Racism in the LGBT community.

[EnglishSpaniard]

I‘m sorry but what does this long off topic story have to do with racism in the gay community? I‘m sure you meant well but you calling someone a racist who does not agree with race swapping established movie/TV/comic characters is over the top.

I’m sure you meant well too, but I think it was pretty clear since I was specifically talking about a guy in the gay community using much of the same unhinged rhetoric that extreme (keyword: extreme) right-wingers use.
It was quite clearly not simply because he didn’t like the casting of a film. I shared specific examples of him using ridiculous arguments, going on angry tirades, and spreading made-up stories to justify it. That’s the behavior that was racist. Not merely “disagreeing with race swapping.”
(Which… if a character’s race doesn’t factor into the story, then it doesn’t matter anyway.)

 

[bigboaster]

No, I do not think anyone who doesn’t like the casting for a film about a mermaid is automatically a racist. I would ask how you came to that conclusion when I was specifically talking about the guy angrily spreading made-up crap to justify his unhinged amount of outrage, but I’ll assume good faith for now. I was specifically talking about that particular guy in the bar.

It's an easy conclusion to come to when people are often accused of being racist... simply for being against race swapping characters, especially on social media. That is why I asked first? I didn't automatically assume you thought that... No need to get defensive buddy. Thanks for clarifying then.

 

[deleted19462351]

It doesn't bother you because you fucking gave up, and that's what they want us to do.

I don't fucking understand. "Guys in this community don't date Black guys." So we're just supposed to be single forever, and just accept it/not let it bother you? Wow. I guess. Smh.

No. I'm not gonna do that. I have faith to kinda scream, shout, and rewrite history, even though the odds, and chances are stacked against us. Squeaky wheels don't get any oil, closed mouths don't get fed either. So yeah. It's fucked up. But I'm single, and I want a Boyfriend, and if I have to go on a game or show or something, and find him, like wow. I just wish I was straight sometimes, and not Black and gay, and I'm in my 30s now and lonely. But I will find him. I know it.

Ok, who's us? I didn't said I didn't get any attention from white guys, more like I don't and won't play by their rules, also what's stopping you from meeting men of other ethnicities, except for Asians (I don't know many) I have been with white, Latino and black guys and let me tell you, white men aren't the ultimate prize.

Also my post was more about chasing scraps and accepting breadcrumbs (something I won't do ever again) but if you are fine with that be my guest.

 

[deleted19462351]

And as our lady and savior Maxine Minx said: "I Will not accept a life I do not deserve"

And I do not deserve playing second fiddle to mediocre white men and mean gays.

 

[therebrand]

I'm going to be honest - I resent being American and all the stigmas and racist double standards associated with being black in the US.
Since I'm applying for Bermudian citizenship (my dad grew up in Bermuda - it's citizenship via descent), my plan is to get Bermudian citizenship first, and then British citizenship through a BOTC application (that I already filled out but haven't submitted).

Since I've been trying to move to England since 2013 (but something stops me every single time), I was going to move to England.
And eventually, I was going to invest in real estate in the US and Bermuda instead.

I was actually going to apply for a UK visa, until....

Until, I fell in love with a close friend of mine, and we've been friends for 7 years but I haven't fallen in love with him until a few weeks ago.

My friend is a white gay guy & he's publicly told gay men "Don't limit yourself - the love of your life could be black, Latino or white", which he said way back in 2012.

So I guess my friend was brought into my life to make me work on my resentment toward being American?
I don't know - but I am really grateful for him being in my life.

To think, that only 1 month ago, I was going to move to England and start my life over again - and then reconnecting with my friend recently, has made me not only stay in the States, but I'm planning a move to Nevada to start over there instead.

I'm an atheist (I'm a former Christian though), but it seems like my experience over this past month feels like the closest thing to spirituality - and this is my real life, and it feels wonderful.

 

[deleted19462351]

Hope it goes well.

 

[FrankieGuile]

Someone on here suggested to me earlier, I'm possibly still single, specifically because of me being black.
I don't agree with that thinking at all - although I understand why they came to that conclusion.

Here are my thoughts on that statement:
I've heard that the community casts aside black people, but I don't buy into that way of thinking.
I simply feel that racists and homophobes have zero intelligence - only stupid men are racist and homophobic to me.
It just shows you that they let others influence them, and they'll never think for themselves; racists and homophobes are spineless and always will be.

It's not the 1920s anymore - and quite frankly, my mother was born in Georgia in '63, during Jim Crow era racism in the South - to this day, my mother's birth certificate lists both her parents' races as "Negro".
That's the level of outdated thinking I'm talking about.

I was born in '96.
So there's more severe problems in the world today, than the community looking down on me because of my race and skin tone - I don't believe in all that, so I simply keep moving forward and promote equality, diversity and inclusion as much as I can.
And even if it was a severe problem, all I'd do is move to England or Canada and start a whole new life; it's truly that simple.

In fact:
My mom's family is racist (they're racist toward white people, and had a fit when I brought home my Jewish ex-girlfriend, years ago - and they still shun me because of who I fall in love with - race wise - but their homophobia only confirms that they have this outdated and delusional way of thinking).
So I don't listen to what anyone says; my family looks down on my exes because of their races, so other people's objections hold no weight, either.
Many years ago, I also dated 2 racists from West Virginia - and let's just say I'm glad someone else has to deal with them now; they were addicts, too (which they hid from me for more than a year after we met).

I once told a relative my recent exes are Latin, and she tells me, "I'm not racist, but you know I love my black men" (my whole family polishes their statements with colorful language like that) - so I simply switched the subject.
They're all married with children, so they made their choices - and I make mine, every day.

I congratulate you for processing this issue as an individual, unencumbered by other wrongheaded, and more widely accepted, narratives. More people should. One correction and one observation: 1) if your mother was born in 1963, then she was born at the very end of the "Jim Crow era" which began in the late 1800's and early 1900's and ended with the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and the Voting Rights Act of 1965. That is not to say racism was eliminated; it is to say what we term "Jim Crow" ended and using the term in a more expansive manner is inaccurate and unhistorical. 2) I don't believe your relative said anything racist, per se, by expressing a preference for her "black men." Preferences are not expressions of racism and it was unnecessary for her to preface her statement with, "I'm not racist..." which, admittedly, raises one's suspicions to the contrary.

 

[therebrand]

I congratulate you for processing this issue as an individual, unencumbered by other wrongheaded, and more widely accepted, narratives. More people should. One correction and one observation: 1) if your mother was born in 1963, then she was born at the very end of the "Jim Crow era" which began in the late 1800's and early 1900's and ended with the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and the Voting Rights Act of 1965. That is not to say racism was eliminated; it is to say what we term "Jim Crow" ended and using the term in a more expansive manner is inaccurate and unhistorical. 2) I don't believe your relative said anything racist, per se, by expressing a preference for her "black men." Preferences are not expressions of racism and it was unnecessary for her to preface her statement with, "I'm not racist..." which, admittedly, raises one's suspicions to the contrary.

1. Thank you for the kind words - it actually made me resent being American, due to all the racism and misogyny in the States that's "shoved under the bed", so to speak, and never discussed publicly. I mentioned this before, but just last month, I was just starting a plan to move to England, until falling in love with my close friend, off and on, of 7 years (who happens to be white) - and I'm 27, my friend's 35; he's a New Yorker (who moved to Las Vegas in 2021, but he'd lived in California since 2006) and I'm from Jersey. So I've decided not to England anymore, since I'm moving to Las Vegas to see if he's interested in taking the next step. He also said he'd prefer I be his roommate first, and if we date after that, he'll see how he feels about it when it happens. So I'm apartment hunting in Vegas right now, and trying to save as much money as I can, so I can move in 6 months or so.

2. I had no idea that applying the '60s to the Jim Crow era was inaccurate - it does call for a wider discussion, I suppose.

3. You described how I felt - yes, "it was unnecessary" for her to start with that - but the wider issue is, my entire family says bordering-on-manipulative statements like that. Similar to how so many people today use the "I'm not a homophobe, I have gay and trans friends" (I've been told that when I called someone out for their homophobia). My whole family are "the isms", as I call it - racist, misogynistic, manipulative, passive aggressive, homophobic, transphobic - and my family are fundamentalist Christians. No wonder I'm a diehard atheist now....

 

[FrankieGuile]

1. Thank you for the kind words - it actually made me resent being American, due to all the racism and misogyny in the States that's "shoved under the bed", so to speak, and never discussed publicly. I mentioned this before, but just last month, I was just starting a plan to move to England, until falling in love with my close friend, off and on, of 7 years (who happens to be white) - and I'm 27, my friend's 35; he's a New Yorker (who moved to Las Vegas in 2021, but he'd lived in California since 2006) and I'm from Jersey. So I've decided not to England anymore, since I'm moving to Las Vegas to see if he's interested in taking the next step. He also said he'd prefer I be his roommate first, and if we date after that, he'll see how he feels about it when it happens. So I'm apartment hunting in Vegas right now, and trying to save as much money as I can, so I can move in 6 months or so.

2. I had no idea that applying the '60s to the Jim Crow era was inaccurate - it does call for a wider discussion, I suppose.

3. You described how I felt - yes, "it was unnecessary" for her to start with that - but the wider issue is, my entire family says bordering-on-manipulative statements like that. Similar to how so many people today use the "I'm not a homophobe, I have gay and trans friends" (I've been told that when I called someone out for their homophobia). My whole family are "the isms", as I call it - racist, misogynistic, manipulative, passive aggressive, homophobic, transphobic - and my family are fundamentalist Christians. No wonder I'm a diehard atheist now....

1. Kind words or not, I just saw an honest post and responded. Don't lose all your first and last months' rents at the craps tables.

2. I'm glad I could provide historical perspective. The 1960's had their own issues regarding race but characterizing the Jim Crow era incorrectly tends to undermine the larger point the individual is making because it is historically inaccurate and ignores civil rights changes in legislation and in the courts that did not exist during Jim Crow. Other sharp minds will pick up on that inaccuracy and cast doubt on the messenger and disregard the message. Word to the wise.

3. Such invectives should be used sparingly when characterizing others. Used too much and too often, they lose their power. I would argue that calling people racist, homophobic or transphobic has lost their effect from overuse and confusion because their meanings have expanded to describe anybody who disagrees with a particular point of view different from the individual hurling the invective. Using such terms is a weak attempt to get heads nodding in agreement without making a coherent argument (such was your intent calling your family fundamentalist Christians, which, in and of itself, is no bad thing). If you don't like your family, for whatever reason, then separate yourself from your family and start anew like millions of Americans have done before you and obsess over them no longer.

 

[Kinglmao]

Someone on here suggested to me earlier, I'm possibly still single, specifically because of me being black.
I don't agree with that thinking at all - although I understand why they came to that conclusion.

Here are my thoughts on that statement:
I've heard that the community casts aside black people, but I don't buy into that way of thinking.
I simply feel that racists and homophobes have zero intelligence - only stupid men are racist and homophobic to me.
It just shows you that they let others influence them, and they'll never think for themselves; racists and homophobes are spineless and always will be.

It's not the 1920s anymore - and quite frankly, my mother was born in Georgia in '63, during Jim Crow era racism in the South - to this day, my mother's birth certificate lists both her parents' races as "Negro".
That's the level of outdated thinking I'm talking about.

I was born in '96.
So there's more severe problems in the world today, than the community looking down on me because of my race and skin tone - I don't believe in all that, so I simply keep moving forward and promote equality, diversity and inclusion as much as I can.
And even if it was a severe problem, all I'd do is move to England or Canada and start a whole new life; it's truly that simple.

In fact:
My mom's family is racist (they're racist toward white people, and had a fit when I brought home my Jewish ex-girlfriend, years ago - and they still shun me because of who I fall in love with - race wise - but their homophobia only confirms that they have this outdated and delusional way of thinking).
So I don't listen to what anyone says; my family looks down on my exes because of their races, so other people's objections hold no weight, either.
Many years ago, I also dated 2 racists from West Virginia - and let's just say I'm glad someone else has to deal with them now; they were addicts, too (which they hid from me for more than a year after we met).

I once told a relative my recent exes are Latin, and she tells me, "I'm not racist, but you know I love my black men" (my whole family polishes their statements with colorful language like that) - so I simply switched the subject.
They're all married with children, so they made their choices - and I make mine, every day.

The gays are racist as hell . When Grindr was first made , I was called all sorts of porch monkeys and n-word and told to go back to Africa and all sorts of crazy ass shit . It fucked me up for a while . In todays woke culture they might not be bold enough to say it but they are still racist , because unless you have a bbc or a fat ass or you fit the physical stereotype of what gay black men should look like your way less likely to even hook up with any type of guy intcluding other black men . My ex told me that we are taught white men were more attractive, he wouldn’t even have given me a chance if the story didn’t play out how it did . He would even watch white porn a lot like a lot . Also there is the other side of the coin of racism that we are basically just a fetish to most other races of men . They don’t even give af about you at all , the fact your black seals the deal . And to me that’s not a real relationship they literally just want you because of your skin.

 

[therebrand]

The gays are racist as hell . When Grindr was first made , I was called all sorts of porch monkeys and n-word and told to go back to Africa and all sorts of crazy ass shit . It fucked me up for a while . In todays woke culture they might not be bold enough to say it but they are still racist , because unless you have a bbc or a fat ass or you fit the physical stereotype of what gay black men should look like your way less likely to even hook up with any type of guy intcluding other black men . My ex told me that we are taught white men were more attractive, he wouldn’t even have given me a chance if the story didn’t play out how it did . He would even watch white porn a lot like a lot . Also there is the other side of the coin of racism that we are basically just a fetish to most other races of men . They don’t even give af about you at all , the fact your black seals the deal . And to me that’s not a real relationship they literally just want you because of your skin.

I truly believed that, and it took a lot of healing to get away from "the narcissistic gays" I used to date.
I had trust issues for years (most of my exes are white, but I also dated Asian guys for awhile too).
It all changed recently, when I fell in love with my close friend of 7 years (he's white).
I'm moving to Vegas in a few months to take our friendship to the next level.
Without all those trust issues and letting the baggage go - I can finally breathe and not worry anymore, because I have a supportive man who has always stuck by me - good, bad or indifferent.

 

[Kinglmao]

I truly believed that, and it took a lot of healing to get away from "the narcissistic gays" I used to date.
I had trust issues for years (most of my exes are white, but I also dated Asian guys for awhile too).
It all changed recently, when I fell in love with my close friend of 7 years (he's white).
I'm moving to Vegas in a few months to take our friendship to the next level.
Without all those trust issues and letting the baggage go - I can finally breathe and not worry anymore, because I have a supportive man who has always stuck by me - good, bad or indifferent.

I’m so happy for you tbh! I think even if a few of us win , it’s good for generations to come to see that healthy lgbt relationships can exist and last especially when a black man is involved. And it’s good to hear that in an interracial relationship you don’t feel fetishized and you actually found someone who loves you and understands you as a black man. Live it up for all of us who are still struggling and/or waiting to find “ our person” . I hope you guys thrive in Vegas !

 

[therebrand]

I just feel the racism in the gay community is something that needs to be spoken about way, way more.

 

[therebrand]

I’m so happy for you tbh! I think even if a few of us win , it’s good for generations to come to see that healthy lgbt relationships can exist and last especially when a black man is involved. And it’s good to hear that in an interracial relationship you don’t feel fetishized and you actually found someone who loves you and understands you as a black man. Live it up for all of us who are still struggling and/or waiting to find “ our person” . I hope you guys thrive in Vegas !

Thank you so much!
I absolutely agree - both of us are abuse survivors, and we've had our fair share of traumas in relationships.
And really, we found solace in each other.
I told him today, that his loyalty and him sticking by me when everyone else betrayed me or switched up on me, was the thing that attracted me to him more.
He's such an angel in my life, and he's generous and is so full of empathy and compassion, which I also really love about him.

 

[Kinglmao]

I just feel the racism in the gay community is something that needs to be spoken about way, way more.

They sweep it under the rug like all the other racist things going on. To be black and gay in another trump era is gonna be a fucking shit show . It’s gonna be even worse for those who are black , gay and disabled. Pressure makes diamonds though some how we can come out on top . Also if we address the racism in the community as a whole we gotta address colorism in our own community cause light skin men are more acceptable in the gay community just like how light skin women are seen as more desirable and acceptable in general in todays society .

 

[Kinglmao]

Thank you so much!
I absolutely agree - both of us are abuse survivors, and we've had our fair share of traumas in relationships.
And really, we found solace in each other.
I told him today, that his loyalty and him sticking by me when everyone else betrayed me or switched up on me, was the thing that attracted me to him more.
He's such an angel in my life, and he's generous and is so full of empathy and compassion, which I also really love about him.

Question since you have had trauma in relationships and abuse , what does an actual healthy gay relationship Look like?

 

[therebrand]

They sweep it under the rug like all the other racist things going on. To be black and gay in another trump era is gonna be a fucking shit show . It’s gonna be even worse for those who are black , gay and disabled. Pressure makes diamonds though some how we can come out on top . Also if we address the racism in the community as a whole we gotta address colorism in our own community cause light skin men are more acceptable in the gay community just like how light skin women are seen as more desirable and acceptable in general in todays society .

100% true!
Colorism affects every minority - straight people and LGBT people - but how common do you think colorism is with the LGBT community as a whole?

 

[deleted19462351]

I just feel the racism in the gay community is something that needs to be spoken about way, way more.

Lol, in my experience many get really defensive about it and I can say the same about straight white girls.

 

[Kinglmao]

100% true!
Colorism affects every minority - straight people and LGBT people - but how common do you think colorism is with the LGBT community as a whole?

Very common . I’m dark skinned and my ex was light skinned . There are so many instances of people acting like I wasn’t there and disrespecting me by flirting with him as if It weren’t clear we were together . Also also also when we first started talking we would talk about Grindr , I had been blocked by half my city by people I only sent a picture too , he had so many people on his Grindr I got depressed. People I ended up knowing who didn’t know we were together blocked me and gave him everything.

 

[therebrand]

Lol, in my experience many get really defensive about it and I can say the same about straight white girls.

I've been through it too.
I've had racist straight female friends too & a few of my white ex-boyfriends were too, but I chose to focus on the LGBT community.