Straight friend would not stop teasing….

[Dyspo Negero]

I’m (28) and my frien is (27M) he would not stop teasing me, he has has a girlfriend and he knows that I’m bi( not voluntarily, he suspected me and caught me with not so straight porn) he has an idea that I may be bi but I know he might be too because I know he watched trans-porn (the preop kind) and a lot of it.
My prob is that he keeps teasing me and talking dirty and I respond but it’s been stalled at that. He used to touch me before than and fake a lot of sexual stuff with me but kept it at that.
I try to keep my composure but I can’t, some days I feel horny and want to do stuff with him but don’t know how to go about it
Mind you we are both black(African) so this stuff is generally taboo to us but we know about it.
My point is how can I make sure he’s not really joking and actually wants to do stuff( cause I cant tell sometimes) and how do I get him to do the first move. (that way it’s safe for me)
He has a gf btw and does not have to do this stuff especially if he suspects I’m bi so that’s why it’s hard for me to write it off as jokes. PLEASE HELP!

 

[theplayerking]

I’m (28) and my frien is (27M) he would not stop teasing me, he has has a girlfriend and he knows that I’m bi( not voluntarily, he suspected me and caught me with not so straight porn) he has an idea that I may be bi but I know he might be too because I know he watched trans-porn (the preop kind) and a lot of it.
My prob is that he keeps teasing me and talking dirty and I respond but it’s been stalled at that. He used to touch me before than and fake a lot of sexual stuff with me but kept it at that.
I try to keep my composure but I can’t, some days I feel horny and want to do stuff with him but don’t know how to go about it
Mind you we are both black(African) so this stuff is generally taboo to us but we know about it.
My point is how can I make sure he’s not really joking and actually wants to do stuff( cause I cant tell sometimes) and how do I get him to do the first move. (that way it’s safe for me)
He has a gf btw and does not have to do this stuff especially if he suspects I’m bi so that’s why it’s hard for me to write it off as jokes. PLEASE HELP!

What kind of teasing? If you’re semi-out to him, I suggest coming out all the way and letting him know, in a casual and joking way, what you like to do with guys. For example, an off hand comment that you like to suck big dicks. You have nothing to lose as, if he thinks you’re bi he will assume that you suck cock. He may be looking for a more specific admission before initiating some experimentation with you.

 

[Dyspo Negero]

Honestly I don’t know about admitting to him that I am bi especially since he would never tell me if he was. I really want to do this in tactful way where we both acknowledge each other in that way or if there was a way to say without actually say it.
These are the types of teasing he would do btw;
He would whisper gay stuff u see his breath;
Like you wan to go in the room or u want to touch dicks.
He has kissed me on the cheek like once (I know it seems like nothing but we really do t do this)
He has squatted above my dick (as if he were giving me head.
He has felt up my pec multiple times.
He has tried to pull down my pants.
He has stood behind me and grabbed my hips ( standing doggy style)
Felt up my thigh multiple times.

I just want to make sure he’s not just playing the straight gay acting gay thing cause if he is it’s fine but I want to be sure.

I also get really confused because some times;
I’ve also felt up his ass but it would seem like he didnt like that.
If I would play along and get close (it would seem) like he would get uncomfortable But I’m also never the one initiating those type of stuff.
Especially since I have a small(might be bigger than small) crush on him.
I just don’t want to take things and run with them.

 

[theplayerking]

Honestly I don’t know about admitting to him that I am bi especially since he would never tell me if he was. I really want to do this in tactful way where we both acknowledge each other in that way or if there was a way to say without actually say it.
These are the types of teasing he would do btw;
He would whisper gay stuff u see his breath;
Like you wan to go in the room or u want to touch dicks.
He has kissed me on the cheek like once (I know it seems like nothing but we really do t do this)
He has squatted above my dick (as if he were giving me head.
He has felt up my pec multiple times.
He has tried to pull down my pants.
He has stood behind me and grabbed my hips ( standing doggy style)
Felt up my thigh multiple times.

I just want to make sure he’s not just playing the straight gay acting gay thing cause if he is it’s fine but I want to be sure.

I also get really confused because some times;
I’ve also felt up his ass but it would seem like he didnt like that.
If I would play along and get close (it would seem) like he would get uncomfortable But I’m also never the one initiating those type of stuff.
Especially since I have a small(might be bigger than small) crush on him.
I just don’t want to take things and run with them.

I’m not straight and not experienced with the straight guy playing gay thing, but it sounds like he has some issues he needs to work through. I would call his bluff verbally. If he says, “Do you want to touch dicks,” respond, “I’m open.”

Don’t do anything physical without his consent, like touching his ass, but if he asks sexual questions it’s fair to respond ambiguously and see how he reacts.

 

[ariesgeorge]

I'd just ask him a few questions. First ask if he's done anything with a guy, then ask if he's thought about it. It will allow you both to talk about it without you going straight for the kill. It sounds like he's curious. I'd say find out but just be gentle with him (at first).

 

[NakedBuddy]

I’m not straight and not experienced with the straight guy playing gay thing, but it sounds like he has some issues he needs to work through. I would call his bluff verbally. If he says, “Do you want to touch dicks,” respond, “I’m open.”

Don’t do anything physical without his consent, like touching his ass, but if he asks sexual questions it’s fair to respond ambiguously and see how he reacts.

I agree - call his bluff. You don't have to come out to him...he's probably figured out that you're bi. When he rubs your pecs, tell him it feels good. If he tries to pull down your pants, help him. If he rubs your thighs, tell him that if he's going to do that he needs to take care of your boner and unzip. Either he'll go for it, or he'll stop these behaviors in the future.

 

[ILoveGames48]

Talk to him about it.. there may be a side of himself he wanted to explore / experiment.. and might be wanting you to be that person ..


Or talk to him about his teasing . You say saw you watching a not so straight porn then he has an idea you are either gay or bi ..

Did the teasing start before or after he caught you with the not so straight ?

 

[Dyspo Negero]

UPDATE, but I’m definitely over this bs, I think the whole ploy was too find out if I was actually bi or maybe keep his power over me.
Over the last few days on Saturday, we were flirting and talking dirty nothing new, until he said this;
“ Why are you so gay, (our mutual friend) would cut you off real quick if he found out” he said that jokingly and yes he is the type to make dark jokes n shit, we do all the time.
But I never once confirmed that I was bi, he might know cause I sent him porn one time on accident but I never told him officially, he only suspected.
Why the fuck would you say something like that to your friend that you know might struggling with their sexuality( something I HAVE TOLD NO ONE.
Something else to keep in mind is he is struggling with his own sexuality so to throw that in my face, I’m not taking that as a joke but a very personal dig, I didn’t at first because Didn’t catch it I. The comment but looking back I think he knew exactly what he was doing.
Other reasons I feel like he may have done this (this being led me in sexually) is nothing ever came out of his teasing, he would tease me and I would call his bluff almost all of time and he never did anything, which made me think he was just playing the game to find out.
He asked me like a week or 2 ago while still sexually flirting with me if i like boys or girls more? I didn’t answer because it was bit too straight forward and I was taking a back too.
As of now I’m just waiting to go on vacation for 4 days and move out as soon as I come back and maybe put some distance betweeen my supposed best friend and I.
I’m honestly heartbroken and feel kind of betrayed that he would string me along like this even if it was strictly sexual, I would much more appreciated if he came asking me if I was as opposed to lying and tricking me, I feel so disrespected. As of now I’ve stopped communicating with him a little and he’s probably going to sweep it under rug like he always do.
I’m good off him.

 

[Dyspo Negero]

Talk to him about it.. there may be a side of himself he wanted to explore / experiment.. and might be wanting you to be that person ..


Or talk to him about his teasing . You say saw you watching a not so straight porn then he has an idea you are either gay or bi ..

Did the teasing start before or after he caught you with the not so straight ?

He started teasing when I came back from a trip where I sent the porn on accident. I also then found out he was watching trans porn too so that coupled with the teasing definitly made me go crazy.
But I’m over it, I think he just wanted to find out if I was bi, he didn’t actually want me, the not wanting me part is not even what makes me mad, cause that’s just what is, it’s blatant diregard for my feelings or person and his highly unethical way he went about trying to find out if I was bi or gay or whatever, if you read above you could see why I came to that conclusion.
I would of never thought “straight guys” or anyone would been able to do something so dirty especially to their friend.

 

[Dyspo Negero]

The funny thing is a couple months ago, he came to me, not knowing if it was joke because I have not told him anything, he said something like; “I’m not gay and I’m in a relationship” UNWARRANTED, I was not flirting with this kid neither do I initiate it most if the time, what the he’ll is his deal, and then to say that and continue to string me along, or flirt with me and everything.
I don’t want to engage anymore I’m super good off him.

 

[NakedBuddy]

The funny thing is a couple months ago, he came to me, not knowing if it was joke because I have not told him anything, he said something like; “I’m not gay and I’m in a relationship” UNWARRANTED, I was not flirting with this kid neither do I initiate it most if the time, what the he’ll is his deal, and then to say that and continue to string me along, or flirt with me and everything.
I don’t want to engage anymore I’m super good off him.

I think it's great that you're of the right mind to move on. However, one little thing is nagging at me. Just as your friend didn't treat you well, I don't think it's really fair to ghost him without telling him why you're angry. As you say, I suspect he's dealing with his own sexuality and projecting his insecurities onto you. The next time he says or does these things, I'd just say to him, "Look, I don't know why you're behaving this way or saying these things, but I find it incredibly disrespectful - disrespectful toward me and disrespectful toward people who might not be heterosexual. You need to up your game, man."

 

[zaratoga]

I think it's great that you're of the right mind to move on. However, one little thing is nagging at me. Just as your friend didn't treat you well, I don't think it's really fair to ghost him without telling him why you're angry. As you say, I suspect he's dealing with his own sexuality and projecting his insecurities onto you. The next time he says or does these things, I'd just say to him, "Look, I don't know why you're behaving this way or saying these things, but I find it incredibly disrespectful - disrespectful toward me and disrespectful toward people who might not be heterosexual. You need to up your game, man."

I kinda agree. You both were waiting for the other to do something about it. You don't know FOR SURE if he was teasing just to find out. You also said that you prefer that he would ask you directly, but you said a couple of posts before that you wouldn't bring that up because it's taboo. Why would you expect him to be open then?
You're both keeping things from the other "Best" friend, but if moving away is what you need, you do you. However, if you plan to cut him from your life, you're not losing anything by confronting him before moving and always wondering what this was all about (IMO).

 

[Dyspo Negero]

I kinda agree. You both were waiting for the other to do something about it. You don't know FOR SURE if he was teasing just to find out. You also said that you prefer that he would ask you directly, but you said a couple of posts before that you wouldn't bring that up because it's taboo. Why would you expect him to be open then?
You're both keeping things from the other "Best" friend, but if moving away is what you need, you do you. However, if you plan to cut him from your life, you're not losing anything by confronting him before moving and always wondering what this was all about (IMO).

Tbh I get what ur saying, it’s ambiguous and no knows anything but throwing it back in my face by saying “if so and so knew, they would cut you off” is absolutely not the right approach and creates more confusion and bad than good.
What would you say that?
What do you even mean?
And then he skips over it like nothing is wrong.
I’d prefer him asking me upfront which to be fair I know he is dying to do but I prefer to keep it for myself unless he decides to volunteer his own information in that case I would come clean.
I don’t expect him to be open but at the very least ethical and respectful, my teasing was genuine and it wasn’t fake, I’m also dying for him to tell me or have confirmation but I wouldn’t bring myself AS A “SUPPOSED” STRAIGHT MAN trick my friend by acting fake interested sexually so i can that Aha I knew it moment.
Again If he was asking to ask, then I would have considered, but “if so and so knew, they would cut you off” is INSANE!
Maybe I don’t know for sure if he said that to fuck with me but he’s not really the careless type, super smart and super calculated, he very kind but considering all the other details, it’s really hard to believe otherwise.
I was always on the fense but now I’m over the fense.
I’m sorry if I sound/read a little angry, I’m in the angry phase rn (not at y’all but at him)

 

[zaratoga]

Tbh I get what ur saying, it’s ambiguous and no knows anything but throwing it back in my face by saying “if so and so knew, they would cut you off” is absolutely not the right approach and creates more confusion and bad than good.
What would you say that?
What do you even mean?
And then he skips over it like nothing is wrong.
I’d prefer him asking me upfront which to be fair I know he is dying to do but I prefer to keep it for myself unless he decides to volunteer his own information in that case I would come clean.
I don’t expect him to be open but at the very least ethical and respectful, my teasing was genuine and it wasn’t fake, I’m also dying for him to tell me or have confirmation but I wouldn’t bring myself AS A “SUPPOSED” STRAIGHT MAN trick my friend by acting fake interested sexually so i can that Aha I knew it moment.
Again If he was asking to ask, then I would have considered, but “if so and so knew, they would cut you off” is INSANE!
Maybe I don’t know for sure if he said that to fuck with me but he’s not really the careless type, super smart and super calculated, he very kind but considering all the other details, it’s really hard to believe otherwise.
I was always on the fense but now I’m over the fense.
I’m sorry if I sound/read a little angry, I’m in the angry phase rn (not at y’all but at him)

It makes sense that you're angry because you're hurt. Completely understandable.
Maybe it's better that you vent here and then assess with a cool head how you really want to move forward with him.

You just said "He's very kind..." so you're able to see that it might be worth it to clear the air even if it's the final conversation before moving on - but none of us is in your shoes. You're the only one who knows what's right for you and whether you prefer to turn the page and never think about this individual ever again.
I guess NakedBuddy and I do prefer to know instead of just move on and then wonder what we could have said or done differently.

 

[ariesgeorge]

Tbh I get what ur saying, it’s ambiguous and no knows anything but throwing it back in my face by saying “if so and so knew, they would cut you off” is absolutely not the right approach and creates more confusion and bad than good.
What would you say that?
What do you even mean?
And then he skips over it like nothing is wrong.
I’d prefer him asking me upfront which to be fair I know he is dying to do but I prefer to keep it for myself unless he decides to volunteer his own information in that case I would come clean.
I don’t expect him to be open but at the very least ethical and respectful, my teasing was genuine and it wasn’t fake, I’m also dying for him to tell me or have confirmation but I wouldn’t bring myself AS A “SUPPOSED” STRAIGHT MAN trick my friend by acting fake interested sexually so i can that Aha I knew it moment.
Again If he was asking to ask, then I would have considered, but “if so and so knew, they would cut you off” is INSANE!
Maybe I don’t know for sure if he said that to fuck with me but he’s not really the careless type, super smart and super calculated, he very kind but considering all the other details, it’s really hard to believe otherwise.
I was always on the fense but now I’m over the fense.
I’m sorry if I sound/read a little angry, I’m in the angry phase rn (not at y’all but at him)

Maybe he talked about so and so cutting you off because he is worried about that himself and wants an ally. How old are you both? Getting to a point where you can be honest us ideal. Anybody who 'cut you off' based on your sexuality alone is a total loser anyway.

 

[vnesebtm]

My straight friends know that I’m a bottom slut and they tease me all the time. Sometimes verbal leading to physically arouse but I don’t mind. It excited me and I know they actually respect me, considering some of them are from the culture that is extremely homophobic. It’s nice to see straight people get comfortable with me.

 

[CockMySuck]

@Dyspo Negero Please just tell him your feelings. You CAN tell him you're bi and how his comments make you feel. What is the worst that can happen? Really, think about it now – what's the worst that can happen from telling him that you're bi and that you don't love his comments or know what to make of them? You're ready to end a friendship without even communicating about why you're doing it, and you're doing yourself and your friend a disservice. At this point, what do you have to lose if you just communicate directly?

He doesn't have the tools to ask you directly, just like you haven't had the tools to tell him directly, so you're at a stalemate. There's nothing wrong with either of you for that – you just don't know how to have a conversation about sexuality... but you still can rip off the bandaid and do it. And, because it bothers you (seemingly more than it bothers him), you have to be the bigger man, so to speak.

We can't expect anyone to read our minds. And it's a gift to ourselves and our friends when we let them in to how we're feeling, so things can either be better in the future (either together as friends or distancing yourselves from each other). It sort of feels like you are running away rather than confronting it head on. I feel for you, and mean this from a place of love, only because I've been there!

 

[Dyspo Negero]

@Dyspo Negero Please just tell him your feelings. You CAN tell him you're bi and how his comments make you feel. What is the worst that can happen? Really, think about it now – what's the worst that can happen from telling him that you're bi and that you don't love his comments or know what to make of them? You're ready to end a friendship without even communicating about why you're doing it, and you're doing yourself and your friend a disservice. At this point, what do you have to lose if you just communicate directly?

He doesn't have the tools to ask you directly, just like you haven't had the tools to tell him directly, so you're at a stalemate. There's nothing wrong with either of you for that – you just don't know how to have a conversation about sexuality... but you still can rip off the bandaid and do it. And, because it bothers you (seemingly more than it bothers him), you have to be the bigger man, so to speak.

We can't expect anyone to read our minds. And it's a gift to ourselves and our friends when we let them in to how we're feeling, so things can either be better in the future (either together as friends or distancing yourselves from each other). It sort of feels like you are running away rather than confronting it head on. I feel for you, and mean this from a place of love, only because I've been there!

I’m all honestly it would be useless to tell him because he knows, the good thing is that I didn’t have to tell him through some of my mistake (sending him porn), he caught on, he’s been comments insinuating that he knows but idc. What bothers me is his little comment that he made which is ironic because he likes dicks (chicks with dicks) more than I do even (I’m into male ass, more of a top) funny enough he knows that too cause he also makes flirty comments and I jokingly slapped, grabbed and even told him I’d eat his ass before I’d suck his dick. (Which u can tell I do like him cause he’s the only one I’d consider sucking)
But honestly I’m done, I just wanted to move on from the situation, he has gf but wants to (idk wether it’s desperate or not) keep me around with all the sexual inuendos.
He asked me couple days ago while flirting as usual (since I’m on vacation) to send him a pick of my big dick( I hesitated) but I said fuck it and sent him a pic of bulge (but I made it hard to see) and then he replied by telling me to have the person in the queue to grab it.
I then told him I’d like to see his as a joke ofcourse (wasn’t a joke on my side tho) and he sent a dirty gif of some kind.
Today we talk and he randomly mentions his gf unwarranted, the convo stopped right the. And there and never replied.
I was trying to not let that comment get to me but it did I was shut down (still am for the rest of day and I don’t think I want to speak to him until the end of the trip.
I move out a few days after coming home and I want to leave it at that, I’m not saying I don’t want to be his friend but I do t wa t to be close because this bring me pain everyday, pain that I have to suppress and then comes in physical pain through out my body (I wish I was exaggerating).
Again I don’t beleive telling him will do any good either way as it seems like he already knows I’m in love with him.
We are also two masculine guys and my (sayain) pride is well ahead of me.
But ya I just want to fade into obscurity and maybe temporarily forget about him especially since he knows and I suspect him of playing with my feelings for his ego. The sexual part was never a big issue but the emotional side of things is getting unbearable, I thought multiple times about how I either wanted them (both of them) dead (NOT SAYING I WANTED KILLED OR THAT I WOULD KILL THEM) or I wanted to be dead because I cannot even control these persistent and reoccurring thoughts which push me into depression is less than 5 mins.

 

[Cum_is_Great]

I’m all honestly it would be useless to tell him because he knows, the good thing is that I didn’t have to tell him through some of my mistake (sending him porn), he caught on, he’s been comments insinuating that he knows but idc. What bothers me is his little comment that he made which is ironic because he likes dicks (chicks with dicks) more than I do even (I’m into male ass, more of a top) funny enough he knows that too cause he also makes flirty comments and I jokingly slapped, grabbed and even told him I’d eat his ass before I’d suck his dick. (Which u can tell I do like him cause he’s the only one I’d consider sucking)
But honestly I’m done, I just wanted to move on from the situation, he has gf but wants to (idk wether it’s desperate or not) keep me around with all the sexual inuendos.
He asked me couple days ago while flirting as usual (since I’m on vacation) to send him a pick of my big dick( I hesitated) but I said fuck it and sent him a pic of bulge (but I made it hard to see) and then he replied by telling me to have the person in the queue to grab it.
I then told him I’d like to see his as a joke ofcourse (wasn’t a joke on my side tho) and he sent a dirty gif of some kind.
Today we talk and he randomly mentions his gf unwarranted, the convo stopped right the. And there and never replied.
I was trying to not let that comment get to me but it did I was shut down (still am for the rest of day and I don’t think I want to speak to him until the end of the trip.
I move out a few days after coming home and I want to leave it at that, I’m not saying I don’t want to be his friend but I do t wa t to be close because this bring me pain everyday, pain that I have to suppress and then comes in physical pain through out my body (I wish I was exaggerating).
Again I don’t beleive telling him will do any good either way as it seems like he already knows I’m in love with him.
We are also two masculine guys and my (sayain) pride is well ahead of me.
But ya I just want to fade into obscurity and maybe temporarily forget about him especially since he knows and I suspect him of playing with my feelings for his ego. The sexual part was never a big issue but the emotional side of things is getting unbearable, I thought multiple times about how I either wanted them (both of them) dead (NOT SAYING I WANTED KILLED OR THAT I WOULD KILL THEM) or I wanted to be dead because I cannot even control these persistent and reoccurring thoughts which push me into depression is less than 5 mins.

Hmm from a genuine place of concern, I would say this shows that you may be of great benefit in speaking to a therapist. These comments underline a deeper issue that probably is better worked out with them.

There's falling in unrequited love where there's having deep feelings of pain and such but when the feelings get to the level of wishing death, despite knowing you never would act on it, it still isn't healthy to keep those feelings thoughts and such bottled up without a trained therapist to help you navigate them to prevent unintentionally damaging yourself further, emotionally, mentally or otherwise.

Good luck man. Im sorry I dont have any better advice. But please express yourself because we don't ever realize how much damage it causes us when we cant fully communicate and express feelings!

 

[BIGBULL29]

He started teasing when I came back from a trip where I sent the porn on accident. I also then found out he was watching trans porn too so that coupled with the teasing definitly made me go crazy.
But I’m over it, I think he just wanted to find out if I was bi, he didn’t actually want me, the not wanting me part is not even what makes me mad, cause that’s just what is, it’s blatant diregard for my feelings or person and his highly unethical way he went about trying to find out if I was bi or gay or whatever, if you read above you could see why I came to that conclusion.
I would have never thought “straight guys” or anyone would been able to do something so dirty especially to their friend.

Homophobia is disgusting and dangerous. Zero tolerance for it. I don’t know what game your buddy was playing, but it’s sick and twisted to play gay to see if someone else is gay or bi.

He’s watching fenale transsexual porn l, so he likes playing with dick.

Sorry this happened to you. Stuff like this causes trust issues. Peace, buddy.