It's Shallow to Always Decline any Sexual Contact with Someone Who is HIV+?

[chadstallion]

that's why I only play with my buddies; usually married and not until after I know about their sexual history. Plus, I don't swallow on the first date. and use condoms for anal.

 

[AlteredEgo]

that's why I only play with my buddies; usually married and not until after I know about their sexual history. Plus, I don't swallow on the first date. and use condoms for anal.

Whatever works for you. But is it, or isn't it shallow to always decline any sexual contact with someone who you know to be HIV positive?

 

[kunal00]

It's not shallow to refuse to have sex with ano HIV+ person, it is self preservation. The same as any and all sexual encounters, if it's known that the person has an s.t.d. of any kind or a contagious illness, I will decline, no matter how good looking and mouthwatering they are.

Similarly I feel it to be my responsibility to inform a perspective or current partner of any health issues I might be in the midst of dealing with if it could cause them harm.

Boom

 

[kunal00]

Personally I don't think or believe it's shallow to decline any sexual contact with HIV+ person especially IF he didn't reveal his status OR doesn't want to use condom!

 

[3956]

It is absolutely not shallow to not have sex with someone who is HIV+. Is that even a serious question? It is not a matter of being shallow or hurting someone's feelings. It is a matter of health. Likewise, I would not have sex with someone who has the flu or strep throat, for example. The big difference is that strep throat usually does not have the possibility of killing you.

 

[StillSmall]

What a complex thread, and no surprise there. I'll add a few thoughts.

I don't think it's necessarily shallow, but the practice of routinely declining to have sex with poz folks might mean that...

• You're missing out on great sex with great people because you're not willing to make some compromises
• You're putting yourself at risk by believing your partners who say they're negative and so you're not regularly taking precautions

The last point is really important. If you are not having safe sex with your casual hookups because they tell you they're negative, you're being naive. Too many men, all across the sexuality spectrum, will say whatever they need to to get laid. My hope is that unless you're in a monogamous relationship in which you've both been tested, you protect yourself as though your partner is positive.

 

[916416]

Still curious about your answer, if you're willing to share

What a complex thread, and no surprise there. I'll add a few thoughts.

I don't think it's necessarily shallow, but the practice of routinely declining to have sex with poz folks might mean that...

• You're missing out on great sex with great people because you're not willing to make some compromises
• You're putting yourself at risk by believing your partners who say they're negative and so you're not regularly taking precautions

The last point is really important. If you are not having safe sex with your casual hookups because they tell you they're negative, you're being naive. Too many men, all across the sexuality spectrum, will say whatever they need to to get laid. My hope is that unless you're in a monogamous relationship in which you've both been tested, you protect yourself as though your partner is positive.

Regarding your second point I agree. If someone just believes anyone who says they're then this person does not take their sexual health seriously. Regarding your first point I don't see how "great sex with great people" is viewed as a relevant factor at all, in this discussion. I LOVE sex. I enjoy cumming and I love playing sex games for hours at a time (or days depending on the game). No amount or quality of sex is worth possible exposure to ANY STD, AIDS especially.

 

[AlteredEgo]

Regarding your second point I agree. If someone just believes anyone who says they're then this person does not take their sexual health seriously. Regarding your first point I don't see how "great sex with great people" is viewed as a relevant factor at all, in this discussion. I LOVE sex. I enjoy cumming and I love playing sex games for hours at a time (or days depending on the game). No amount or quality of sex is worth possible exposure to ANY STD, AIDS especially.

I agree. All precautions should be taken with all non-monogamous partners, and some precautions should carry over to partners where there is an expressed expectation of monogamy as well. I live with a very old, frail woman, and wouldn't risk exposing my household to the common cold just for great sex, let alone something more permanent.

 

[916416]

I agree. All precautions should be taken with all non-monogamous partners, and some precautions should carry over to partners where there is an expressed expectation of monogamy as well. I live with a very old, frail woman, and wouldn't risk exposing my household to the common cold just for great sex, let alone something more permanent.

In my opinion this attitude shows more love and care for yourself and those you come in contact with than the mindset to "fuck someone with an STD so I don't offend them".

 

[Scarletbegonia]

Personally I don't think or believe it's shallow to decline any sexual contact with HIV+ person especially IF he didn't reveal his status OR doesn't want to use condom!

Agree, but if the person (women get HIV, too) isn't disclosing, then you are still exposing to risk, and unknowingly at that. The person not disclosing so they get laid is really and truly shallow.

 

[StillSmall]

But is it, or isn't it shallow to always decline any sexual contact with someone who you know to be HIV positive?

Having thought about this for a while since I answered it a month ago, my answer is different.

My answer is yes. Yes, it is shallow (as well as naive, uninformed, unimaginative, etc.) to decline any sexual contact with anyone who you know is positive. Good grief, suck her tits while she masturbates, for christ's sake. Or wear a glove while you jerk him off, if you think you have a cut on your hand. And if you're still paranoid, wrap yourselves in plastic wrap, put on porn, and jerk off side-by-side in bed.

That someone you're denying all sexual contact with could be the someone you love.

 

[AlteredEgo]

Having thought about this for a while since I answered it a month ago, my answer is different.

My answer is yes. Yes, it is shallow (as well as naive, uninformed, unimaginative, etc.) to decline any sexual contact with anyone who you know is positive. Good grief, suck her tits while she masturbates, for christ's sake. Or wear a glove while you jerk him off, if you think you have a cut on your hand. And if you're still paranoid, wrap yourselves in plastic wrap, put on porn, and jerk off side-by-side in bed.

That someone you're denying all sexual contact with could be the someone you love.

I wouldn't get involved with someone knowing there would never be intercourse. It's one thing for circumstances to change, but I'm not starting out that way. I tried that once and it isn't for me. Still, thank you for your opinion.

 

[StillSmall]

No amount or quality of sex is worth possible exposure to ANY STD, AIDS especially.

It's possible to have zero-risk sex, but I think it involves masturbating from opposite sides of the room... Excuse a cliched example: think of all the women who have contracted STDs from their supposedly safe, supposedly monogamous husbands...

 

[StillSmall]

I wouldn't get involved with someone knowing there would never be intercourse. It's one thing for circumstances to change, but I'm not starting out that way. I tried that once and it isn't for me. Still, thank you for your opinion.

I just took the word "sex" in your OP to mean more than intercourse. I didn't mean to imply that everyone needed to be comfortable having intercourse with HIV+ people, or that it was shallow or any of the other things I said if people chose not to have intercourse with pos folks. If you thought that, I apologize. I think PIV or PIA or is a much more subtle issue.

 

[braalian]

I think declining *any* sexual contact with someone you know to be HIV+ reveals a shollow understanding of the physiology of the disease.

 

[wallyj84]

No, it's not shallow. Not at all.

 

[Doranq]

my opinion. No, it is not shallow to avoid having sex with someone that is HIV+.

Long story short there is always a risk to contract HIV+ from the other person who has it. The only thing you can do is minimize the chances... sorry but I'd rather not fuck around with the number games even if my chances are low. The fact that there is always a chance means some poor fuck is going to lose that game... I don't want to be said fuck.


That said, I'd politely decline. I'd decline them the exact way I'd decline someone who I wasn't interested in. I would never make them feel like a monster. The ONLY time I ever would was if they were to lie to me about not having it just for I would have sex with them.


STDs/STIs/KIDs are an absolute dealbreaker for me. If they have any one or more of the 3, no deal. If it is a none permanent disease, it's no deal until it is gone. I have very few dealbreakers and there is nothing wrong with having a dealbreaker because you are concerned about your own health. So until someone can truthfully tell me that I can oral/PIV sex with someone that is HIV+ and be 100% safe, it will forever be a dealbreaker.



As for sexual contact... if some girl walked up to me and asked me to squeeze her tit or something I would.... I'd be bummed to find out she was HIV+... that means I'm not going to be fucking this apparently cool but unfortunate chick. (also a little happy, I'd rather know than sit in horror as I wait for the results to find out if I am now HIV+ or not)

 

[916416]

It's shallow to believe that other individuals have to open themselves up sexually to anyone if they don't feel safe doing so.

 

[916416]

It's possible to have zero-risk sex, but I think it involves masturbating from opposite sides of the room... Excuse a cliched example: think of all the women who have contracted STDs from their supposedly safe, supposedly monogamous husbands...

Right. So since some people have gotten STD's from liars I should just be ok with having sex with someone who is honest about HIV diagnosis because...honesty, right? Or I can be an adult and make decisions concerning my own sexual life and partners which currently does not and will not include anyone who has an STD, including and especially HIV. Strangely this hasn't prevented me from falling in love either as some opined. Weird, huh?

 

[AlteredEgo]

I just took the word "sex" in your OP to mean more than intercourse. I didn't mean to imply that everyone needed to be comfortable having intercourse with HIV+ people, or that it was shallow or any of the other things I said if people chose not to have intercourse with pos folks. If you thought that, I apologize. I think PIV or PIA or is a much more subtle issue.

I did originally intend to discuss intercourse, but as that's not what I wrote, I have been open to the broader interpretation you were not alone in making. Please do not apologize; you were asked for your opinion and you gave it. My response was not criticism, only my own opinion, which I will clarify here.

I'm not a teenage virgin, so I'm not looking for alternatives to intercourse. All of those alternatives are nice and all, but no amount of creativity and imagination has ever made anything that isn't sexual intercourse feel like intercourse. Personally, I'm not satisfied by any of what you described. It sounds like foreplay, which in my microcosm had better lead eventually to intercourse, even if it doesn't lead there for several encounters. While I could address a partner's need to abstain for some future reason, I will never enter a relationship where there is a low or non-existent likelihood for sexual intercourse. I already tried and confirmed that's not for me. So I personally have no compelling reason to have any sexual contact with someone whose status with any illness, from rhinovirus to HIV to Marburg, is known to be positive.

Okay. If I'm living with my partner, and he has a rhinovirus (common cold) I'm probably still down to play. I'm going to catch that cold anyway.