Should Sexual Deprivation Be Treat Like Sexual Aggression Is?

[huguest]

I want to talk about a topic that is not talk enough.

Sexual aggression is often pointed out and society, media, laws have changed a lot in the past decades. I"m glade that we as a society we can condemn this sexual act. It's not right to impose sexual act on someone else.

It's often men that perpetrate this act. It's a physical and "active" act.

I always wondered, if men are the one's doing the sexual aggression, what is the equivalent for women?
Let be honest, we are all capable of manipulative behaviour, women included.

I think, the equivalent of sexual aggression for women would be sexual deprivation. It's a passive behaviour that do as much damage as a sexual aggression.

It's a lot taboo in our society, most men don't even realize that they are been mistreated, hurt, mentally and physically this way.

I personally realize I needed therapies after years of sexual deprivation in my old relation.

So what do you think? Should sexual deprivation should be condemned like sexual aggression is?

 

[Player_01]

Getting denied is not the same as getting raped. So, no. Incel.

 

[Scarletbegonia]

Not fucking you is NOT the same as rape.
Tabernak

 

[Snarky_succubus]

I think your harsh with your comment, You know what, I did leave that relation. It took me a lot, kids, divorce, mental and emotional therapee.

It's not just black/white, I thought I could have a conversation about manipulative behavior with people here but it just show that you don't know shit about manipulative behavior. You think there is only one way sexual manipulation could be harmful? There only sexual aggressiveness we should talk about?

With your statement, it's clear that all those people that are not aware that they live with a passive manipulating person, are just too dummy to figure it out. It's as simple as dump the person, really?

I know it a fine line, and passive sexual manipulation is more common then sexual aggression. It's not as shown, it's still a fucking nightmare of a living.

I will take your argument, and shut up about it. I shouldn't ask those questions here.

Sexual Deprivation In Marriage – Dr. Karen Ruskin – Relationship Expert, Marriage and Family Therapist (drkarenruskin.com)
How To Identify A Sexual Manipulator | Psychology Today
8 Signs Of A Manipulative Wife - Often Disguised As Love (bonobology.com)

The problem isn’t you trying to have a conversation about manipulative behavior... the problem is you in ANY way shape or form comparing the two things you tried to compare. Is sexual deprivation for the purpose of manipulation fucked up? Sure. NOWHERE NEAR as fucked up as rape. Not in the same stratosphere. Not even close. Ever. That’s not even touching the other things that typically go along with that kind of behavior.

 

[T_Lurch]

If your partner is purposely withholding sex in an effort to manipulate you (I assume that's what you're referring to), then I'd seriously re-evaluate the relationship and whether they are the right person for you.

Nobody owes sex to anyone, but at the same time, it is part and parcel of a healthy marriage (exceptions: asexuality, health issues) and not just for reasons of physical lust: it brings closeness, connection, and a feeling of being desired.

Withholding sex from the other in an attempt to manipulate/control is not a sign of a good relationship.

I don't think it makes an effective analogue to sexual aggression (i.e., rape) however, as the dynamics are different. Sexual aggression is about power and dominance most of the time rather than simple lust.

 

[T_Lurch]

@huguest I wouldn't get too carried away here. Your thread is perfectly valid and it is a thing that happens, it's a form of emotional manipulation and its a shitty thing to do to someone.

I think marriedasian isn't considering that it isn't easy to walk away from a person you are tied up emotionally in, have children with, and have invested years, maybe decades in living with. Not everyone can simply say "fuck it" and walk away to go find someone else.

At the same time, you can't equate withholding sex with rape; they are nowhere near the same level of heinousness.

Purposefully withholding sex falls under manipulation and it is something that should be dealt with via honest communication or maybe counseling.

 

[dreamer20]

I always wondered, if men are the one's doing the sexual aggression, what is the equivalent for women?
Let be honest, we are all capable of manipulative behaviour, women included. I think, the equivalent of sexual aggression for women would be sexual deprivation. It's a passive behaviour that do as much damage as a sexual aggression.

So what do you think? Should sexual deprivation should be condemned like sexual aggression is?

It's not complicated. Sexual aggression is not restricted to men alone. Both men and women can be sexually aggressive. A passive person is not equilavent to an aggressive one. I see you've veered off into a different discussion now. Carry on.

 

[WilliamG]

Sexual aggression is harmful. Sexual deprivation is hurtful.

 

[EquusAZ]

I think the biggest issue here is that there is a miscommunication about what this topic is about.

Sexual Aggression VS Sexual Manipulation

Deprivation is a bit of a confusing word.

They are not the same thing, obviously, and therefore should not be treated the same. Aggression / Rape is an act that is forced upon another. Manipulation is passive. Is it hurtful? Absolutely. Passive-aggressive behavior is pretty darned insidious, but its not as overtly traumatic as rape.

Think of it like this, Aggression / Rape is where one person wants the act and is willing to subvert another person to get what they want. Manipulation is the act of withholding something, but in the end when it does happen, it is consensual. When we can choose to not be a part of something, i.e. leave a manipulative relationship, we stop being victims. Rape victims don't have that choice.

 

[marriedasian]

to answer your question, "no", we should not condemn sexual deprivation because for most of us, we can always choose to ignore the sexual deprivation being imposed on us and go get it elsewhere (as a last resort). sexual aggression is not something that the receiver can just ignore and walk away. there's a difference.

in marriage life, it's referred to as a dead bedroom and it's caused by both women and men in the relationship. depending on the situation, the one who isn't getting any sex will cheat, leave, or suffer however it's still a "choice" to tolerate the lack of sex.

if you're in a situation where sex is being withheld from you then walk away. sex is one of the easiest things to get and if you're willing to pay for it, then it's 100% guaranteed.

 

[marriedasian]

Your in a new relation with your partner. everything is fine, sexually it ok and everything is stable. You decide to move in a new apartment together. In just a few month's the sex drop slowly. Nothing have change except been living together. Your partner give you excuses. Your partner say that he/she love you, but there no more touching, no affection in anyway, no sex. Then kid's... you just keep it in, waiting. And it can keep going for year's.

there's a thing called personal agency. if you "choose" to stay in that relationship and allow it to get to that point then that is "your" fault and nobody else is to blame. you have a choice to leave that person and not take that treatment, period. if you allow kids to come into the picture and then scream "i'm trapped", well, that's still on you because you chose to stay and make kids... again, this is not a good enough reason and/or excuse to justify as sexual deprivation.

One day, you realize that it's all about keeping you under control, like a leash, depraved.

again, personal agency and personal choice to LEAVE the relationship. if you stay and tolerate the lack of sex or intimacy then it's on YOU. a relationship doesn't just flip 180 degrees overnight. there will be red flags but most people just ignore them and put all their faith in wishful thinking that things will just "fix" itself over time. fast-forward 5 years, 2 kids, a business, and whatever and now "i'm trapped"...

I feel we see as a society this passive behavior in the same way we treated sexual harassment in the 70th. "Oh! you could always just walk away".

ummm, you can walk away from a sexless relationship unlike sexual harassment that is coming from another person that you have no control over.

Thanks again for your comment, I wish this awareness grow enough that someday, We will have a "ME Too", saying that behavior is not acceptable anymore.

in all seriousness, if sexual intimacy is that high on your priority list for a relationship and you're not getting it from your partner then you should kick your partner to the curb and go find someone else. if you choose to stay with your partner and suffer then you've no one to blame but yourself. there will never be a "ME Too" movement for this because at the end of the day, you have a freedom of choice to simply walk away and go find someone else without much recourse at all.

this is like saying: every women should give blowjobs because it's mentally affecting men's health. we need to talk about how it affects men all over the world. women need to know how important blowjobs are to men... really?... if you find a woman and she doesn't suck dick then either choose to stay with her and never get your dick sucked again, or dump her to the curb and go find another women who sucks dick like there's no tomorrow.

 

[Scarletbegonia]

It's not complicated. Sexual aggression is not restricted to men alone. Both men and women can be sexually aggressive. A passive person is not equilavent to an aggressive one.

agreed.
If we are trying to keep aggression under control within society (and we do...we channel into sports, policing, military service...we make acceptable arenas for aggressive behaviours), we are controlling an impulse that can physically harm others.
A passive partner, no matter the reason, is NOT physically threatening.

 

[socalfreak]

I want to talk about a topic that is not talk enough.

Sexual aggression is often pointed out and society, media, laws have changed a lot in the past decades. I"m glade that we as a society we can condemn this sexual act. It's not right to impose sexual act on someone else.

It's often men that perpetrate this act. It's a physical and "active" act.

I always wondered, if men are the one's doing the sexual aggression, what is the equivalent for women?
Let be honest, we are all capable of manipulative behaviour, women included.

I think, the equivalent of sexual aggression for women would be sexual deprivation. It's a passive behaviour that do as much damage as a sexual aggression.

It's a lot taboo in our society, most men don't even realize that they are been mistreated, hurt, mentally and physically this way.

I personally realize I needed therapies after years of sexual deprivation in my old relation.

So what do you think? Should sexual deprivation should be condemned like sexual aggression is?

NO.
"Sexual aggression"... Coercion, sexual assault, sexual battery, date rape, and rape are nowhere near the same as someone saying "no", no matter what the circumstances.
Nobody owes you sex... Not even your wife.
Talk and see if the situation can be fixed.
If not, too bad.
Don't like it? Too bad.... You are free to leave.

Getting your little feelings hurt because you got shot down isn't in the same solar system as the mental/emotional/physical trauma that can be brought on by "sexual aggression".

There is no physical trauma you're going to suffer from being told "no".
That idea is total bullshit.
Go masturbate. You'll be fine.

 

[clav]

Tbh havent gone through any of the subsequent messages and only read the OP. Seriously dude, to think a partner not wanting to have sex is comparable with sexual abuse is messed up, unless it’s a very cold and calculated strategy of manipulation (which is a very unique and specific scenario most people will thankfully not encounter).

If one is not happy with the amount of sex they get it is important to talk about it. Is it because your partner is going through some issues that are impairing their sex drive? Then talk through it and support them - your sex life has to be secondary for the time being. Are they simply not willing to engage in sexual stuff with you? Well then you have choices to make. It doesn’t mean it will be easy ones, at all, of course.

Nto say a sexless long spell can’t cause issues, of course it can and probably will/would, but it is still part of a relationship which is a very two way thing, by which point I think the interesting argument about issues and taboos is to be had about why talking sex health and sex life is so taboo and why much of our societies don’t help us building a positive support network to navigate through issues, but that’s an entirely different conversation. One worthy to have nonetheless, but I guess should be a separate one.

I’ve been in a relationship where sex life stalled but I never blamed her or resented her for it, bus as with any healthy relationship you have to weigh things out and build within it too. I agree, it did affect me and cause me some issues in my next relationship which took some time to get over, but that was also because I hadn’t been good enough at doing that all important talk myself and allowed the situation to happen. Hindsight is a great thing, but to blame people who stall out of a sex life of plain cruelty and even considering they might be akin to abusers is plain wrong in my opinion.

Also important to point out, someone deciding they won’t have sex is not an issue, at all - everyone has the freedom to make that choice and sex is not owed to anyone, ever. To think otherwise is seriously entitled and plain messed up.

 

[Electric_V]

I want to talk about a topic that is not talk enough.

Sexual aggression is often pointed out and society, media, laws have changed a lot in the past decades. I"m glade that we as a society we can condemn this sexual act. It's not right to impose sexual act on someone else.

It's often men that perpetrate this act. It's a physical and "active" act.

I always wondered, if men are the one's doing the sexual aggression, what is the equivalent for women?
Let be honest, we are all capable of manipulative behaviour, women included.

I think, the equivalent of sexual aggression for women would be sexual deprivation. It's a passive behaviour that do as much damage as a sexual aggression.

It's a lot taboo in our society, most men don't even realize that they are been mistreated, hurt, mentally and physically this way.

I personally realize I needed therapies after years of sexual deprivation in my old relation.

So what do you think? Should sexual deprivation should be condemned like sexual aggression is?

Nobody owes anyone sex. Full stop.

 

[Tight_End_SC]

Sometimes the parnter may just not feel sexy or feel like having sex. Open communication should exist in a solid relationship; therefore, the reason for not having sex should not be a mystery. The two (aggression and deprivation) should not be treated the same in my opinion.

 

[deleted464787]

Anyone (men or women) who use sex, or a lack thereof, as a means to manipulate their partner don’t deserve that partner and are just asking to get cheated on.

obviously if there’s a valid reason, that’s another story entirely, but for manipulative reasons.... it’s unacceptable.

If I had a girlfriend that I suspected was withholding sex for such a petty reason, I’d be very upfront: “I’m going to look elsewhere for physical satisfaction now. If you have a problem with that, we can either have sex together, or we need to see other people.”

 

[umdoistressilvaquatro]

That's a little harsh, and uncalled for in this thread.

What does straight men's behavior have to do with this subject?

To claim that not having sex with you is a woman's equivalent to a man's rape is creepy and insane.

 

[umdoistressilvaquatro]

One day, you realize that it's all about keeping you under control, like a leash, depraved.

That freudian slip that gives it all

 

[umdoistressilvaquatro]

I agree that it is wrong to equate withholding sex with actual rape. The two are not the same thing.

But you're making a statement that all straight people are "creepy and insane".

That's not true.

The man who said it is straight, and I wouldn't expect otherwise, out of experience. If you want to bury your head in the sand, your are free to do so. Also, "withholding" isn't the right word, as nobody is entitled to having sex with anyone.