My GF doesn't have any sexsual fantasies or "kinks", but i have plenty...

[DK-Curious]

If this is a topic, that have been enlightened before, please refer to topic in comments Couldn't find any topic while i did the search (new to the site...)

Little about us.
So.. I’ve been with my gf for 3 years now, and we have a great time together and love each other more than words can describe. We are open and talk about everything.
She had been kind of open sexually and had a good time with different boys between her ex and me. I Only had my ex gf and 1 other sexual partner. This is not the issue at all, im very sex positive and not jealous at all. Past is past and i wasn't in the picture. We talked alot about it, and her experience with them and what she liked and didn't like, which was pretty hot for me to hear and learn from.

The thing is I have a lot of sexual fantasies and kinks. Involving Stag/vixen threesome, cause i really get turned on by her being satisfied, cause i don't have quite the stamina to hold long enough. The idea of her being sexy enough that other want her and want to please her, turns me on and hearing her "Happy".

All this i talked with her about, and she agreed to do it. I thought nice, because this is my biggest turn on ever! I looked for guys, talked with her about it and such. We talked how i got turned on by seeing her with a well-endowed man, and she said she liked the idea, but size wasn't an issue. Bit she thought it was nice if I got turned on by it.

But i had this feeling... Like she didn't want to do it. So, we talked and i said i didn't want to do it, and she was kind of relieved about it. She said she couldn't get herself to say no, because it was my fantasy.

Then we started playing a bit with dildo and such to "imitate" another guy, and she is happy and open for all my fantasies and kinks (her words), cause she doesn't have any on her own. I asked and talked with her many times, but she has none. At all. Which for me is hard to understand, cause I’m the opposite and have a lot of fantasies, but she is ready for them and is open (she says)

My question here is, how can i be sure she wants to do my "insert kink/fantasy" in the future for her pleasure as well, and not just because i want to?
I don't push, but she doesn't say no, until i brought up i thought the risk with extra guy was to high, what if we regret etc etc.

So yeah... any ideas with how to talk to her and get her to be more straight and open about it? Cause i really tried my best and talked a lot with her.

Hope for some advice. Ask me anything if you need deeper insight.

Best Regards

DK-Curious

 

[diver6]

I'm in the same boat bud, been married 25 years very open with each other but she just doesn't have them like do. Its just the difference between guys and girls. The horny outgoing women are far and few between. If she really loves you and you her don't let it be a hang up. I'm sure she will do everything to make you happy just the two of you. Sometimes fantasy's should just stay fantasy's. It took me a long time to accept that!!! Send me a PM if you want to chat!

 

[deleted5199391]

Ask her if she is ok with some roleplay, or something that could let you feel like you're living your fantasies, but she doesn't really have to do that.
I can't think about something else.

 

[Sagittarius84]

My question here is, how can i be sure she wants to do my "insert kink/fantasy" in the future for her pleasure as well, and not just because i want to?

As long as you're asking or bringing it up, you can't. The dilemma here is you won't until she brings it up, which by your description, she probably won't so...that's all I got for you...
Join the waiting room, lots of us are waiting for the "cuckquean" fantasy to be brought up by our wives/gfs and have accepted we're probably going to be here awhile...lol

 

[WilliamG]

My question here is, how can i be sure she wants to do my "insert kink/fantasy" in the future for her pleasure as well, and not just because i want to?
I don't push, but she doesn't say no, until i brought up i thought the risk with extra guy was to high, what if we regret etc etc.

So yeah... any ideas with how to talk to her and get her to be more straight and open about it? Cause i really tried my best and talked a lot with her.

I'm going to suggest that she enjoys seeing your pleasure play out. Lots of fun in the short term. But it will wear on the relationship down the road. If it's not coming from her, I'd just enjoy what you have (which sounds great regardless).

 

[palakaorion]

Sounds like she is GGG: Good, Giving, and Game. More specifically: good in bed, giving equal time and equal pleasure, and game for anything.

If she says she's up for whatever, take her at her word and try it. Then, the next day in a nonsexual context, review how you both think it went. You'll find some things you definitely want to add to your regular rotation; some things that are "no thank you," and some that you want to try again to see.

It sounds like from your prior discussion she maybe wouldn't be comfortable bringing other people into the bedroom, so respect that limit.

 

[Sagittarius84]

I think we need to be really honest about what the problem is here. I really like the concept of GGG being invoked here, because surface logic states that should be above all...however unless you've been living in a vacuum for the past 10-15 yrs you would understand what is GGG now is "I felt coerced/trapped" come divorce or counseling time no matter how communicative you are at the time....the very tendency for women to reconsider and recalibrate their feelings about choices they made of their own volition isn't really an encouragement for men to take what their significant other are supposedly down for (but didn't initiate) at face value.

 

[AllDixNeedLuv69]

getting your girlfriend to do stuff like this may put her over her "safe zone"

a friend of mine had same fantasies/kinky ideas and talked to his gf about it--and she just felt like he was treating her like a slut by bringing in another man--so he aggrevated her with the idea until she left him-- then he met a girl that was all for it--even had a friend with a nice sized dick to screw her with--it was when the guy got behind him and slid his dick in him that he totally didnt enjoy--she tells him it was his fantasy to see her getting screwed by a big guys cock and then her fantasy was to watch a man get screwed--

he got pissed but said he was still on his knees with that guys inside him--and his gf said all kinky fantasies is for everyone--its not just a one way street

next day you figured he would told her to get lost but he didnt--

the point of this post is--while one person may not like your fantasies--- there is someone else that will it just depends on how much you love your gf to just let the fantasy remain a fantasy or both go seperate ways

 

[Alex22876]

If this is a topic, that have been enlightened before, please refer to topic in comments Couldn't find any topic while i did the search (new to the site...)

Little about us.
So.. I’ve been with my gf for 3 years now, and we have a great time together and love each other more than words can describe. We are open and talk about everything.
She had been kind of open sexually and had a good time with different boys between her ex and me. I Only had my ex gf and 1 other sexual partner. This is not the issue at all, im very sex positive and not jealous at all. Past is past and i wasn't in the picture. We talked alot about it, and her experience with them and what she liked and didn't like, which was pretty hot for me to hear and learn from.

The thing is I have a lot of sexual fantasies and kinks. Involving Stag/vixen threesome, cause i really get turned on by her being satisfied, cause i don't have quite the stamina to hold long enough. The idea of her being sexy enough that other want her and want to please her, turns me on and hearing her "Happy".

All this i talked with her about, and she agreed to do it. I thought nice, because this is my biggest turn on ever! I looked for guys, talked with her about it and such. We talked how i got turned on by seeing her with a well-endowed man, and she said she liked the idea, but size wasn't an issue. Bit she thought it was nice if I got turned on by it.

But i had this feeling... Like she didn't want to do it. So, we talked and i said i didn't want to do it, and she was kind of relieved about it. She said she couldn't get herself to say no, because it was my fantasy.

Then we started playing a bit with dildo and such to "imitate" another guy, and she is happy and open for all my fantasies and kinks (her words), cause she doesn't have any on her own. I asked and talked with her many times, but she has none. At all. Which for me is hard to understand, cause I’m the opposite and have a lot of fantasies, but she is ready for them and is open (she says)

My question here is, how can i be sure she wants to do my "insert kink/fantasy" in the future for her pleasure as well, and not just because i want to?
I don't push, but she doesn't say no, until i brought up i thought the risk with extra guy was to high, what if we regret etc etc.

So yeah... any ideas with how to talk to her and get her to be more straight and open about it? Cause i really tried my best and talked a lot with her.

Hope for some advice. Ask me anything if you need deeper insight.

Best Regards

DK-Curious

Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. We think differently. My wife has “fantasies” about a happy family and being with a good father. Ideas that create Dopamine or a happiness hormone can be from anything - sexual or non-sexual.
My wife does not have a lot of fantasies. She gets horniest when things are good at home or we had a great day or holiday. She has expressed some things recently, but they are her own.
Just let her be who she is. She obviously cares about you and your interests.
It is kind of like a person that doesn’t like pizza (if there were such a person) and instead of trying to find food they love, you try and find a pizza they will love.
Just let it be.

 

[bigboy9239]

getting your girlfriend to do stuff like this may put her over her "safe zone"

a friend of mine had same fantasies/kinky ideas and talked to his gf about it--and she just felt like he was treating her like a slut by bringing in another man--so he aggrevated her with the idea until she left him-- then he met a girl that was all for it--even had a friend with a nice sized dick to screw her with--it was when the guy got behind him and slid his dick in him that he totally didnt enjoy--she tells him it was his fantasy to see her getting screwed by a big guys cock and then her fantasy was to watch a man get screwed--

he got pissed but said he was still on his knees with that guys inside him--and his gf said all kinky fantasies is for everyone--its not just a one way street

next day you figured he would told her to get lost but he didnt--

the point of this post is--while one person may not like your fantasies--- there is someone else that will it just depends on how much you love your gf to just let the fantasy remain a fantasy or both go seperate ways

Be careful of what you wish for, right?

 

[BottomAtl]

This happens in gay relationships too. My partner of 7 years has no kinks at all. None. I'm open to anything that doesn't involve scat or blood. Honestly, I'd be happy with a regular three way partner but he wants no part of any of it and I can't get him to even talk about it. One thing I think is part of the problem is that we're an intergenerational couple. I'm 60 and he's 30. I've done more in my sexual life, much of it hidden because it was the times, and he's done none of that. As a matter of fact, I'm his first. First guy, first sex, first relationship and he's just comfortable with things as they are.

 

[alpha_centauri]

This is why I have always had open relationships, and I am super open about my love of sex kinks. I am not sure what GGG means but it seems like it is based too much on theory, and not reality.

I would be fine with casually dating or being FWB with someone who is 1,000% vanilla but it would never evolve or become a partnership, relationship, we would never live together, and there is no point in marrying anyone as it is outdated and useless in 2022.

 

[Sagittarius84]

This is why I have always had open relationships, and I am super open about my love of sex kinks. I am not sure what GGG means but it seems like it is based too much on theory, and not reality.

I would be fine with casually dating or being FWB with someone who is 1,000% vanilla but it would never evolve or become a partnership, relationship, we would never live together, and there is no point in marrying anyone as it is outdated and useless in 2022.

First coined by Dan Savage, "GGG stands for Good, Giving, and Game. More specifically: good in bed, giving equal time and equal pleasure, and game for anything—within reason."
You're right about it being more of a theoretical aspiration, then it being realistically obtainable. It's yet another one of those social things that seems great until people realize cis hetero men can take part.
It's why OPS wife could theoretically introduce some alternative sexual intimacy that oversteps his boundaries and expect some manner of compliance from him, but he's typically going to be vilified should expect the same from her. Socially if she wants a MFM threesome and he doesn't, he's insecure and restricting her sexual expression, if he wants a FMF and she doesn't, the conversation is over and he better not feel some way about it.

 

[deleted4500261]

I don’t have direct experience but my ex girlfriend told me about hers.
She got married after we split up. He wanted to see her with other men. She says she didn’t want to do it but wanted him to be happy. They agreed to bring in a male stripper and she would dance for him. If he liked it he could jerk off to her. She says she was ok with that and enjoyed it.
Her husband then pushed it that he wanted her to be involved with the escort/stripper. She said that at first she wouldn’t do it but he pressed her and she knew he really wanted it and she wanted him to be happy. She gave the other man oral.
Apparently this happened a few times. Her husband then pressed her to have sex with one of the escorts he brought in. She didn’t want to and felt it was crossing a line. She says he was unrelenting about it and finally she had had enough and fucked the guy in front of him. She told me her husband cried like a baby and was so upset. The reality vs fantasy had flipped somehow and he was devastated by it. They divorced shortly after and going along with his fantasy is one of her biggest regrets.
My point is that it works best if it’s both people’s fantasy.

 

[nhguy78]

Whatever you do, don't pressure her to do anything. Allow her and you to grow organically. You can introduce her to some things and if she seems interested try it but be prepared to stop. Make sure you have her EXPLICIT consent each step of the way.

 

[Inputpower1]

As some have said, many (most) women are that way. We are each “wired” differentl. My wife would have sex with me twice a month, only missionary position if it was her choice. I almost always initiate sex. It is a part of life.

 

[DK-Curious]

Thank you guys for all the answers and point of views. Really got me rethinking a lot! I have come to accept, that we might not enjoy all the same kinks, but some we do. So I'll let fantasy be fantasy, and enjoy my life with this wonderful woman