One of the issues I find is that “Bi” has many meanings and permutations. But I have found few women want to “compete” with both other women and men. And they think it’s sort of perverted. I have found plenty of gay men who are happy for me and actually find it a turn on that I’m “str8” as they call me. Perhaps they are simply humouring me and think I’m just in denial or in transition to owning up to my real self…. But I typically find gay men relatively supportive. But yes. There are certainly some gay men who seem to have a very deep prejudice against us. I just seem lucky to have mostly not had to interact with them.
the older men get, and the less their wives are interested in sex, the more I find otherwise str8 men become more curious about sex with men.
Google Dr Joe Kort. There are a number of vids and articles on his work. He’s a gay man and a couples therapist with years of clinical experience and has written on this and says Bi means men who have sexual+romantic interest in men, and would class someone like me as a str8 man who also likes sex with other men. I have bromances, but I don’t have romantic and loving relationships with men. His view is that heteroflexible or straight-ish are good terms. Pansexual and Bi sort of have other baggage attached.
I don’t really care. I just like sex and I like sex with men. I also like sex with women. My wife is very judgemental and will probably find out one day and when she does it will probably kill our relationship- I think she is very narrow minded and so im frightened to come out to her.
but sex with her is amazing and quite different. On the rare occasions when she wants sex, it is fantastic. But it’s about me pleasing her. It’s about me being bewitched by her shape and curves and smell and taste. But she is a largely passive actor in the sex. She is the receiver of attention. I have tried to talk and get therapy to unleash a more authentic her. But perhaps it’s social conditioning or perhaps she is just like that. I have heard from other men sex with their wives is much the same. Even sex researchers like Helen Fisher and Esther Perel have noted this almost selfishness in the way women want sex to be. My wife fits that description. She seems to get off on me worshiping her body but doesn’t feel any compunction to reciprocate. She actually resents it if I’m not hard and she has to do something to arouse me. She expects me to be ready when she (finally, and occasionally) wants it.
But sex with my wank bud is much more mutual. It’s such a difference having sex with someone who is really enjoying pleasing you and me pleasing him. The way men take turns to be giver and receiver is amazing, and very different from MF sex.
it’s not like one is better - they are both different.
another difference is that the sex with my wife comes out of a deep loving and sacrificial relationship with a long history. Whereas, M2M with my wank buds or quickie wanks in the gym shower or other hookups are much more transactional. We could be discussing sport or politics and then start tugging, cum and then go back to talking sport. Matter of fact. Thanks bro. That feels better. Cheers. See you next week? Nah, have a work function. Oh ok. How bout Tuesday instead. It’s that kind of that matter of fact, physical function. I love that.
and in terms of attraction, I find I like manly men and appreciate those features in them. Hairy chest, muscles, etc. It’s kinda narcissistic I think - in that I like in them what I like about me.
I also find it’s a meeting of equals. Brothers with the same needs and wants and we are way more candid and open. Lacking in self consciousness. What you see is what you get. If I’m thinking that I know he probably is too.
women are more mysterious and seem to have way more hangups and caution. Their attraction includes mystery and romance and subtlety.
so. What is Bi? Is it a thing or is it just part of a spectrum of human sexuality.
