Should I change my appearance? I'm tired of the double standards & discrimination online....

[6798491]

I'm undesirable.
I was a late bloomer - and women always were angry when I asked them out back then.
I'm 25 now, and people think I'm younger, because of my "baby face".

On dating apps, I get rejected for various reasons - my cock is too small (I'm 4" soft and 7" hard), "You're not my type" (I get that one all the time), because I'm black, "I prefer taller guys" (I get that all the time too, since I'm 5'2"), etc.

And the guys who are interested either date me for 6 months, abuse me for 6 years (my longest relationships were 2 abusive exes for 6 years & 3 years) or their fuckboys who use me to make them finish or they end up being closeted and always go back to women.

I call this my personal life's "double standard", when guys who are attracted to me end up exploiting and abusing me, while the guys who are healthy partners end up ignoring me and friend zoning me, and getting furious when I tell them I'm in love with them.
So I have dated more than 100 people, and a majority of my relationships (except the 3 year one I mentioned earlier) have been long distance.

I would much rather be a bicurious, heteroflexible or bi guy's arm candy, than to fall for legit gay and bi fuckboys who use me again.
I'm also polyamorous (I came out as poly in November 2018, and I dumped my ex because he took me being poly as me cheating on him, which led to him confessing to cheating on me in 2019 - 3 years after he posted revenge p*rn of me online in 2016 - so I dumped him on 3 January 2020).

After him, I had several flings that never worked out, and since my breakup in 2020, I've had 2 relationships (7 months and 24 hours), but they never worked out either.
The 7 month one was with an Argentine boy I thought was the love of my life, until he too, ghosted me (we met on OnlyFans and fell for each other; we dated from 7 October '21 until he ghosted me twice and I dumped him without explanation on 7 May 2022, which happened to be my mom's birthday).

The 24 hour ex I dated from 31 May 2022 to June 1st.
I found out he was exploiting me for money, because he was impoverished and needed to pay his bills.
I paid him $400 ($100 per month for 4 months) and I noticed when I wasn't paying him money, he'd be rude and treat me horribly (we knew each other through Facebook).

Keep in mind, after my 2020 breakup, I had trust issues because my abusive exes at that time were white guys; and I spent a large part of my childhood traveling between the South and the North (I'm from the Northeast, but I lived in Florida and Georgia for several summers as a kid), and I hate the South; it's not my ideal environment.
And that abortion bill being ate up by Southerners isn't changing my mind about the South being a horrible place.

My recent 24 hour ex (the moocher) was from West Virginia, and I don't want to make assumptions like I used to in the past, so I'll just say I seem to attract narcissistic men who betray me by cheating, gossipping about our intimate details, etc., and then when I leave them, they call me ugly (my literal ex-fiancé said to me, "Bye, ugly face!" as he drove home from my house).

I wonder if the discrimination from exes, friends who friend zoned me, dating apps, etc., has led to me thinking I need to change how I look so that my type of man will fall for me.
I'm fine being the undesirable nerdy type, while my boyfriend (whoever he shall be) is the sexy jock/model/ladykiller who nobody knows is gay/bicurious/FWB.

When I had trust issues about why men found me ugly, I always went for Grindr hookups because I settled for sex with not so kind men and them demanding I get them off, instead of staying at home and jacking off to my gay porn subscriptions on SayUncle + Family Dick + Young Perps + Club Amateur USA + Black Godz + XVideos Red like I always do (and then go on Grindr when I tire of masturbating alone and try to find love on Grindr - big mistake).

So instead of having my trust issues, I want to know:
Am I too undesirable to find a "hot" boyfriend?
I've dated sex workers, had affairs with 2 DL celebrities, my 2020 ex was a criminal + Latin gang member who has been harassing me with phone calls to my landline (which makes my family curse me out because his calls disrupt their day; and my family is abusive and homophobic, which is why I sneak around to masturbate when they're either not home, sleeping or distracted and I have to plan out times to masturbate before they walk out their rooms or before they pull up at our driveway and walk into the house and I get caught again).

Should I change how I look?
Am I undesirable?
Or what can I do to get the "hot" guy who wants me to be his?
Remember - I'm fine being the undesirable guy who dates the hot fuckboy or the hot guy who everyone wants; it's a 2 halves of a whole kind of dynamic I'm into.

I attached 2 photos of me, for you guys to see what I should change.
I'm open to any suggestions.

Height - 5'2"
Weight - 140 lbs.
Body Type - Slim/Average?

 

[deleted4255491]

I'm undesirable.
I was a late bloomer - and women always were angry when I asked them out back then.
I'm 25 now, and people think I'm younger, because of my "baby face".

On dating apps, I get rejected for various reasons - my cock is too small (I'm 4" soft and 7" hard), "You're not my type" (I get that one all the time), because I'm black, "I prefer taller guys" (I get that all the time too, since I'm 5'2"), etc.

And the guys who are interested either date me for 6 months, abuse me for 6 years (my longest relationships were 2 abusive exes for 6 years & 3 years) or their fuckboys who use me to make them finish or they end up being closeted and always go back to women.

I call this my personal life's "double standard", when guys who are attracted to me end up exploiting and abusing me, while the guys who are healthy partners end up ignoring me and friend zoning me, and getting furious when I tell them I'm in love with them.
So I have dated more than 100 people, and a majority of my relationships (except the 3 year one I mentioned earlier) have been long distance.

I would much rather be a bicurious, heteroflexible or bi guy's arm candy, than to fall for legit gay and bi fuckboys who use me again.
I'm also polyamorous (I came out as poly in November 2018, and I dumped my ex because he took me being poly as me cheating on him, which led to him confessing to cheating on me in 2019 - 3 years after he posted revenge p*rn of me online in 2016 - so I dumped him on 3 January 2020).

After him, I had several flings that never worked out, and since my breakup in 2020, I've had 2 relationships (7 months and 24 hours), but they never worked out either.
The 7 month one was with an Argentine boy I thought was the love of my life, until he too, ghosted me (we met on OnlyFans and fell for each other; we dated from 7 October '21 until he ghosted me twice and I dumped him without explanation on 7 May 2022, which happened to be my mom's birthday).

The 24 hour ex I dated from 31 May 2022 to June 1st.
I found out he was exploiting me for money, because he was impoverished and needed to pay his bills.
I paid him $400 ($100 per month for 4 months) and I noticed when I wasn't paying him money, he'd be rude and treat me horribly (we knew each other through Facebook).

Keep in mind, after my 2020 breakup, I had trust issues because my abusive exes at that time were white guys; and I spent a large part of my childhood traveling between the South and the North (I'm from the Northeast, but I lived in Florida and Georgia for several summers as a kid), and I hate the South; it's not my ideal environment.
And that abortion bill being ate up by Southerners isn't changing my mind about the South being a horrible place.

My recent 24 hour ex (the moocher) was from West Virginia, and I don't want to make assumptions like I used to in the past, so I'll just say I seem to attract narcissistic men who betray me by cheating, gossipping about our intimate details, etc., and then when I leave them, they call me ugly (my literal ex-fiancé said to me, "Bye, ugly face!" as he drove home from my house).

I wonder if the discrimination from exes, friends who friend zoned me, dating apps, etc., has led to me thinking I need to change how I look so that my type of man will fall for me.
I'm fine being the undesirable nerdy type, while my boyfriend (whoever he shall be) is the sexy jock/model/ladykiller who nobody knows is gay/bicurious/FWB.

When I had trust issues about why men found me ugly, I always went for Grindr hookups because I settled for sex with not so kind men and them demanding I get them off, instead of staying at home and jacking off to my gay porn subscriptions on SayUncle + Family Dick + Young Perps + Club Amateur USA + Black Godz + XVideos Red like I always do (and then go on Grindr when I tire of masturbating alone and try to find love on Grindr - big mistake).

So instead of having my trust issues, I want to know:
Am I too undesirable to find a "hot" boyfriend?
I've dated sex workers, had affairs with 2 DL celebrities, my 2020 ex was a criminal + Latin gang member who has been harassing me with phone calls to my landline (which makes my family curse me out because his calls disrupt their day; and my family is abusive and homophobic, which is why I sneak around to masturbate when they're either not home, sleeping or distracted and I have to plan out times to masturbate before they walk out their rooms or before they pull up at our driveway and walk into the house and I get caught again).

Should I change how I look?
Am I undesirable?
Or what can I do to get the "hot" guy who wants me to be his?
Remember - I'm fine being the undesirable guy who dates the hot fuckboy or the hot guy who everyone wants; it's a 2 halves of a whole kind of dynamic I'm into.

I attached 2 photos of me, for you guys to see what I should change.
I'm open to any suggestions.

Height - 5'2"
Weight - 140 lbs.
Body Type - Slim/Average?

There is so much to say but i mindful that it could come across rude. Please note that is not my intention.

Bro i say again there is a lot going on here.

"Should I change how I look?"

You could but I'm not sure this will give you the long term happiness you seek and deserve. There appears to be something about people wanting to mistreat you, which I I'm not sure a new appearance can change alone.

"I'm fine being the undesirable guy who dates the hot fuckboy or the hot guy who everyone wants; it's a 2 halves of a whole kind of dynamic I'm into"

This is where the work is. Just because people have told or made you feel you're undesirable it doesn't mean it's true or something you should identify with. If you change your outta appearance who's it for? Others or yourself?

It could help to seek therapy as you will be able to deeply explore the matter ( preferences, self-esteem, family relationships, present situation and past experiences etc.)

 

[Samshung2022]

Get therapy!!! Only you allow yourself to being in those situations.

 

[Chronicjacker]

I'm undesirable.
I was a late bloomer - and women always were angry when I asked them out back then.
I'm 25 now, and people think I'm younger, because of my "baby face".

On dating apps, I get rejected for various reasons - my cock is too small (I'm 4" soft and 7" hard), "You're not my type" (I get that one all the time), because I'm black, "I prefer taller guys" (I get that all the time too, since I'm 5'2"), etc.

And the guys who are interested either date me for 6 months, abuse me for 6 years (my longest relationships were 2 abusive exes for 6 years & 3 years) or their fuckboys who use me to make them finish or they end up being closeted and always go back to women.

I call this my personal life's "double standard", when guys who are attracted to me end up exploiting and abusing me, while the guys who are healthy partners end up ignoring me and friend zoning me, and getting furious when I tell them I'm in love with them.
So I have dated more than 100 people, and a majority of my relationships (except the 3 year one I mentioned earlier) have been long distance.

I would much rather be a bicurious, heteroflexible or bi guy's arm candy, than to fall for legit gay and bi fuckboys who use me again.
I'm also polyamorous (I came out as poly in November 2018, and I dumped my ex because he took me being poly as me cheating on him, which led to him confessing to cheating on me in 2019 - 3 years after he posted revenge p*rn of me online in 2016 - so I dumped him on 3 January 2020).

After him, I had several flings that never worked out, and since my breakup in 2020, I've had 2 relationships (7 months and 24 hours), but they never worked out either.
The 7 month one was with an Argentine boy I thought was the love of my life, until he too, ghosted me (we met on OnlyFans and fell for each other; we dated from 7 October '21 until he ghosted me twice and I dumped him without explanation on 7 May 2022, which happened to be my mom's birthday).

The 24 hour ex I dated from 31 May 2022 to June 1st.
I found out he was exploiting me for money, because he was impoverished and needed to pay his bills.
I paid him $400 ($100 per month for 4 months) and I noticed when I wasn't paying him money, he'd be rude and treat me horribly (we knew each other through Facebook).

Keep in mind, after my 2020 breakup, I had trust issues because my abusive exes at that time were white guys; and I spent a large part of my childhood traveling between the South and the North (I'm from the Northeast, but I lived in Florida and Georgia for several summers as a kid), and I hate the South; it's not my ideal environment.
And that abortion bill being ate up by Southerners isn't changing my mind about the South being a horrible place.

My recent 24 hour ex (the moocher) was from West Virginia, and I don't want to make assumptions like I used to in the past, so I'll just say I seem to attract narcissistic men who betray me by cheating, gossipping about our intimate details, etc., and then when I leave them, they call me ugly (my literal ex-fiancé said to me, "Bye, ugly face!" as he drove home from my house).

I wonder if the discrimination from exes, friends who friend zoned me, dating apps, etc., has led to me thinking I need to change how I look so that my type of man will fall for me.
I'm fine being the undesirable nerdy type, while my boyfriend (whoever he shall be) is the sexy jock/model/ladykiller who nobody knows is gay/bicurious/FWB.

When I had trust issues about why men found me ugly, I always went for Grindr hookups because I settled for sex with not so kind men and them demanding I get them off, instead of staying at home and jacking off to my gay porn subscriptions on SayUncle + Family Dick + Young Perps + Club Amateur USA + Black Godz + XVideos Red like I always do (and then go on Grindr when I tire of masturbating alone and try to find love on Grindr - big mistake).

So instead of having my trust issues, I want to know:
Am I too undesirable to find a "hot" boyfriend?
I've dated sex workers, had affairs with 2 DL celebrities, my 2020 ex was a criminal + Latin gang member who has been harassing me with phone calls to my landline (which makes my family curse me out because his calls disrupt their day; and my family is abusive and homophobic, which is why I sneak around to masturbate when they're either not home, sleeping or distracted and I have to plan out times to masturbate before they walk out their rooms or before they pull up at our driveway and walk into the house and I get caught again).

Should I change how I look?
Am I undesirable?
Or what can I do to get the "hot" guy who wants me to be his?
Remember - I'm fine being the undesirable guy who dates the hot fuckboy or the hot guy who everyone wants; it's a 2 halves of a whole kind of dynamic I'm into.

I attached 2 photos of me, for you guys to see what I should change.
I'm open to any suggestions.

Height - 5'2"
Weight - 140 lbs.
Body Type - Slim/Average?

Change nothing!

 

[6798491]

There is so much to say but i mindful that it could come across rude. Please note that is not my intention.

Bro i say again there is a lot going on here.

"Should I change how I look?"

You could but I'm not sure this will give you the long term happiness you seek and deserve. There appears to be something about people wanting to mistreat you, which I I'm not sure a new appearance can change alone.

"I'm fine being the undesirable guy who dates the hot fuckboy or the hot guy who everyone wants; it's a 2 halves of a whole kind of dynamic I'm into"

This is where the work is. Just because people have told or made you feel you're undesirable it doesn't mean it's true or something you should identify with. If you change your outta appearance who's it for? Others or yourself?

It could help to seek therapy as you will be able to deeply explore the matter ( preferences, self-esteem, family relationships, present situation and past experiences etc.)

I'm perfectly fine with how I look; my problem is that so many people ostracize me and even abuse me when they can't force me to change my personality or my looks to fit their mold.
But me walking away and cutting them out my life is apparently too much for them to handle - take my mother for example.
I'm 25 and literally have to ask permission from my own mother to leave the house.
I was talking to my next door neighbor for 5 minutes, and my mom started shouting at me, "I'm your mother! You need to tell me everywhere you're going!"

She's 59, I'm 25, and we've never gotten along - then again, my family never got along with me because they defend her abusive behavior, by saying, "Family is family."
We have different beliefs in every way.

So I'm hatching a plan with my abusive best friend (not saying what it is in a public forum such as this), but she's the only ally I have at this point.
All my closest friends live several states away, and are either married or recently single, and some of them have children - so it would be rude of me to ask if I can live with them (since a lot of people's first question for me is, 'Do you have any friends you can live with?').

 

[Chronicjacker]

I'm undesirable.
I was a late bloomer - and women always were angry when I asked them out back then.
I'm 25 now, and people think I'm younger, because of my "baby face".

On dating apps, I get rejected for various reasons - my cock is too small (I'm 4" soft and 7" hard), "You're not my type" (I get that one all the time), because I'm black, "I prefer taller guys" (I get that all the time too, since I'm 5'2"), etc.

And the guys who are interested either date me for 6 months, abuse me for 6 years (my longest relationships were 2 abusive exes for 6 years & 3 years) or their fuckboys who use me to make them finish or they end up being closeted and always go back to women.

I call this my personal life's "double standard", when guys who are attracted to me end up exploiting and abusing me, while the guys who are healthy partners end up ignoring me and friend zoning me, and getting furious when I tell them I'm in love with them.
So I have dated more than 100 people, and a majority of my relationships (except the 3 year one I mentioned earlier) have been long distance.

I would much rather be a bicurious, heteroflexible or bi guy's arm candy, than to fall for legit gay and bi fuckboys who use me again.
I'm also polyamorous (I came out as poly in November 2018, and I dumped my ex because he took me being poly as me cheating on him, which led to him confessing to cheating on me in 2019 - 3 years after he posted revenge p*rn of me online in 2016 - so I dumped him on 3 January 2020).

After him, I had several flings that never worked out, and since my breakup in 2020, I've had 2 relationships (7 months and 24 hours), but they never worked out either.
The 7 month one was with an Argentine boy I thought was the love of my life, until he too, ghosted me (we met on OnlyFans and fell for each other; we dated from 7 October '21 until he ghosted me twice and I dumped him without explanation on 7 May 2022, which happened to be my mom's birthday).

The 24 hour ex I dated from 31 May 2022 to June 1st.
I found out he was exploiting me for money, because he was impoverished and needed to pay his bills.
I paid him $400 ($100 per month for 4 months) and I noticed when I wasn't paying him money, he'd be rude and treat me horribly (we knew each other through Facebook).

Keep in mind, after my 2020 breakup, I had trust issues because my abusive exes at that time were white guys; and I spent a large part of my childhood traveling between the South and the North (I'm from the Northeast, but I lived in Florida and Georgia for several summers as a kid), and I hate the South; it's not my ideal environment.
And that abortion bill being ate up by Southerners isn't changing my mind about the South being a horrible place.

My recent 24 hour ex (the moocher) was from West Virginia, and I don't want to make assumptions like I used to in the past, so I'll just say I seem to attract narcissistic men who betray me by cheating, gossipping about our intimate details, etc., and then when I leave them, they call me ugly (my literal ex-fiancé said to me, "Bye, ugly face!" as he drove home from my house).

I wonder if the discrimination from exes, friends who friend zoned me, dating apps, etc., has led to me thinking I need to change how I look so that my type of man will fall for me.
I'm fine being the undesirable nerdy type, while my boyfriend (whoever he shall be) is the sexy jock/model/ladykiller who nobody knows is gay/bicurious/FWB.

When I had trust issues about why men found me ugly, I always went for Grindr hookups because I settled for sex with not so kind men and them demanding I get them off, instead of staying at home and jacking off to my gay porn subscriptions on SayUncle + Family Dick + Young Perps + Club Amateur USA + Black Godz + XVideos Red like I always do (and then go on Grindr when I tire of masturbating alone and try to find love on Grindr - big mistake).

So instead of having my trust issues, I want to know:
Am I too undesirable to find a "hot" boyfriend?
I've dated sex workers, had affairs with 2 DL celebrities, my 2020 ex was a criminal + Latin gang member who has been harassing me with phone calls to my landline (which makes my family curse me out because his calls disrupt their day; and my family is abusive and homophobic, which is why I sneak around to masturbate when they're either not home, sleeping or distracted and I have to plan out times to masturbate before they walk out their rooms or before they pull up at our driveway and walk into the house and I get caught again).

Should I change how I look?
Am I undesirable?
Or what can I do to get the "hot" guy who wants me to be his?
Remember - I'm fine being the undesirable guy who dates the hot fuckboy or the hot guy who everyone wants; it's a 2 halves of a whole kind of dynamic I'm into.

I attached 2 photos of me, for you guys to see what I should change.
I'm open to any suggestions.

Height - 5'2"
Weight - 140 lbs.
Body Type - Slim/Average?

You are such a handsome man!!

 

[ronin001]

The late great artist Prince, once said " act your age , not your shoe size "

Adjust not your outer image, but try to adjust your mental self image to a more positive level
Those who think of themselves as valuable, are most likely to be valued by others

Good Luck

 

[Gj816]

I see nothing wrong with the way you look. There's so much more to a person than how they look.
Their attitude. How they treat themselves and others.

Sometimes how we feel about ourselves others pick up on. I'd say that having confidence in yourself and loving yourself are far more important.

While changing your appearance may make you feel better temporarily. Ultimately you have to live with the person you are.

Be yourself. Love yourself. If someone says you're not their type. Move on they're not worth your time or energy.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Good luck

 

[Infernal]

Get new people. You’re surrounded by toxic people who in turn have given you toxic thoughts about yourself. If the people in your life done supports you, lift you up and encourage you to be the best you can be, then you need new people.

 

[deleted4255491]

I'm perfectly fine with how I look; my problem is that so many people ostracize me and even abuse me when they can't force me to change my personality or my looks to fit their mold.
But me walking away and cutting them out my life is apparently too much for them to handle - take my mother for example.
I'm 25 and literally have to ask permission from my own mother to leave the house.
I was talking to my next door neighbor for 5 minutes, and my mom started shouting at me, "I'm your mother! You need to tell me everywhere you're going!"

She's 59, I'm 25, and we've never gotten along - then again, my family never got along with me because they defend her abusive behavior, by saying, "Family is family."
We have different beliefs in every way.

So I'm hatching a plan with my abusive best friend (not saying what it is in a public forum such as this), but she's the only ally I have at this point.
All my closest friends live several states away, and are either married or recently single, and some of them have children - so it would be rude of me to ask if I can live with them (since a lot of people's first question for me is, 'Do you have any friends you can live with?').

Thank you for providing further clarity on your situation.

It might help to make a list of the things in your life that are detrimental to your emotional well-being and see what's in your power to change (negative thinking, environment, friendships, interests, habits, diet and sleep pattern).

I'm sorry to hear how your mum has treated you. Remember family isn't always blood. It's the people in your life that want you in theirs; people that accept and love you for you.

Make that list and remember change begins with self-awareness. It's great that you are asking questioning the things you have. It shows you are aware of your need to be loved unconditionally.

 

[bssur]

I'm undesirable.
I was a late bloomer - and women always were angry when I asked them out back then.
I'm 25 now, and people think I'm younger, because of my "baby face".

On dating apps, I get rejected for various reasons - my cock is too small (I'm 4" soft and 7" hard), "You're not my type" (I get that one all the time), because I'm black, "I prefer taller guys" (I get that all the time too, since I'm 5'2"), etc.

I wonder if the discrimination from exes, friends who friend zoned me, dating apps, etc., has led to me thinking I need to change how I look so that my type of man will fall for me.
I'm fine being the undesirable nerdy type, while my boyfriend (whoever he shall be) is the sexy jock/model/ladykiller who nobody knows is gay/bicurious/FWB.
So instead of having my trust issues, I want to know:
Am I too undesirable to find a "hot" boyfriend?

Should I change how I look?
Am I undesirable?
Or what can I do to get the "hot" guy who wants me to be his?
Remember - I'm fine being the undesirable guy who dates the hot fuckboy or the hot guy who everyone wants; it's a 2 halves of a whole kind of dynamic I'm into.

I attached 2 photos of me, for you guys to see what I should change.
I'm open to any suggestions.

Height - 5'2"
Weight - 140 lbs.
Body Type - Slim/Average?

I’m sorry all that happened to you. You’re not ugly. If you do make a change, you should do it for yourself.
You’ve got to love yourself, accept that no one’s perfect, surround yourself with the right people, and accept there’s some things that are out of our control. As someone else mentioned, there is more to a person’s looks.

It’s not easy, but I believe the right person you’re looking for will come along.

I face some of the similar stuff when I’m online too. It’s always something and never enough. You can’t please everyone. It’ll become exhausting. But you’ve got to do you.

 

[415sflove]

I'm undesirable.
I was a late bloomer - and women always were angry when I asked them out back then.
I'm 25 now, and people think I'm younger, because of my "baby face".

On dating apps, I get rejected for various reasons - my cock is too small (I'm 4" soft and 7" hard), "You're not my type" (I get that one all the time), because I'm black, "I prefer taller guys" (I get that all the time too, since I'm 5'2"), etc.

And the guys who are interested either date me for 6 months, abuse me for 6 years (my longest relationships were 2 abusive exes for 6 years & 3 years) or their fuckboys who use me to make them finish or they end up being closeted and always go back to women.

I call this my personal life's "double standard", when guys who are attracted to me end up exploiting and abusing me, while the guys who are healthy partners end up ignoring me and friend zoning me, and getting furious when I tell them I'm in love with them.
So I have dated more than 100 people, and a majority of my relationships (except the 3 year one I mentioned earlier) have been long distance.

I would much rather be a bicurious, heteroflexible or bi guy's arm candy, than to fall for legit gay and bi fuckboys who use me again.
I'm also polyamorous (I came out as poly in November 2018, and I dumped my ex because he took me being poly as me cheating on him, which led to him confessing to cheating on me in 2019 - 3 years after he posted revenge p*rn of me online in 2016 - so I dumped him on 3 January 2020).

After him, I had several flings that never worked out, and since my breakup in 2020, I've had 2 relationships (7 months and 24 hours), but they never worked out either.
The 7 month one was with an Argentine boy I thought was the love of my life, until he too, ghosted me (we met on OnlyFans and fell for each other; we dated from 7 October '21 until he ghosted me twice and I dumped him without explanation on 7 May 2022, which happened to be my mom's birthday).

The 24 hour ex I dated from 31 May 2022 to June 1st.
I found out he was exploiting me for money, because he was impoverished and needed to pay his bills.
I paid him $400 ($100 per month for 4 months) and I noticed when I wasn't paying him money, he'd be rude and treat me horribly (we knew each other through Facebook).

Keep in mind, after my 2020 breakup, I had trust issues because my abusive exes at that time were white guys; and I spent a large part of my childhood traveling between the South and the North (I'm from the Northeast, but I lived in Florida and Georgia for several summers as a kid), and I hate the South; it's not my ideal environment.
And that abortion bill being ate up by Southerners isn't changing my mind about the South being a horrible place.

My recent 24 hour ex (the moocher) was from West Virginia, and I don't want to make assumptions like I used to in the past, so I'll just say I seem to attract narcissistic men who betray me by cheating, gossipping about our intimate details, etc., and then when I leave them, they call me ugly (my literal ex-fiancé said to me, "Bye, ugly face!" as he drove home from my house).

I wonder if the discrimination from exes, friends who friend zoned me, dating apps, etc., has led to me thinking I need to change how I look so that my type of man will fall for me.
I'm fine being the undesirable nerdy type, while my boyfriend (whoever he shall be) is the sexy jock/model/ladykiller who nobody knows is gay/bicurious/FWB.

When I had trust issues about why men found me ugly, I always went for Grindr hookups because I settled for sex with not so kind men and them demanding I get them off, instead of staying at home and jacking off to my gay porn subscriptions on SayUncle + Family Dick + Young Perps + Club Amateur USA + Black Godz + XVideos Red like I always do (and then go on Grindr when I tire of masturbating alone and try to find love on Grindr - big mistake).

So instead of having my trust issues, I want to know:
Am I too undesirable to find a "hot" boyfriend?
I've dated sex workers, had affairs with 2 DL celebrities, my 2020 ex was a criminal + Latin gang member who has been harassing me with phone calls to my landline (which makes my family curse me out because his calls disrupt their day; and my family is abusive and homophobic, which is why I sneak around to masturbate when they're either not home, sleeping or distracted and I have to plan out times to masturbate before they walk out their rooms or before they pull up at our driveway and walk into the house and I get caught again).

Should I change how I look?
Am I undesirable?
Or what can I do to get the "hot" guy who wants me to be his?
Remember - I'm fine being the undesirable guy who dates the hot fuckboy or the hot guy who everyone wants; it's a 2 halves of a whole kind of dynamic I'm into.

I attached 2 photos of me, for you guys to see what I should change.
I'm open to any suggestions.

Height - 5'2"
Weight - 140 lbs.
Body Type - Slim/Average?

Yeah, that was a lot. Are we talking about your look? ur sexual preference? The toxic relationships u end up in?
But I'll say this. U are far from underisable. 2 me ur very attractive. Also, you are looking for ONE person to date not the entire community. So you just gotta find someone who like you for you. If you change who you are how will you find that person. At the end of the day who you truly are will always come out. I say take this time and focus on fully loving yourself. Being 100% confident and happy within then look for someone who has the same goals, likes and etc. Also another big factor is where you are located. I didn't read the entire post so maybe i missed it. But dating is so different depending on where u live. If u live in nyc, san fran, atl or other big cities the dating pool for our community IS HUGE. If u live in a smaller city or outside those areas it might be more difficult. So maybe relocating can help you as well.

Well i wish you Luck on your journey to finding love and hope you end up SUPER HAPPY bc that's the only thing that matters.

 

[HollyBurton10]

I'm undesirable.
I was a late bloomer - and women always were angry when I asked them out back then.
I'm 25 now, and people think I'm younger, because of my "baby face".

On dating apps, I get rejected for various reasons - my cock is too small (I'm 4" soft and 7" hard), "You're not my type" (I get that one all the time), because I'm black, "I prefer taller guys" (I get that all the time too, since I'm 5'2"), etc.

And the guys who are interested either date me for 6 months, abuse me for 6 years (my longest relationships were 2 abusive exes for 6 years & 3 years) or their fuckboys who use me to make them finish or they end up being closeted and always go back to women.

I call this my personal life's "double standard", when guys who are attracted to me end up exploiting and abusing me, while the guys who are healthy partners end up ignoring me and friend zoning me, and getting furious when I tell them I'm in love with them.
So I have dated more than 100 people, and a majority of my relationships (except the 3 year one I mentioned earlier) have been long distance.

I would much rather be a bicurious, heteroflexible or bi guy's arm candy, than to fall for legit gay and bi fuckboys who use me again.
I'm also polyamorous (I came out as poly in November 2018, and I dumped my ex because he took me being poly as me cheating on him, which led to him confessing to cheating on me in 2019 - 3 years after he posted revenge p*rn of me online in 2016 - so I dumped him on 3 January 2020).

After him, I had several flings that never worked out, and since my breakup in 2020, I've had 2 relationships (7 months and 24 hours), but they never worked out either.
The 7 month one was with an Argentine boy I thought was the love of my life, until he too, ghosted me (we met on OnlyFans and fell for each other; we dated from 7 October '21 until he ghosted me twice and I dumped him without explanation on 7 May 2022, which happened to be my mom's birthday).

The 24 hour ex I dated from 31 May 2022 to June 1st.
I found out he was exploiting me for money, because he was impoverished and needed to pay his bills.
I paid him $400 ($100 per month for 4 months) and I noticed when I wasn't paying him money, he'd be rude and treat me horribly (we knew each other through Facebook).

Keep in mind, after my 2020 breakup, I had trust issues because my abusive exes at that time were white guys; and I spent a large part of my childhood traveling between the South and the North (I'm from the Northeast, but I lived in Florida and Georgia for several summers as a kid), and I hate the South; it's not my ideal environment.
And that abortion bill being ate up by Southerners isn't changing my mind about the South being a horrible place.

My recent 24 hour ex (the moocher) was from West Virginia, and I don't want to make assumptions like I used to in the past, so I'll just say I seem to attract narcissistic men who betray me by cheating, gossipping about our intimate details, etc., and then when I leave them, they call me ugly (my literal ex-fiancé said to me, "Bye, ugly face!" as he drove home from my house).

I wonder if the discrimination from exes, friends who friend zoned me, dating apps, etc., has led to me thinking I need to change how I look so that my type of man will fall for me.
I'm fine being the undesirable nerdy type, while my boyfriend (whoever he shall be) is the sexy jock/model/ladykiller who nobody knows is gay/bicurious/FWB.

When I had trust issues about why men found me ugly, I always went for Grindr hookups because I settled for sex with not so kind men and them demanding I get them off, instead of staying at home and jacking off to my gay porn subscriptions on SayUncle + Family Dick + Young Perps + Club Amateur USA + Black Godz + XVideos Red like I always do (and then go on Grindr when I tire of masturbating alone and try to find love on Grindr - big mistake).

So instead of having my trust issues, I want to know:
Am I too undesirable to find a "hot" boyfriend?
I've dated sex workers, had affairs with 2 DL celebrities, my 2020 ex was a criminal + Latin gang member who has been harassing me with phone calls to my landline (which makes my family curse me out because his calls disrupt their day; and my family is abusive and homophobic, which is why I sneak around to masturbate when they're either not home, sleeping or distracted and I have to plan out times to masturbate before they walk out their rooms or before they pull up at our driveway and walk into the house and I get caught again).

Should I change how I look?
Am I undesirable?
Or what can I do to get the "hot" guy who wants me to be his?
Remember - I'm fine being the undesirable guy who dates the hot fuckboy or the hot guy who everyone wants; it's a 2 halves of a whole kind of dynamic I'm into.

I attached 2 photos of me, for you guys to see what I should change.
I'm open to any suggestions.

Height - 5'2"
Weight - 140 lbs.
Body Type - Slim/Average?

In my opinion, you’re extremely undesirable. I would definitely change how I looked if I were you - hit the gym and muscle up. Muscle is the only thing that gets men laid. Get a better haircut (like a fade) and maybe some therapy to deal with your weird relationship issues

 

[Dave NoCal]

Get therapy!!! Only you allow yourself to being in those situations.

Correct. Lightning does not strike the same place that many times. The common denominator is you.

 

[WilliamG]

Find a therapist. There's a lot to unpack here. I won't get into looks, penis size, or height because those are not your issues. It's the shallow trolls you're dating. I know it's not easy to admit to oneself we need a little help. But you need an outside (trained) voice to coach you a bit.

 

[Hakan1]

I won't get into looks, penis size, or height because those are not your issues. It's the shallow trolls you're dating.

You nailed it Exactly my opinion too

 

[6798491]

You nailed it Exactly my opinion too

I agree with you.
I just started a new relationship.
He's very healthy for me, very encouraging and supportive, and he's a firefighter (I always have loved a man in uniform), so that's a plus, too.
I also love how open and honest he is - unlike (as the other poster worded it) the "shallow trolls", I used to date.

I think I felt so horrible about myself because of all my abusive exes trying to fill my head with lies - they also constantly cheated, threatened to fight me and kill me (and my family) on several occasions too.
So I'm just glad I found someone who truly appreciates and loves me for who I am, and that my love life can start a clean slate.

 

[6798491]

Yeah, that was a lot. Are we talking about your look? ur sexual preference? The toxic relationships u end up in?
But I'll say this. U are far from underisable. 2 me ur very attractive. Also, you are looking for ONE person to date not the entire community. So you just gotta find someone who like you for you. If you change who you are how will you find that person. At the end of the day who you truly are will always come out. I say take this time and focus on fully loving yourself. Being 100% confident and happy within then look for someone who has the same goals, likes and etc. Also another big factor is where you are located. I didn't read the entire post so maybe i missed it. But dating is so different depending on where u live. If u live in nyc, san fran, atl or other big cities the dating pool for our community IS HUGE. If u live in a smaller city or outside those areas it might be more difficult. So maybe relocating can help you as well.

Well i wish you Luck on your journey to finding love and hope you end up SUPER HAPPY bc that's the only thing that matters.

You made a great point with locale being key.
I live in a small town in the middle of nowhere - even people who live in my state don't know where it is.
I work as a certified travel agent and I'm saving money for my move to California, since I still live in my home state of New Jersey.
I'm not putting a deadline on it, but when it happens, it will be at the right time.
I'm in a different headspace now - since my boyfriend and I actually started dating last week.
When I made my OP, I was confident but skeptical to start dating again - but I know my boyfriend is the one.

The biggest difference about him is I look forward to talking to him.
I don't feel such a heavy sense of repressing things or being nervous, like I was around my exes.
I like laidback guys, who don't try to cause unnecessary drama or fighting; and another big difference is the way my bf makes me feel when we talk.
I'm happier, more carefree than I used to be (which even shocks me sometimes), and it also makes my goals worth it, because I want to share some of those outcomes of my goals with him, too, since we also come from the same family dynamic & we have similar calm personalities.

So I chalk it up to 2 of the biggest factors (before my new relationship):
1) My abusive exes, who loved to criticize me and insult my body and looks (which is something I always call people out for doing in general, but when men do it to each other, it makes me feel more compelled to speak up);
and:
2) My location - I live in a small town (I've dated mostly long distance, and my current bf lives 1,200 miles from me).
It's not the distance that matters, though - it's the reciprocity, integrity (I'm a stickler for men who have courage and integrity), respect, communication and trust that's most important.

The thing I love most about my bf though, is he's a firefighter, so taking risks, being selfless and putting his life on the line for the sake of saving lives is his profession, and I find it beautiful.
And it takes a lot of courage to be a firefighter.

 

[6798491]

Get new people. You’re surrounded by toxic people who in turn have given you toxic thoughts about yourself. If the people in your life done supports you, lift you up and encourage you to be the best you can be, then you need new people.

I agree, 100%.
My family is toxic, so they're the first set I cut off (on both sides).
I have cut off all my toxic exes and friends (besides one of my abusive exes, who has resorted to stalking me - I presume he's bitter about our breakup; factor in his threats toward myself and my family when we had just started dating, and that he posted revenge p*rn of me, those are 50% of why I chose to dump him and cut him off).

But the stalker ex was also a compulsive cheater, a pathological liar, and a serious addict (he started smoking at 10 years old, which escalated to every drug, alcohol and pills when he got sober at 27, and he got sober during the last few months of our relationship).
By that point, I was exhausted from dealing with him, so in January 2020 (that's another thing - I dumped him 2 months before the pandemic, and found out he's an anti vaxxer too, which is also why I'm grateful I dumped him before the pandemic even started) I dumped him.
It erupted into a huge argument - not only between me and him, but my mother and I had a shouting match for 2 hours simultaneously (while I wrote a closure letter to the ex) - and we see how that worked out.

Keep in mind, my mother has had an affair for 11 years with a married man who has been married himself, for 32 years - and my mother, my family and his family are homophobic and transphobic.

I still find it irreprehensible that a 67 year old married man (in a repeated cycle over their 11 year affair) frequently criticizes me, insults me, calls me every slur in the book and then the last thing he calls me is "my stepson".
And I always think to myself, "I've heard it all before. My exes are like you, and even my dad was more respectful and polite than you are."

My parents were married for 16 years until my dad's death; and ever since my dad died in 2010, my mother has dated horrible men - I had to testify in court at 15 years old because her last ex recently got out of prison after his 10 year sentence and has been looking for my mother and I too - and that's also why my move to California will be the best objective for me to focus on.

My mother and I are two very different people - When I spot inauthentic men, I run for the hills and cut off all communication, while my mother (and she grew up like this as well) enables men to lie to her, cheat on her, abuse her and stalk her, and will misplace the anger she has toward her abusive men, and unload all her anger on me instead.
I tried to move out in 2020, and did move; but she had my relatives search for me (and reported me as a Missing Person with the police); they eventually found me and drove me back home - and I was 23 at that time (I'm 25, turning 26 in a few months).

People don't often speak about how much your confidence can be destroyed, just by living in a toxic community or surrounding yourself with toxic friends or family who ostracize you for being respectful and polite.
I've been there - and I'll put it like this:
The curse can always be broken.

 

[TinyPrincess]

I'm undesirable

Nobody is.

Don't change who you are - don't try to fit in. Just be yourself in evert manner and you will end up finding the persons in your life.