Racism? Or Simply Preference? Who Is Right Here?

[HOU_HEADHUNTER]

Hi all, been a LOOOOONG time since Ive posted here.... mostly just spent the years lurking and looking at pictures and videos. But tonight, something happened, and I just had to post about it. So please read this whole thing before drawing any conclusions (warning, this post may be quite long), and then give me your honest feedback. I promise I won't be offended either way.

So, as a quick background--a bit about me. Im mostly straight (mostly into women, but down to fool around with dudes if the mood is right), and I can only ever see myself getting into an actual relationship with women (with men, it would never go beyond physical pleasure). Label me whatever category that puts me into... straight, bi, whatever... thats not the point. The 2nd fact about me, Im white. Im not hung up about it, and I don't have a feeling of superiority about it... it just is what it is--thats how the universe made me... a white guy.

Why is all this important you ask? Well, it just so happens that sometimes Im in.. "the mood" and having a guy around to help me out sounds kinda fun... so naturally I turned to Grindr (LOL, dont judge me, we all have needs). On there, my profile simply says, and I quote:

"Bi white guy here, looking for fun. Mostly attracted to other white guys."

So tonight, I just happened to get on, and I was greeted with this lovely message from a Latino individual (see picture attached). For those that cant see the picture, this is how he greeted me, verbatim:

"You understand that racial preferences are racist? Making preemptive decisions about a person based on the color of their skin is racism. Check your white privilege dude."

I was shocked. I've never really been a fan of people who play into identity politics, but Ill be damned if people on the far left now think they are so "woke" enough to start dictating who I can, or have to be attracted to. I wanted to just cuss the guy out, or block him, but I thought "you know, lets see if I can talk to this guy rationally and see if I can construct an argument that would make him change his point of view and agree with me."

I won't post pictures of the entire conversation--its a long one--but Ill try to give you guys the gyst of how it went down, along with my thoughts, and then Id like to hear what you all have to say about it.

First, I tried explaining to him that although I'd consider myself unlikely to have sex with a black, or latino dude, Id happily still be friends with them. Does that still qualify as racist? He seemed very hung up on the fact that I was a white dude who only liked other white dudes. I then explained to him that as a bi guy, Im actually mostly attracted to Asian women over any other race, to which he responded thats racist because Im sexualizing Asian women (huh?).

He then made a statement that there must be a REASON why Im attracted to white dudes. To which I responded with this analogy: "I love steak. And I think onions are gross. (really, I cant stand them, lol). Whos to say whats right or whats wrong about that? Why am I not entitled to have my own preferences? Once again, this is simply how the universe made me, and I cant CHANGE it just because that offends you." He responded saying that my food analogy is stupid because "onions arent an ethnic identity that im excluding because its different from what Ive been told is beautiful."

Again.... huh? I don't remember being told that only white people are beautiful. And if I was told (and convinced!) that only white people are beautiful, then why the hell am I attracted to Asian women?

In the end, I explained to him that I dare say that if I was a white guy, who only happened to be attracted to say... black guys, he wouldnt be so offended by this. And do you know how he responded? Youre not going to believe this.... HE AGREED! He couldnt have proven my point any easier. How does a person not see the hypocrisy in all of this?

Afterwards, I told him I was going to be posting a rundown of our conversation on here, and getting feedback, and sharing it with him. I also intend to share the link to this thread with him so he can share his side of the story, and hopefully not be biased (lets see if he actually responds). If not, Im prepared to post screenshots of the entire conversation just to prove Im being genuine here, and not only telling one side.

So now, I ask you all the readers, to please share your feedback here.

I would argue that he was WAY out of line to begin by making such assumptions and coming at me that way. And I might even argue that him coming at me that way could even be proof that he harbors some "white hate" if there is such a thing--but maybe thats a stretch.

I would also argue that having a sexual attraction is not racist, just as having a sexual preference is not sexist, and just having a preference for ANY characteristic is not "x-ist". Not only that, but I for SURE am not obligated to justify why I find certain things attractive, and certain other things unattractive, nor is anyone obligated to explain to me why they might not be attracted to me--that is entirely their subjective opinion, and theyre entitled to it. And if the social justice-identity politics-toting left is starting to push to mandate how we think like that...then Ill just start jacking off on my own rather than being forced to have sex with someone I happen to not be attracted to just because it offends them.

Thoughts? Opinions? I'll be checking back periodically to see what you all have to say.

Thanks for reading.

I'm black and I don't find offense in your preference for individuals that share similar phenotypes as yourself. I really hate this idea that everyone has to be attracted to everyone. I think the norm is that as we are socialized into the world from young children we come into contact with people that share our features and those are the features that are familiar to us and those features which become most attractive to us. There are many who eventually grow to find attraction in people of other racial backgrounds also but there is nothing wrong with sticking to what you are used to. People that may have an issue with your preferences may feel a kind of rejection because they may indeed only have an attraction to the race of people that they feel is rejecting them.

 

[wsnki07]

Ironically once I stopped taking personal offense to those who had particular racial preferences, I didn’t find them attractive anymore, and I found myself more interested in the men who had open preferences because I’m curious about their worldview.

the men who are able to see beauty and attraction in a variety of ways are so fucking interesting to engage with. There’s just a certain mindset about them that makes them relatable and even more attractive.

 

[Heyyou34]

I wouldn't worry about what other people think. Date who ever like.

You didn’t really make any ground breaking points. Of course there is hypocrisy but simply put if you deem all men from one race unattractive it makes you a racist person. And before anyone jumps stupid about that statement, read the definition of racism. It’s just what it is.

You may not harbor hatred in your heart for those races but you are putting them below your own race. I don’t understand why this is still a debate. Semantics i guess?

 

[tsfan1]

You didn’t really make any ground breaking points. Of course there is hypocrisy but simply put if you deem all men from one race unattractive it makes you a racist person. And before anyone jumps stupid about that statement, read the definition of racism. It’s just what it is.

You may not harbor hatred in your heart for those races but you are putting them below your own race. I don’t understand why this is still a debate. Semantics i guess?

The way they choose their words shows whether they are racist (deep inside).

All races can be attractive, however i have never been attracted to [insert race] even when the guy is very handsome.

Vs.

People that are [insert race] ARE unattractive (= they are ugly and I cant understand how someone can be attracted to them unless he has awful taste).

--

For me, i can get attracted to all races but i just dont often have sexual feelings with some races although the person is objectively goodlooking.

Yes, objectively goodlooking does exist. There are 'standards of beauty'. YOU (im talking to the racists now) might not get a hard dick from someone but that doesnt mean they ARE unattractive. U just think they are less because of their race. Ok, so you dont think we should deny them (constitutional) rights? You re still racist for thinking an entire race cant be attractive.

 

[Toocool99]

Why do POC have a hard time dating each other? Why do they always chase white men?

 

[Heyyou34]

Why do POC have a hard time dating each other? Why do they always chase white men?

Always? Why do poc have to be restricted to their own race? What about the white men who are have racial fetishes for POC or not even fetish, just simple attraction for?

stop trying to justify racism

 

[tsfan1]

Because they think white men are superior. Sad, right?

Why do POC have a hard time dating each other? Why do they always chase white men?

 

[TinyPrincess]

Why do POC have a hard time dating each other? Why do they always chase white men?

Hmmm, personally I would find it difficult to only date Indian men as I live in a country where 90+ percent are native Danes and thus white. But I guess that's not what you're looking for....

Honestly, I couldn't care less about the colour of the guy I'm dating at any given time. I care about their personality - not the colour of their skin.

 

[Toocool99]

Always? Why do poc have to be restricted to their own race? What about the white men who are have racial fetishes for POC or not even fetish, just simple attraction for?

stop trying to justify racism

I’m not. But when this topic comes up. 99% of the time the guy is going after white guys and ignoring non-whites. Even in areas that are diverse it’s the exact situation.

 

[Mikehottie88]

Say what you will, but when you say "mostly attracted to white" it insinuates that people of color are not attractive, not appealing, not loveable to you, which you can see why that's problematic. It's not the same as saying "I like thin bodies" because that's a matter of body type, every race has every body size, so you can still like a Hispanic with thin body over a fat one. Where as "I like white" cuts through every thing and exclude the entire race, regardless of their body type, height, size, etc. There's attractive people in every race, the fact that matter little to you in a way is rooted in racism.

 

[Craig885]

I literally never understand anyone that has a “preference” I don’t find every guy of any race attractive because the race has nothing to do with it. I feel sorry for people that purposely restrict themselves to one flavour of man. When I see a guy that’s hot that’s it. He’s hot. He can be any colour there is.

 

[tsfan1]

I literally never understand anyone that has a “preference” I don’t find every guy of any race attractive because the race has nothing to do with it. I feel sorry for people that purposely restrict themselves to one flavour of man. When I see a guy that’s hot that’s it. He’s hot. He can be any colour there is.

Yeah but these people justify their racist attitude by saying: " in general, people of that race arent attractive, but of course there are some that are attractive"

As if 'admitting' that 2 or 3 people of a race of millions can be attractive makes you openminded?

 

[greyguitarist85]

prejudice: a liking or disliking for one another especially without good reason

racism: prejudice directed against a person or people on the basis of their membership in a particular racial or ethnic group

Kind of struggling to understand how "In general, I don't find [race or ethnic group] attractive" isn't racism or prejudice based on their most basic definitions...? No one is forcing you to like a particular person, but you have decided you are generally closed off to being attracted to an entire racial or ethnic group. That... sounds like prejudice based on race and ethnicity.

It is always bizarre to me that people say it is no different than being drawn to a certain hair color, because I bet if you examined that you would find that there are a lot of deeply-embedded tropes and cultural assumptions undergirding those preferences [i.e. redheads are mischievous, blondes are dumb, etc.].

 

[HOU_HEADHUNTER]

Most people can identify attractiveness across races and cultural backgrounds. In saying that, just because someone can recognize attractiveness in other races and cultures that doesn't always equate to the desire to have a sexual interaction with that person. Attractiveness is very surface and it may be the initial interest but I think the desire to have sex with someone goes beyond physical appearance for many people. For some it could be attractiveness plus cultural relatability. For example, if I meet a black guy that I find attractive and he's from the suburbs he's more than likely removed from what I perceive to be a deep rooted black identity. I'd eventually lose interest in him because I'd feel that we don't have much in common.

 

[wsnki07]

Most people can identify attractiveness across races and cultural backgrounds. In saying that, just because someone can recognize attractiveness in other races and cultures that doesn't always equate to the desire to have a sexual interaction with that person. Attractiveness is very surface and it may be the initial interest but I think the desire to have sex with someone goes beyond physical appearance for many people. For some it could be attractiveness plus cultural relatability. For example, if I meet a black guy that I find attractive and he's from the suburbs he's more than likely removed from what I perceive to be a deep rooted black identity. I'd eventually lose interest in him because I'd feel that we don't have much in common.

i believe this is why I’m much more attracted to people that are genuinely more open in their preferences because the way they think and relate to life is much different to someone that has a very particular preference.

To me, they often turn out to be multifaceted, fascinating, and may even open my eyes to new experiences. Win/win

 

[synaxis]

Who I am attracted to and who I have sex with is my business and mine alone...so long as I treat people with respect with good will. I am not accountable to anyone. The judgements and views of other people are of no interest to me.

 

[tsfan1]

Who I am attracted to and who I have sex with is my business and mine alone...so long as I treat people with respect with good will. I am not accountable to anyone. The judgements and views of other people are of no interest to me.

True and in the same way judgements that this or that race isnt 'attractive' are of no intetedt

 

[bigboy9239]

I've been reading these post for a while, and I'd like to add my 2 cents....First, is it racist to prefer your own race? I really don't think so. You have been around these people your entire life, and they are the standard of attractiveness, and the culture you've grown accustomed to. We ALL DO have our preferences...after all. HOWEVER......there are attractive people of all races on this planet, and to limit ones self to only one, kinda of defeats the whole purpose of living. You have to experience different things in this life to see where you belong.

Myself, I am a black man, but I am light skinned, and look like I'm Spanish. When I was in grade school (which was all black) , I had a crush on a black girl who had red hair....then in high school, which was integrated, I had crushes on many girls.....black and white...it had nothing to do with their color, it was their personality or their looks/body that caught my eye. I will admit, a well shaped ass catches my eye every time. BUT My first two girlfriends were white. One was half Italian and half Irish, and the second one was a dark Siciian. Did I prefer them over my own? NO...the first one came onto me...and I went with it. The second one was a hook up from a friend of mine. The girl HE was dating didn't want to go alone, so she asked HER friend to go...and SHE didn't want to be by herself, so.....No effort on my part in either case. What can I say, I'm lazy or lucky.

I then had a few more black GF's, (I met them either from the neighborhood or from work) and then 3 Puerto Rican GF's (I met them all while working for a Dept store chain). Over the years, I've also had a Hmong from Laos (Dunkin Donuts), two Indian (from India) GF's (one whose father was rich and I met her while working armed security for one of his many functions-there was hundreds of thousand of dollars being given as gifts..it was a betrothal party, I believe ) and a Pakistani (the Dept Store again). Then a woman who WAS from Poland (who was maybe a hundred pounds soaking wet...but 20 lbs of it was tit) (yep... the same dept store, and she came onto ME)....Then I had a Dominican GF....who honestly looked Italian (I met her while having a beer at the bar she worked at, with a Police LT friend of mine).

But I married a black woman. Not because she was black, but because we hit it off from the first moment we met. Shared interests, Great conversations....plus, Within an hour after we met, we were having sex in my apartment. We are still together.

Never had a Japanese or Korean though, ....but I always wanted to. I just never met any that were single. Well....There was this cute Chinese girl that worked at her families dry cleaner a few blocks from here. I had bought a couple of new suits, and She was measuring me for alterations. While doing it, she pinched my nipples, and when she measured my inseam, grabbed my dick, and took me in the back and gave me a blow job....she wanted to fuck me right there, but her mother came back, looking for her. I STILL never had Chinese pussy....But like I said, I wanted to, and almost did. Damn! And she was cute too!

So, I understand the we ALL have our preferences...nothing wrong with that. I have MY preferences too...I am also very attracted to black women with green eyes, and dark haired Latinas with cafe ole' complexions.......but I also find platinum blonds with pale blue or green eyes and bone straight hair very attractive. Go figure, right? To me, it's not so much the race, but the complexion and facial features. A really pale white women does NOTHING for me...but then again...more than 30% of all the women I've been in relationships with were white. I prefer medium complexioned (coffee with cream) black woman, but I have had a really light one, and a really dark one as well. My wife is brown skinned. The Hmong girl was darker than I was....so, it's not just color.......its a combination of things...looks..complexion, hair color, pretty wierd, huh?

But I will say this...if I only dated Black woman.....and hated white women, you could say I was racist. BUT, if the reverse were true.....would I be reverse racist? Probably. Frankly, I find certain Japanese women incredibly hot. It's got nothing to do with them being Japanese....its their facial features. Some of them have crooked teeth...those lateral incisors are behind the other teeth. I find that attractive....I don't know why. Does that make me a toothiest? LOL

 

[tsfan1]

I've been reading these post for a while, and I'd like to add my 2 cents....First, is it racist to prefer your own race? I really don't think so. You have been around these people your entire life, and they are the standard of attractiveness, and the culture you've grown accustomed to. We ALL DO have our preferences...after all. HOWEVER......there are attractive people of all races on this planet, and to limit ones self to only one, kinda of defeats the whole purpose of living. You have to experience different things in this life to see where you belong.

Myself, I am a black man, but I am light skinned, and look like I'm Spanish. When I was in grade school (which was all black) , I had a crush on a black girl who had red hair....then in high school, which was integrated, I had crushes on many girls.....black and white...it had nothing to do with their color, it was their personality or their looks/body that caught my eye. I will admit, a well shaped ass catches my eye every time. BUT My first two girlfriends were white. One was half Italian and half Irish, and the second one was a dark Siciian. Did I prefer them over my own? NO...the first one came onto me...and I went with it. The second one was a hook up from a friend of mine. The girl HE was dating didn't want to go alone, so she asked HER friend to go...and SHE didn't want to be by herself, so.....No effort on my part in either case. What can I say, I'm lazy or lucky.

I then had a few more black GF's, (I met them either from the neighborhood or from work) and then 3 Puerto Rican GF's (I met them all while working for a Dept store chain). Over the years, I've also had a Hmong from Laos (Dunkin Donuts), two Indian (from India) GF's (one whose father was rich and I met her while working armed security for one of his many functions-there was hundreds of thousand of dollars being given as gifts..it was a betrothal party, I believe ) and a Pakistani (the Dept Store again). Then a woman who WAS from Poland (who was maybe a hundred pounds soaking wet...but 20 lbs of it was tit) (yep... the same dept store, and she came onto ME)....Then I had a Dominican GF....who honestly looked Italian (I met her while having a beer at the bar she worked at, with a Police LT friend of mine).

But I married a black woman. Not because she was black, but because we hit it off from the first moment we met. Shared interests, Great conversations....plus, Within an hour after we met, we were having sex in my apartment. We are still together.

Never had a Japanese or Korean though, ....but I always wanted to. I just never met any that were single. Well....There was this cute Chinese girl that worked at her families dry cleaner a few blocks from here. I had bought a couple of new suits, and She was measuring me for alterations. While doing it, she pinched my nipples, and when she measured my inseam, grabbed my dick, and took me in the back and gave me a blow job....she wanted to fuck me right there, but her mother came back, looking for her. I STILL never had Chinese pussy....But like I said, I wanted to, and almost did. Damn! And she was cute too!

So, I understand the we ALL have our preferences...nothing wrong with that. I have MY preferences too...I am also very attracted to black women with green eyes, and dark haired Latinas with cafe ole' complexions.......but I also find platinum blonds with pale blue or green eyes and bone straight hair very attractive. Go figure, right? To me, it's not so much the race, but the complexion and facial features. A really pale white women does NOTHING for me...but then again...more than 30% of all the women I've been in relationships with were white. I prefer medium complexioned (coffee with cream) black woman, but I have had a really light one, and a really dark one as well. My wife is brown skinned. The Hmong girl was darker than I was....so, it's not just color.......its a combination of things...looks..complexion, hair color, pretty wierd, huh?

But I will say this...if I only dated Black woman.....and hated white women, you could say I was racist. BUT, if the reverse were true.....would I be reverse racist? Probably. Frankly, I find certain Japanese women incredibly hot. It's got nothing to do with them being Japanese....its their facial features. Some of them have crooked teeth...those lateral incisors are behind the other teeth. I find that attractive....I don't know why. Does that make me a toothiest? LOL

It s not the fact that people have a preference that s a problem. The problem is the way people phrase their preference on profiles: "no asian" or "white only".

 

[bigboy9239]

Yes, I understand that.... and I personally find it offensive....but if thats the way they feel....what can we do about it? People have the right to their own opinion, even if its so offensive, it makes you sick. Thats the problem with that darn Constitution......that first amendment.