If that's directed at me, I've not been saying that turning down the advances of someone not to your liking is phobic. I'm arguing about the meaning of the word straight as defined by Elvid. I don't say he's personally homophobic (he seems a nice guy) or has it in for gays because he doesn't sleep with men. That's an obvious straw-dogism. What I've pointed out is that the dictionary-sounding definition he gave for straight is, in fact, incorrect. If you say words have meanings then you have to accept it is a wrong definition. Find me any dictionary that defines straight as 'does not engage in sexual activity or fall in love with members of the same sex'. You won't. That is unarguable. Straight, I repeat, means 'sexually attracted to the opposite sex'. That's all. Now by defining straight negatively, by what it is not, by what it opposes, the word is invested with rather another meaning. This arguably comes closer to a definition of homophobia than it does to a (correct) definition of straight because it defines straightness in terms of aversion to homosexual acts/love rather than attraction to heterosexual acts/love. I then speculate as to what function this serves (heteronormative confirmation in an all-straight-male forum) which may be bullshit but seems quite plausible in this context and the reactions it provokes.
Re: how gays define the meaning of gay, of course there are many shades of gay but I'm fairly sure none would describe its meaning as what it is not, they would describe their preference, not its opposite. The reasons for that may be a) they are not fending off virtual advances from straight males and b) they are not having to uphold a societal 'norm'.
See this is were i have a problem.
but I'm fairly sure none would describe its meaning as what it is not, - You
The only reason straight men have to describe what straight is not is because gay and bisexual men constantly both act and say straight doesn't mean what straight is. Meaning straight men HAVE to defend not only who they are but what they are, why, how and etc. You are placing the entirety of the blame for straight men HAVING to defend themselves on straight men.
Straight men aren't upholding some societal norm they are upholding their own norms. Then defend what the word means AND themselves. From what you may not have asked but should be stone cold clear on? The massive amount of guys on this site who have little or no respect for other people. Which for like the hundredth time....are the same types of guys who harass women constantly with unwanted dick pics and unwelcomed advances. It's thee exact same ideology. The exact same follow through. Along with the exact same type of defenders. Namely...you.
I'm sorry but how is you guys don't realize your words are saved? Every time you seem to be agreeable you end it off with something that completely dismisses what was told to you and dismisses the people who said it. Which is very much like how the women of the site get treated.
Yet you did mention it. This says a lot about how you view non-straights.
No. It doesn't. You wish it were. That would make me an easily identifiable enemy. No. I mentioned it because thats where other people took this kind of conversation. Do a search (which most guys who come here don't even think about doing). Pull up this topic and ones surrounding it and tell me how many times it lead exactly where i said.
I agree it's wrong, tedious and disrespectful to suggest that a 100% exclusively straight guy may really be in to other guys. I completely get that. My argument was on a different line. (I guess if a lot of straight women were posting to the Ask a Gay man forum with stuff like 'hundreds of gay guys have come in my pussy', 'a mouth's a mouth', 'I'm so horny and wet', etc that would get old pretty quickly if you're 100% exclusively gay and averse to pussy. Although it would entertain me!) But you know, this is only a big dick site, these are only virtual 'advances'. It doesn't really change or reflect on your sexuality. If this were happening to you a lot in everyday life, getting hit on by other men, I'd have a lot of sympathy. You seem to want this site to reflect your sexual 'norms' but it's not always going to when there are probably more gay/bi guys here than straights. Welcome to the uncomfortable feeling of being in the minority.
And by the way.
But you know, this is only a big dick site, these are only virtual 'advances'. It doesn't really change or reflect on your sexuality. If this were happening to you a lot in everyday life, getting hit on by other men, I'd have a lot of sympathy. - You
See you think people are looking for sympathy. No, no one's looking for sympathy. They don't need your sympathy. A little understanding might be nice but that also isn't needed. And no one's looking to make the site reflect any sexual norms. What is it about then you probably would never ask? Gay and bisexual men constantly posting straight bait in the straight men only section.
You know whats another problem? Men constantly posting their penis in the ask a woman section or women's issues. Then finding some flimsy ass excuse to justify it. Then when it's pointed out to them that it has nothing to do with women they start bitching and moaning. As if they own the entire site. Sound familiar? Like i said, the same thing that happens with the women's part of the site happens in ask a straight man too. The same questions over and over and over and over and over again. The same dick pics. The same unwarranted advances. The same defenders. The same sneaky emotional answers and replies.
Yes, even
only virtual advances get tiring. The best part though....
Welcome to the uncomfortable feeling of being in the minority. -You
Oh dear, you have no fucking clue do you. Now this is about the person you replied to. Heres the thing. You can not have sex. You can hide in the closet. One thing you can't do......is hide the color of your skin. Now tell me again about that uncomfortable feeling of being in the minority. Condescend a little more. Tell me how straight men are somehow wrong for defending themselves. Tell me how straight men are trying to change the entire site when this specific conversation is about gay and bisexual men inundating the ask a straight man with questions about sucking a dick, getting blown by a guy and etc. I really want to see how you'll flip your way out of this one.
Seriously, since when did standing up for yourself become upholding societal norms?
Yeah just let it go.