up dating. But don't date the avarage typical community guys, that's my point. U can find anyone but make sure they are outside this thing called community.

Given what is happening, I wonder if there are even good guys left in the US. I'm tempted to move back to Europe or Brazil or something.